Saturday, March 17, 2007

Down in a Hole 

A Saturday post? Sure, why not. We're socked in with at least 6 inches of ice covering everything making our departure for Atlantic City a little later. I'd like to thank the homeowners association guy who thought it was a great idea to have them pull out the snow blowers at 4 fucking o'clock in the morning. The plan is to be in AC by the time the first NCAA games kick off when I'll start throwing back drinks and cash in the video poker machines while watching the games.

In the bracket world, I'm mid-table at Pauly's Pub, top 6 in MiamiDon's, and leading Sean's. I'm also crushing Landow in a head-to-head group to determine who pays the entry fee to Pauly's challenge.

My Battle of Blogger situation at NBX.com was looking pretty horrid after the early games. I dug myself a fairly large hole betting Notre Dame heavy against Winthrop. Fucking Notre Dame, I should have known better. The big hit came when I forgot that Arizona just loves to shit the bed in first round games. A team full of festering axe wounds. I loaded up on their moneyline looking for a big jump in the standings only to spend two hours restraining myself for smashing the laptop. But the late games saved me. I maxed out on the USC moneyline and put a decent bet on Kentucky to pull myself back into the black number. Currently ranked 13 out of 55 bloggers (only 32 have laid a bet so far though). BoyGenius, MiamiDon, and CJ are sitting in the top 20 but all have red numbers after a rough run also yesterday.

Maybe some day I'll give you the super secret trick laid on me by MiamiDon that is the only thing keeping me floating in the black. Cash donations welcome via poker sites.

The games and lines look pretty vicious today so I might take a little break on the games. Two/three bets at the most, hopefully the top of the list make a lot of silly bets and come back down to me.

Keep an eye on Pauly during the games, he's been live blogging the first two rounds and his picks have been solid, unlike any of mine.

Have a good weekend and beware of the amateur driving with a head full of booze tonight. Here's my completely NSFW picture for this special day.

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!



Friday, March 16, 2007

Blogger Big Game 

MiamiDon is throwing his blogger "Big Game" this Sunday night, $75 or token. Play the tourney while watching some NCAA basketball. I doubt I'll make it. I'll either still be in A.C. or face down in a gutter somewhere. I don't see an upside to either one.


Praying for Another Call from Spaceman 

You cannot access the following Web address:
Evil Empire Corporation USA has restricted access to this web page.

This site is blocked under the following categories: High Bandwidth
Mother F@%$@#@. Thank you to my employers for that one.

I can't get out to the bar to watch the games, I can't follow them online, thank god I left the Uzi at home yesterday. Of all holy days for them to shut down my access. CBS on Demand, dead. Foxsports, dead. I couldn't get an update or score until some noble soul opened up access to Fox in the afternoon. By the time I got home to watch the later games, I was stuck listening to Billy Fudge Packer.

In the Battle of the Blogs on NBX.com, I started off quickly by hitting 3 bets on the Louisville game alone. Then I followed my normal trend and went right into the crapper starting with Marquette believing they could go the first 8 minutes without scoring and still comeback. I'm in the negative numbers along with MiamiDon and CJ. The BoyGenius is the only blogger I know in the contest and he's in the black numbers.

My favorite part so far? The majority of my bets went into the tank during the late game but I moved UP the leader board thanks to others missing worse.


This time last year was one of my really good days. As a rule, there are three days most serious drinkers will stay away from the bar except for a special circumstance. New Year's Eve, the day after Thanksgiving, and St. Patrick's Day. The amateurs can have these days, I'll take the other 362. Last year we made an exception because St. Patrick's landed on a Friday. And not just any Friday. It was the first Friday of the NCAA Basketball tournament. A holy day.

BigMike and I made a decision to take off the entire day and spend it at the Boathouse. We started with a full healthy breakfast at the diner and were firmly planted on our barstools shortly after 11am. I even made a silly mistake of trying to "Live Blog the Drunk" which turned into a complete mess. To find the link I had to go back in time and re-read that post. I should just delete it the whole damned thing. We crushed 6 bottles of Soco between 11am and whatever time we left. The first bottle was dead by 1pm.

The really crazy part occurred about halfway through the night when I received a phone call from a blogger friend with an interesting question. I was well lubricated and had to double, triple, quadruple check with him and other bloggers but it turned out his question was for real and was one for the ages.

Paraphrased from my muddles brain, "Al, it's Spaceman. Have a question for you. Do you think you'd be able to fly out to Los Angeles next weekend to cover a poker tournament at the Playboy Mansion?"

