Friday, September 07, 2007
Tick Tock
I made the mistake of clicking a link from Tool55's site and it was just another reason to go off on a binge. I really don't need reasons at this point, but it's good to rationalize these things. Deny deny deny. The link was simple enough. Answer a bunch of question and it spits back your biological age and "real" age. Best of all is your life expectancy.
As you can see below, I'm 40 going on 70. I'm convinced the only reason my life expectancy number isn't in the negatives because the drinking question topped out at 6 drinks per day. Remember me well when I'm gone.
Take the test here
So what's a man practically on his death to do? Hit the bar and enjoy my last days. No screwing around last night as I had a dangerous mix of beer, shots, and too much Red Bull. Throw the nicotine and bacon burger in there and I'm dead already. Nothing to do but hold on for the steep ride and say fuckall.
Last night was just the beginning. Our favorite Aussie is catching the regional Amtrak and heading straight the Boathouse for his first time. Then there is the matter of a little footy action at Broad and Pattison (Philly locals know where that is) followed by some proper boozing leaving just enough brain matter for the early NFL games.
I just have to make it to October, if I can do that without breaking I will consider it a success. I will then give serious consideration to wringing out my liver.
~
Got a text from Donkey Puncher yesterday. Sitting in Germany, 6 hours behind us, 2 hours until the kickoff of the Colts/Saints game at 2:30am his time. Luckily he found a bar open until 7am. Being the best jagoff I could be I ring him up in Germany near the end of the game. Why wouldn't he be up at 5am his local time watching a ridiculus blowout.
Yep, woke him right the hell up just a few hours before his work day began. Here's my way of apologizing.
Drink well and pray often.
|
As you can see below, I'm 40 going on 70. I'm convinced the only reason my life expectancy number isn't in the negatives because the drinking question topped out at 6 drinks per day. Remember me well when I'm gone.
Take the test here
So what's a man practically on his death to do? Hit the bar and enjoy my last days. No screwing around last night as I had a dangerous mix of beer, shots, and too much Red Bull. Throw the nicotine and bacon burger in there and I'm dead already. Nothing to do but hold on for the steep ride and say fuckall.
Last night was just the beginning. Our favorite Aussie is catching the regional Amtrak and heading straight the Boathouse for his first time. Then there is the matter of a little footy action at Broad and Pattison (Philly locals know where that is) followed by some proper boozing leaving just enough brain matter for the early NFL games.
I just have to make it to October, if I can do that without breaking I will consider it a success. I will then give serious consideration to wringing out my liver.
~
Got a text from Donkey Puncher yesterday. Sitting in Germany, 6 hours behind us, 2 hours until the kickoff of the Colts/Saints game at 2:30am his time. Luckily he found a bar open until 7am. Being the best jagoff I could be I ring him up in Germany near the end of the game. Why wouldn't he be up at 5am his local time watching a ridiculus blowout.
Yep, woke him right the hell up just a few hours before his work day began. Here's my way of apologizing.
Drink well and pray often.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
My brief encounter with a demon
cha·ris·maSomething happened last night at the bar that still has me shaking my head. It doesn't happen very often and none of the crew was there to witness it. Luckily BobbyBoat and Blair were there to back me up. I'm rarely stunned by a single person after spending decades worth of time floating in and out of various bars.
Function: noun
1 : a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure
2 : a special magnetic charm or appeal
It was just a girl. Not the prettiest, not the best body in the bar, not outstanding amongst those I'm used to seeing around. We started a conversation.
From that very moment I was ready to buy her a condo, car, anything she wanted. The sky was the limit and my money was trying to escape my pocket.
I've never met a single person, male or female, that could absolutely take over a room in a positive way with just personality. 10 minutes of conversation and I couldn't tell you a damned thing we talked about. When she walked back to her group I just shook my head and looked towards Bobby. He shrugged his shoulders and said "she's pure evil, stay away". I made sure my wallet was still firmly in place, knocked back my last shot of the evening, and got the fuck outta Dodge.
Women are the rake.
~
Back in the days before the gods of IT took away access to instant messenger, ScubaSteve was contact for all kinds of entertaining links. Now he's become a famous Philly area DJ and I'm still just a hack who drinks too much.
Today he sent me something a little different. A song that a couple chose as the entrance music to their reception. Definitely my kind of people. Now ScubaSteve has no faith in my half dozen readers. He doesn't think anybody will be able to name the artist and title. Me? I don't think 99% of you will get through the entire song.
Enjoy the new wedding reception music
Come back Scuba Steve!
