Saturday, August 09, 2008

Saturday's with Dr Pauly and Brit Blogger Game 

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to play in Pauly's Saturday game or the Sunday Brit game. I look to remedy that situation this weekend.

Hope to see you there.


Thursday, August 07, 2008

"If he pukes, you die" - Chet 

I wasn't even drinking last night and I'm pretty sure I made a kid puke.

Minding our own business at the pub last night, there were a few people milling around at midnight. The Phillies game was over and mad rush for six packs had yet to start. A handful of kids walked into the bar, looked around and walked back out to join their dozen friends standing on the sidewalk. Odd but not uncommon. I walked outside for a quick smoke (thank you very much all you lung-hugging nazis) and found the group counting down til midnight exactly. Two of the young snappers were turning 21 at the crack of twelve then they rushed the bar.

Being the socially responsible Ambassador of the Drunken State I decided I should buy them a round of shots. Everyone in the group decided the same thing and jumped the line to get them on their looped up way. My shot was fourth in line and they gave me the option of choosing their poison. They started with Irish Carbombs, onto Three Wisemen, this one containing Jack, Jim and Johnny, and washed that down with a girly Slippery Nipple. I wanted something to keep the crazy mix going but want to completely crush them. I wasn't going to pick a Cement Mixer or Prairie Fire or Back Draft (saving that shot for the guys at the Bash). I went simple but was fairly confident in the outcome. Double shot of Cuervo.

They sniffed it and wrinkled their nose. Their friends took a whiff and shook their heads. The young'uns held their breath and knocked it back. Guy number one, who looked 12, made a face like someone punched him in his vagina. Guy number two waiting for about five seconds than ran for the shitter. All evidence suggests that he chewed it back and saved face. But 45 minutes later we saw the guys running for the dump bucket behind the bar, Mr Douche "What's your cheapest beer" was passed out on the Sopranos pinball machine and the manager finished their evening by explaining the bar spew rule. You puke, you clean it. No matter your condition.

That's how a quiet Wednesday night got very interesting. Never a dull moment. Up until that point the only interesting thing of note were the two large breasticled women barely dressed chugging PBR Pounders until they went broke.


My Bash wishlist posted yesterday so far is making headway already. The one and only BadBlood emailed me this morning with his flight confirmation. That worries me a bit because now I'm forced to live up to my words about an arm wrestling rematch. They never end well and my left side is usually numb for a week. One anonymous person on the list is getting closer to booking his flight.

That means I post another list tomorrow and see who else I can drag out.


Congrats to Waffles on choking up in the Mookie last night. Second place is first loser, a title which fits him just fine.

Tonight is the Riverchasers game. Since I have no creative energy this week I went with the easy twist to the tournament. I added $100 to the prizepool for shits and giggles. Nothing life changing but a little added juice to the event.

See you there.

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
When: Thursdays at 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers


Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Tao 5 and The Bash 5 

519 is an outrageous number. Sick. As the unofficial archive of various blogger tournaments I feel confident in stating that is the biggest field of any blogger-hosted tournament. And by huge margin. Unless Wheaton threw something together that I missed Pauly has outdrawn the world. It's a true testimony to the width of his reach and the quality he has brought to us for the last 5 years.

Before the tournament started I figured it was a long shot that I would even know anyone at my table. That thought was wrong when I found myself seated with Lucko21, BamBam, THE Spaceman and Surf. Hell, even if I managed to dodge the top players I still needed to duck a canuck (which I didn't do very well).

It was a great event with plenty of friendly banter and it was great to see a lot of old school bloggers come out of the woodwork for the special occasion. I saw Decker briefly but couldn't get a word in before he was knocked out but I did get to see Professional Poker Player Chris Halverson. Does anyone remember the connection between Decker and Dr. Pauly? If you do, consider yourself an old timer blogger/reader.

I putzed around to finish 147 which is rather pathetic but I was having more fun slinging chips than really concentrating on building a proper stack. Once I was knocked out and set my curse upon several other players. Started pulling for Halverson, he gets knocked out. Chat "Go VinNay" and off to the rail he goes. KidDynamite, yep. It was really bad when they were down to the final table and I gave my encouragement to WillytheWise. No doubt he was the first person eliminated from the final nine. If you wish me to ever put a cooler on one of your opponents, you know how to get ahold of me.

Congrats the GarryGates for the win. Nice job Pauly on surviving the first 5 years and thanks for throwing a great tournament.


