Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mastodon Weekend Explained 

Bad blogger, bad blogger. I've just been so wrapped up in everything running around in my life that this spot is mostly a keeper of things in the past. I have several uberposts which may or may not ever see the light of the internets, but until then it's time for a flashback. Mastodon Weekend.

I hate making plans other than a rag tag set of travel itineraries which force me here and there throughout the year. Over planning generally just serves as an excuse for me to go in my own direction and create another set of circumstances that likely end in my short disappearance. Mastodon Weekend 2009 started in this fashion. I planned to be at a certain place on a certain date and things exploded into a mess of booze and car bombs and illegal human racing.

I found myself at the beginning of 2009 looking at a life wide open. MrsCantHang and myself had recently inked the deal ending our shock and awe relationship that was basically a series of burning bridges and brain cells. My bank account was sitting very nicely, I was homeless, and I can't stand the cold weather of the NorthEast. It was decided to hop a train from DC down the eastern seaboard eventually ending with a few months power drinking with the kids of Key West. Several stops were in the works including a stop in G-Vegas South Cackalacky to hang out with the boys, sling some chips, and support the single mother strippers of the world.

Otis and the boys were ready for a mini-onslaught when it started to expand. The BoyGenius happened to have some vacation to burn so why not hop down from Chicago. Dr. Jeff was quickly on the bandwagon with the Mizzou connections. The North Carolina crew couldn't let something blast off so close to their backyard without hopping in the mix. Before long there was a healthy list of friends who made the choice to join the impromptu party in this quiet little SC town. Doc Chako on the other side of the country, in. Bammer and Pebbles in Canada, makes perfect sense to drive for 24 hours, party for 24 hours, drive back home through through snow. I know some very twisted folks, wouldn't change a damned thing.

Some even flew to the wrong damned state.

"Hey, I'm at the airport. Where should I be flying?", asked Iggy.

"Greenville, SC", where else would he be going?

"Fuck! My flight is to Greensboro, NC. Is that close?" Nope. These are my friends.


"You wanna go see Motley Crue tonight?" Otis asked that afternoon while drinking a little Mexican joint out of SoCo. By the end of the weekend, the Crue would be the most sane thing we did the entire time.

None of this was planned other than maybe a little poker one night. I didn't plan the car bomb rallies or the G-Vegas strangers to become friends or the insanity of racing rickshaws around town or the multiple trips to the strip club. I certainly didn't plan to literally light money on fire as I did with a hundy just to prove I could and would. All I was looking for was a little quality drinking time with a few friends and it turned into a full sick weekend of hedonistic over-indulgence that would be shameful if it were possible for me to feel such a thing.

There are still many things which are fuzzy and some which will never see a public forum aside from my drunk ass sitting on a barstool telling stupid stories. You want to know what the hell we're talking about when you see the #JohnElway tag on twitter, you'll have to see me in person and hope I'm looped. You want to know how I dusted off nearly $2,000 in a strip club to get nothing more than a weak lap dance, bowl of grapes, and stranded? Same deal, I take payment in massive shots.

I will soon make my way south again and I don't think we will see anything like last year. If the same things happened it would be pointless. This year I expect we'll see a new brand of silly behavior because you can't plan for crazy. It just happens. So while I started out trying to explain Mastodon Weekend I soon realized it was impossible. The weekend could turn into a hot mess that no one will want to recall or a nice quiet weekend of friends sitting around a pub for hours spinning tales. Friends sporting various life leaks as well as a solid disregard for social responsibility. Any way you look at it, that's a win.

Hippy Jesus Al Can't Hang rises from the Hellfire Fossils - per Otis

Wednesday night with The Crue

Drunken invasion

Bad form cost me the win, I would get redemption later
Favorite part, when BG yells "Fuckin' Al!"

The Great G-Vegas Richshaw Race of 2009

Dr. Jeff's take on Mastodon Weekend 2009