Friday, January 25, 2008

Holy crap! Poker can be fun! 

In my previous post I promised to be well lubricated by the time the Mookie tournament rolled around. True to my word I was swimming in amber liquid up to my eye balls. Riggstad was throwing back scotch at record pace trying his best to keep up with me. We drank and discussed travel plans for the coming year. Vegas and bloggers and warm tropical places. By the time the sun was set I was making time with the local cougar (I much prefer the old MILF standby phrase myself) and everything was fuzzy around the edges. Riggstad was permanently attached to the megatouch game alternating screams of "YAHTZEE" with "YOU STUPID WHORE".

By the time the start of the Mookie rolled around, I'm surprised I was aware enough to login. I have to tell you, it's been a long time since I had that much fun playing poker. I don't know if anyone else at the table was enjoying it but I was literally playing any two cards. Each hand I flipped a coin before deciding to play it. Heads and I would play the hand if I was the first in the pot, tails I would fold.

If you were at the table with me Wednesday night and folded to any post flop bet then it was a bad fold. God help me, the only time I didn't get any action pre-fop was when I had a monster. Aces a few times and kings at least 3 times. There were a handful of people watching me play from the pub as the shots could not come fast enough and they thought I lost my mind. It was a clinic on how to not play poker. My stack fluctuated wildly but life was good. Can't tell you how I busted out but riggs tells me it was just my donkey ass getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar one final time.

God damn if I didn't have a blast though. My apologies to anyone stuck at the table with me. But you were warned will ahead of time that I was going to be heavily influenced by my surroundings and alcohol levels.


Congratulations and good luck to CJ this weekend. He's getting hitched up. I'd pay good money to see him get looped up before his wedding. Good man and better woman.


With no football on this weekend, I fully intend to keep my word from the previous weekend and hit up a bunch of the guarantee tourneys on FTP Saturday and Sunday. I'll be sitting at the pub bright and early Saturday morning watching Chelsea take on Wigan in the fourth round of the FA Cup. I'll also practice for my time in Canada by walking around in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt. Who the heck plans to hit Toronto in the middle of winter? You guys are messed in the head.

Oldie but a goodie. Getting ready for my trip to Toronto I figured I should get familiar with their landmarks. This is a picture of the CN Tower.

Drink well this weekend, I'm available for dial-a-shots.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My nut-nut is hurting 

You aren't going to get much from me the rest of the week. I have a monster post in the works because of a smallish milestone I'm coming upon quickly. Post number 1000 is nearly here and the cliche navel gazing writeup will probably make everyone disgusted. It'll be nothing intentionally overindulgent but it's 4 years, 1000 posts, 250 per year to run through my fragile skull and try to make sense of. I miss the old feature in blogger which used to tell you how many words were spewed. I'd love to know exactly how many useless things I've force fed the masses.

But today isn't that day. This is 997.

Instead I will spend the day concentrating on what's important. Getting all my shit complete today so I can spend the afternoon sitting at the pub bullshitting with riggstad instead of wasting valuable brain cycles on writing, building, yelling, sulking. I suspect that I'll be half in the bag by the time east coasters are leaving their job and full on sloppy when left coaster stagger to happy hour.

Shit's a changing and big things might be in the works. Fantastic time in my life for multiple options to appear and I'm looking to take advantage.

How's that for some vague shit?


What can I say about last night's Skill game involving Limit Omaha/8 that won't be said by everyone else? Maybe my O8 game is more geared towards cash games than tournaments. It seems the players last night who gave no thought to their hole cards were the most rewarded. Players who were seeing 75 to 80% of the flops were gold. In a cash game, this VPIP% number will get your ass broke in a hurry but maybe that is what it takes to move along in a MTT. Give me those same players in a ring game and I'd be a fatter happier richer hippy.

Now I will go ahead and point out BWoP's hi/lo strategy pointers she posted before last night's game. No sense in letting you know the information beforehand. It's good solid information. Along the same theme for anyone who played last night or has any interest in expanding your understanding of split games, I wholly endorse Ray Zee's High-Low Split Poker for Advanced Players. It is the bible of split games. I picked it up on Felicia's recommendation years ago and I've read it so many times that I'm on my second copy. It will shed a bright light on some awfully big holes I saw last evening. I'll even make it my bounty when the next split game comes up in the Skill series or Riverchasers Tour.

I finished 20th out of 48 to win my prop bet with riggstad. I had myself/BWoP versus riggstad/BamBam. My shortstack nut flopping abilities made my 20th place finish tops out of those four. That's some damn fine pokerin'. At least I outlasted the worst poker player.


Now go away.

My to-do list. I have some people who's noble ambitions need to be crushed, a liver to punish and porn. Lots and lots of porn.

You can catch my drunk ass at the Mookie this evening.


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Come and knock me out 

Two tournaments tonight for your donking pleasure. The BoDonkey and Chad's Blogger "Skill" Series. The quotes around the Skill part have become necessary. Tonight I'm really looking forward to LO8 which means I'll be gigli. By far my favorite poker variation and the which has treated me well at the tables. My biggest MTT win was in LO8 even though I've rarely played the tourney version.

Playing live LO8 even keeps me away from the cocktail service, so there's something. Except for the time I got drunk before sitting down at the LO8 game at the Taj. Took me a few hands before realizing it was 10/20 with a full kill and a table full of mash monkeys. Only two ways to play that game, stone sober or balls ass drunk. I picked drunk and paid an expensive lesson.

BWoP has a nice beginner post for anyone wishing to play the Skills game tonight. I won't link there today, you'll have to find it on your own. No free giveaways here. Just keep popping that raise button with nothing but the third nut low draw. That's solid.

Now go congratulate Pokertart on the upcoming new addition.


