Saturday, May 01, 2004

Hammer time at Party 

For Grubby, lotsa crazy Hammer stuff on Party today.

First, how's this for a board?

Then, I'm playing with StinkPants who raises pre-flop to keep me from limping in with the Hammer. Of course, another Hammer Boat was flopped.

After that, he bet everyone out of a pot with the Hammer.

Overall, I'm up for the day and getting ready for a live NLHE game tonight.


Friday, April 30, 2004

Hangover Poll 

I'm currently dealing with a world-class hangover (aka. getting ready for happy hour), work is continuing to kick my ass, and I worked right through the time when our crappy little cafeteria is open.

So we (BigMike and myself) ordered Chinese takeout. Actually, Chinese delivered. That got us to debating.

What is the worst possible food to eat when dealing with a hangover?

My current lunch gets my vote. Incredibly horrible, greasy, chicken and broccoli.

My favorite hangover lunch is a large pizza with extra cheese, garlic, and onion. If the pizza doesn't help, the garlic and onion will keep the jackasses from bugging you.


While partaking our liquid nutrition last night, Landow and myself had a brilliant idea. Ok, last night it was brilliant, today it's somewhat amusing.

MonkeyBoy needs his own blog. So here you go, he's up and running.

He seemed to be quite a hit last night.

Blame Landow, it's all his fault.


58 minutes until my heralded return to scene of last night's crimes.


Thursday, April 29, 2004

5 Levels of Drinking 

An oldie but a goody.

LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".

LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".

LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".

LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an....after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ... cool.

LEVEL 5: Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"


Early start to the weekend 

I must apologize for the lack of any quality posts this week. Since the day I stepped back into the office from vacation, fate has deemed it necessary to remove any thoughts of my relaxing / booze fest of a week. It's been so bad that Billy Gates had to send some specialists on site for my current issues. Combined with a complete lack of booze, horrible time at the tables, and exhaustion, I just haven't had the time or inclination to come up with anything even remotely interesting.

So let's get to some good, hangover-fueled, posting.

I hadn't touched the hooch since Friday's bender, so Mike's showing in the Taj tournament required a proper celebration. We grabbed the wifey and Landow and hit the bar.

The weather is beginning to warm so we enjoyed the yearly spring ritual. Watching the blooming emergence of the always popular, never to be duplicated, parade of the sundresses. If I forgot to mention it, I'm a pig.

After killing off the good part of two bottles of Soco, and losing the wifey and Landow at various points of the evening, BigMike and I were called to the rescue of fine young lass named Angela. The lovely Angela was forced to endure our horde of drunkards throughout the evening but we're generally a harmless bunch. Always including those in the surrounding area into our revelry, usually to positive results.

Unfortunately, I was about to find the downside of being the 'Norm' of the bar.

As the night was winding down, Angela found herself being hit on by some half-wit and did not seem terribly comfortable with the situation but wasn't getting herself out of it. Her friends came to me and asked me to help get her out of it. So I casually lean over and interrupt the conversation by asking "Sunshine, are we ready to go home yet?" I figured that should work, he'd get the idea that we were together, back off, and Angela would be off the hook. But........

My reputation at the bar has apparently expanded. He didn't even blink, looked right at me and said "Hi, aren't you Al. Married to the cute bird with the long blonde hair". D'oh. She's on her own now.

Her friend Melody ended up taking matters into her own hands by transforming into Uber-bitch until he got the point. Almost felt bad for the schmuck. Almost.

After all the drama, we watched the brilliant Billy Wagner throw a 9 pitch 9th inning and headed to Wendy's (where I completely confused the poor manager of the late night window, but that's a whole different story).


Ok, I went back and read that last bit. That's a damn mess for a rambling. But it's 7am, cut me some slack.


