<$BlogRSDURL$>

Friday, June 29, 2007

The Screaming Cry of the Harpies 

"...Actually, I'm a drinker with writing problems."
- Brendan Behan
I missed my own damned tournament last night. All because I was standing around entertaining a bar full of people just by humiliating myself. There were some drinks involved plus a large pre-game chunk of cow flesh grilled to perfection. The bar had a fine selection of eye candy for our viewing pleasure and several were buying shots for me this time, a welcome change to the norm.

We had one invasion last night that looked good to start but quickly turned to hell. Not so much for me but bad for Terri the bartender. And what is bad for Terri is generally bad for me. It was a flock of sorority girls looking to waste away to nothing.

Very early, long before 7pm, two of the harpies could barely stand and were using the boyfriend/barstool/crutch method to stay vertical. I couldn't tell whether they were pounding away at the low price beer or just hadn't eaten in 2 weeks. Since they each weighed in the double digit range, likely the last one. Initially this seemed like a good deal, they were welcome to my section of the bar. Good looking, drinking heavily, and carrying on as though they owned the world (I'm always available for rental). But then she opened her damned mouth.

Coming out of this tiny thing, the first words I heard were a drunken scream down the bar for Terri "I want a drink!"

Now let me give you a little bar advice for the few that don't know this yet. (I'm sure Milwaukee "Set the Bar on fire" Steve must have covered this) If you ever find yourself drunk enough or thirsty enough that you feel the need to yell at a bartender for a drink, DON'T DO IT. The bartender hates it, the other customers are annoyed, plus you damn skippy don't want to be pissing off the person that's controlling your access to the booze. Just don't do it.

So this evil beast in a pretty girl skin costume opened her mouth and Terri managed to not shove a tap marker down her gullet. The restraint was impressive. Soon there was an entire gaggle of razor voiced hotties. I was very conflicted. Eyes were happy, ears were screaming for the insertion of ice picks. The problem corrected itself in the only possible way. Tiny girl number 1 succumb to the horrible pull of gravity and crumpled into a pile at the end of the bar.

Naturally the guys just propped her up on the barstool and ordered a huge round of 'Buca. Once done they threw her over a shoulder like a good cave man and the pack of miracle bras followed along behind.

This is the reason I've started playing The Mookie from home instead of the bar.

~

By the time I was able to wrap everything up last night I was eliminated. Not sure how long I was out but the joke is that I made the points. 39 out of 78. That's sick, I can't imagine the play that was going on. Congrats to Hoy for winning his second Riverchasers event and pulling up tight on the leaderboard with only the Blogger Big Game left on Sunday. Big Game = Big Money and Big Points.

Hoy asked that I reiterate the prize payouts for the BBT Challenge. Here ya go. Half the rake earned in the last three months will go towards the freeroll on July 25th. Right now we'll have between $3500 and $4000 in rakeback. The other half goes towards paying out the top 3 on the leaderboard (50/30/20%). 4th place will receive a Nintendo Wii game system, 5th will receive a Ninento DS Lit system, both courtesy of PokerOnAMac.com (thanks Michael). Here's the breakdown if the Challenge ended last night.

Rakeback - $3441
Freeroll - $1720.50
Leaderboard
1st - 860.25
2nd - 516.15
3rd - 344.10
4th - Nintendo Wii
5th - Nintendo DS Lite

Obviously these numbers will jump with the big juice of the Blogger Big Game on Sunday so we'll adding around $300 in rake. I will have an end of challenge post up next week with the final numbers and my thoughts on the entire process.

I'm sure Hoy and Mookie are with me in thanking everyone for joining us for this little experiment. At the beginning I thought getting $2000 in rakeback would be great and we nearly doubled what we expected. The turnout and support has been incredible. Now we can get back to donkin it up old school blogger style.

Cheers to you all, and see you on Sunday.

This post was delayed several hours while Mookie and I played the "Dead Artist" game on Buddy Dank radio. Anyone listening in was probably confused. We are truly twisted. The post most likely makes zero sense but the hell with it, no one reads blogs on Friday.

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, July 1st, 21:30 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

|

Thursday, June 28, 2007

How to write a crappy movie review 

Lots of miscellaneous crap going on that just hasn't made it's way from the cruddy head onto the tubes.

Last Friday a command decision was made to roll down to the Ritz in Philly to see a movie that wasn't made from the standard summer cookie cutter designed to do nothing but waste your hard earned dollars. BigMike is the movie buff, I just chose not to see most of the crap shoved down our throats. He gave me several choices and settled on You Kill Me. I'll spare you the horrible writing of a man who couldn't write a proper movie review if he wanted to.