I decided the throw together a list of people who might or might not make it to The Bash this year. Some are on the fence and others are keeping quiet. Here is a short list and why I think they should make the trek to enjoy golf, poker and too too many adult beverages.

MilwaukeeSteve - after the last Bash he took exception to the quality of the Buffalo wings at the Boathouse. Apparently his savage inferior palate is not quite as fine tuned as we'd been led to believe but we'll forgive him this one transgression. He is a friggin' Cowboy fan for chrissake. I imagine I should take a picture of the specialty beer cooler at the pub to give him a little nudge. Even better, the manager at the pub told me to just let him know what special beer requests were needed and he would order it. No excuse for drinking swill that weekend.

BadBlood - one main reason I want the man here. Well, one besides the arm wrestling rematch he owes me. As the resident headbanger guitar-crunching blogger I looked forward to sending him the AlCantHang song from the Bash band and having him perform his unique interpretation of the song. If he doesn't commit soon we'll have to resort to our tricks from the last bash, call his wife and get permission.

TheFatGuy - one of my favorite bloggers I've ever met. The man has yet to make a journey to my neck of the woods. Surely his head would explode when the band kicks in their 1am hardcore hijinx but that's why the VIP area will be set up and the jukebox downstairs has plenty of The Gourds loaded up. If Scott decides to make the trip you can expect to find Shiner Bock sitting in the beer cooler just for him. Will 3 cases be enough for him?

BobbyBracelet, JoeSpeaker, Donkeypuncher - all three of those "good lookin" bloggers are included as one person. They will be needed as a single entity because The Rooster has already signed up to make the Bash. Please for the love of god, we need the three of them just to offset one Rooster. I already mentioned there was going to be a big bachelorette party showing up that night, do we really want to the rooster a free run at a bunch of boozed-up girls looking for a piece of strange that evening?

Mookie - this is a cruel one to post because I know he can't make it because of work obligations. I've never actually met the man who sets the standard for regular blogger tournaments and the guy who deals my shit banner requirements on a near daily basis. Besides, the man has 70 kids in his house. I think he deserves and weekend full of debauchery as long as he keeps it in his pants. I don't need a new flock of little Mookies running around my town.

I'll throw another 5 up later but there's my wish list for now.

The Rooster Golf Tournament is completely set up for a noon tee off at Centre Square Golf Club on Friday, September 26th. The big poker tournament is good to go for that evening and you'll need to get in touch with me if you are interested in playing. You can drop me an email if you have any questions about The Bash.


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Dr Pauly > Random Tail 

Sunday is fun day. At least that's what they call it sitting around the pub at 1am with the rest of the degens who don't have to get up early on Monday to head off to a proper job. Just about anything can happen Sunday night, the whackoos come out of the woodwork and wander the streets like zombies. And those are the good nights.

This Sunday's festivities were interrupted midstream when a group of took off for dinner. Japanese/Thai cuisine. There were six people and we ordered enough for a full dozen, the waitress needed to bring the plates in multiple shifts due to table size constraints. During the appetizer portion of the feast, BigMike grabbed something from a plate on the other side of the room and dropped it on my plate. This little tempura covered unknown package.

Scallop. Wrapped in bacon. Stuffed with cheese. Then deep fried.

Sweet mother of god.

That one bite overshadowed the 50 pounds of raw fish flesh we ingested the rest of the night. Fried with bacon makes everything just that much better.


Sunday evening I also ran into Hot-Young-Chippy poker playing girl who was already well into her booze. There were shots and bullshitting and maybe some karaoke. After all the talk and the booze she convinced me to go out Tuesday evening to a local game at a member-only establishment. The club, not the jacket. This place is the very definition of sketchy. A rebuy tournament with a bad structure and angry young players. They once ran a darts tournament where the losing player walked out to his car, returned a few minutes later with a gun and blew a hole straight the dart board (and the walls, plural). But if a young, good looking girl is throwing down shots of Jameson and asking me to go play poker with a bat of her eyes, everyone on the planet knows that I'll armor up with kevlar and hit the game.

Luckily I sobered up and remembered there is this little Dr. Pauly tournament going on tonight. There is no way I'm missing this event. Over 200 signed up already. So tonight I'll bypass the small chance of tail and poker to play with a crapload of my favorite bloggers and readers.

I noticed that Poker Champ is signed up which makes me happy. As always, I AM POKER CHAMP! Now if we can get Wesley to show up.

See you this evening.


