Thursday, August 16, 2007
The world is just a little brighter today
We interrupt this weekly bitchfest about work to bring you this breaking news story:...Jessica Biel plans to shed her threads in the upcoming movie "Powder Blue," which co-stars Forest Whitaker. Us Weekly reports that she'll play a "stripper trying to earn money to raise her terminally ill son," and audiences will get an eyeful.In a world full of hurricanes and earthquakes, it's the little things that can keep you going. Like Jessica Biel playing a stripper. I immediately sent a letter off to the studio offering my specific strip club skills for a consultant job but have not yet heard anything back. Maybe this weekend I'll practice the dollar football kick, the $20 bill ass slap, or the motorboat.
People die and bad things happen but as long as I get my occasional nubile nudity anything can be handled.
~
Have I mentioned the reasoning behind the current disdain of my work environment? This week I start my work day at 6am and finish up somewhere on the ass end of 8pm. If I wasn't already in the middle of playing "let's pretend I'm on the wagon", this week would have knocked me right in the liver. Last night I feared that I would miss out on the Mookie tournament when things began to run long. I unregistered and missed a great turnout.
I actually would have been able to play since I finished up before 10pm but I was already falling asleep at the keyboard. I now see that Dr.Pauly, Scott, and BobbyBracelet showed up and I'm cheesed off that I missed it. Always missing the good times. Instead I was dreaming about a world full of horrible work tortur where it was a convoluted messy mix of The Matrix and 9-5. The 5:30am alarm was a blessing this time.
One more late night at the bar, one more early morning wake up call. Then the sweetness of doing nothing for 48 hours except bacon, downloading vintage porn, and wearing a hole between the lazyboy and deck for nicotine overload.
~
Speaking of Dr. Pauly playing in the Mookie. I know he couldn't be feeling any pain because I was honored with the first dial-a-shot on his new Euro-friendly cell phone. I spoke with his compadre Benjo who asked Pauly, "iz thiz the rockstar?". It really made me wish that wonderful sitting. Full of great things like booze, drugs, and a guilt-free existence.
He was playing online at 4am his time after attending the Ajax Champions League match, hitting up every coffeehouse in town, then throwing down shots at the bar. Now that's a rockstar.
Cheers to Pauly's 6 week adventure.
~
The entries are flying in for the Bacon of the Month contest. Email me or post your story for a chance at a year's membership in the Bacon of the Month Club.
One of the good things about sitting around babysitting server scripts and builds is the continued ability I have to upload to flickr. Just for Daddy I loaded three of his favorite hotties. I'm pretty sure they're mostly clothed but open at your own risk.
Harada Orei, Reon Kadena, and Yolanthe van Kasbergen.
I'm also looking for picture additions. I realized the I have been very neglectful to my Bartender's Hall of Fame. I haven't added any in quite some time. So if you have a bartender worthy of the Hall, forward the picture along and I will get up there.
Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
God bless South Cackalacky
Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.When my co-worker told me about this story I just assumed she was reading it on The Onion. Close enough, it is on Fox News. You South Carolina guys are funny.
Fox News story
A contest about bacon?
I was surprised when I looked down at my laptop and realized it was cruising past 1pm already. I spent the morning contemplating the feasibility of cutting my own throat with a rusty blade. Spend your morning sitting across from Jabba the Hut and these are a few of the things that go through your mind. In my weaker moments I would run straight to the bar, grab a bottle of Soco, and do my best water cooler imitation.My momma always said that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.
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chirp chirp
I'll be avoiding the temptation of young chippies and new bottles of booze this evening while I catch up with work, DVR, poker, and sleep from the comfort of my house. I never claimed to have an actual backbone.
~
Now for a new contest for my bacon loving friends of mine. Which should be everyone including Gracie. This was a drunken idea JDub and I came up with sometime last month and in a fit of RedBull overdose yesterday afternoon decided to give it a go.
Everyone loves bacon whether you admit it or not. I personally like to keep the pig farmers very busy by eating as much of this lovely food product as often as possible. Here's the contest plain and simple. Email me (or post and let me know) why the hell you should be the winner of this fabulous prize I am offering. What is that prize? It's none other than a one year membership in the best club on this planet. The Bacon of the Month Club. There is no word limit so spew away.
