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Thursday, February 14, 2008

(insert two middle fingers pointing skyward) 

Black Thursday as BigMike calls it. Even in my best of times I had nothing but hatred in my heart for this corporate Hallmark holiday. Now it's just another day where we get watch suckers throw hard earned money down the shitter on jacked up roses and cards that will be immediately forgotten. All this stuff they are doing on February 14th, shouldn't they be doing that the other 364? But really, relationship advice from me is about as useful as asking me the best way to stay sober for a year.

So I think I'll spend my evening by hitting up an unknown dive bar, stay sober and troll for MILF's crying in their beers because life has cruelly passed them by. I'll find a target rich environment then ply them with multitudes of shots. At the end of the night I'll pick out the weakest of the herd. I'm sure there's nothing like a fat sloppy goonball hitting on you to boost that low dragging self esteem. It will be a public service. No need to thank me.

For the record, Steak and Blowjob Day is a holiday I can really throw my support behind.

The previous is naturally all written in jest.

Not a chance in hell I'm staying sober.


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It's something wonderful that my corporate overlords block me from accessing a band schedule because it's on myspace.com yet I can hit every damned Steak and Blowjob site on the internet. Makes sense to me.

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In reality I'll be spending the evening with a bunch of friends stuffing myself with some of the best Italian food this side of the big pond then it's off to the city for a little drinks, a little night-life, dancing. (this should stop my friends from reading the above and start calling me to make sure I'm not sucking on the business end of a .38 Special) It should be a fine evening to make Bacchus very happy.

So go forth and enjoy yourself but if you don't happen to have anything to do with your better half, the Riverchasers game is tonight. I won't even be thinking about it. Tonight is my night off from the Riverchasers payroll.

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
Where/when: Full Tilt, Thursday 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Avoidance 

It's hard enough to find the inspiration to write down my useless thoughts when there is actually something going on but damn near impossible when there is nothing but freezing weather, snow and icy rain. Hard to maintain the hard partying ways when shit town is locked down due to moronic drivers or slippery slopes. If this keeps up I'll be forced to finally restock the liquor bin which I demolished on my lonely Christmas Eve powering drinking session.

I haven't fired up an online poker site since my weekend bankroll spewage or even done much reading. I had no idea that Hoy made a big cash in the FTP 50/50, Chad had his table chat perma-banned or that Waffles dumbs down his site just for lowest common denominator. Bloglines is chock full of information that will never get read because I'll never find the time to browse through the entries. I've got bands to book for the Bash in September which I am way behind on. You are coming to the Bash, right? The weekend of September 28th? Make it happen.

So you'll forgive me if I take today to just keep my head low and throw some old Metallica or Rage Against the Machine in the iPod. Perhaps my internet-phobia will left tonight with a little welcome back to booze in time for me to crush the Mookie this evening. Til then I'll leave the web to those who have more skill and I'll stick to random web searches for bizarre porn and desert recipes.

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Speaking of those with much more skill than myself, a quick note to FTP about their blog. Yeah, everyone got a kick out of Michael Craig's book about the big game but I think it's time to bring Jay Greenspan back for good. Jay wrote from the Aussie Millions and the difference was remarkable. This has absolutely nothing to do with Craig taking a shit on some of my favorite people last year on the site (he has a little go at me but I'm used to it).

Jay Greenspan is just plain better.

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I'll forgo my normal half-nekkid picture today and point you over to FlipChip at LasVegasVegas who keeps adding to his collection of top photos from the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo. Here is the whole lot.

And check out this little dumper.

Tournament: The Mookie
Where/when: Full Tilt, Wednesday 22:00et
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
Where/when: Full Tilt, Thursday 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

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Monday, February 11, 2008

Good Weekend Ruined 

I love screwing with karma. Karma loves sticking it to me right back. Just last week I made a point of sending an email to Milwaukee Steve. Weather.com was showing temperatures here in the high 60's while he was getting dumped on by a foot of snow. And now the entire east coast is locked down with a mighty arctic chill. My apologies for jinxing it for all.

It certainly would have made for a nice hard walk home from the bar last night after a solid 14 hours shift put in sitting in front of tap markers and tards. But I'm pretty sure I didn't walk home, no frostbite or missing person reports. At 11am sharp I was planted on my bar stool watching the complete borefest Chelsea/Liverpool match and slugging back shots while the Christian Coalition were walking their toddlers home from Sunday school. That was followed up by horribly mediocre poker where everything I touched turned to shit.

Did you know the NFL Pro Bowl was yesterday? I certainly didn't know but the announcers shocked me into the game when I heard the touchdown call of Jeff Garcia to Terrel Owens. I thought I had finally gone and stroked out like I keep promising. Of course T.O. caught the ball, the game was unimportant. Once I realized that I hadn't blown a valve in my skull I went about the business of completely ignoring the game again. I had some bad poker play to continue.

Saturdays with Dr. Pauly - played with a slight touch of the booze flu and dropped out early.
Sunday Brit Bloggerment - played with a slight buzz and dropped out early. Those guys LOVE their baby pairs and suited 5 gappers.

After spewing chips at the cash games I decided to really donk it up. I grabbed anyone I could find for a stupid cheapy HORSE SnG. Kat, Drizz, Waffles, BigMike and myself filled out 5 of the 8 seats and a last longer bet worth more than the prize pool. Drizz and Waffles got heads up with Waffles taking it down meaning I needed to send him money. God damn if I don't run good.

The rest of the night was a blur of activity as my hand was pushing the glass to my face faster then it really should have on a school night. I do recall the cute young UK girl at the end of the bar in town for 3 months to teach people how to ride a horse (feel free to insert your own joke right there). She was the only one in the bar who didn't think I was a complete ass for wearing my Chelsea jersey in the bar. That might have had something to do with the half dozen tequila shots I got down her throat before her wing-person removed her from the bar.

The only real positive at the end of the long day is that I didn't need to walk back home in the early fridged morning. I'm nearly 50% sure I didn't walk home. At least 50%.

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Continuing the iPod hijinx where it's just effing with me. After a stellar weekend that included a little bit everything I guess ye olde player decided to remind how my weekend went with a little back-to-back AC/DC.

"Shot Down in Flames" followed by "Ain't No Fun (Waiting 'round to be a Millionaire".

Outstanding.

Why couldn't it be "Too Young to Fall in Love" and "Girls Girls Girls"?

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Don't forget your blogger tournament fix for the week. There's a game every night for you to pick from starting with the MATH tonight.

Tournament: MATH
Where/when: Full Tilt Poker, Monday 22:00ET
Game: NLHE 6-Max
Buyin: $24+2 or Tier I token
Password: hammer

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