"The Playboy Mansion?"

"Yes, THE Playboy Mansion."

Less than a week later I was hanging with the boys on the front lawn of the Playboy Mansion, calling Negreanu a douchebag, and trying my best not to fall into the pool.

This St. Patrick's Day we're once again breaking the rule. We're heading back down to AC for a bachelor party and we'll be hanging out where ever the booze flows with a mighty force.

Good save our souls.



Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Hypnotist 

The Big Boss Man is brilliant. He's only had to deal with me for a few months but I think he's catching on to me. Somehow he found out that a Full Tilt outage would keep me up way too late last night giving me only a few precious hours of sleep. He picked this morning to call a meeting with several other people in a (not so futile) attempt to ruin me.

He brought in this fine young lass to give us a business update and I found her true magical abilities. While she was pleasant enough sounding and was talking to the entire room, her true self was looking me straight in the eye, swinging a watch back and forth, saying "fall asleep and get shit canned, fall asleep and get shit canned".

Apparently nobody else was aware that this was going on because they were chipper as all hell and even asking questions. I was having a hard time just concentrating reading whatever was on the wall or watching the second hand sloooow down. "Your eyes are getting heavy...". No friggin shit. I can tell because I'm barely squinting and Big Boss Man is on the other side of the conference table keeping an eye on me. Then it happened.

Head bobs have occurred before and easy enough to coverup except for the dreaded backwards head bob. The speakers voice finally won control of my soul and off to never never land I went. Eyes close and my head snaps back for that one quick second and my body instantly moves to recover itself.

By hopping straight the fuck up out of my chair. In middle of the meeting. The room went silent and Big Boss Man looked at me like the complete chucklehead that I am. Once again I prove myself to be one step ahead of the other morons.

Did I mention that performance reviews are submitted at the end of the month?


Image stolen from TeamScottSmith of G-Vegas fame, but you didn't need the reminder.


Last night I ran a little $100 freeroll for Riverchasers to give the wee little squints something to play for since they don't have any moeny. Damn if they didn't come out of the woodwork. 224 complete maniacs playing HORSE badly. I had Tripjax and PokerEnthusiast at my table at different times of the evening and wasn't even sure until later if any other bloggers showed up. I squeaked out another decent finish dodging the huge landmine field for absolutely no reason. 24th out of 224 makes me a top tier lemur.

Did I forget to mention last week I final tabled the Riverchasers event and CC's Thursday Bash? There is no stopping a drunken monkey on a poker binge. I even got a little confused when flipping back and forth between FTP and Stars. Including this beauty.

I made a cheesy play at someone by betting everything in their stack except one little dollar then was pinged back to Stars for a decision over there. Losing track of what the heck was going on, I made the mistake. When I went back to the FTP window, I accidentally folded to a $1 re-raise.

I literally folded a hand when getting OVER 10,000 to 1 on the call. Stop laughing.


If anyone is interested, I received an email from a website called nbx.com the other day and for once it was a shill, scam, and LINK ME email. They run a website for Fantasy Sportsbetting. I don't have the option locally of betting sports in a live environment (unless Vino BoomBoom on the corner counts) and I'm not good enough to dump a bunch of cash online.

So I gave them a shot and I'll be competing in a Battle of Blogs March Madness contest with a crap load of real honest to god sports bloggers. If you sign up, shoot me an email or drop a comment and I'll get you in my personal group. It allows for competition amongst a group of friends to see who's the tops at picking games.


Just assuming here that work isn't going to bend me over this evening, I will see everyone tonight at the weekly Mookie event to try and continue my decent yet improvable run at the blogger tourneys.



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Busy Busy 

No time for anything today. I'm running a $100 H.O.R.S.E freeroll tonight for anyone interested. Not worth the time for most, but free is free.

Tournament: #14778919
Name: Riverchasers.com H.O.R.S.E. Freeroll
When: March 13th, 2007 21:00 ET
Game: H.O.R.S.E.
Buyin: Freeroll
Password: FreeRiver


Monday, March 12, 2007

The Tale of Four Bars 

"Insert any random amusing quote here"
Pick a blogger
There were so many different moments of retarded lines of humor and times of stupidity that I can't pick just one as my starting quote. Everything from an old man grabbing my ass at the Gypsy Bar to hummers in the men's room (not me) to being threatened by a small Asian lady near the House of Blues.

Maybe it's because we live so close to AC but when friends come down to Crackhead Central I never feel the need to gamble it up or hit the tables. I can pretty much play down there any time I get the itch. With some bloggers in town, I wanted to get some quality booze/bullshit time. No sooner had we landed near the poker room at the Borgata then we found ourselves sitting at the B-Bar dumping cash in the video poker machines and throwing back shots.