~
Terri, our favorite resident bartender (no offense to BobbyBoat), came in a little late with her bacon entry but I thought I'd point it out. Terri figures bacon could very well solve that little Middle East problem that seems to be going on.
So I think that’s it. No more troop surges, folks. Just give them Bacon! Can you imagine how happy they’ll all be! They just need to get over the whole “God said I can’t eat bacon thing.” Man, if everyone could eat bacon for breakfast every day of their lives, I think maybe anger would cease to exist. Really, I do.Posted at 2:30 in the morning like a good drunken bartender.
~
I unintentionally bailed on the Mookie last night. I was still in a daze from my short time at the bar and just sat staring an random infomercials until I crawled into bed. Bizarre.
Tonight is the next Riverchasers event at 9pm ET. Plenty of dead money floating around since I don't show up until an hour into it.
Good luck and see you tonight.
Tournament: Riverchasers Online Poker Tour
When: September 6th, 21:00 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: Riverchasers
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I'm ok, trust me
You take one little wander to the dark side of the happy life and the emails/voicemails/phone calls start to fly. No, I'm not standing on the virtual edge ready to leap into nothingness. Work just friggin' blows. If it was fun and exciting all the time it wouldn't exactly be work. But I've got my friends Soco and Marlboro to knock the edge off and help me remember why I spend so much time at work. Work=money=booze=good times.
Not much time as I prepare for my inquest into my porous mental stability. I leave you with various links and the standard BS.
~
One of those things that only seems to happen to me.
A sudden, powerful sneeze. So strong out of the "north side" that I blew out my O-ring on the "south side". It was big enough to throw my back out when the two cosmic forces occurred at the same time.
I've spent the morning trying to figure out how to explain that to the workmen's comp people.
~
Went to see Death at a Funeral on Monday. Good Enlish comedy. But I did find out why Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide. We saw a trailer for The Darjeeling Limited. Wrist slicingly good!
~
Lou Krieger has a post up proving that LIVE POKER IS RIGGED. Just for all you online poker conspiracy theorists.
~
If you are a fan of metal (or old school Metallica), Francase dug up some Youtube clips. It's a well documented fact that I believe Lars Ulrich is the mother effing anti-christ. Here are two videos. The first is the new, improved, shiny, happy, Metallica sellouts. The second is a nasty home video of a young (alive) Cliff Burton doing a ridiculous bass solo. 1983. Dive bar, shitty equipment, 100x's better.
You figure out which one I would rather have witnessed live.
Metallica doing Orion on a big fancy stage.
Cliff Burton tearing up a bass solo.
~
We have a winner. And a landslide to boot. Mary Mary Bacon Bikini stole the show. A picture is worth a thousands words and 12 months worth of free bacon. Boobs and bacon were just about the only thing that was going to take the prize away from Otis. Maybe some day in the future I'll be able to buy Otis some bacon even though it won't come in a monthly shipment.
Mary - 23 votes
Otis - 7 votes
Junkbutton - 1 vote
Chilly - 1 vote
MattQ - 1 vote
Thanks to everyone who participated. It was just some stupid drunken idea I came up with at the bar and just ran with. More response that I ever thought possible.
I will see everyone at the Mookie this evening. There is a Riverchasers event this Thursday at 9pm ET.
Cheers
Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1
Tournament: Riverchasers Online Poker Tour
When: September 6th, 21:00 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: Riverchasers
|
Not much time as I prepare for my inquest into my porous mental stability. I leave you with various links and the standard BS.
~
One of those things that only seems to happen to me.
A sudden, powerful sneeze. So strong out of the "north side" that I blew out my O-ring on the "south side". It was big enough to throw my back out when the two cosmic forces occurred at the same time.
I've spent the morning trying to figure out how to explain that to the workmen's comp people.
~
Went to see Death at a Funeral on Monday. Good Enlish comedy. But I did find out why Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide. We saw a trailer for The Darjeeling Limited. Wrist slicingly good!
~
Lou Krieger has a post up proving that LIVE POKER IS RIGGED. Just for all you online poker conspiracy theorists.
~
If you are a fan of metal (or old school Metallica), Francase dug up some Youtube clips. It's a well documented fact that I believe Lars Ulrich is the mother effing anti-christ. Here are two videos. The first is the new, improved, shiny, happy, Metallica sellouts. The second is a nasty home video of a young (alive) Cliff Burton doing a ridiculous bass solo. 1983. Dive bar, shitty equipment, 100x's better.
You figure out which one I would rather have witnessed live.
Metallica doing Orion on a big fancy stage.
Cliff Burton tearing up a bass solo.
