Friday, August 31, 2007

PLO8 blows goats or the Bacon Top 5 

What the hell was I thinking even talking about not drinking last night. While I didn't go and get myself obliterated I did managed to have a nice happy buzz that numbed that little ball of bitter. Sat around the bar playing cards with the boys and Terri. There was a going-away party disaster in the making, it's always fun watching the amateurs come out in force then drink themselves silly in front of co-workers. When out with the work crew, don't dance. Just don't do it. There were tears and possibly a broken ankle.

Once things started settling down I fired up the laptop to start my Phils/Mets ragging on Sean. That led to the brilliant idea of starting a low limit blogger Razz table. That was simple enough, we then moved onto a cheapo blogger HORSE SnG where I had a huge hand. For someone else. Nothing like hitting the low Stud hand when no one else has one showing. Then realizing we were stilling playing Stud instead of moving onto Stud/8.

I was the first out of that one when I had the brilliant idea to sit down with Drizz at the $1/$2 PLO8 6-max game. Good god did I get massacred. Wil Crushered. I was at least sober enough to get out quickly before drunk/tilting off my bankroll chasing the loss.

The next time I say I'm not drinking, I fully intend to follow through. But it won't stick.


We sat down last night with a handful of relatively sober judges to determine the top 5 bacon stories. It was a tough call with many arguments that could only be settled by Terri. We finally came down to an understanding and I present you with the final contestants.

Give them another look and then vote away in the comments. In no particular order.

- Mary and the Bacon Bikini

- Otis with his bacon fiction

- Junkbutton's tale of bacon and grandfather

- Chilly with his blatant attempt to influence this fat man

- MattQ explains that bacon will restore your faith in god

Thanks to everyone who sent in a submission. It was a silly drunken idea one night when hanging out with JDub at the local dive strip club. Just imagine, if there girls had been even remotely worth watching you wouldn't have some of this creativity.

Party safe this weekend.


Thursday, August 30, 2007

When you turn to Axel Rose 

...things are probably not going too well.

If I was a poker weeny I'd probably make a statement like I'm on work-tilt or I'm steaming. Instead I'll just say that I'm pissed the fuck off and bitter has been a way of life this week. I'm usually the guy who just shrugs these things off. It's just easier that way and the little shit never matters. But this time I'm nurturing this little ball of bitterness until it pays off in a wonderful unnecessary way.

Hey, at least it's some sort of emotion. I've been listening to old time grunge and that great douchebag "poet" Mr. Axel (talk to my lawyers) Rose.
Sometimes I wanna kill
Sometimes I wanna die
Sometimes I wanna destroy
Sometimes I wanna cry
Sometimes I could get even
Sometimes I could give up
Sometimes I could give
Sometimes I never give a fuck
I really am turning into that grumpy old man. I'll probably avoid the booze all together at the bar tonight because I'm not entirely sure I'd be able to stop before the morgue. I'll just keep telling myself 23 22 days until Paradise by the Neon Lights (good enough for Hemingway, good enough for me).


Enough of the maudlin bull crap. If you want me to vent my spleen and navel gaze you'd be sitting at the bar next to me not surfing the nets for pure entertainment. Here you go, to make up for a week without a single breasticle comes a link from the Boy Genius. Much to low brow for his sites but perfect for mine.

Before clicking on the link below you must be warned again. This is not even remotely safe for work unless no one is going to walk up behind you. Close the door, watch it from home, whatever it takes. But you need to see this video with the sound turned on. Just about every famous set that was ever bared in the movies set to a lovely country song (waiting on the "country song" ruling from Scott). Don't believe? Has be a classic if it starts off with the Phoebe Cates scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Enjoy the video. Show Them To Me


Congrats to LJ who has her third huge score in a MTT event. She's the latest master of the multi table tournaments, sort of like Chad sans asshat. Or Waffles, but with actual success.

Cheers LJ.


Finally, blogger compatriot and all around good guy Dr.Chako is making his final plans for his redeployment back to Iraq. I know a few who have spent time in the desert but he will be the first one over there who I had the pleasure of cracking his aces at Caesar's last year. I have his bounty sitting on my dresser. His Captain's bars from his last trip over there.