I'll just say that I made the mistake of going to see Ocean's 13 a few weeks ago and I pray that anyone who wants to see a movie will go see You Kill Me long before these crappy 'summer blockbusters'.

Ben Kingsley is fantastic as usual, Tea Leoni is a suprise in her role, and Bill Pullman actually manages to not screw the whole thing up. Kingsley is an alchie, a hit man (the Polish mafia?), and lives in Buffalo. Who wouldn't drink? If you need a real reason to go see it, Roger Ebert didn't like it. Must be gold.

Just for comparison sake, just throwing some numbers out there.

Fantastic Four, Surfer something (2nd week) - $20MILLION on 5,049 theaters. $5,049 per theater
You Kill Me - $233,700 on just 35 theaters. $6,677 per theater

I know, it's like comparing apples to oranges. Or Waffles to a poker player. Or me to a human being. Go see the movie, it's worth the trip to find a theater where it's playing. Don't worry you poker playing cave dwelling lemurs, movie theaters are still indoors so you still avoid that annoying sun.

~

I also neglicted to publicly congratulate Dr. Pauly on his run deep into WSoP Event #38. Mostly because everyone knows what happened and don't need a recap from little ol' me.

I was following along with the pokernews.com updates while I was relaxing on the deck at Jacque JDub Saturday evening. I received a dial-a-bong call during the dinner break as Pauly ripped off a couple preparing the run at the cash. I couldn't be happier for him and the extra day off couldn't have hurt either.

Cheers to Pauly.

~

A big Happy 30th Birthday to Change100. She gets props for making it to the next big number birthday, grinding through the series, AND putting up with Dr. Pauly. God bless her .

~

Last night was the final Mookie in the Blogger Challenge around finishing around 20 and another fine turnout. I putzedth with nothing decent going on. Nothing spectacular as my biggest hand was JJ for a double up midway.

I did have a great starting table including the gentleman to my right. Chad, self proclaimed King of the Donks. I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to sit down at a virtual table with such a pleasant young player. He has nothing but positive things to say and always treats his competitors with the utmost respect. And he always leaves with a kind word, the same thing after every blogger tournament knock out, "that's why I don't play these." Well played sir.

Tonight is the final Riverchasers Tournament during the Challenge and also the final chance to get in the Riverchasers $2,000 freeroll. That is completely separate from the BBT Challenge Freeroll. Top 100 on the Riverchasers leaderboard qualify for the Riverchasers game.

The BBT Leaderboard is looking awfully crowded at the very top. Spots 2 through 5 are wide open and the freeroll qualification is down to the wire. Also running out of time to get those Tier II tokens for Don's Blogger Big Game on Sunday. We need to crush the $5k prizepool.

Cheers, see you tonight at the RC game. I'll be online as soon as I finish working at the bar.

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour #13
When: Thursday, June 28th, 21:00pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, July 1st, 21:30 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

|

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Day After 

"How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?" - Author Unknown
No one ever mentions Day 4 following "3Day Benders!". Unlike my friends in Vegas, I have the option of disappearing on occasion without the world wondering if I've slipped into a booze/substance induced coma. The 3 day bender came to an end sometime late Monday night/early Tuesday morning with the gentle reminder from the bartender that "you've all gotta go". With that admonition, my friends dumped me off in front of my house which I hadn't seen for what seemed a very long time. I was greeted by a crazy puppy and a lonely lazy boy.

Golf was exactly what I thought it would be. A 4 player scramble with too much drinking and very little to be serious about. It was a charity event after all, we just had fun with it. Several times we bought out the beer cart in order to refill our coolers. This was tough going since JDub was easily crushing the two beers per hole challenge. My play was completely unspectacular. I made two long birdie putts and I one bounced the pin from 113 out. Landow basically carried us to -2 for the round with a chip in for bird and a couple monster drives including a near 300 yarder on the final hole.

But that all just led up to the final afternoon/evening/morning of the drink.

Sunday I drank more beer in one sitting than I ever have and I'll never know how anyone ever gets a buzz off of it. It takes a couple gallons of beer for the smallest alteration of mind. I imagine ones stomach must explode from contents and gas before even the happiest of times and if you do happen to reach the enlightened state of buzz-dome you must feel too bloated to enjoy.

