Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Start Your Engines 

Yes, it's true. The monster challenge that everyone completely despises by the end is back. Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 3 is in full set up mode and will be the last BBT for a very long time. The length, number of tournaments, administrative overhead and size of the prizes for this challenge will likely be so big that another one won't come around til next year. This one will be a soul crusher and bankroll buster.

We're not quite ready to reveal all the specifics but trust me when I say it's going to be a nice little set of prizes. Obviously there is going to be a tie-in to the WSoP but here's what I can tell you so far.

- It's going to last three long months and include the monthy Blogger Big Game, the MATH, Blogger Skill Series, the Mookie and the Riverchaser games.

- We're sticking with the end of challenge Tournament of Champions. The majority of the big ticket prizes will be awarded there. Think big in terms of prizes AND the number of payouts in the TOC. The premium on winning one of these blogger events is about to go way up.

- We will be paying out the top players on the leaderboard as well as funding another freeroll for the top players.

Huge thanks to Hoy, Mookie, Don and Chad for offering their private tournaments up as part of the challenge. Believe me when I say that these challenges add more than a little stress to the hosting duties. Knowing what the prizes are going to be, I think we're going to see a monster jump in participation. That's both good and bad. A crapload more dead money in the prize pool but bigger mine fields to navigate. Another reason why you won't see another BBT challenge for awhile. Everyone is going to need a break at the end.

I hope to have every thing ironed out before I make the trek to the Great White North Friday afternoon and will post everything here.


Speaking of Eh Vegas, I received a nicely titled email from BamBam that started with "The EH-ternoon shift". A rundown of the local Toronto strip clubs and some recommendations. Being the low-life degenerate that I am, you should expect a few reviews of their afternoon shifts while I'm in town assuming I'll be able to get myself out of bed in decent enough shape. I'll have to drag the lovely BWoP along with me for her side.

Friday is going to be a rough ride north. Thursday evening is already lining up to be a bender of major proportions. No work for a few days, a pocket topped with cash and my friend's band is playing the pub that evening. The same band who gave me the AlCantHang nickname thanks to a little case of alcohol poisoning. Since I'll be gone 4 days I'll have to make up my bartab quota so they don't go out of business. If I survive the night I'll be the guy passed out the back of Riggstad's truck as we sneak past border security on Friday.


It's been well chronicled that I am a talentless-assclown and just basically spew words across the web like a sinner confessing to his priest. The vast majority of my readers come here for the naughty pictures or for a perverse way to feel better about themselves. See, I can't really be that bad. Look what that drunk jerkoff did again yesterday.

It's why I have real respect for guys like Pauly, Otis, Gene, etc who actually have the ability to put thoughts down in words that make sense and actually tell a story other than drink-smoke-gamble. Well Pauly does that but he makes it seem reasonable and interesting. Several years ago I found another site that I've been following on a regular basis that is about as far from my world of degeneracy than thought possible.

Jessica Stover was linked up by Wesley Crusher Wil Wheaton and I've been reading her ever since. Odd since her site is the polar opposite of mine. Smart, funny, entertaining and actually contributing something to the greater good. She has put out several self-published books, art work and some very amusing videos. She was even able to drag the former-degenerate Shane Nickerson into one of them (I wish the hell I could find that link. Nickerblog in a toga.)

Recently she has been battling to get her independent movie completed throwing a big middle finger at the studios who play to lowest common denominator. The mind numbing crapfest that's presented to the viewing public where everyone walks out of the theater like a zombie and you forget everything you've seen within a few minutes. I can't wait to see her finished product.

All that leads up so that I can point you to her appearance on CU@USC, a college talk show this evening. It's available on LA on broadcast TV and streaming on the internetwebs thing. Why not take a little time away from playing WoW or setting up ponzi schemes to give her a read and listen. Check out her site and projects. Your karma will thank you.


Tonight's game is the Mookie with BuddyDank radio broadcasting live during the tournament. Also I seem to have not mentioned the sick Blogger Death Match game this evening. Single table tournament, $500+buyin with top loaded prizes. It's basically a winner-takes all. A new form of the "who's got the biggest johnson" game. Sickness.

Tournament: The Mookie
Where/when: Full Tilt, Wednesday 22:00et
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Coming soon... 

Start stocking up on tokens and tell the family you're going to busy for awhile. Look for details in the very near future.


Something about God protecting drunks and degenerates 

Another disclaimer with a familiar theme. No friggin' clue what I'm doing with this post from here all the way down. Out til 3am on a Monday night is just play stupid. I deserve to write something wretched but you don't deserve to have to put up with it. Continue at your own risk, as always.


Four for four. The last four blogger-type tournaments I've entered have seen me make a final table appearance. Not nearly as impressive as it sounds since 3 of those 4 times didn't even include making the money. Last night I decided to fire up BamBam's tournament(s) at the reasonable hour of 7 and 8pmET to sling chips with the canucks (should that be capitalized?). Since I still think it's a brilliant idea to travel north of the border in February, I might as well try to get a feel for how they play.

