Friday, August 22, 2008

Busy wrangling up FTP guest posts and deciding who will be getting my drinking dollar this weekend. It seems a trip is planned back to my old stomping grounds in Delco where I learned the art of being a ridiculous drunk.

Here's where I'll be playing this weekend.



Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Pub Olympics 

Thanks to Kat and Mookie for the flyer help

That's the front of the flyer currently circulating around my little town. I'm papering the town with them. I'm in the final stretch for the planning. Anything not completed in the next few weeks just won't get done. Riggstad has hooked us up with the golf course for the tournament Friday afternoon and the room for the charity poker game that evening (wait til you players see the food spread). The invites are going out, the band is confirmed, the entire bar staff is at "drunk boot camp" and my liver seems to be functioning properly. I'm still waiting on a few confirmations but we're going to have quite a crew on hand.

For those coming into town and need rooms, I wasn't able to secure a group rate but here are my recommendations. We will have a shuttle running between the hotels and Bash.

Main Stay Inn - this place will not win any awards for best hotel on the planet. It's a small private hotel that really only has one benefit. It's a 50 yard walk from the Pub door to door. Stumbling distance at it's best. Probably the best option since you won't have to worry about blowing chunks in front of your friends on the shuttle ride back.

Marriott Collegeville - certainly better accomendations than the local hotel but you'll have a little less flexibility. The shuttle will be running on a regular basis and always available if you need to "run for the border". And by border I mean passout like a BoyGenius in G-Vegas. Low blow?

Hampton Inn Valley Forge - the next option about the same distance from the pub just in a different direction.

There you have the best options. If it was me I'd go for the cheap place across the street but that option will probably sell out quickly, it's just not that big. As we get closer drop me a line and let me know your agenda.


Five more people I think should make the trek to tiny little P-Ville at the end of September for pure degeneracy.

Iggy - The Blogfather has yet to make a Bash and that almost seems like a crime (although showing up in Key West last year trumps all else). It's a gathering that offers little other than the chance to get wasted with some of your invisible internet friends. I've even ordered up an extra tall booster seat for the barstools so he can see over the rail and extra kegs of Guinness.

Daddy - I don't know if my town could handle Daddy running around but it would be a fun thing to see. He'd probably eat his own body weight in scrapple. Besides all that, the donkeys around here are getting awfully complacent, that would change if they knew Daddy was showing up with a length of rope and a 2x4.

Jordan - I think Jordan set the record at the last Bash for most hands of poker played without a break in his drinking. He might have been the polar opposite of TripJax who played the least hands on his way to the Drunken Lewey award. I'd love to see Jordan make the trek down with the other NYC contingent.

GCox - I'm still honked off that I missed Okie Vegas this year and if he came out here I'd be sure to make it up to him. Maybe even find him a nice karaoke bar to practice his trade. And P-Ville LOVES mullets.

Carter - I already know Carter won't be making the trip and it's a shame. Since I started this crappy little site, Carter has not missed a single Bash. The only blogger to accomplish that feat. The man slept alongside the Skukill Expressway after an all night Borgata poker binge (more dangerous than you could ever now), passed out while a big'un was kissing on him and had to craw under a car after pissing off an entire bus full of drunken idiots. Those are his highlights just off the top of my head. Carter will be missed.


So we already have a golf tournament planned for Friday afternoon. A charity poker game Friday evening. Stupid crazy drinking Saturday evening. Seems like there is a spot open on Saturday afternoon.

There was already a ton of planning involved with the Bash and things have been crazy the last few weeks. What with quitting my real job to do something completely irresponsible. There were some things I had in mind that just never got flushed out or I lost track of. Today Drizz reminded of me of something silly I was considering. All these drunken louts in the same bar and the same time with too much time on their hands. People from around the country looking to unwind. Why not have a little friendly insanity-filled competition? The last Bash we had the Beer Pong tournament, this year something bigger and different. After close consulting with Otis, captain and champion of the Drunk Olympics, I present to you...

The 2008 Pub Olympics

Saturday afternoon before the Bash. Whoever happens to be in town is invited to join us in making complete fools of ourselves as we take advantage of the entertainment currently available at the pub. We're taking names for anyone who would like to be involved. We'll set up teams and a draft beforehand so I need to know who wants in. This is the warm up to the party that evening and will get everyone in the mood for some proper drinking. I haven't decided whether there will 2 or 4 teams, depends on the interest I get in people ripping up the pub beforehand.

- Shuffle board. The pub has a brand new full length shuffle board. 2 players each side, plenty of prop betting opportunities.

- Buck Hunter Safari. I personally want Drizz one-on-one in this game. I may never have picked up a hunting rifle in my life but get a couple cocktails in me and I'm unstoppable.

- Darts. 301, 501, cricket. Who knows, the only time I've played darts is under a drastic influence.

- Ms. PacMan - Galaga. This one is for the old folks who actually remember how to play these games. I suck the big one.

- Pinball wizard. There's got to be a twist, BobbyBracelet has such a supple wrist.