The booze is a much more efficient vehicle for getting to that happy place and you don't feel like a fat pig. Note: I still feel like a fat pig, it's just not BECAUSE of the booze.

We settled in for a nice afternoon of hanging with the bar staff that is normally on the business side instead of the fun side of the action. Silent auctions and charity raffles (I won a couple footballs for christsake. Me with a football is about as useful as Waffles with a bankroll). More food than you can imagine was spread out for all to consume. Saving the best for last, there's nothing like an open bar to make the heart of a this little alchie go pitter patter.

Gravity-fighting shots were passed around from old friends who've moved on to open their own bars to new friends who are still learning the ropes. All had a good time except for the bartenders who got the raw end and were forced to work. I'm sure their used to the drunken stupidity of the regulars, but their co-workers tend to go a little apeshit when freed of other boundaries set by the LCB. Which is why the last bartender ended the night with the line "you've all gotta go."

A round of golf and drunk for charity, that's my idea of giving back to the community.

~

Imagine my surprise when I check Full Tilt Tuesday morning with my muddled brain. I must have pulled up the wrong tournament because it says that bayne won, clearly I pulled up a rouge tournament from last week. Sure enough, bayne wins another one and has some un-official blogger slam going on as he is the current champ of the MATH, Mookie, and Riverchasers tournaments. Bonus points for completing the BBT Leaderboard Tuesday morning within the confines of the worlds greatest hangover.

But have no fear, there is still plenty to play for in the last 3 BBT events. The gap between BuddyDank in 2nd and MiamiDon in 10th is just 230 points. There is still the freeroll qualifications at the Top 50 points or 20 events played. If you are solidly in the points, these are basically rake-free tourneys for you to enter since you be playing for half the rake in the freeroll.

Let's top 80 for the second consecutive week in The Mookie.

Cheers.

By the way, when the hell did Amanda Bynes grow up? Damn

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour #13
When: Thursday, June 28th, 21:00pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, July 1st, 21:30 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

|

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Postus Interruptus 

Sunday morning and the keg of Yuengling was tapped at 11am for Day 2 of a three day bender. I'm sitting in gazebo in JDub's backyard with a pint of beer and belly full of bacon and eggs. We have a half of Yuengling and quarter of Miller Lite to kick in the next 24 hours before heading off to a golf outting. Throw a half gallon of Soco on top and I'll surely be blowing chunks on the first tee.

Last nights BBQ was an exercise in restraint. My families with a boatload of rugrats tearing around. No offence to you breeders out there, but I hate your kids. No no no, not yours, I like your kids. It's the other ones. I'd just really prefer to not trip over a munchkin on my way to the bottle. There were so many two foot snot rocket machines running around that we were practically tripping over them as the parents power drank around the fire pit.

We retreated to the front of the house to avoid them as much as possible. That worked briefly until their sugar buzz kicked and they were doing laps around and through the house. One drinking member decided to lean his back up against the door to prevent anymore of the delinquents could get out that way. Just leaning there waiting. Finally, the sound of running tiny feet down the steps and then

WHAM.

He moved just a little when the door was hit. He just chuckled and said "Got one."

~

Writeup postponed. I started writing this a little after 11am and became distracted my beer, shots, ribs, and multiple games of HORSE (the basketball variety).

And the kegs are floating. 12 hours, 3 guys, tooo much beer. I think I'm becoming immune to gravity.

This fat hippy won multiple games of HORSE against the much more athletic Landow, threw some horseshoes, and generally did a lot of outside stuff that generally doesn't occur thanks to the natural inclination of poker bloggers and players to avoid anything more physical than slamming the table and moving their jaw to yap at their opponents.

Tomorrow we head off the golf course 5 minutes from Dub's house where we will see if we can polish off two beers per hole without once pissing in the cup. It is a charity tournament so I suppose some decorum is due. Then back to the Boat for some more charity open bar until the sky goes dark, a blackout occurs, or there is another running down Lewey Hill.

Cheers my friends. No posts on Monday as I'll most likely be in the State of Drunk for much of it. Good luck in the MATH tomorrow night.

I'm not used to writing these with a nice buzz, usually it's the hangover. I hope it doesn't suck nearly as bad as I think it does. Who am I kidding, it blows.


Tournament: Mondays at the Hoy (MATH)
When: Monday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $24+2
Password: hammer

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Riverchasers Online Tour #13
When: Thursday, June 28th, 21:00pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, July 1st, 21:30 ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $69+6 or Tier II token
Password: donkey

|