<$BlogRSDURL$>

Thursday, March 08, 2007

It's the end of the world! 

I fully expect someone, anyone, to pop their head into my office at any minute to pull me away for another ridiculous emergency which will keep me from my normal duties (which include writing here dammit, doncha know). For those outside IT world and most Luddites, this weekend is predicted to be some form of Armageddon. I'm not worried because my shit is together unlike most other mouthbreathers. I won't be caring anyway because this weekend I'll be in Crackhead City East also known as Atlantic City. On purpose.

For a hoot, this weekend I'd really like that track down that ancient hooker from the HBO series who proudly proclaimed she gave the best hummers because she took out her dentures for the act. I'm not looking for first hand experience you friggin' perverts, I just want to get a picture of the ol' jitbag to post on here for your viewing pleasure. AC is such a shithole.

I will be throwing back some shots with broggers from the NYC and Hoyazo for the first time. MiamiDon swears I met Hoy at a previous blogger gathering but I was most likely to schnookered to remember. Rumor has it that the I Had Outs girls are planning a little boozy fest but I have yet to see any details. Mayhaps they are trying to prevent myself and BigMike away from hogging all the booze in the city. I also think we will be joined by your 2006 WPBT Winter Classic Champion who is making the trek north. Sounds like the perfect recipe for some capping in the dark 2-4 redonkey hold'em at the Taj. Nothing like tilting the old folks.

(pause for the predicted worker monkey interruption)

See, I knew it was going to happen. Started writing my unreadable garbage and minding my own business. Three hours later after I started and I'm about ready to fire my laptop down the hallway like a certain G-Vegas Frisbee freak. The upside is that, after nearly two decades in my company, I still have the ability to shock the everloving crap out of corporate America. The look on the face of Mr. Prim and Proper when they realize this fat hairy ape is the lead architect on their pet project right out of university, it just makes this hippy smile.

The classic was some poor guy hired to sit in the corner and code low level shit all day recognizing me in a meeting and pulling me aside afterwards. He mentioned that he thought he saw me at a private Boathouse party back in September where I was running around with a bunch of drunk lunatics all night long. I had to inform the young gentleman the a) that was my Bash that was killing livers for all the world to see and b) those weren't drunk lunatics running around, those were bloggers. Which is pretty much the same but he got my point.

I just have to struggle through a few more hours of mindless 'tard at work before I can make the move east for some proper 'tard action. Soon I'll hop in a car with BigMike and head for some drunken-lemur, pokerin', boozin', hookerin' good times.

Until then, I'll just get by pretending that bottle of water on my desk is really Soco.

~

Mr. Nickerblog is back and challenging hismelf to 30 posts in 30 days. Go encourage and harass.

~

I missed the Mookie last night at the last moment. I was signed up then called away. Sucks donkey balls but my absence allowed MeanGene to sneak into the money. Here's the events for this evening.

The 5th regular Riverchasers event is tonight. I'm currently in 6th place and still trying to chase Gary down at the top of the points Leader Board. I'll try my best to prove that last event's 5th place finish was nothing but a fluke. There's a bounty on my head, knock me out and get your buy-in back. Should be easy enough.

Tournament#: 13185800
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #5
When: Thursday, March 8th 9pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers5 (notice password change)

Craig has two tournaments set up for tonight. He's regular hold'em event 30 minutes after the start of my event and then a Head's Up Challenge starting at 11pm ET. I'll be trying to two table the main events from the bar to see if I can duplicate my dual 5th place finishes. Cheers and I'll see you there.

Name: CC's Thursday Bash
Where: PokerStars
When: Thursday, 9:30pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
password: pokerworks

Name: CC's HU Challenge
Where: PokerStars
When: Thursday, 11pm ET
Buyin: $5+.50
password: pokerworks

|

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Too tired to create a title 



How about some snow Pennsylvania? Neither a red state or a blue state here.

Last Wednesday at 11am I was standing in the Las Vegas airport cabline and it was snowing. A week later and I'm standing outside of work smoking for the 20th time in 3 hours and it's snowing again. I've just about had it. Al Gore's global warming had us running around outside in January with temps in the low 70's and now we have the magic of Siberian air freezing my nuts off. How's a low life supposed to get his nicotine fix in this weather?

And what a fantastic day it has been. I find it tough to bitch and complain about work in the site, I do that just fine once we get to the bar. At least I have a job. I shan't bore with sordid details of average work day here in hippy central, instead I'll make you a promise.

If you do me the favor and ignore the fact that I've gone completely to shit here, I'll do my best to find this lovely lass and have her serve you up a nice Lonestar Light.

