Friday, May 04, 2007

Slutz and HORSE 

This is definitely my favorite time of the year. It's starting to warm up, the Boathouse deck is open, and all the little bar slutz come out of hibernation to tramp it up under the sun. They have to shake off the rust from a winter of semi-forced sobriety and you'll see the occasional one who's fighting way out of her weight class. Drink, shot, drink, shot, shot, shot "Down goes Frazier!" It's some of those times I wish I didn't forget my camera so much. Drunk, slutty, skimpy outfits plus walking in tiny come-fook-me pumps on a deck just waiting to catch a heel. Pure comedy waiting to happen. It just makes it that much better when she's holding two brimming martini glasses.

Soon the summer will get here and a goodly size chunk of them will disappear again making their weekly trips to the Jersey shore. The land that the 80's forgot to leave. They will be missed but I will enjoy the short time we will have together. Me and my drinks. Them with their eternal fight with gravity and taste.

With all this going around the last several weeks, you can understand how very tough it has been to concentrate while playing poker from the bar. They begin to gather around me like moths to a flame, they can sniff out the pig with the open bar tab and questionable morals. By the time it's all over my wallet is empty, they are gone, and even my liver is calling me an idiot. It ain't always easy (or cheap) being a proper drunk in the land of sluts.


Congrats to the Luckbox who took down his first attempt at a Riverchasers tournament. 81 players got their gamble on last night. Slim draws and donkey hands were golden throughout the night and I was never in contention. CJ made his way through the field and took down a tough final table.

And now we have a new leader at the top of the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments leaderboard. oossuuu took over the top spot from MiamiDon with a third place finish. The dwarfish blogfather rounds out the top 3 after his final table appearance last night.

Scheduling and life got in the way and I completely forgot to pimp the Riverchasers HORSE tournament which is this Sunday afternoon. $24+2 or tier 1 token. These afternoon deepstack games tend to have a great prizepool and some juicy action. This is part of the blogger challenge so come out and get some cash. Here's my penance for screwing up.

Tournament #15608379
Name: Riverchasers Special Event #3
When: Sunday, May 6th, 2:00pm ET
Game: H.O.R.S.E Deep Stack
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: RiverHorse


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Day off 

There just something very relaxing about spending the entire day sitting in the lazyboy, watching old AC/DC concerts on TV, and doing nothing more stressful than figuring whether to order pizza or chinese takeout. I spent the morning crunching the BBT numbers and avoiding anything with a hint of responsibility. I've done some surfing, napping, and reading. I think I'm ready for another night at the bar.

I met up with Jim from Riverchasers last night to discuss some issues with the online tour and started hitting the bottles like the world would end if we didn't personally remove them from the face of the earth. Before I knew it, 10pm rolled around and I was about to miss the start of the Mookie. I played like the drunken lemur I am picking up a couple early pots with absolute rags but couldn't get much action on the few monsters I picked up.

My only regret (beside not winning the damned thing) was busting out Elfie when my ace-rag was just a bit better then her ace-rag. I imagined Smokkee standing behind her telling her to push because I didn't have shit. And I didn't but still won the hand.

So I wrapped my little lemur tail around the nearest swinging branch and crashed out of the Mookie. Can't even quite remember how and have no desire to check out the hand history. I will only make me sad.

That's all you're getting from me today. I'm putting away the laptop and catching up on the shows I've missed this week. And if you're interested, the pizza option won out.


The last event of the week is tonight. We jumped over $15,000 prizepool last night from the Mookie which gets us exactly 1/3 of the way through the challenge. Good luck and I'll see you at the tables. The leaderboard and results have been updated.

Tournament: Riverchasers Tour Event #9
When: Thursday, May 3rd, 9:00pm ET
Buyin: $10 1
Password: riverchasers9


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

It's just batting practice 

Seriously, I know I've written it a hundred thousand time, but it wasn't supposed to be that big of a drinking night. It was just supposed to be "batting practice" for the big night on town Thursday. Wednesday we were just going to hang out at Mackey's during the afternoon for some Champs League football and a few adult beverages. Somewhere along the line it changed again.

I made my appearance around 2pm with an hour to spare before kickoff. Carter made a last minute trip and Daddy arrived shortly before the match. I started off with a frosty glass of beer and a bacon laden burger as Chelsea prepared to defeat the evil red empire. Nice and slow. I was there for 90 minutes before I ever ordered a shot and that was because Chelsea has just gone ahead of Liverpool. Fine enough reason. Then a couple more shots at half. A couple more when the match was complete. A few more when Carter had to leave us.

Daddy was keeping steady track of the amount consumed. He had a full, early day planned for Thursday and needed to be sharp. No monkey business, this is just batting practice you know. Work summoned the Fooker of Donkeys and he humbly acceptable the penalty 'shot' upon his return. He said something that sounded like "That's seven shots and six beers, I'll be fine." To pass the time waiting for Garth to arrive, the bartender threw us a deck of cards and Chinese poker began.

