Friday, January 26, 2007

WPBT Event reminder 

Blogger only for this tournament. If you don't have a blog, stop on by and do some railbirding.

MiamiDon, the Jimmy the Greek amongst the poker blogging set, has put together a rundown of odds to win the WPBT Player of the Year. I'm at 35/1 which is a bit silly. I should be more like 350/1 so don't lay any hard earned money on me. Plus, I most likely will not be available to play Sunday night, but I'll try my best.


The "quote" book 

"Yeah, I think Einstein postulated something about tits in your face and time dilation."

Key West 2005
Business first. Thanks to everyone who came out last night to the Riverchasers tournament. 66 players paying the top 8. GCox, MrSubliminal, and 23skiddo once again showed a remarkable ability to avoid the landmines of freerollers for another good showing. New blogger schaub finished 3rd in his first event and I finished way WAY at the bottom thanks to the classic "runner-runner-get-the-hell-out" hit.

If you are around in two weeks, feel free to stop by the combination Mookie/RC event for Hammer Day. I added a $100 to the prize pool for shits and giggles.


I'll spare everyone after today further Key West reflections. Not your typical navel gazing but the more I think about it, the more I know I should have just done it and hopped on a plane this week. Sit poolside with a frosty beverage, stare and glare at stripper girls, and get obliterated. I started looking at pictures and old posts. Lewey topped it last night by sending me the quotes from his notebook.

I forgot the reason Lewey was able to capture so many quotes. He was sober Lewey that trip. To be clear, none of us were actual participants in these events, merely spectators. And if you buy that one...

These quotes fall into several categories. There were a couple shot toasts on the list. Mostly it was just us trying to offend as many people as possible with a single toast.

"Here's to honor and dishonor. Get on her. Stay on her. If you fall off her, get right back on her. And if you can't cum in her, then cum on her."

That was the front runner until some anonymous club dweller came up with the following toast and cleared the area of the 'touchy' people.

"Liqueur in the front. Poker in the rear. Suck my fookin' dick, bitch, and spit it in your beer."

That worked. Anyone easily offended left the area and we were free to spend countless paychecks on the girls. There were the comments caught after someone came back from the lap dance room.

"The old whore. Better than the young whore."

"The A-Team is here! And grandma just left the building!"
- shift change from the afternoon to the night girls.

"47 yrs old. 11 grand children. One fine lap dance." - from the grandma stripper story that you're never going to read.

"She talked to me about how she got arrested. I don't care! Talk to me about how you want to suck my cock! Otherwise, give me my money back."

"Licking the divine ashtray."

"Do you think if I offered to pay her $10,000 she'd let me beat her with a fish?"

"Yeah, I think Einstein postulated something about tits in your face and time dilation."
- trying to figure out how it went from 8pm to last call so quickly.

"It's not easy running a kennel."

"Stripper drama. Same as all the other drama."
- did I ever write up a story about the stripper fight in the lapdance room? Elbows, knees, and boobs flying all over the place until they all got kicked out.

"I need a shower. And some Clorox." - my favorite post-lapdance quote.

Also provided were some brilliant quotes from the girls themselves. This was hanging at the club or one of the trips when I went out to the bars after their shift.

"Baby, you smell sooo good. I love weed!"

"I'm a super aggressive female. That's why I can't go out by myself anymore. I might just grab a guy’s cock and make him kiss me."

"They're whores!"

"I've been dancing for almost 8 years. Oh yeah? How old are you? 22."
- either she started really young or not exactly a math major.

Finally, the question that could have been asked by anyone to anyone on any day.

Q: So how much did you spend the first night?
A: Do you mean in cash or credit?

Was it worth your time to show up here for 5 minutes of stupidity? Probably not. But if I couldn't be there this week slowly ending my life with booze and nicotine, I was going to drag you down memory lane with me. That quote list has been forwarded around to all the regular suspects from these trips. I have no doubt I'll be in one of my favorite towns sitting at my favorite table at my favorite strip club with my favorite drink sooner rather than later.

Til then, cheers my friends. Drink well this weekend.