BigMike, Derek, and myself starting pounding out drinks with visits from various internet celebs. F-Train with his harem, Heather before she got a 'tilt-the-donks' craving, dial-shots with Speaker on the way to t-ball practice and a very sick -EV. StB naturally didn't pick up the phone. SoxLover and Jordan were busy relieving players of their money. People came and people went. The only constant was Derek and I camped out at the bar. The occasion flock of chippies would float by and another round of shots would be ordered. Just throwing bait in the water looking for nibbles. Several times we played the "pick the low self-esteem girl" game to great success.

Even degenerates need to eat though so we finally pulled our lazy drunk asses off the barstools and hiked to Noodles of the World. That's some carb loading at it's best. This is where we found perhaps the greatest invention in the history of fried foods AND bacon. Bacon rolls. Shrimp, waterchestnuts, rolled in bacon. Battered then deep fried.


Sweet merciful crap but that was some good shit. If Mr. Waiter wasn't busy rushing us out of the restaurant, we might have bought them out. Naturally, not a one of us considered pulling out a camera or phone to snap a picture of these beauties.

We had several hours to kill before meeting up at the House of Blues and we wandered past the Gypsy Bar. I looked through the window and realized that I knew the band playing. They wrote what I consider to be one of the best hair band anthems that absolutely no one has heard of. Screaming Slut Cow Pig from the great North East, she was born a cow but raised a pig.

Into bar #2 we go.

Hoy made his appearance after busting from the WSoP Circuit event at Caesar's and knocked back a few adult beverages. We had a couple great conversations about the varying levels of skill amongst the bloggers. Some we agreed on, some we didn't. I am the definitive crappy poker playing blogger so I feel uniquely qualified to judge. We also came up with an idea for future tournaments that we'll post about later. It was great getting to finally have a conversation with Hoy where I wasn't blasted out of my gourd and could actually remember it. Good man, that Hoyazo.

F-Train started retired from the poker table with a nice chunk o' change and celebrated with some Johnny. We mingled with several large groups of young, wasted Jersey girls. The groups were large, not the young wasted Jersey girls. The band was starting to scare the blue hairs and I saw several martini glasses shatter on the dance floor. I had a conversation about craps with a girl who couldn't have been taller than 5 foot and did shots with another girl pushing 7 foot with breasticles the size of my skull. That's just the kind of crowd they had. I think the band finally tired of the dead eyed zombies staring at them and busted out a incredibly hard, crunchy version of War Pigs. The looks of horror were worth the price of admission.

I couldn't stick around to see what they pull out next to scare people off because it was time for bar #3. The I Had Outs girls planned for everyone to meet up at the House of Blues for some schmoozing. There was much merry-making and the booze consumption took a noticeable leap in the proper direction. Martinis and shots and beers. If I recall correctly (and let's be serious, it's about a 50/50 shot that I'm right with my reduced mental acuity) I believe I actually got F-Train to drink a double Soco without blowing technicolor spew on the brass bar.

This is when the tiny old Asian lady decided to flip out on me. All because I called her "Mother of the Year" as she pulled her two very young kids by the hand into the casino at midnight. You have to love the Showboat.

BigMike and I had another mission during the trip to Ac. The original bachelor party planned for this weekend has been moved back to next week and we needed to scout some locations. We heard rumors that The Quarter at the Trop was worth the trip so we grabbed Brother McGrupp and took another ride.

Bar #4 was Red Square. I've never made it to the Red Square in Las Vegas so I can't compare. The icebar, endless supply of vodka, and loose girls certainly made it interesting but here's where things started to finally get a little squiggly. Were we there for 10 minutes or 2 hours? Couldn't tell you.

I do remember one thing near the end. As we were leaving the Trop I needed a pitstop in the gentlemen's room. Minding my own and taking care of business, the room was practically empty except for one stall.

But there were 2 sets of feet visible beneath. The door opened and out came one of Atlantic City's famous Screaming Slut Cow Pigs.

At least she didn't burp on the way past me.


Just to summarize my long rambling non-sensical mess, here's is recap.

Bloggers and booze. Bands and bimbettes.

4 bars, bankroll sucking bartabs, and maybe the hottest waitress in the world at the Gypsy Bar (just ask the blogger boys).

Hummers in the bathroom and deep fried bacon. Hummers and deep fried bacon, how could I ever doubt this fine city.