The Superbowl is going to be great. There just isn't enough sports media coverage between New York and Boston. The following imagine stolen from KSK, the two cities are linked so much they might as well...


Tournament: The BoDonkey
Where/when: BoDog Poker, Tuesday 21:05ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1 (with T$ overlays)
Password: bodogblogger

Tournament: Blogger Skills Series
Where/when: Full Tilt, Tuesday 21:30ET
Game: Deepstack Limit Omaha/8 with knockout bounties
Buyin: $12+1
Password: skillz


Monday, January 21, 2008

Odd choices 

"Irish people are essentially Latin people who don't know how to dance..."
Quote posted for no other reason than I like a good line at Irish expense. I'm tired of using the old Freud line about the Irish and psychoanalysis. I've got some Irish in my system (and in that old joke way of "would ya like a little in ya?") and obviously something stuck. I told a friend this weekend of my desire to move over to Dublin, she just put her head on my shoulder and said "I'll be sure to come to your funeral." Am I that weak of a man?

This weekend didn't come anywhere close to what I planned. I believe I said nothing poker, bankroll building and forced sobriety. Fuckin' aye. I went to the pub twice on Saturday just because one long 13 hour bender seems excessive. Better to break it up into two 6 hour sessions.

You want to know my current mind frame? Before heading off to the bar for a night of excessive drinking, I make a point of saying over and over to myself "don't make a damned fool out of yourself. Again!"

These days that's usually a coin flip proposition. If I counted outs like Waffles I'd be favored 70/30.

While I didn't end up dancing to the strains of Carrie Underwood or some such non-sense, I'm sure the coin landed on the "you were an asshat again" side. I started off with honorable intentions, a few Strongbows in the afternoon and I even managed to eat something. But sure as shit a large glass of Soco magically appeared in front of me from a patron on the other side of the bar. One of the many joys of sitting on your own personal barstool and randomly buying shots for others, sometimes they come back your way.

Saturday seemed the night for the entire pub to pay back every shot I bought over the last few months. They were queued up and I had to put some effort into keeping them moving. Not the worst job in the world to have. The rest of the night was spent in odd conversations, goofy looks from the beer drinkers, and patron-inappropriate music before the clock ticked midnight. I've found that the early yuppy set doesn't appreciate the dulcet tones of Slayer and Testament.

I'm pretty sure I walked myself home that evening, but I'm on the 30/70 side of that decision. I just don't recall, Senator.


Sunday was a different story. I was primed for some poker. I dragged my ass down to the pub by noon again, rockin' the hall of fame liver, and swore myself to nothing but non-alcoholic beverages. I wanted to make sure I was sane for $100 worth of blogger buy-ins 9 hours later but I also wasn't looking forward to the prospects of sitting amongst drunken Cowboy Patriots/Giants/Packers fans.

I fired up the laptop and registered for the Blogger Big Game and the Skill Game. I tried to pull up a Tier II token SnG and began waiting for the cheap bastards to pony up their money. When it started to look like I had a better chance at a year of sobriety than actually getting an SnG running, I fell back on the old days. I decided to hit up the cash tables and make my nut for the day.

I blame all the blogger tournaments and my bad decisions to play more MTT's, I completely forgot how sick they play at the $50 NLHE full ring games. While railing riggstad in a private event, I walked off the table up 5 buyins in the less than an hour with very little effort. Few pots here and there, a cooler hand against another large stack with my AA versus his KK, then flopping a set with presto against a monster stack who rode his top two all the way down until most of his chips were sitting in front of me.

And there I go, once again pissing off Mother Variance who will no doubt be looking to get her revenge the next time I sit down. Maybe that explains Waffle's bankroll?

Here's where the problem kicked in. 7 hours later after watching football, stuffing my face with sushi (don't ask) and relaxing, I wasn't even remotely in the mood to sling chips. I couldn't talk myself into sitting down at two events with the right frame of mind to win them. And if I'm not going to try to win them, what the hells the point of playing. Not even the prospects of busting the worst poker player could keep me around.

I unregistered, shutdown the laptop, and grabbed another redbull. I made bad decisions the entire weekend and this was one of the last. The last horrid choice was walking home in the frigid weather instead of taking the offered ride home. Idiot first class.


I want to have a little google fun and why not do it at the expense of my favorite troll doll. Asking my invisible internetites to link up Waffles with the text of "worst poker player". I really want to see how far up the google search engine we can get him for that term.

He won't care, he'll love all the attention.


More lists Dr. Pauly style. Statcounter is the crutch of the weak posters.

5 non-poker blogs I read on a regular basis:

1. Jessica Stover
2. The Lord Your God, Shumpy
3. Uncle Bracelet
4. Rapid Eye Reality
5. In Search of Walden

5 Sports blogs:

1. Awful Announcing
2. Kissing Suzy Kolber
3. The 700 Level
4. Mr. Irrelevant
5. Deadspin - like they need the damned links

5 top search engine keywords:

1. Bacon bikini
2. Teasers Key West
3. stephanie powers nude
4. poker player alcoholic gavin smith
5. the emotional pains of the premarital oral sex,foreplay
Bonus: how much southern comfort can get me drunk

Top 5 google image searches: (only two NSFW, quite shocking)

1. Leelee Sobieski
2. Strip scrabble NSFW
3. Phoebe Cates NSFW
4. Diane Lane
5. Jennifer Morrison

Top 5 referrers:

1. Tao of Poker
2. Tao of Pauly
3. Beer City Poker
4. Hoyazo
5. BuddyDouche

Finally, just posting this image because it amuses me. My statcounter list of visiting countries. I'd like to say hi to my friends in Papua New Guinea, Viet Nam and Oman (your government is going to poke your eyes out if they catch you looking at my NSFW images).