I feel the need to mention my day on PartyPoker Monday night. I felt the need to do some early evening grinding and hopped on the .50/1 table for some action. 5 hands in, my buy-in is nearly doubled. Then fate (aka. Pauly) showed up at the other end of the table. And then StinkyPants shows up. It's a regular blogger convention. And I was about to make a donation.

First hand of note, I'm in a pot with StinkyPants and flop the top two pair (it was definitely two pair and I'm fairly certain it was top two but I CAN'T GET A FRIGGIN' HAND HISTORY). I bet out, Stinky calls. All the way to the river where he catches an 8 to go with the pair of 8's in his hand. d'oh, got caught on the river by a blogger.

Then I get into a pot with just Pauly. And I have the infamous pocket 8's and catch my set on the flop. I bet, he calls. Again, all the way to the river. Where he catches his straight. If it was an inside straight draw, I'm never reading him again. But I don't know because I can't get a friggin' hand history to save my life.

Both hands I was ahead until the river so I don't feel bad about the beat. But it did take my roll from +20 to -5 with just those two hands. Like the blogfather would say, Oh the humanity.

Chatting with Pauly later, he said he thought I had a small or medium pair, not trip 8's. On the bright side, at least he couldn't read me.


The Big Pimpin' portion of the post.

Pauly has released the April version of his literary blog-zine, Truckin'. 7 new stories with 3 by Pauly.

The blogfather is currently writing an article about blogging. Can't wait to see it. I responded to his request for why I like reading Poker Blogs. Education, commiseration, and entertainment.

Hank always has quality poker posts. You can improve your game just by reading his blog.

Grubbette has posted another great story on Pokergrub.com as well as Grubby posting his Hand of the Week contest.

Felicia has been giving her rundown of her time in Vegas for the WSOP.

It's Kentucky Derby time, so Boy Genius must be in heaven.

Jeremy at Love and Casino War recently posted the history of Omaha Hold'em. Very interesting.

I wonder what the PokerPenguin thinks of this little document Pauly linked to. National Association Against Penguins. Pretty funny.

Richard Brodie has been posting like crazy from Vegas. Between the WPT at the Bellagio and the WSOP this month, there's a lot out there to read.


I need to welcome and point out some new bloggers who have been visiting my site.

JD from CheapThrills has been working on his poker game. His quote about me on his blog, "has excellent insight into the drunk poker player's mind!". Damn man, I can't get unto my on drunk mind, let alone my drunk poker playing mind. When I'm drunk, theory goes right out the window. Any two cards will do. Do I smell like fish?

Iceyburnz always seems to be having a good time. Might he be partaking in the nectar of the gods?


Another sub-standard post by yours truly. 7am hungover is a tough time to write but I don't expect any breaks at work today. I'm fairly certain I've completely lost the ability to write.

Thanks for stopping by.

Tonight is the standard Thursday night booze-a-palooza. Last night was just starting up the late week fun on the deck. Pray for me, or better yet, pray for those around us that they might be saved from our debauchery. Where's that damned monkey?


Oh boy 

Should I be concerned that the wifey emailed me this image? After I went on another binge last night?


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Big Mike finishes 3rd! 

Congrats to Big Mike! He played in his first live casino tourney yesterday at the Taj. $20 buy-in / $10 entry fee, with rebuys and an add-on.

Of 96 players, BigMike finished 3rd and his cousin Steve finished 4th.

In honor of him finishing that high, we're hitting the bar to drink the winnings!


Baseball random thought 

With nearly 1/8th of the baseball season behind us, I feel the need to post a random statistic.

In the National League, all 5 teams in the NL East are ranked in the top 6 for team ERA.

1. Florida 3.39
2. Montreal 3.50
3. Philadelphia 3.51
4. San Diego 3.83
5. Atlanta 4.03
6. New York Mets 4.09

In all of Major League baseball, all 5 teams in the NL East are ranked in the top 8 for team ERA.