~

Plenty of blogger tournament fun to be had the next several days. When I'm not rushed and running to the closest drinking establishment, I'll update with CC's events tomorrow night also.

Cheers and see you at the Mookie tonight.

Name: The Mookie
Where: Full Tilt Poker
When: Wednesday, 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
password: vegas1

Tournament#: 13185800
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #5
When: Thursday, March 8th 9pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers5 (notice password change)

|

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Other End of the Rainbow and March '07 Truckin' 

I received a couple of emails about the "Message of Hope" picture in the last post but I think JDub gets the winning rebuttal.

What's on the other side of that "Message of Hope"?



Now would you like to read some of your favorite bloggers all in the same spot? They are all better much better than myself. Pauly has his latest issue of Truckin' published. Stories written by Pauly, JoeSpeaker, WilWheaton, Change100, Dan Keston, and Dr. Tim. It is his second annual L.A. edition. Check it out below and pass it along.



1. Slices by Paul McGuire
I'd spent most of my time partying hard doing blow with C-List actors while avoiding the daylight and roaming the city late at night during one of the most rowdy benders I'd undertaken in the past few years. We were vampires, sleeping during the days and partying every night until sunrise. I would not crash until 6 AM and by the time I'd wake up, everyone on the East Cast was leaving work for the day... More

2. The Next Block by Joe Speaker
The crowd was a stew of unwashed urchins. My kind of people: musicians, writers and hustlers. Feast or famine in this town; the middle class doesn't pass the velvet rope, or lead the newscasts. Sally from Chatsworth is home making fucking meatloaf... More

3. Killing Independent George by Wil Wheaton
We played on for another few levels, the clatter of shuffling chips frequently interrupted by the TD announcing the exit of famous actor after famous actor. I will admit that it felt good to be outlasting them., though I will also admit that it was the most Pyhrric of Pyhrric victories: where it really counts in Hollywood, they all have their names on call sheets, while I have mine on a blog... More

4. Everything You Need to Know About Driving in LA by Change100
In order to become a true L.A. driving warrior, you will sometimes have to be the asshole. This doesn't mean you're a bad person -- it only contributes to your overall savviness. By understanding that this attitude is just an unfortunately necessary part of your own survival, inner peace will come much easier... More

5. 15 Seconds by Dan Keston
With minimal experience and a microscopic budget, I found a way to make a movie about kids and guns that was not only interesting enough to be one of sixteen selections out of five-thousand entries at the most prestigious festival in the world, but also the topic of a story on NPR and the lovechild of the largest gun lobby in Washington... More

6. Three Strikes and You're In by Dr. Tim Lavalli
It was then that I realized I may have made a mistake trying to have a 'break-up' dinner here. Becca's gastronomic creations always put me at ease but ease was not the best place for easily ending a relationship. Besides the vaunted 'do it in public break-up' was a cowardly way out... More

|

A message of hope... 

...in a dark dark world.




~

Worlds colliding, systems dying, liver recharging, brain frying.

Can't post, can't read, can't drink, can't smoke.

So you get reminders for your day.

I missed pimping the MATH yesterday, but here are the details for the tournaments this week. I'm back with another Riverchasers event hoping to finally get over the 100 player mark. The weekly Mookie on Wednesday and I haven't seen if CC is having his Bash this Thursday. If so, it's Thursday at 9:30pm ET on PokerStars.

Name: The Mookie
Where: Full Tilt Poker
When: Wednesday, 10pm ET
Buyin: $10+1
password: vegas1

Tournament#: 13185800
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #5
When: Thursday, March 8th 9pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers5 (notice password change)

~

Just for Carmen, I found another long lost celeb at the Academy Awards just for her (and the boys won't mind it either).

Leelee Sobieski, where have you been?

Click for more


|

Monday, March 05, 2007

How did I get here? Part XXVI 

Everyone knows there are many ways to get 'stuck' in Vegas. Drunken -EV gambling (PAI GOW!), getting stacked by lemurs, or getting rolled by the occasional hooker. I got stuck the old fashioned way. A late arriving plane to take me away from the desert.

McCarran is definitely one of my least favorite places in the world. When I'm sitting in that airport, there are a few assumptions you can make. Assume I'm going to be nursing a monster hangover, I'm going to make a BurgerKing error in judgment, and I'm going to be tempted to smack an old lady who didn't get her fill of the slot machines when she was in the casinos. I can't stand those fucking slot machines. This day was no different.

I've spent way too much time staring out of the terminal at Mandalay Bay through the wavy fug of jet exhaust. I couldn't concentrate on the book I was currently reading, too much brain activity needed, so I hit up the store for gallons of water and looking for the worst written novel every. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything by Waffles so I settled on the newest Dean Kootz shitfest.