I don't remember much about the NLHE tournament but I seem to recall making it the final 9 with a decent but was unfortunate to dump some chips to Ace-piss sooted and finished the spewage losing a race. The 8pm HORSE was more than a little interesting. I McCracken'd aces with 22 early on then just sat back and watched BigMike rip through the field. Before long everyone who was allergic to chips was gone leaving myself, BigMike and a lucksack of Astin proportions to fight it out. BigMike dropped in third leaving me to deal with The Button Masher.

The deck started crushing me with ridiculous hands especially head's up in the Stud portion. Dealt aces, kings and queens all over the place and cracked everytime. Hit a straight on 5th only to go down to running hearts. Queens and nines on fourth and he had aces and twos showing by sixth. There was no way around what happened, if I pressed my monsters I was called down and caught. If I slowed played my monsters I got caught. It was the most amazing run of cards I've ever seen in Stud and only one of the big hands stood up.


Luckily by that point the wheels were in motion to determine the outcome of the evening. Basically the "same old song" played over again for the benefit of my liver. So much for slowing down on work nights.


I've been sorely lacking in pimping out Bodog's Poker Blogger Tournament series. They already had some serious overlay each but it looks like Smokkee put in some serious time to get a WSoP Main Event package for the bloggers playing on the site. Each week's BoDonkey will award points to the top 30% of the players in that game and they are tracking everyone on their Tournament Leader Board.

Points and leaderboard? That's a novel approach, I should try something like that some time.

The last tournament in the series will be on June 3rd, then the top 18 players on the leaderboard will battle it out on the 10th for a WSoP Main Event $12,000 package. It's a great opportunity to get yourself onto the big poker stage, enjoy a little blogger on blogger action and feed on the underbelly of the sites very tasty fish. The players there might be the softest we've seen since the death of Party Pokers almighty aquarium.

Click over to their Bodog Poker Blogger hosting site for specific details about the leaderboard, tournament results, dates and information.

Cheers and win the big one.

Bodog Poker Blogger Tournament


Monday, February 18, 2008

All Hail Baccus 

Keeping with my recurring theme of the last few weeks/months/years, I've been solidly lubricated since some time Thursday afternoon. What was supposed to be a nice quiet dinner with friends turned into an all night affair of bar hopping. There were glasses full of expensive hooch and bottles of swill passing between us. There might even have a been a dropping of trou along a major city highway in the middle of rush hour. It's been a long time since I've ingested that much food, there weren't too many of god's fine tasty creatures that didn't end up on a plate in front of at one point or another. Actually made it quite difficult to build up enough momentum for a proper buzz.

But I have the skills to break through that barrier. Three o'clock in the morning I was stumbling my way through town with a head full of booze, belly full of food and lungs full of potential death. It made for very interesting times the next morning.

During my 14 hour stints on the bar stool I did manage to fire up the laptop for a little weekend poker. Chalk up two final table appearance for our hero in two shots. For exactly zero return on the dollar. PLO with Dr. Pauly on Saturday I luckboxed my way to the final 9 with a shorty stack but went out first courtesy of good old Riverstars fugly RNG. But it was well deserved after an ugly cockslapping I put on bayne earlier in the tourney. We got all the money in preflop with him holding ace-ace-face-face against my powerhouse AA64. 6 on the flop, 6 on the unholy river. I'm a monster at Pot Limit Omaha (pure pure sarcasm).

Sunday brought up the Brit blogger game in the afternoon. This one was a little interesting because I am easily distracted. This distraction came in the form of a tiny temptress offering up goodness. Hot chocolate chip cookies straight out the oven if only I could get mine ass to the store to pick up the supplies. Faster then you can say "hells yeah" I was out the door leaving her to play the tournament for me. Feel free to report me to PokerStars for multiple players in a private $5 tournament but this particular fat guy loves him some cookies.

When I returned with the supplies I found that she ran my stack up from 1300 to near 5k with a couple wins including a flopped boat versus trip jacks (the hand not the man). Naturally I managed to piss it all alway by spewing chips with some shitty hands like KK and QQ. Another final table making exactly nothing. I did end up with a belly full of chocolate so in the end, I win.


They have a specialty beer fridge at the pub for the higher end beers and occasionally we'll grab a bottle of something new to give it a test drive. Trying to slightly expand my horizons. Last night we split a bottle of Otter Creek Australian-style sparkling ale. Here is my 4 word review.

"Tastes like piss water"

Or what I would imagine piss water tastes like if I was a freaky deak who actually drank piss. Horrid, avoid at all costs to your taste buds.


Tonight has more tournaments for your pleasure. The MATH at 10pmET and the TuckFard Open at 7pm for you sleepy east coasters.

Tournament: MATH
Where/when: Full Tilt Poker, Monday 22:00ET
Game: NLHE 6-Max
Buyin: $24+2 or Tier I token
Password: hammer

Tournament: TuckFard Open
Where/when: Full Tilt Poker, Monday 19:00ET
Game: NLHE Bounty
Buyin: $3+.50
Password: donkey