Write me a story. Beg, plead, grovel. I predict I will get exactly two responses but I figured I would give it a shot. I'll pick my favorite 3 then leave it up to my tens of readers to decide who gets a monthly shipment of taste high grade pork products.
I can't play poker but I damn skippy know my bacon. Hit me with your emails. Get your emails in before Daddy trumps you all with some twisted shit. By the way, one quick mention of this little contest to Mookie and he whipped up another topshelf banner. A photoshop god.
~
Stupid drunken ideas. That's how ideas like a bacon of the month contest forms. It takes a handful of loons with too much booze and not enough sense. Tonight I will remain sobriety bound as I attempt to win my second blogger tournament in a row. It seems like months since I won the Riverchasers event with very little poker between then and now. I was tempted to by directly into the Omaha8 FTOPS event last night but smarter heads prevailed. I was at the bar and if I was drinking like usual I no doubt would have thrown away my $300 buyin.
Congrats to BBT winner Bayne for making the final table of the FTOPS event last night for a nice sum of money. You could almost hear Hoyazo quietly pushing the BayneLuckbox posts further and further into his archives. Nothing to see here folks.
Come on out and join all your blogger and reader friends for a little friendly poker this evening at the Mookie on Full Tilt Poker.
Cheers.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
It's just a flesh wound
I haven't much to stay today thanks to 'the man' bringing me down. Or more likely my inability to properly delegate my authority to the shaved apes who have but one job to do and managed to munch that up like a blogger playing the hammer.The world is ending shortly so who cares. A quick scan of the interweb news show crap like
- this guy losing a limb (which inspired the Black Knight picture on the left.)
- Hawaii is about to get pounded by a hurricane right after getting hit by an earthquake which might cause a tsunami (yahtzee!)
- Admitted pedophiles roaming the streets of HellAye (have they taken away all the weapons from that city?).
And I swear to christ I'm never playing poker again. We decided on a late lunch run over to the Boathouse. I was sitting around waiting for my steak panini to arrive while I took the opportunity to OD on RedBull and nicotine in public, I looked up at one of the 500 TV's surrounding the bar (run on sentences are the new nutz). I saw poker chips and card, assume it must be an ESPN afternoon broadcast. Until they panned back to my horror. I have no idea what show it was but right there on the screen, old hags playing poker. On a goddamn soap opera.
The were playing poker. On a soap opera! Call it what you will. Jumping the shark. A monkey fucking a football. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. We've reached the end of this wonderful game I love so much.
~
All is not completely ill in the world. I ran across several fine happenings on the tubes that are worthy of note.
Paragraph removed by editor. Self-censorship rules the world.
Stay tuned tomorrow for a new contest. It involves writing and bacon. And writing ABOUT bacon.
Here are some links I found while floating around.
- Poor Pauly. Don't know how the guy can stand it. What's he doing now? It's the 6 week, 4 country Dr. Pauly tour of Europe.
- My favorite cleavage monster Amy has a wonderful post up titled "Institutional Gambling: Hedge Funds and Families". The government tries to shutdown our gambling but allows these huge hedge funds to exist. Amy knows this much better than I do so head on over and give it a read.
- Apparently there is going to be a blogger Head's Up Challenge 5. I'd rather go cold turkey sober for a year then play that many HU matches but everyone else seems to love them. Fuel55 is running the challenge and information is here. As the lemurs always say when they're pissed off, "I can kick your ass head's up!"
- It's birthday time down in the Carolinas. Fastaff is celebrating but I'm sure he'll give up the noteriety today for the 2023 WSoP Main Event winner and future Grammy nominee. Happy Birthday to Lil Otis.
