Thursday, February 15, 2007

Patron Saint of Strippers for the block 

For fooks sake.

I wonder if hell has frozen over because I know for sure my little shit hole of a town is a lock solid frozen wonderland. Mother Nature decided to give Mother Variance the day off and do some nasty work herself. I fully intended to spend my evening bobbing for beers in tubs full of booze but ended up having one beer and one shot. I wanted to be neck deep in stripper dust (nose deep?) and searching for infamous tattoos. Only strippers have tats, after all. Instead of a place with tuna tacos, we found our way into a place that serves dishes with shaved black truffles and foie gras. Odd how my life goes sometimes.

I was going to throw twenties around like the middle class food stamps they are. I would have become a regular within minutes of stepping into the place knowing every Nikita, Destiny, Angel, and Raven on the menu roster. Dancers moving to songs by Motley Crue, JayZ, ACDC, and Amy Grant. Just checking to see if you're paying attention. Shots and cowboy killers and the (not so) occasional indecent proposal. Everything was on the table and ready to roll. Just one problem, Siberian weather combined with the natural inability of strippers to operate vehicles in adverse conditions.

Who the hell closes a strip club just because of the weather? On Valentine's Day? It was a kick in the ass that our plans moved from a place call Pump Town (no lie) to a restaurant called Epicurean. We may need a road trip after the Boathouse tonight.


Just to let all my degenerate, perverted, dirty old readers in on a little secret. I hit the mother lode of all hottie pictures yesterday during my stroll of the interweb. Some spectacular stuff all saved away for a rainy day. Plus I received an interesting email yesterday. Apparently, after 3 years of posting random girls, I finally posted a picture of someone and it got back to them. Instead of the nasty response I expected, we're now working a deal for some specific content.

Life just got a little more interesting.


All fun and no poker makes Al speak of himself in the third person.

I won't be able to make it, but stop by CC's Thursday Night Bash this evening on PokerStars for some blogger poker good times.

Tournament: CC's Thursday Bash
Where: PokerStars
When: Thursday, 9:30pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
password: pokerworks


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Flipping the Big Ol' Bird 

It's fantastic here today. After a tropical January with temps in the 70's, we're getting hit with a trio of wonders. God has a wonderful sense of humor, or whatever Deity, non-Deity, element you believe in. Snow, ice, and rain make for wonderful conditions. So I took a sort of snow day from work by deciding to 'work' from home. It will be a nice change from the last two days.

If you thought you had a dull beginning to the week, I present the following. For the last two work days, I've been trapped in my office with a barely understandable representative of Bill Gates for some insane inane IIS tuning. I spent the two days listening to his endless stream of ridiculous metaphors that had nothing to do with the current situation and quoting whitepapers that were written by my former super group before I burned out. He added exactly what I thought he would, nothing, and wasted two days that could have been spent searching for internet hotties and writing witty prose that no one would read.

I spent what few minutes I had available catching up on the latest blog posts and news. I was glad to see my inbox pop up with an email saying that Amy and Tim put out an article with a 6 month update to The 2 Million Chip WSoP mystery. I was also glad to see that they I am not on the list as getting those chips. I was worried for a second.

Pauly has two great posts up (as per usual) on Tao of Pauly and Tao of Poker. Cacophony of Bad Beats and Past. The BoyGenius has been finding monsters under the bed instead of horses in Vegas. THE Dawn Summers thought she was getting fired and Professional Poker Player Chris Halverson still hasn't posted since last July. I spent last night watching shitty TV and railbirding Hoyazo and Gavin as they took a shot at FTOPS. I also received an email with a half dozen pictures which Pauly would approve of. Click the pic for the rest.

The weather today threatens to ruin my plans for Valentine's Day. I fully intended to cannonball into the biggest tub of Soco I could find while staring at girls of ill repute and little/no clothing. So you'll forgive me if I spend the day browsing internet porn and listening to some insanely aggressive music.

Cheers and I hope your Valentine's Day is better than mine.


Monday, February 12, 2007

$100 of blogger poker fun 

I won't be able to make it tonight, thank you DOJ. Head on over the PokerStars for the weekly MATH tournament. Good way to kick off the week. To finish off the week, MiamiDon has his blogger Big Game this Sunday night. Go get your FTP tokens and donate.


Welcome back my friend, to the show the never ends 


I didn't yell his name, just called to BobbyBoathouse with a little more gusto than recently. His head snapped around and he picked up a rocks glass. With that, the wagon tipped over. 'Twas karaoke that killed the sobriety.

"Honey, we can pay the mortgage this month!" Bobby yelled over to his wife.

It was supposed to be a nice gathering for a friends birthday downstairs at the Boathouse on Saturday evening. Everyone at the bar was at least a decade younger than the three of us and it promised to be a target rich environment. Then I was told that the man of honor hired someone to run karaoke. The. entire. night. Hell of earth for me.

I spent large chunks of time in isolation upstairs as the non-quite-drunk-yet amateurs tried their hand at butchering good and bad songs. Landow and BigMike were numbing their ear pain by mainlining redbull/stoli but all I had was the option of disappearing upstairs with my pack of cowboy killers and a strong desire to shove sharp objects into my ears. The saber wielding portion of the crowd were knocking back carbombs at an impressive pace, all the while I just watched the sights.

Something clicked. The birthday boy, a diaper-wearing 22 years old, wanted to do a shot of whatever I was doing. While a shot of water or RedBull certainly sounds entertaining, I passed the honor onto the other two. Then I said, what the fuck. My liver had 4 weeks to consider it's future in the alcohol filtering business and it was time to shit or get off the pot.

In the blink of an eye, my lovely liquid of choice was home where it belonged, the party wasn't so bad when seen through amber colored glasses, and I joined the other two in their drunken bright ideas. Before I knew it we had paid the DJ to STAY an extra hour when normally we'd be paying him to get the hell out of the building. BigMike, who never participates in such low level shenanigans, was taking advantage of the extra time (complete with video evidence that will be promptly sent to the bottom of the internet rubbish bin once viewed by the man himself). It culminated with our trio doing a rousing version of Drowning Pool - Bodies . Hell on earth, indeed.

Once the buzz is set upon the proper path, there is only one end. Empty again. As pictured below.


Saturday spilled into Sunday and the $24+2 Riverchasers HORSE event. 32 people signed up for the odd time and increased buyin amount. Gary once again played his solid poker and finished 2nd. That's 4 Riverchaser events this year, and 4 cashes for Gary. Nice little run.

I started off a little rough, getting QQ on the first hand only to get crushed by the all powerful early position 87o flopping two pair. The next hand I flopped middle set but was run down by the K2o four flush. I stuck around to the top 50% of the field but took another two river beats when shorty stacked to hit the rail. I realized that I don't play nearly enough limit Hold'em but I felt nice and comfy in the ORSE portion of the game.

Thanks to those who came out and everyone who pimped it. Another Thursday game coming up on February 22nd.