Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Read this now! 

Funniest post I've read in awhile
"If you had asked me what I hoped to be doing the first time my son announced he had seen a hoo-haw, I would’ve said “cooking bacon.” Men are men around bacon. I knew there would be a time at which my boy would want to talk about girl-parts and I could only hope a good, fatty pork product would be involved."

Otis - She showed me her no-penis


Mosh-pit version of a post 

Strange times. I'm spending my waking moments in equal parts planning, worrying, packing and loading up the iPod. Some serious friggin family shit is coming down the pike that I'm trying to get under control before I head off on my dash to debauchery. Yet more stories that will never see the internet. It's crazy that I haven't seen the inside of a bar in a damn near a week and didn't realize until I woke up cleared headed this morning. I only have 9 more days to make my final impressions on the bartender's bank statements and will do my best tomorrow evening.

For the first 4 years of this sites existence I spent almost every drinking moment sitting on a barstool at the Boathouse. The big parties, the drunken girls, too many embarrassing pictures, friends I'll never forget. It's hard to believe that I haven't set foot in the Boathouse since I left my ball-busting day job, not once have I been to my old bar since July of 2008. Tomorrow that little situation is corrected when I'll stroll back in to drink my face off with old friends who I haven't seen in awhile. I need to find out who's going to pour my ass back in my front door sometime Friday morning.

And hope I don't lose the brand new camera.


The planning phase of the trip is just about complete. I have a few small details to work out but the big picture elements are in place including what looks to be a crazy weekend in G-Vegas. As G-Rob says, "the weekend will be called 'Mastodon'. The mastodon was big, ugly and wild. It is also gone because it couldn't evolve."

The Procedure (tm) is already set up, poker will be played, drinks will be consumed and someone said something about climbing a mountain. I hope "mountain" is some weak ass euphemism for a big boned stripper. The rest will be head's down and drink up fun. I'll keep one hand firmly on the my traveling bankroll.

We've also adjusted the final portion of the trip, the one where I was supposed to spend 9 hours in the car with Gracie and Pablo. Key West is an island, water all around that island, boats travel on water, I love boats. The best way to enter the Conch Republic?

A seaborne invasion.

Amphibious landing force generously provided by Key West Express

Fast boats with fully stocked bars? No brainer. Gracie hates boats and she can't wait to get on this one.


I started to load up the laptop with movies and pack my bag with books for the trek.

I'm taking suggestions for movies and books so let me have it. I have The Stolen Child by Keith Donohue (wish I could remember who blogged about this book), The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer and I figured I might as well take along Jay Greenspan's traveling poker book Hunting Fish. I'll need more than that for the hours and hours cruising down the coast courtesy of Amtrak. I've loaded up Righteous Kill, Man on Wire and Burn After Reading as well as action-eye candy-junk movies like Max Payne, Eagle Eye and Wanted for my viewing pleasure.

I welcome any suggestions. Drop me a comment if there's something I definitely need to read.

On a side note, I picked up a Stephen King book for the first time in 15 years, buying Duma Key on an Amazon.com spree. I had no idea it was about a recently divorce guy who moved to the Keys to "heal himself", I hope to god nothing like a Stephen King book happens to me while I'm down there.


On the business side of life, I just got an email from Ray at the Borgata telling us that the Bad Beat Jackpot at the Borgata is over $300,000. Quad deuces cracked is the qualifying BBJ hand and a healthy payday to get it done.

When we were down there for the Borgata Winter Open there was a story going around about some poor grinder losing his jackpot payout when the river counterfeited his turned straight flush (must use both hole cards to qualify). THAT is a bad beat.

Click on the banner below to find the rules and regulations. I will give 5 whole dollars on Full Tilt to the first person to locate the biggest error in the rules. Leave a comment.

Also, since I'll be doing a great deal of traveling over the next 3 weeks I'm taking more submissions for guest posts on the Full Tilt Poker from the Rail blog. I have a bunch lined up but if you'd like to get something up there and make a little coin on the side, feel free to hit me up at alcanthang@aol.com. Julius_Goat has been on a roll recently and is basically on their payroll.

The Big Bang Theory is the funniest show on TV right now.
If you disagree then you are dead wrong my friend