Friday, May 25, 2007

Short day, short post 

Major league dragging ass. 5am wake up calls blow monkey's ass when you hit the bed at 3. Work is complete, I'm sitting in my office, and as soon as I hit the publish button I'm going to throw the office door shut, put the legs up on the desk, and sleep until the next happy hour at noon. It's the life I chose.

More importantly, how have I gone by without ever hearing/seeing/learning of Ms. Yolanthe van Kasbergen? The links are safe for work. More research this weekend.

Click to enbiggen

And where the hell is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? Snakes on the motherf@#$^ plane!. Thanks to Landow for the link. Proving once again he's worth more than just telling me how to spell jizz.

Have a good holiday weekend. Don't forget about the charity tournament on Stars this weekend.


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Gross overuse of Italics 

I've had the same thought run through my had more times than I can count today when encountering other people. JesusChristShutTheFuckUp over and over again. It's the lack of sleep that's getting me edgy this week, not the all night drinkathons. The entire week has been spent getting only 4 hours of sleep a night thanks to 5am wake up calls for work that needs to be done at that specific time and random calls that make me go into work. Thank god they don't have breathalysers at the entrance to my office building. Not great timing on my part.

I clearly picked the wrong week to go on an extended bender.

And until about 10 minutes ago, I sincerely thought today was Friday. What a kick in the balls that was. I am so irrational right now that I was angry at the guy who inadvertently corrected me. It CAN'T just be Thursday. But that at least gives me two more solid nights of drinking before heading into Memorial Day weekend when I can relax and drink....

ah god damn it. Someone just call the paramedics now and have the liver transplant list updated before they get me to the hospital. I want a fresh young Amish liver to corrupt if I have a choice. Preferably one that didn't partake heavily in their rumspringa.

Don't ask me how I cashed in The Mookie last night. I couldn't tell you. I spent the night ducking the world's worst cover band and talking to the brightest of the new young minds that are the future of America. She has a bright future as a stripper or a jizz mopper. I believe the children are our future.

Thank you Landow for the correct spelling of jizz, I knew you'd come through. Spellcheck does not know of this "jizz" word.

Party on, Garth.


Would someone please go give Waffles a virtual hug. He needs attention.

Also, check out this video and enjoy. I sent it to a certain tofu eating, tree hugging, card-carrying Peta member friend of ours (who secretly loves foie gras and little baby tender lamb chops ssshhh). That nameless person also couldn't stop watching the video so take that Bambi.


Did anyone realize the next WPBT tournament is this Sunday? I don't remember seeing it announced but the tournament is in the private area. Not THAT private area, you perve.

7 card Stud of the Hi-only variety this time around. I'm signed up. See you there.

What: WPBT POY Event #5 - Stud 7
When: May 27th - Sunday
Time: 9pm EST
Where: Full Tilt Poker
How Much: $24 + $2
Password: you should know it
Restrictions: Bloggers only, please.

oh by the way. No Bash at the Boathouse this year. Move along.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Nothing changes 

It promises to be one of those weeks. Mid-80's, not humid, little breeze. These are the weeks that the alchie gene kicks it in gear. I could spend hours doing nothing but relaxing on the deck until my liver explodes. Or my lungs give out, Vegas has it as even money between the liver, lungs, and heart (thank you very much Mr. Bacon Addict). Each morning I get to work and think "Today is the day that I will go straight home and do something productive with my life." Then by 3pm I'm trying to wrangle up whoever I can for another bar BS session.

It just too easy under these conditions to snuggle up to the bar and dunk my head in a big vat of booze.

But I swear to all that is unholy, today is the day that I will go straight home and do something productive with my life.

The current time is.... 11:00am.

Update: You had to know it wasn't going to stick.


The next BBT event is tonight's Mookie tournament. I'm assuming a bunch of regulars will be off self fornicating to Lost this evening so the field should be softer than normal. There is nothing on TV that would make me rearrange my schedule. Unless it's old reruns of Dobie Gillis, then I drop everything.

See you there.

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A good night 

It was a good night. One of the drinking nights when I really like to flip the big ol' bird to the people who look down upon my degenerate lifestyle. We're still in that perfect time of year where fat men like myself can still enjoy a sit on the deck. Soon we will be forced to cower in the dark corners of the bar begging them to crank up the air conditioning. But for now, all is well.

So that's what we did last night. We took our drinks out onto the upper deck overlooking "Lewey Hill" out over the valley. Feet put up, drinks knocked down. There was general bullshitting about everything from the treatment Harry Truman received as President to the final episodes of Stargate SG-1 to our future plans for when we own the Boathouse. We are multi-talented bullshit artists, you see. One of these days I will have to take a picture of "Lewey Hill" for anyone who hasn't made it to the Boathouse for the first look and the retelling of the story.

The sun finally started going down so we headed out with happy livers and brains. No care that we were missing the season finale of Heroes, that's what the DVR is for. I realized that in my happy mellow state, playing poker in the MATH last night would have been a very -EV prospect so the laptop never came out of the bag.

And that, my friends, is the weak excuse I have to use for missing the moment when a legend took down a blogger tournament. I always make an effort to get in the events Otis signs up for because it is always a pleasure to play at the same table and nice to see the rare online player who knows how to act like a professional. I can think of a handful of players who could take a lesson.

So cheers to Otis, well done my friend.