~
1. Pyramid by Paul McGuire
I quickly discovered that Seattle was a bastion for the super weird. You needed to have layered eccentricies in order to stick out among the masses of freaks. Goth-dykes with foot fetishes might freak people out in conservative cities and small towns, but in Seattle, that puts you in the core group of "normal people."... More
2. Cross-word by Sigge S. Amdal
Her hair was in explosive disarray across the pillow like the blood spurt pattern from a shotgun blast. It was slightly blond, streaked with brown and very beautiful. It looked like the crossroad of infinite options where only a handful suggested returning to the bed. She was fast asleep... More
3. Meeting Mama McGrupp by Change100
I had yet to meet Mama McGrupp. Pauly assured me it was for a good reason. All I knew about this woman was that she was five feet tall, chain-smoked, had a wicked New York accent, was overly fond of Amaretto, and never had anything nice to say about anyone... More
4. Kansas Clouds by Susan B. Bentley
Click. I got a photo of Kat just before she gave me the finger. Lying back down, I moved the lens across the sky, trying to capture a cloud on its journey. I sat up and took a picture of the track ahead. Nothing but mud and dust, bordered by fields of corn slowly moving in the breeze, nothing but empty for miles ahead... More
5. Summer Story by May B. Yesno
Friends are a difficult thing. As a matter of fact they are almost impossible. Difficult to find for the first thing and just as difficult to keep - especially in a mobile society... More
Monday, August 13, 2007
Pictures and Truckin'
Yesterday was another little piece of flashback history. With my recent server crash and move over to godaddy, I decided to upload my monster picture database over to flickr and save myself some server space and bandwidth. In the course of moving some pictures over I discovered favorites that got lost in the mix. Like the one on the right. That's our boy Otis working away in the media area next to the feature table during the World Series in 2005. This was Day 1a of the Main Event and that is Raymer on the feature table feed. It was also around this time that I was captured forever on an ESPN camera looking absolutely bored out of the my skull. Because I was.Otis, Pauly, DanM, Amy (at her "desk" with my glasses off or too many soco's), and a crap load of other people were making huge in roads for WSOP reporting that quickly got squashed when the evil overlords at Harrah's decided they could make an extra penny selling coverage rights.
But there we plenty of other interesting pictures. I found a good shot from the Bahamas when we went for the Pokerstars Caribbean Adventure. The picture says it all without me even telling you that those are two anonymous G-Vegas regulars. Late night (for the Bahamas anyway), roshambo, beer, shots of Soco, and far too many smokes.
I found shots of JDub in Key West sitting behind what eventually turned into a multiple case of beer bender. Gavin and BobbyBracelet at the Bash last September. And my fatass holding onto a sailfish that was really more interested in kicking me overboard than hanging around for a shot. I'm about 25% loaded up on flickr and it's going to take some time. I've just loaded up some random pics and vacation crap. The boathouse pictures alone might take a week.
That's all I've really got today. After the weekend I don't particularly feel all 'writer'ish and couldn't give a flying rat fart. I'll spend my day ducking and weaving amongst the legally insane then pray to god they figure out what's wrong with our air conditioning. I'll pretend that I'm surly when not really caring and bitch that I'm busy when I'm actually surfing fantasy football news reports.
Sometimes life is good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's just like sleep walking. I like sleep walking.
Don't forget the MATH tonight and the Mookie on Wednesday, both at 10pm ET.
Cheers
~
Now go read Pauly's latest edition of Truckin' while he is off galavanting around Europe with a laptop and a backpack full of world class weed.
1. Pyramid by Paul McGuire
I quickly discovered that Seattle was a bastion for the super weird. You needed to have layered eccentricies in order to stick out among the masses of freaks. Goth-dykes with foot fetishes might freak people out in conservative cities and small towns, but in Seattle, that puts you in the core group of "normal people."... More
2. Cross-word by Sigge S. Amdal
Her hair was in explosive disarray across the pillow like the blood spurt pattern from a shotgun blast. It was slightly blond, streaked with brown and very beautiful. It looked like the crossroad of infinite options where only a handful suggested returning to the bed. She was fast asleep... More
3. Meeting Mama McGrupp by Change100
I had yet to meet Mama McGrupp. Pauly assured me it was for a good reason. All I knew about this woman was that she was five feet tall, chain-smoked, had a wicked New York accent, was overly fond of Amaretto, and never had anything nice to say about anyone... More
4. Kansas Clouds by Susan B. Bentley
Click. I got a photo of Kat just before she gave me the finger. Lying back down, I moved the lens across the sky, trying to capture a cloud on its journey. I sat up and took a picture of the track ahead. Nothing but mud and dust, bordered by fields of corn slowly moving in the breeze, nothing but empty for miles ahead... More
5. Summer Story by May B. Yesno
Friends are a difficult thing. As a matter of fact they are almost impossible. Difficult to find for the first thing and just as difficult to keep - especially in a mobile society... More