1. Boston 3.36
2. Florida 3.39
3. Montreal 3.50
4. Philadelphia 3.51
5. San Diego 3.83
6. Oakland 3.91
7. Atlanta 4.03
8. New York Mets 4.09

Means absolutely nothing at this point in the season, other than 5 mediocre offensive teams that have been playing each other since the start of the season. That's why it's a random stat.

Can't wait for the comparison of the NFC East teams come NFL time!


ESPN Page2 and Poker 

There's a poker column on ESPN Page2 today. Check it out. Jay Lovinger at ESPN is going to play from the 2004 WSOP up to the 2005 WSOP and post regular articles. I need that job.

I know what you're thinking:

1.) Since when does Page 2 have it own high-stakes poker pro, and what do they need one for?

2.) Why me?

Poker can be the cruelest of games -- even when playing with complete neophytes.
The first question is easy. Poker is exploding into the American consciousness like a combination of "You're fired!" and Paris Hilton. Despite a total lack of promotion, last year's telecasts of the World Series of Poker, which were shown -- over and over -- in seven one-hour segments, averaged nearly a million viewers per showing, including reruns.


EBay listing 

Anyone need a wedding dress?

Just a blurb:

I found my ex-wife's wedding dress in the attic when I moved. She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it. She said, "That’s such a gorgeous dress. Some lucky girl would be glad to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something back for it." So, this is what I’m doing. I’m selling it hoping to get enough money for maybe a couple of Mariners tickets and some beer. This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didn’t so I got stuck with the bill. Luckily I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Thank the Lord we didn't have kids. If they would have turned out like her or her family I would have slit my wrists. Anyway, it’s a really nice dress as you can see in the pictures. Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know about this.


Monday, April 26, 2004

The good, the bad, and the ugly 

The Good

I made a triumphant return to the fertile waters of Party this weekend. After mucho encouragement from other bloggers, I sat back down at a microlimit table and started grinding. Early on, things were going well. In the afternoon, the standard horrid beats on the river began and never let up.

While chatting with Pauly and sweating his tourney's, I was prompted to move up to 1/2 6max. He thought it would fit my style better so off I went. And found myself sitting next to the powerful Grubster. At least I think it was him, I'm not 100% sure. The only other times we've played on the same table were during the Blogger tourney's and he was either incognito with a different name, or he had huge mounds of virtual silicone distracting the table.

Luckily, I managed to stay out of most pots when he was on a roll. We did end up splitting a pot when we both hit a straight holding T9. I was up 20BB for awhile after some huge cards then bled it right back. I guess that is the price of getting poker lessons from the good guys.

Overall, it felt good to get back on and play. I'll grind away and improve my game so I can hang with the big boys.

The Bad

I thought by going on a poker fast, my personal poker god would give up on me and move off to another poor sap. Unfortunately, I believe he's really pissed off and taking it out on others as well.

If you see me online and you're playing in any kind of tourney, don't let me know. He's listening.

I've sweated Pauly, Iggy, and Hank in tourney's for the last week. The only explanation I can find for these fine players being on the ass end of bad beats, suckouts, and bubble finishes is the fact that I was watching each one. If you see me online, you should hide, change your screen name, hop on a different site, and start rubbing chicken bones together.

I am the demon child of bad luck and poor judgment. The spawn of an evil, vengeful, poker god.

Beware the hippy bringing tidy's of good luck.

Now where's that booze. D'oh, I still have to go to work.

The Ugly

After being invited to a nice, juicy, fish-fueled 10 hand poker game at Lewey's Saturday, I declined to spend some quality time with the wifey.

Where I was forced to watch not one, but two horrible chick flicks. First, painfully sappy "The Man for Elysian Fields" (Andy Garcia as an out-of-work writer, turned male giggolo for the wife of a dying author, James Coburn. ugh) then "Kate and Leopold" (19th century Duke catapulted to the future to hook up with Meg Ryan, bleh).

I deserve unending husband points for the sole reason that I did not scare up a pistol and eat a bullet.

And the fishies gave away every penny they had.