It's a rare moment on here that you'll get anything other than debauchery and stupidity with the occasional foray into sports. It's only a few friends who have ever heard me speak of politics on those odds times I have it in my mind to actually let anyone know what I think. It's just not me. The degenerates who only care about the size of their bankrolls can feel free to move along elsewhere for the duration of the post.

400,000 dead people in the Darfur region of Sudan. It's an insane number. Too large to imagine in these supposedly modern times. And it never ends. Do a quick Google news search and see what's come out just in the last few hours.

Fresh Clashes in Darfur Blamed On Government
On Darfur`s Borders, Children to Lay Down Guns - Children!?
Sudan forces attack Darfur villages
Darfur terror reaches genocide
Some Darfur rebels switching sides

Whether everyone agrees or disagrees on how the situation should be handled, not even the most jaded of us can argue that the death of these 400,000 men, women, and children is being overlooked and more are dying. According to the latest census, 400,000 is more than the entire population of Miami Fla. Sick.

You no doubt have seen this information floating around on the blogs the last few days. PokerStars has teamed up with Not On Our Watch and the cast of Ocean's 13 for several charity poker events in an effort to "focus global attention and resources to stop and prevent mass atrocities. Drawing on the powerful voice of citizen artists, activists, and cultural leaders, our mission is to generate lifesaving humanitarian assistance and protection for the vulnerable, marginalized, and displaced."

Here are the tournament details. Dr. Pauly wants 1,000 players. Let's get it done. Thus endeth my plea.
Overview of the Ocean's Thirteen Darfur Charity Tournament:

These tournaments are special re-buy tournaments - the entire prize pool will be matched by PokerStars and donated to the Darfur relief efforts. At the conclusion of the event the prize pool, which will be temporarily awarded to the 1st place finisher, will be removed from the 1st place finisher's account. The amount will then be matched by PokerStars and sent forward to the Darfur charity. Thank you for participating — go re-buy crazy! — it's for a good cause. Good luck!

Date: May 27th 2007, 15:30 ET
Buy-in: $10 plus rebuys.
Prizes: Top 4 receive tickets to June 5th premiere in Los Angeles plus 2 nights hotel and $2k for travel/spending. Top 18 receive autographed copy of "Oceans 13" DVD. Total prize pool will go to charity. PokerStars will match the donation. The tournament is open to all players. Good luck!


Monday, May 21, 2007

The Bar Crawl: Short Version 

I knew there was something going on this last weekend but I kept forgetting. BigMike would remind me every other day about the big bar crawl in Philly Saturday night, I would tell him I was good to go, then it would just slip softly from my memory. It even took me a little while Saturday morning before I remembered that we were rolling down in the afternoon to kick it off. 8 bars in 8 hours. The same deal as last year with BigMike's 40th birthday crawl. Nunc est Bibendum, now we must drink.

Unfortunately we missed the first two bars thanks to my incredible ability to navigate us directly onto the worst streets for traffic. We even crawled past the second bar in traffic to see BigMike standing outside having a smoke. There was only 10 minutes left at that place so we headed straight for bar number 3. An excellent little dive bar called Dirty Franks. That's a shot of the bar over there on the right. Big honkin shots in the early afternoon sitting down at a bar with warped linoleum on top and random shit tacked to the wall. Hell, they were even taking bets on the Preakness. The standup Ms. Pacman game was still sitting in the corner where sweet sweet Pablo stole the top score from the angry regular last year.

Here's the downside for me and pub crawls. I'm a "sit at the bar all day and relax" kinda drunk. Large amounts of time spent walking (and not drinking) are about the exact opposite of what I would normally do. The upside is that the bar list included mostly dives and Irish pubs. Oddly, not a single dive-Irish pub on the list. While walking to the next bar, this sign caught my eye and I had to do a double take.

The bars all formed into one big blob of memory near the end. I was always ordering doubles, or someone else was ordering shots for me, or bartenders were just giving them out for free at some point. Either way, the only time I was without a solid drink in my hand was during the dreaded treks to the next booze hole. Except for once, I think I had just ordered a double when it was time to leave so it came with me. It's easy to sneak a bottle of beer out of a bar, not exactly sure how I managed to do it with a full rocks glass.

By the end of the night I managed to smoke several packs of cigarettes (an accomplishment since you can no longer smoke in Philly bars), keep myself out of any drama that may have occurred, avoided talking to any homeless transvestites, skirted several city ordinances involving public urination, stayed relatively coherent, yet still managed to find a way to let an attractive large breasted girl braid the left side of my head like a complete nudge.

It's always something.

You should really consider attending next year. If only to see what is going to happen next.


Congratulations to Hoyazo, cmitch, and NewinNov who all cashed in the FTOPS Main Event last evening. From what I can tell, Hoyazo made it deeper than anyone else I know finishing 101 out of 3798. Well done gentlemen.


I played in the Blogger Big Game last night and made a disappointing 18th out of 49. Disappointed because I had a crap load of chips early on thanks to my good ol buddy Landow who was kind enough to walk his KK into my AA. I caught a bunch of cards early but nothing much to work with later it the tourney. Falling asleep in between hands probably did help my cause out very much. The Big Game had another prizepool over $3,000 split between the final 6 players.

The BBT Leaderboard has been updated and the blogfather himself moved back on top. He cashed last night as well as oossuuu who is the second player to cross the $1,000 winning plateau. Only two tournaments to worry about this week. Tonight's MATH and Wednesday's Mookie.

See you there.

Tournament: Mondays at the Hoy (MATH)
When: Monday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $24+2
Password: hammer

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday. 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1