Thursday, January 25, 2007

Yep, I'm still an idiot 

I'm an idiot. The handful of people who show up here to read know that. The random bloggers who have met me know that. My friends certainly know and understand that. They've just learned out how to deal with it. Ignore whatever comes out of my mouth and smile knowingly.

Last night was another brilliant example. I got home nice and early from work, fired up Full Tilt and got ready for The Mookie tournament. Internet failures from last week have been ironed out. FTP and porn sites working, check. I looked in the lobby as the time got closer and was happy to see Otis, MeanGene, JoeSpeaker, and DonkeyPuncher. Plus, I own Otis in donkey blogger tourneys to the best of my knowledge.

By which I mean I beat him in one hand several years ago.

10pm rolls around, I've got the girly chat running and waiting for my seat. Tables are assigned with 55 runners. A good showing but I didn't get seated. Can't figure it out until I realize the entire time I had the lobby up I never signed up. Never. Signed. Up.

Friggin' moron.

I let a perfect night for hanging at the bar not drinking to railbird while my blogger brethren lemur-ed it up in fine fashion. I hung around for an hour until Otis had a chip lead after breaking JoeSpeaker's will. I figured the tournament was won and I wasn't there so Otis would run away unopposed.

The best of intentions and all that rubbish.


I almost proved my stupidity in another way last night. I had orbitz, hotels.com, and every other travel site I could think of fired up. I had the Key West flight reservation sitting in a window, frequent flyers numbers typed in, just waiting to hit enter to complete the transaction. It would have been a simple matter to book the flight, wing a room, and call out sick from work for two days. So close.

I'm sure I could have found a ride to the airport and a random stripper friend or five to hook me up with a slice of carpet to crash on. I'm not even sure much sleeping would be done if I only had 72 hours in drunken Al-ville. I could always break into the Hemingway House or Pat Croce's Pirate Museum. There was also a nice out of the way bar that didn't mind me being passed out on their deck furniture while my stripper friends trolled for free drinks. Always another option.

Exhibit #153 - how many things in this picture make me want to be there right now. Happy Hour at Irish Kevin's. The boobs, the beer, the Guinness Chugging Contest (complete with shot clock on the wall), or the huge tray of pints on stage with Kevin?

None of that matters anyway. I ended up shutting down the browser window without hitting enter. No Key West for me this weekend. I've lost something in me. I can't make that spur of the moment step to just fucking do something when I want. I need that back.


Before I've completely lost my mind.


Hopefully we'll see some people out tonight throwing chips around. I can't screw this one up since I'm already registered. Cheers.

Where: Full Tilt Poker
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #2
When: Thursday January 25th, 2007 9 pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers

CC's Thursday Bash starts up a 9:30pm ET over on PokerStars, password is pokerworks.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Two more pics 

The picture of this banner hanging in the stadium has been posted around, but this morning I got a different version emailed at the same time from ScubaSteve and DanM. Now we can see the shit stain that made it.

Karma's a bitch you fat prick.

From the Boy Genius. Save the cheerleader, Save the World! As BG says, "someone needs to find this girl a new role model." Quick.

And if you were wondering.... nope, not doing anything important today. Carry on.


'cause I'm freerolling 

"It is the policy of this establishment to limit credit card transactions to $5,000.00 per day per customer."

Teaser, 2005
Leave it to Lewey to perfectly sum up how much stupidity goes on when we're in Key West. Don't think a fine effort was made to hit a magical number like that, $5,000 limit a day. If we hit that amount, we thought/hoped maybe magic stripper girls would suddenly appear and the champaign room would actually be of real use instead of a money sucking trap.

Alas, much to Lewey's despair, we never made a tab that large. Instead we found ourselves stuck with the afternoon crew which consisted of a couple strung out ex-hookers who lost their value on the street, bored house fraus getting away from the kids, and the one grandma with the bad wig, rock hard implants, and one remarkable talent for a drunken lap dance. Loooong story you will never read but I might tell in person should you ply me with enough booze. The afternoon shift was always interesting.