We shut the game down once Garth arrived. I won by 2 after running off 7 points unanswered. The money won went immediately into the bartenders tip bucket. During the Chinese poker game, he was interrupted again by work, more penalty shots, and even more shots when Garth arrived. Daddy said, "Well, that's 11 shots for me. I'm still fine and should be able to function ok tomorrow. Look, the sun is still up, how bad can it get."

And that's the last shot he actually counted.

Things started to pick up a little momentum at this point. Space and time seemed to collapse upon themselves. There was talk of going next door for a little dinner some time during the evening. Poker chips magically appear while we wait for dinner time and we have ourselves a nifty little 3 handed 2-7 triple draw SNG sitting right at the bar. All the easier to get shots I say. I promptly lost the first 6 hands thanks to my ineptitude and being distracted by the aforementioned Oksana. Luckily Garth's friend "Saunter" showed up to kick start my game.

I figured out my problem with the game, I'm just bad luck. I could probably win as long as I didn't touch the cards. So she ("Saunter") held the cards then we made our decisions. By the time we needed to leave the bar for dinner, we had a commanding cheap lead and grudgingly agreed to a chop.

For the record. It was a 3 way chop in a 3 handed game. I was declared winner with my 105 chip stack compared to 100 for Daddy, and 95 for Garth. We were the nutz!

During the game, many more shots were consumed along with pints of Harp and Yuengling. Prop bets were wagered and our first taste of the juke box was sampled. That would come back to haunt us later. We looked like a couple of friends out for the night and knocking back a few dozen. This was just batting practice, right? You wouldn't believe the amount of damage we can do in a few short hours. We could have fed a small 3rd world country for the tab and tip we managed to amass.

The bartender was very happy and made sure we knew that we were welcome back after our dinner. Most certainly welcome. Oksana was being very coy by not jumping into my arms as we left.

Dinner was a blur of activity. Multiple bottles of wine, my dumb ass trying to find meat at a seafood restaurant, and more appetizers ordered than the table could hold. The dinner conversation was easy flowing and booze fueled. I couldn't tell you one thing we talked about but it was enthusiastic and apparently quite loud. No less than 3 employees came to our table to tell us to keep it down including a very unhappy manager. The manager was also probably a little cheesed off that the rookie waitress (under 21) was being mightily tempted to knock back double Soco's with us.

I'm a pig, what can I say.

We managed to finish up dinner without getting Daddy banned from his regular restaurant haunt, although he somehow managed to tell a nearby couple a story about his adopted Ugandan crack baby. We still haven't figured out that entire story. Anyone sane in our position would have called it a night. It's was well after 10pm and Daddy had a big meeting the next day. Sane, yet boring. Back to the bar we go.

We took over the jukebox with a serpentine style draft (my blog, I won), taught "Saunter" the proper headbanging techniques, drank too much Southern, and at some point of the night, I flagged Daddy. I was never meant to be the voice of reason but sometimes it happens. I kept right on drinking like I didn't have to work the next morning, because I didn't. Ye olde DonkeyFucker, on the other hand, was looped and time was working against us. He started to sober up by drinking a few beers and then all of a sudden...

... alarm clock start going off in the hotel room and Daddy is dangerously close to missing his meeting. Go to work drunk and get home with a hangover, just standard operating procedure in my neck of the woods.


If I wasn't a complete chump last night and missed the MATH, there would have been exactly 50 players. Another prizepool over $1000 and I was left sitting on the bench watching all the fun. There were some spectacular flame outs and major tilting. The Battle of the Blogger Tournaments prizepool has surged up near the $15,000 mark and should blast through it at the Mookie this Wednesday. When we first started talking about this challenge, I never imagined we'd have this much participation and we've only just completed month 1 of 3. Things are sure to take a lull in June during the World Series but right now we're probably going to have a prizepool topping $40,000 with more than $4,000 kicked back to us from Full Tilt Poker. I can't thank them enough as well as Michael from PokerOnAMac.com for all the support.

The Leaderboard has been updated and god help me. SirSniffle is sitting in a money spot. Luckily we have 2 more months for a proper implosion.

Next up is The Mookie tomorrow night followed by the Riverchasers tourney on Thursday.

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Tour Event #9
When: Thursday, May 3rd, 9:00pm ET
Buyin: $10 1
Password: riverchasers9


Jerry reminds me that I've been slacking in my picture responsibilities. Sorry.


Monday, April 30, 2007

Oksana and Bracelets 

So it seems that I've located the new future ex Mrs. CantHang floating around down in Washington D.C. It may be easier to tell the DC stories from back to front. Taking off three days during the week has a negative effect on any pending projects. Wednesday night memories are fuzzy enough that a few days between stories won't detract from the stupidity.