~
We have a winner. And a landslide to boot. Mary Mary Bacon Bikini stole the show. A picture is worth a thousands words and 12 months worth of free bacon. Boobs and bacon were just about the only thing that was going to take the prize away from Otis. Maybe some day in the future I'll be able to buy Otis some bacon even though it won't come in a monthly shipment.
Mary - 23 votes
Otis - 7 votes
Junkbutton - 1 vote
Chilly - 1 vote
MattQ - 1 vote
Thanks to everyone who participated. It was just some stupid drunken idea I came up with at the bar and just ran with. More response that I ever thought possible.
I will see everyone at the Mookie this evening. There is a Riverchasers event this Thursday at 9pm ET.
Cheers
Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1
Tournament: Riverchasers Online Poker Tour
When: September 6th, 21:00 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: Riverchasers
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Long weekend good, back to work bad
I made the best out of a bad situation this weekend. It was supposed to be a weekend spent with my not-so-invisible internet friends that never got off the ground for me. I was transportation challenged and unable to join dear Auntie Maudie on any of her meanderings through my area. Gracie spent a few days in the hospital and never made it up here. Half of the NYC bloggers were donking it up at the Borgata. And nothing I could do about it.
So I planted my ass in front of the tube watching a million pixels of scantily clad women and avoiding all things interwebnet. After last Thursday's drunken PLO8 debacle I specifically avoided the virtual felt. I watched too much TV, smoked way too much, but did manage to throw back a couple of shots with the Good Doctor and Change100 live from Barcelona. Pauly has called for a dial-a-shot from each country on his current tour (Netherlands, Sweden, Spain) and the only one left is when he hits up London this week for the WSOP: European Rakefest.
I was very relaxed rolling into work today and my spirits were higher after avoiding this place for 3days. Then I quickly found a return of aggravation. The first Tuesday after Labor Day. The day when all you breeders out there get to dump your spawn back onto your local government for brainwashing. Clogging the roads with buses of all lengths. Now I'm sure all of your knee biters are great little munchkins so I'm really pissing on about the rest of them. Your kids are great, really.
An added 20 minutes to work but still plenty of time to hit up the grill for my baconoverlord overload. First thing in the door I find out some chooch scheduled a 9am meeting on the first day back from holiday. Fantastic. I really wish to god they started some World Series of Drunkeness so that a company could hire me to travel around the world to report on my particular area of expertise. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the short bus and all those who should be on them.
Welcome back Mr. Tension and Mr. Bitter, allow me to introduce you to Senor Southern Comfort.
~
I'm giving one more day to get your votes in. Listed below are your contestants. The current voting breakdown looks like this:
Mary - 19 votes
Otis - 6 votes
Junkbutton - 1 vote
Chilly - 1 vote
MattQ - 1 vote
Give them another look and then vote away in the comments. In no particular order.
- Mary and the Bacon Bikini
- Otis with his bacon fiction
- Junkbutton and his tale of bacon and grandfather
- Chilly with his blatant attempt to influence this fat man
- MattQ explains that bacon will restore your faith in god
|
So I planted my ass in front of the tube watching a million pixels of scantily clad women and avoiding all things interwebnet. After last Thursday's drunken PLO8 debacle I specifically avoided the virtual felt. I watched too much TV, smoked way too much, but did manage to throw back a couple of shots with the Good Doctor and Change100 live from Barcelona. Pauly has called for a dial-a-shot from each country on his current tour (Netherlands, Sweden, Spain) and the only one left is when he hits up London this week for the WSOP: European Rakefest.
I was very relaxed rolling into work today and my spirits were higher after avoiding this place for 3days. Then I quickly found a return of aggravation. The first Tuesday after Labor Day. The day when all you breeders out there get to dump your spawn back onto your local government for brainwashing. Clogging the roads with buses of all lengths. Now I'm sure all of your knee biters are great little munchkins so I'm really pissing on about the rest of them. Your kids are great, really.
An added 20 minutes to work but still plenty of time to hit up the grill for my bacon
Welcome back Mr. Tension and Mr. Bitter, allow me to introduce you to Senor Southern Comfort.
~
I'm giving one more day to get your votes in. Listed below are your contestants. The current voting breakdown looks like this:
Mary - 19 votes
Otis - 6 votes
Junkbutton - 1 vote
Chilly - 1 vote
MattQ - 1 vote
Give them another look and then vote away in the comments. In no particular order.
- Mary and the Bacon Bikini
- Otis with his bacon fiction
- Junkbutton and his tale of bacon and grandfather
- Chilly with his blatant attempt to influence this fat man
- MattQ explains that bacon will restore your faith in god