WHEEL

OF

FORTUNE!

and another kitten dies a violent death.

I want to jam an ice pick in my ears. If I was a violent psychopath, and the laptop wasn't company property, I might just be tempted to slam the laptop across granny's back like some old school WWF chair smash. Too make matters worse, she just hit some sort of jackpot which keeps the machine chirping until a minimum wage lacky comes to pay her off. And this is the impression Vegas wishes to send me away with?

~

The night before (morning of?) my departure I found myself holding onto the walls of a bathroom stall trying to steady myself. Thoughts were trying to get through to my conscious self about where/what/how to proceed. I have a few ideas about how I went from a few drinks at the Centrifuge and a quick meetup with the PokerProf to partying with a showgirl from the Tropicana in Studio 54 with her way-above-average Jersey girlfriends. I must have bribed my way into the club because I'm never dressed in 'club wear'. I don't know if I own any 'club wear' but I know I do have enough middleclass food stamps to get my way in.

Overpriced, fancy bottles of water and minuscule Soco shots were my reward along with the intermittent grinding with silicone goodies. It seems like a far fetched notion that a hot showgirl would drop a roofy in my drink but I got messed in a hurry. Hell, I would think I was imagining the entire thing if I didn't have JDub there as my somewhat sober witness.

Everyone and everything left me at one point. My friends, my senses, my reality, and if I wasn't careful, my grasp on vertical stablility. I must have bribed my way back out of the club and started to walk the 3.4 miles back to the stupid monorail. I could feel myself walking like those other drunk guys we make fun of. The last bit of common sense I had left yanked me into the nearest men's room (double checked that it was the men's room for my Canadian friends) and stood there with my hands on the stall to keep my balance and try to get my shit back together.

~

WHEEL

OF

FORTUNE!

Now the degenerates at the airport are just fucking with me. How can this many people NEED to keep chucking their federally-funded quarters into cheap ass slots? My flight news is not getting any better. It now looks like I'll be landing in Philly a good 3 hours late which gets me on the ground at a fantastic 2am. WrestleMania, featuring The Hippy vs. The Grandma is starting to look pretty entertaining.

To amuse myself and take my mind off the constant beep-beep-boop-bop I've decided to try and prop bet myself on which of these fat smelly bastards I'm going to be stuck next to on the plane. Then I realize that I AM that fat smelly bastard someone is going to get stuck next to.

I hope the hell it's grandma. In that case I may have to float a few air biscuits for her pleasure.

~

I do remember the beginning of the night. JDub was dead to the world after being up for 36 straight hours and I was hanging with his wife. She was destroying the video poker machine to the tune of a half dozen quads and too many full boats to count. The mood was already celebratory but this cranked it up a bit. I spent equal time pounding mega-shots and making indecent proposals to the amazing Brazilian/Argentinian bartender who was dancing on the bar just for me. In my mind she was dancing just for me. I know she told me where she was from, I just can't seem to recall. Of no real importance.

I noticed that a trio of girls had taken up residence on the other side of Kenna and were obviously being harassed by an older Asian gentleman. This was a job for drunk Al. If anyone was going to harass them, it was going to be me. I looked at Kenna and nodded towards the girls.

"Jersey girls?" - my prop bet was offered up to her.

"No bet, that's a gimme." - oh well.

We sent a round of shots over and asked the question all Jersey residence pretend is funny but they secretly hate.

"Which exit? - They laughed. Fake laugh to be sure. They were from South Jersey which is really Philly-east.

If you told me at that very instant that I'd find myself holed up in a casino shithouse later that morning, I would have taken an even money bet.

"No bet, that's a gimme," as most would say.

~

I have no idea how long I stood there but this battle with gravity, I was the victor. After powering down a half dozen cowboy killers my shit was properly in line. There was no fucking way I was making it all the way back to the monorail, that's was just ridiculous. The cab line was close, hopefully I would be able convince a cabbie that I wasn't going to blow chunks in his back seat long enough to get to the hotel.

Turns out that after the NBA Allstar weekend from hell, I was a step up in customers. I made my way back to the hotel room in one piece and my head seemed to be clearing. I called JDub to make sure they were alive and managed to accept an invitation to come up to their penthouse to finish off whatever booze they had kicking around until it was time to check out. Sleep is for the weak!

Brilliant, let's go for it.

Several hours later, the maid found me asleep leaning up against my bed, unlit cigarette in one hand, cell phone in the other.

Brilliant indeed.

|