He's a great guy, go wish him well

My going away present to Dr. Chako


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

One day closer 

I just keep telling myself to breathe. Get through the day and I'll be one day closer to vacation. In less than a month I'll be sitting somewhere tropical where my toughest decision for a few weeks will be whether to go to the strip club first, last, or both. I may have a minor choice between my normal drink or picking a frosty beverage when watching the girls walk in the sun. Mindless, tasteless, priceless.

The world seems to be crushing from all sides and the only relief will be hopping on that damn plane and putting some miles in between. Probably some stupid mid-life crisis kicking in but I have no desire to buy a new Corvette and get myself a trophy wife for a little arm candy. But if anyone knows a deaf-mute super model who can cook and has a thing for old fat long haired drunks, we can talk.

The next person who tells me that 40 is the new 30 will get kicked firmly in the shin and told to GET OFF MY LAWN! With me?

This weekend kicks everything off. I don't have a break between now and somewhere mid-October. Drinkfest each and every weekend. If I come out on the other side of this bender alive I might just have to go find Jesus (he's sitting right next to Mr. Vick). The lovely Gracie and Maudie are heading into town Friday for a weekend of BoyGenius-food, site seeing, and lemur hunting in Atlantic City.

5 straight weekends of fighting gravity. Not a battle that can be won but I will put up a proper fight.


8 of sitting around the bar doing a fantasy football draft. Most have their laptops out for the hi-tech pickems. Once the draft was done we looked around at each and had the same thought. We all fired up Full Tilt and probably set off every damned collusion detector in the place. All we tried to do was find an empty cash game table to beat up on each other. Too bad we were all logged in on the same bar IP address.

Waiting for that email.

So we ran a drunken cheap SnG challenge that consisted of firing up as many SnG's as possible and being the last one in the bar alive on a table. I lost. Many times. Thank god for Razz where you can win in any state of mind.

The top 5 bacon entries, as chosen by a august group of expert, will be posted on Friday for your voting.

My last FFL draft of the year is tonight. Hopefully it will done in enough timie to hit up the Mookie.

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1


Monday, August 27, 2007

Friday Night's Alright 

"I figure that I'm pretty enough to get through life without any discernible skills whatsoever."

Mystery girl at the bar
I couldn't disagree with her. I've put my share of young'ns through their college education based on nothing other than their looks. It's a terrible habit but not something I can resist.

Friday night was just a little interesting. It was a combination of college girls leaving the bar to go back to school and old grandmas there to see a band play. It was a band that's been around since the stone ages and draws in the Geritol set. They buy nothing but club soda and bitch about the smoke. I saw more horrible animal prints on ladies with really bad wigs then you would expect to see outside your local bingo hall. I would leave our sanctuary to check out the band but my few attempts to get close were slowed down for fear of breaking some one's hip and getting myself in trouble. The grandpas in the crowd were surly, ready to throw 'bows World War II style.

It was the last night working for a bunch of the college girls and they really let loose. Shot after shot, spilled beers, and cleavage pics. Landow is holding the blackmail pictures hostage until I am able to free them. Sometime during the night my impulse control completely shutdown. I may have made a complete fool out of myself. I may have lost my ongoing battle with gravity at some point. I may have woken up on the kitchen floor. I definitely woke up with evergreen branches and potpourri stuck to my head.

I really hope I can get those pictures from Landow at some point. I probably look like I was having a great time.


Here we go. The final entries for the Bacon of the Month contest. One lucky person was able to guess the identity of Mr. Anonymous from Friday's entry. He'll keep it to himself for sure unless he has one too many drinks before a local game. Then everyone is going to find out.

If your entry hasn't been posted yet or included below, please remind me and I'll get it up. Starting tomorrow we'll narrow it down to the top 5 and let the public vote.


From the Great White North (eh?), BamBam of TuckFard Poker brings us his tale of bacon and bloggers with a post on their blog.
The bacon crusted & bacon topped, bacon stuffed sandwich’s were everything that they had been built up to be, and then some. There was no doubt about it, Sir Al certainly knew his way around the best pork joints in town.

An essay on Bacon by Eric, a.k.a. Bone Daddy:
Oh sweet bacon, my girl that got away. How faith has been so cruel.

Oh bacon, my Juliet, why must we be from two, dueling families.

How cruel that I married a vegetarian, and our off spring so too, have chosen that vicious path. Leaving me and the dog no carnivorous treats, sans a few bananas, that we fought to near death over since they were the closest thing to a meat product in the house.