- Buffalo Wing eating contest. 20 wings, suicide. First one done without chunking wins.

- Irish Carbomb relay. Seems simple enough as the final event. Whoever drafts BigMike has the best anchorman in the business.

Events considered but ultimately rejected because MilwaukeeSteve will not be there and I'd rather not kill anyone at the party.

- Shot Chicken. Heads up picking a shot for the other person. First person to say "I'm not doing that!" loses. No "bar rag shots" allowed.

- Drunken Marathon. One shot, one beer every half hour starting at noon. That's the potential for 28 shots and 28 beers from noon til 2am. Followed shortly by death of only the heartiest.

- Drunk Girl Pickup. Nixed because The Rooster is an auto-lock for that win unless Bracelet makes a showing. Bobby is a proven veteran when it comes to picking up drunk girls at the Bash.

There's your list of "events" at the moment. Drop a comment or an email if you want to be on the draft list. It's open to everyone. I think we might have to limit the number of cameras in the venue or we'll spend the next 4 weeks trying to get incrementating "evidence" off of YouTube. For the record, the nearest hospital is less than a mile away.

Make it happen!

After some research I have discovered that Foxsports Channel will be showing a Chelsea and an Arsenal match early Saturday. Just another reason to hit the pub early. We also have the option of executing The Procedure with BadBlood before the festivities.


Finally a video from Dr. Pauly. He put up this "homage" earlier in the year when I was getting the contest nut crunch from work and had to shut my site down. I don't think I ever posted it and just saw the entire thing for the first time recently.

It's a little embarrassing in a navel gazing way but it made me remember about some of the really stupid things I've done of the years.

Thanks to the Doc

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

More Random Crap 

I had a sweet run at the tables this weekend that was bound to end sooner rather than later.

The moment I won the ticket to FTOPS #24 I should have pocketed the T$'s and shut it down. I won that seat, final tabled Pauly's PLO game then my game promptly went right in the shitter. If I begin to tell the bad beat stories I would owe the universe a pocket full of one dollar bills. It's just a cruel trick played by Mother Variance but last night I had to stop mid-tournament and get loaded.

One of the many benefits of playing from the bar is simply closing the laptop and begging the bartender for two pints of Southern Comfort. Neat please. Some vague law about not serving an entire bottle prevented my immediate intoxication but two straight doubles and giving an earful to the poor kid playing mexican love songs on the jukebox fixed me up just fine.

That didn't stop me from returning to the tournament and promptly donking off the rest of my chips, I just didn't give a rats ass anymore.


I've also found a new way to get into shape. Earlier this summer Pennsylvania joined the rest of the lung-hugging, morality-legislating world by passing a smoking ban. It's a long walk from the bar to the front door, I get a little exercise and definitely smoke less. That doesn't mean I still don't wake up in the morning and think the cat shat in my mouth. That's probably because I sit on my back deck til 5 in the morning making up for lost smokes.


One of the positives of working from home now is I've been able to catch the Olympics. Before the start of the games my interest was basically zero. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch most of the sports but there have been some compelling stories.

- Rowing might be the world's most boring sport, badminton was more exciting.
- I watched that poor weightlifter snap his elbow (thank god they finally took the video down so I can't repost it).
- I was really hoping for a throw down between the US and Chinese baseball teams.
- Competitive trampoline makes absolutely no sense to me.
- I don't think anyone from women's water polo will be invited to post for Maxim any time soon.

UPDATE #1 - CJ points out that I may have missed a water polo player worthy of note. Rita Dravucz. She's pretty fine, but understand this is what I was looking at the entire time.

- I thought women's beach volleyball was the Olympic version of porn until With Leather brought us this picture from women's wrestling. No exactly The Shocker but pretty damned close. You know you want to make that your screensaver.

UPDATE #2 - This needs to be an Olympic sport. Hurricane Kite Sailing.

But the games will be done soon and I'll be forced to return to Arena Rock for my background noise.


I've spent the last few weeks getting some guest posts up on Full Tilt's Poker from the Rail site. I don't generally mix business with personal but there is some really solid stuff up there and it deserves to be read. Thanks to the guys who have shown some interest and I'm always looking for more. The entire list of guest posts can be found here.


Since I got a link from Wicked Chops Poker today with the 5 Questions interview with Dr. Pauly, I suppose it's only right that I should put up a very NSFW picture.

Below is my favorite Pantera logo. Click on the picture for the NSFW version.


I'll be playing in the new weekday Brit Blogger game today which should be fun. The start time is great for them and any degenerates from the Colonies who spend their day gambling and wasting time. Stop on by if you are one or the other.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Weekday
When: Tuesdays at 15:30ET (20:30BST)
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament


Sunday, August 17, 2008

That was fun 

JackAce is the nutz. This was the third time getting AA in 30 minutes of FTOPS #24. No action on the first two and the action I got on the third was unfortunate.


Is it bad form to win the tournament you set up? I'll be playing in FTOPS #24 at 14:00ET with a not-really-that-small hangover.

The Brit Blogger game will be on FTP today, hope to see you there.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament