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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Advice to Waffles 



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Friday, January 18, 2008

Stripper Lessons given freely 

You know it's a bad poker news day when even the Blogfather himself chirps about this Brandi Hawhooker business in the forums. Isn't there a couple of big events going on around the world or Nazi politicians banning poker in the States or another cheating scandal to think of? When Waffles starts mulling through the crap to update his site, the story has gotten out of hand. And all because a stripper took some guy's money for a walk.

Christ, if you haven't had a stripper run a line on you, trying to take everything in your wallet, your life is far too sheltered. Over the years I'm sure I've accounted for plenty of augmentations, meth addictions and pimp payoffs. Hell, I'm sure some of the money even went to rent or the bank in order to bring her mother over from Russia. Anyone who made the trip to Key West witnessed my charity work at it's best. Any ol' schmuck can go read the Bible to orphans, it takes a true philanthropist to give to those who need it most.

Here's another free piece of advice. If she's taking off from the club on her busiest night just to hang out with you, watch your damned bankroll. And for god sake, keep her away from your friends.

Hypothetically speaking.

Now don't get me wrong. Strippers are some of my favorite people. You know the deal, they know the deal. It's a cash and carry enterprise. If you find yourself 40k in the hole you have no one to blame but yourself. It's nothing personal, just business.

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jeciimd fell just short at the Aussie Millions this week going out close to the money. Since this was really his first live tournament and a $10k buyin to boot, I think he did a nice job of representing the BBT players and FTP. Thanks to Pauly and Change100 for keeping track of him via Pokernews.com and letting us know how he was doing.

Now how about that blog post sir?

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Sweet jebus did I lose my shit Wednesday night. In spectacular fashion. To maximize the effects of the booze, I moroned up and didn't eat anything all day except for a small breakfast. I camped out at the old barstool and told BobbyBoat to keep the shots coming along. Fast forward a bunch of hours.

I completely airballed the Mookie tournament even though I was registered. Never even occurred in the midst of my insanity to login to the laptop and throw some chips around. I was far too busy making a fool of myself and those around me. The next morning I found a paid receipt for my bartab, that's always good. My cigarette pack looked like it was mauled by a wild animal, but having smokes available the next morning was a good thing also.

Yesterday I didn't even play in my own hosted tournament. I was nowhere near the right mind set to even toss chips in a small buyin tournament.

My plan for the weekend is to hit up a bunch of the guarantee tournaments on FTP then play MiamiDon's Blogger Big Game and Chad's HORSE game Sunday evening. I should have my shit together by then.

Until then I have some business to take care of. Apparently Ms. Sahira Ibrahim Al-Azzawi of Iraq had her father drop dead on her in Europe and need my assistance to transfer large quantities of cash. I sent her all my banking information, I sure hope this isn't a scam.

See you on Sunday.

Tournament: Blogger Donkament (aka REBUY madness!)
Where/when: Full Tilt, Friday 20:00ET
Game: NLHE Rebuy
Buyin: $1+$1 with rebuys and addon
Password: donkament

Tournament: Blogger Skill Series
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:00ET
Game: Superstack HORSE
Buyin: $23+3
Password: skillz

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:30ET
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Heading back home 

Some days like this weekend, the last thing I want to do is fire up an empty notepad and start spewing nonsense. The last two days I can't stop myself. Both scenarios equal blow for anyone foolish enough to stop by here. 4 day old nonsense adds nothing to the collective consciousness anymore than fresh piles of crap. So I fight off the urge instead choosing to pour over the same "news" stories on different sites with the same feeds.

There are only so many times I can read the same story about Tom Cruise being a complete nutball, when tigers attack, or large breasted Austrian tennis players. At least I'm not covered in the same malaise that stuck to me like glue the last several months. It may have something to do with my plans to hit the good old Boathouse after work to get super sloppy and hitch my way home.

If you haven't caught up on FruitLoop Cruise, Otis went and linked the video plus a written transcript. The printed words are bad enough but you need to watch the video to get the full crackpot-nesity.

The GM from the Boathouse pops into the new pub a couple times a week and seems to take great pleasure in ragging on me for bailing on the Boat. Some nonsense about now being overstocked with Soco and laying people off because the bottom line has crashed. Always one to cave into peer pressure combined with the draw of cheap under performing booze, it was enough to draw me back in for the night at least. It's like family I haven't seen in awhile.

So I plan to do a little re-creation of the old days way back on aught seven before the den of iniquity opened. I plan on sitting in my old corner of the bar, sipping on a bottomless glass of Southern Comfort, chain smoking while the government still allows me then firing up FTP to play the Mookie drunk off my god damned fat ass. I certainly hope taxis run in this god forsaken town late night.

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Last night was the greatest tournament in the history of blogger events. Deep stack, knockout bounty, Razz with 47 players. I predicted a 10 hour game but gave too much credit. I'm one of those sick fuckers that truly loves Razz, where else do you get paid off for running a string of bad cards into the ground. Other than LO8, Razz has been my most consistent money generator in the past.

My internal censor kicked in after finishing 3 paragraphs about the play last night. The relative inexperience with stud was obvious but no one comes here for poker tips. Here's a hint though, if you've got the almighty QJ by 5th street, you might want to consider folding to the bet/raise/reraise. Or better yet, why not just cap it and hit runner runner wheel. That's the optimum play in that situation.

I wish every night could be a Razz-athon. Certainly beats the holy hell out of no-foldem holdem push pray donkey NLHE. Give me a stud or omaha variety anytime. I love the extra betting rounds or 4 cards in the hole. I love players who play the 4 flush in Omatard or push their shit stud draws. It's the gold standard. Walking, talking, chatty cathy ATM machines with no withdraw fees.

All that being said, I'll be playing the Mookie tonight from the bar with a warm belly all the while ignoring the fold button. AlCantFold.

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The blogroll is just about ready to hit the right side of the page. I've added quite a few and taken off some dead links. The yearly link cleaning is complete.

In the stylings of Pauly, my top 5 favorite professional female bloggers/poker players:

1. Change100
2. Amy Calistri
3. Jen Leo
4. Michele Lewis
5. Dan Michalski, Pokerati

Hit the links and show your love. If it was Top 6 then I could have included Waffles as he is a professional woman.

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This time tomorrow I should be slamming my head against my keyboard with a proper hangover and nasty memories from the stupid shit I did while under the influence. Until then, don't forget to sign up for the Mookie this evening and check out BuddyDouce Radio during the event. Always entertaining especially since the Steelers spit the bit.

Cheers

Tournament: The Mookie
Where/when: Full Tilt, Wednesday 22:00et
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
Where/when: Full Tilt, Thursday 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Donkament (aka REBUY madness!)
Where/when: Full Tilt, Friday 20:00ET
Game: NLHE Rebuy
Buyin: $1+$1 with rebuys and addon
Password: donkament

Tournament: Blogger Skill Series
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:00ET
Game: Superstack HORSE
Buyin: $23+3
Password: skillz

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:30ET
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Pure pure rubbish 

Two posts in one day? Say it ain't so. I go 4 days without a post then cram as much useless junk across the wire to kill people with boredom. Of course it's unlikely that this post will hit the webs today or tomorrow or any day. I plan to be stuck in a sub-zero data center for the next decade or so freezing my nuts off working a project for the man. Any trained push button monkey could do this but the project has been deemed important enough to ship my hungover hippy ass across the tundra.

I avoided most forms of poker over the last week. With the exception of my one and only hand during the Riverchasers PLO8 tourney,a fantastic story which few know and shall never be repeated. Didn't show up til an hour into the tournament, played one hand and went out in flaming glory. My recent operating procedure has been to show up to the pub in the afternoon, fire up 4 SnG's (the most I can fit on my shitty laptop and still actually see the cards), and watch whatever shitty game happens to be on the TV. This weekend I kept the laptop mostly locked away and enjoyed the warm glow of friendship.

Booze is my most loyal friend. Always puts up with my shit and is always waiting for me to come back.

I was able to catch up with jeciimd one morning, afternoon, evening this weekend. Whatever the damned time/day difference is between bumblefuck PA and Melbourne Aussie. He had a couple of live sessions under his belt and was feeling good going into the Main Event. Obviously you've been following along with the updates on Pokernews via Pauly and his merry harem. He finished up Day 1 in the middle of the pack and looks to make a run at the big prize. Here's hoping he makes all the BBTwo players proud.

I also had a chance to catch a few moments online with the good Doctor. Much is being made about his revelation recently to walk away from the big poker writing game. While I won't go into the conversation details I just want to go on record as being a supporter of anything he decides. Pauly was the first invisible internet friend I drank with in person (no need to mention the crazy nekkid homeless lady outside of Citizen's Bank Park), I've crashed on his couch and him on mine. I'm looking more forward to the next novel by Tenzin McGrupp then anything else. Cheers to Pauly.

Today's music for the navel gazers, The Best of ZZ Top (1977). Not to ever be confused with the horrible sounds of their MTV-era shit.

While I'm in the mood to throw around names, places and recommendations, why don't you head on over to LasVegasVegas and check out FlipChips pictures from the AVN conference. Pauly already posted these so I'm only adding one or two readers. AVN is the Super Bowl of porn stars and top end strippas. The Joe's have always posted some great stuff but half nekkid girls take the cake.

AVN Day 1
AVN Day 2
AVN Day 3
AvN Day 4

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Apocalypse?


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Changing song modes for the rest of the day. Megadeth Countdown to Extinction and a little Saliva will ramp up the aggression while I pound various installers into the raised flooring.

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I was cruising around the sites last week and accidentally came across a picture that makes me want to hop the nearest plane for G-Vegas. Michele Lewis has a picture of her and Otis during the series that reminds me of Happy Otis. I have so many pictures (and some random videos) of drunken, smokin', party boy Otis that will never see the light of day.

Lock me up for the G-Vegas leg of my tour this year. If only to drink with Otis, pointless arm wrestling with BadBlood, and making fun of GRob's anchor man hair.



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This post brought to you by the makers of ADD, overdosage of caffeine, underdosage of Soco, frustration and boredom. It was written over the course of 5 hours and I'm not going back to read a damned bit of it. The fuck-it-alls have kicked in and I'm taking you all down with me. You'd think I've been around here long enough that I could talk someone into installing a bar in the back corner. I'd work much more efficiently and I'd certainly be happier as I imitate a Soco water cooler. My customers may disagree.

What a bunch of happy horseshit, self-important bullshit I'm spewing today.

~

Lots of blogger hosted events for this week. Here's the big schedule, I'll be signed up for them all. God willing and the drinks flow light, I may actually make it to the tables in time to play without getting blinded away. I hope to god I don't see a single bad beat post from Razz this evening. Only Waffles is permitted to make ridiculous draws this evening. He is the master of Razz and bankroll management. Still waiting for the release of his newest book, "How to not go broke (even if you are already broke. Again.)" But he should be good tonight, today is FTP payment day.

Tournament: The BoDonkey
Where/when: BoDog Poker, Tuesday 21:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1 (with T$ overlays)
Password: bodogblogger

Tournament: Blogger Skills Series
Where/when: Full Tilt, Tuesday 21:30ET
Game: Deepstack Razz with knockout bounties
Buyin: $12+1
Password: skillz

Tournament: The Mookie
Where/when: Full Tilt, Wednesday 22:00et
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour
Where/when: Full Tilt, Thursday 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Donkament (aka REBUY madness!)
Where/when: Full Tilt, Friday 20:00ET
Game: NLHE Rebuy
Buyin: $1+$1 with rebuys and addon
Password: donkament

Tournament: Blogger Skill Series
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:00ET
Game: Superstack HORSE
Buyin: $23+3
Password: skillz

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
Where/when: Full Tilt, Sunday 21:30ET
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

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Internet Avoidance 

I successfully avoided spending too much time on the webs since sometime Thursday evening. No poker, no reading, nothing but the occasional quick check of email and random porn checks. The internet exists solely for communications and data for the spank bank.

The weekend was noteworthy in that I took the quick dive off the back of the wagon headfirst into any type of booze I could find. It's practically impossible to be sober when sitting in a pseudo-country hill billy hall with 350 wannabe cowboys with cheap hats and pointy boots. Mechanical bull riding by girls in bikinis. That was the theory at least, they were some of the most masculine looking "bikini girls" and I worried that an adam's apple was going to get hurt on the imitation bull horns. So many overbites, mouth breathers, and trach scars than we could count. "Fake titties taste funny" wasn't even the most interesting shirt moto I saw that night.

Have I mentioned that we were car pooling in a big hunkin' rental van? Trapped!

It shouldn't be a surprise that I dove headfirst into the nearest friendly bottle of booze to cope with the mindless goose steppers in the "dance hall" doing their best to dull their spirit. Sweet sweet booze, my constant companion and friend.

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I don't have any excuse for my excess Sunday evening. Any time you can watch the Cowboys lose, celebrations are required. Twice this year I've been forced to pull for the Giants, please god don't let them get to the Super Bowl. Not sure I could gut up more support for them.

Speaking of the Cowboys, has anyone gone over to StB's house to make sure he hasn't stuck his head in the oven? Often quiet over there.

The Rooster naturally pretends none of this ever happened. Romo is playing Favre this weekend and then Brady in the big game. Nothing you could ever say will convince him otherwise.

Go Bolts!

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I owe some serious pimping but this is the best you get on short notice.

Tonight there are two games. Smokkee's BoDonkey kicks off on BoDog at 21:00ET. Added T$ and great struction. Chad's Blogger Skill Series continues at 21:30ET on Full Tilt Poker, tonight the game is Razz. There is zero chance I am missing this tournament.

This weekend brings back MiamiDon's Blogger Big Game and Chad's HORSE tournament. Two great chances for big pay days and stellar play.

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