We had finished having a fantastic meal at Les Halles and decided to head back to Mackey's in Crystal City to continue our barrage on their booze supplies. The bar had to be wondering what kind of Southern Comfort tornado came ripping through there on Wednesday night. I was kind of wondering if we could actually run them out of Soco. Instead of a heavy drinking night, it turned out to be one of those cool nights with seldom seen invisible internet friends.

A ton of interesting conversation around the table so my retarded ass just shut up and listened (and order drinks). We had Gracie in the SB, BoyGenius in the big. Daddy was under the gun with Garth and Gretchen in middle position. Stories and laughs and drinks were the only pressing issues from the time we sat down until the ugly lights shone brightly. Daddy even busted out the PDA to scroll through some of the best posts from The Poker Champ. "Remember, life is like poker. It's just one big session."

The radiant part of our evening was always sneaking up on me. I made the tactical error of sitting with my back to the bar area. The angel's name was Oksana. And she was from Russia. She was insanely cute, she pronounced Soco as "soooka", and seemed to have the intentions of getting Garth and I obliterated. She refused to take no for an answer when asking if we wanted another round of "soooka". I'm fairly certain she was hitting in me.

It was either she was hitting on me or the bartender from the night before mentioned our bartab and triple digit tipping strategy. I will continue to stand by my firm belief that she was definitely hitting on me. It's my stunning bad looks and ability to sound like a drunk Russian after 12 hours in the bottle.

So next time anyone stops into Mackey's in Crystal City, feel free to tell Oksana that I said hello. Then you can lie and say she remembered me.


5 players short. So freaking close to the magic number to give away a $1500 WSoP seat last night in my first effort to try one of these. And I failed. Perhaps I need to try harder next time.

58 players shelled out the buyin for a good ol' fashioned doublestack NLHE tourney. I spent the first 30 minutes of play trying to contact someone at Full Tilt so I could add money to the prizepool to get up to the $1500 seat. No contact, no luck. That plus some very unfriendly IM's and emails put me on semi-permatilt.

I intentionally sat out until I was ready to play and decided the KK hand I was dealt in the BB was as good a time as any to start. The Kings held up as well as the AKsoooted on the next hand to get me back over the original stack and ready to play. Then I donked around with no hands and finished well outside the final table.

It was great to see some of the OG bloggers out playing. Mr. Decker, MeanGene, TheFatGuy, Iggy, BobbyBracelet, and Dr. Pauly (donating and sitting out).

As we got down to two tables I started to talk deal with the players. Once we got down to the final table a deal was hammered out amongst those remaining. The final table would be a winner take all and I would take care of the final money to get the prizepool up to the needed $1500. The deal was agreed to and I would be able to give away the first blogger WSoP of the season.

The final table and winner:

9. joxum - he played during the early morning from Denmark. He wins the award for best email to get the password. "and yes I do keep a blog - it's in danish, so don't adjust your screen, the words are supposed to look like that!"
8. asphnxma - 90 pounds of poker fury ready to unleash
7. NightRanger - undoubtedly drunker than I
6. peacecorn - the lovely Gracie, fresh from her plane ride home from DC
5. irongirl01 - a great regular at the blogger games and making her first WPBT trip in June.
4. cemfredmd - first saw him during the BBT challenge. Solid player.
3. mookie99 - your host for the best blogger hosted weekly tourney and my final table pick.
2. princeharibo - seem to be missing his blog link. He's a recent regular at the Mookie game.

And your winner...

Washington DC blogger, Bash at the Boat attender, and crusher of final tables. brdweb. He got head's up with a slight chip lead but quickly jumped ahead and finished off the match in record time. He announced that he plans to play in WSoP Event #15 during the blogger gathering in June and graciously gave 1% of his action to the other 8 players at the final table. So he'll be going to his first blogger gathering and his first WSoP event. He should have a great time. Stop by and congratulate him.

Thanks to everyone who came out to play and to those who helped by getting the word around. I can't believe I'm doing it again, but this time it's open to bloggers, readers, anyone who else wants to show up and get a $1500 WSoP seat for just $26. See you there.

Thanks, as always, to Mookie for the banner. Joaquin will be happy with the jersey selection.


Tonight starts us back on the Battle of the Blogger Tournament challenge after a few days off. There are 3 tournaments this week and everyone is aiming to knock MiamiDon out of the top spot since he's been there from the beginning. I have a feeling we'll see another nice run from him this week so get out and get your shots in.

The MATH tourney has been drawing some great numbers, getting over $1000 in prize money since the start of the challenge. This night should be no different and I'll be trying to finally make some money. Good luck and I'll see you there.

Tournament: Mondays at the Hoy (MATH)
When: Monday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $24+2
Password: hammer

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Tour Event #9
When: Thursday, May 3rd, 9:00pm ET
Buyin: $10 1
Password: riverchasers9