Hey Al,

Satan here.

Just wanted to drop a line and say thanks for the birthday thoughts but you've got to get the word out. Yesterday was NOT my birthday. Nor did it signal the birth of my spawn. Anti-Christ (he prefers to go by his birth name, George) is already alive and doing well. No one seems to realize that 666 is just my lucky number. I play it in the lottery enough times you'd figure it would at least hit once yesterday. Just because you want to be omnipotent, doesn't mean you are. Freaking do-gooder upstairs.

Anyway, if you could pass that little bit of information along to the sheep people, I'd appreciate it.

On a personal note, I should really let you know that your room is complete down here. I think you'll like it. The bed of nails is actually much better for your posture, and you'd be surprised how important a good posture is when you're ducking and diving around this annoying fire and brimstone shit He stuck us with. Naturally the room comes without air conditioning but you'll get used to the heat. It's not so much the heat that takes getting used to, it's the sulfur smell. For weeks after we "moved" down here, everyone kept looking at me liked I dropped a nasty deuce and left a floater.

Keep up the bad habits. Me and the big guy's son have an over/under bet on when you finally drop over. The date is coming up and I don't need to tell you I'd be very appreciative if it happened sooner rather than later (wink wink). So slap another cigarette in your mouth and keep chugging gallons of booze. I'll make it worth your while when you get down here (maybe I can even get you in the nightly poker game with Ghandi and the Popes. yeah, they're all here).

But stay away from the bacon! That's another secret you'll learn when you finally croak. Bacon is actually very good for you. So knock that shit off. At the rate you consume, you're going to live to 100 and who the hell wants to live that long? If you really want to kill yourself with food, tofu is pure poison. (Both of us invented tofu in a joint venture. Neither of us likes hippies.)

Tell everyone hello. I'm hoping to meet some bloggers in Vegas assuming I've taken care of that weeks plague and pestilence ahead of time. Maybe I'll get to meet Pauly at the hooker bar and thank him for sending so many souls my way. Good guy, that Pauly. He's my top earner. I think him and Mephistopheles will have plenty of stories to tell.

Enjoy yourself. I'll see you soon.

As always,

Your pal, Satan

And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
Shakespeare