Oh sweet bacon, some day we may live to reunite.

Budohorseman writes in about his love of all things bacon.
Bacon; The Gift of the Devine to all of Humankind

Bacon is undoubtedly the world’s most perfect food. Just consider for a moment the myriad of ways it is prepared before it even goes to market. It can be sliced from thick to thin, salt cured, pepper crusted, maple syrup infused, smoked with any number of woods, the list goes on and on. And once it makes it to your home, then it can shine in all its glory.

Bacons preparation and uses dwarf any other food products. From the barely cooked extra chewy style (there are a few ‘people’ out there who eat it this way) to extra crispy (the standard for poker bloggers world wide). And its uses, is it even possible to cover them all? Can anyone name one single food item that has the versatility of bacon? You can wrap it around a fillet or scallops. Put it on a skewer next to your meat product (chicken, beef, shrimp, scallops take your pick (hint: use a skewer made of rosemary for a kabob that is out of this world)). Think of all the sandwiches its on, from its namesake the BLT, chicken, turkey, ham, beef, grilled cheese, the list goes on and on. Throw it on a burger for extra goodness (with caramelized onions, bleu cheese, and tomato for my favorite, the red, white, and bleu burger). And of course, we must mention its standard as a breakfast food, whether its on a McGriddle, served on the side with eggs, or a ½ slab on its own with a Bloody Mary after a night of hard drinking. And that’s just the sliced bacon and we didn’t even scratch the surface there!

One cannot extol the virtues of bacon bits enough. A perfect addition to any cheese or potato soup, they have no match. Anything potato simply implies the need for these bits of porcine joy. Sprinkle them on your NY Strip (with caramelized onions and bleu cheese—anyone starting to see a pattern here?) for an extra tasty treat. An ideal topping on any salad (especially if it also has caramelized onions, mushrooms, and bleu cheese) and even included in some dressings, bacon has a home on the greens. Speaking of greens, turnip and collard greens get an excellent boost from the bits. Add them to cream cheese or soft spread cheddar cheese for that perfect cracker spread.

How many other foods can go from appetizer, soup, salad, and main course for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Only bacon can make that claim as the most versatile of foods.

“But,” you ask, “what about drinks?”

Fear not, my stalwart companion, for here on this most auspicious blog you shall witness the most important development in bacon use in recent memory. I introduce you, dear reader to the Al-a-Hammer-Slammer!!

6 oz of extra cripsy bacon bits
1 ½ measure SoCo
1 measure Midori

Combine all in a blender and mix until smooth.

So there you have it folks, bacon in all its glory, from production to your table. Without a doubt, bacon is not just a food, it’s a lifestyle!

Yours in Bacon,


All pics are of Piglet P. Chops, our couch pig and lover of bacon too!

And the final entry belongs to Craig aka CC who speaks on the connection of bacon and his mother.
Bacon reminds me of my mother. I was born in Memphis, Tennessee, where my parents had relocated from Northwestern Alabama in 1965. My father was working long hours trying to make ends meet, and my mother bought groceries at the same store that Elvis Presley's cook shopped at. When Elvis was in town from his travels, his cook would buy all of the bacon available at the store, leaving my poor, young mother to switch to sausage for her working husband's breakfasts. Coincidentally, the future wife of Elvis and my mother shared the same first name, Priscilla. You can be certain, though, that my mother never heard her husband yell this from the piano, as The King reportedly did: "Priscilla, fry me up a couple pounds of bacon, baby!"

I think that is everyone. Thanks to all who sent in their entries. If I missed you, please drop a line in the comments or email. I'll be going over the entries with a local panel of experts and you will vote on the top 5.


Since I avoided all things internet this weekend I missed this getting posted all over the damned place. The first place I saw it was over with Mrs. Otis and that just seems appropriate. South Cackalacky rules! For you RSS readers, here's the brilliant Ms. Teen South Carolina.


Tonight begins my string of 3 days/3 fantasy football drafts with two of those taking place at the Boathouse and one online which means I could also do that one at the bar. My drinking will have a direct impact on my drafting so I fully expect to walk away with Randall Cunningham and Thurman Thomas. Don't forget to hit up the blogger tourneys this week.

Tournament: Mondays at the Hoy
When: Monday. 10pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $24+2
Password: hammer

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1