Monday, August 04, 2008

Random crap I came up with while waiting to be freed from Blogger exhile (or my longest title ever) 

This blog has been locked due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations. You may not publish new posts until your blog is reviewed and unlocked.

This blog will be deleted within 20 days unless you request a review.
A never ending stream of curses came pouring out of me when I saw this notice in blogger over the weekend. And be damned sure that I know how to curse. It's taken me a few weeks to get a stable access to the internet and now I wasn't able to do anything with it. Not that I need to be wasting any one's time with my ramblings, it was just the extra nut punch I needed.

I'm just a lowly old lonely blogger and wouldn't have been missed if this blogger outage lasted for any real amount of time. But I soon discovered they also put the kibosh on the Good Doctor and many of his sites. We chatted for awhile that afternoon and I began to feel confident it wouldn't take long to get the sites back up. The lockout didn't seem to have anything to do with gambling. Or my penchant for scantily clad womens. Or my whiny ass hangover taunts.

When I checked later in the weekend I was glad to see my access was restored. I don't have anything terribly important or earth shattering to share. Pauly on other hand has this tiny little mega-smashing tournament going on tomorrow for his 5 year blog anniversary. It will be a large field, cheap buyin game with a the big Borgata Poker Open Main Event seat waiting for the winner. I'll be there trying my best to make sure I don't have to work that Borgata event, I'd rather play in it.


Can we just put this Favre nonsense to rest and not spend half of SportsCenter talking about it? I don't even like SportsCenter in general but now it's unwatchable. I lost a bunch of respect for the guy when he did his pussy laydown for Strahan to get the sack record and I was happy the last throw of his career was going to be a horrible pass to eliminate the Packers from the playoffs. Now all this crap is just too much. Let's play some football.

And my feelings have absolutely nothing to do with his 2003 "Oh hey my dad just died so I'm going to leave my family and play one of the best games of my life just to knock some random hippy out of his fantasy football playoffs".

That would just be insensitive of me.


Hoyazo has decided to stop hosting Mondays at the Hoy and Sean has decided to pick up the Monday slack by throwing a LivePokerRadio game. I plan to be there to get myself back into a regular pace of playing again. Hopefully once the summer finishes up we'll start to see a return to the bigger numbers each game was used to. Until then I'll be trying to take advantage of the smaller fields to pick up a nickle or two.

Tournament: Live Poker Radio
When: Monday at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: boom


It's not anywhere near the excitement expecting parents go through but I'm a non-breeder and have nothing else to compare it to. I just got a notice that my new fusion-powered-terminator-like laptop is due to hit my doorstep Wednesday morning. At that point all my problems will be solved just short of finding a healthy liver donor to keep locked away for the next 2 years.


I wish Shumpy allowed comments on his site so I could thank him. The man just knows how much I love Not-Even-Close-To-Safe-For-Work Redheads.

Not. Safe. For. Work.

A redhead with beer is just a bonus.


That's just about enough useless random crap I can think to come up with and I need to turn off Arena Rock. They are tilting me by playing a regular roation of Trixter and Enuff z'Nuff

Til tomorrow, please go hit up Pauly's latest Truckin' issue. Arrived on the internets just as he was able to get his access back.

1. Even More Existentialist Conversations with Strippers by Paul McGuire
On the third day of Prozac? That pretty much summed up my visit to the afternoon shift. The stripper was drunk, sedated on happy pills, sloppy, and slurring her speech like Albert Finney at happy hour... More

2. Explaining Amphetamines With Words by Sean A. Lovelace
See the thing is an injection is a lot like a bullet from a gun, or words of anger, or like kisses—you can't get it back. And that Valium was working, working its way through his body, his veins, slowing things down, slowing, his pulse, his already pretty-fucking-slow pulse, and then he was, he was, well, he was dead... More

3. Black Hole Sun By Betty Underground
I couldn't get her face out of my head. Blank and full of jealousy. Not directed at me, but me as part of the female species. As a representative of the sex that threatened her the most... More

4. Separate From Things We Didn't Want A Part Of by Philip D. Brown
My friend fell asleep but the girl didn't and though it was dark I could see her watching me. She didn't look capable of sleep or even rest so I told her that I could help. She told me that needles were out of the question because they were an invasion she wasn't willing to accept... More

5. Capistrano By Brad Willis
If the doctor says I'm living, he obviously is lying or seriously misguided. If he tells me I'm living, I'm going to laugh and tell him he better get busy dying for me, because somebody fucking has to... More