Even while I was down there blogging during the last trip, Lewey was the lifesaver for stories. He pulled a Pauly and had his trusty notebook available for quotes during the week. I'm waiting for him to get me a copy so I can go over it again, but this picture shows a note signed by one of the Teasers girls to one of our crew. I imagine she would have gotten along quite well with Pauly also. And her "name" was Mary Jane.


Last night I trekked within shouting distance of Philly with BigMike and Tony (close enough to see the city but far enough away that the anti-smoking, lung-hugging, goose-steppers haven't stopped me from smoking in a proper drinking establishment). Donkey Puncher was in town for some business so we headed to a local bar near where he was working for some drinks and a little lemur Riverchasers bar freeroll.

Even though I've been running their new online league, I haven't actually been to a Riverchasers live bar freeroll since they stopped having them at the Boathouse a couple years ago. I figured it would be a good time to hang with DP and throw some cards in the air for absolutely no reason but to donk it up. Damn if I didn't go and piss off the entire bar by chopping first and second with a local for a workable bartab paying prize.

Of course none of the drinks on the bartab were mine thanks to this silly no-drinking policy I'm working on. I just loaded up on RedBulls which is a pretty fooked up drink. Might as well just dump a shit load of pixie stixs into a can of Jolt. It took me three damned hours to fall asleep once I got home. I miss the days of crawling home practically in a booze-induced coma only to be shattered awake by the alarm clock.

Sooner or later someone needs to talk me off this wagon.


Cruising around ye ol' internet today. Not really feeling the writing thing or the work thing, I hit Kissing Suzy Kolber as usual and found another amusing post. What if Super Bowl XLI were an episode of House? I got a chuckle out of it. Oddly enough though, three of my friends I sent that link to similar comments and they were all about the lovely picture of Jennifer Morrison in the post.

Well hell. One picture is good but more is better. Here's a few pics to get you acquainted. Yes, for once these are actually safe for work. The directory can be uploaded to, add extra pics if you'd like.


Da Mookie is on deck. I see that he had guest appearances by a couple hotties from Austin last week, hopefully they'll be there again.

Tomorrow night I'm throwing the bi-weekly Riverchasers game.

Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #2
When: Thursday January 25th, 2007 9 pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers

CC's Thursday Bash starts up a 9:30pm ET over on RiverPokerStars, password is pokerworks.


Now go thank Matt Q for another fine picture at the end of this post. Makes an old blogger proud.

Cheers and see you at the virtual tables tonight.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Today's title brought to you by Social Distortion 

But I believe in this, it's been tested by research,
That he who fucks nuns will later join the church.
Death or glory becomes another story.

The Clash or Social Distortion
Whichever version of the song you prefer. Another song that slipped through my shoddy memory. I knew The Clash version but heard the Social Distortion version this weekend at the end of The Lords of Dogtown. Solid remake and I've just decided to download the entire catalog from Social Distortion. Attention RIAA.

Death or glory. I've been reading with extreme jealousy the travels of Pauly and Brandon as they cruise the coast of Australia picking up hippy chicks and hanging backstage with Penny Lane. I'd certainly find away to put my life in crisis with that road trip with tremendous amounts of booze and unsafe behavior.

I'm also going stir crazy with my friends playing at Sloppy Joe's in Key West this week. Only New Orleans tops Key West for the number of visits with purely evil intentions. I should be down there neck deep in strippers. I should be down there wandering the middle of Duval Street at 4am smelling of booze, nicotine, and whore dust. I should be down there figuring whether I was too hungover to get on a 50 foot sportfishing boat to haul in monsters the size of my fat ass. I should be onstage at Irish Kevin's chugging pints of Guinness spiked with Jameson. Strippers, booze, nicotine, fishing, strippers, heaven on earth. That's the easy path for a visit to the red bastard with the horns and brimstone.

I should be down there. Get my point?

Instead I sit in my dark cave of an office. Freezing my ass off as winter finally makes it's appearance in the northeast. Nursing a stint on the wagon with nary a cowboy killer in the last few days. At least a dozen time this week I've checked websites trying to find a way to sneak down there without anyone noticing. I have plenty of frequent flyer miles, should be a piece of cake to get there but here I sit anyway. Gathering dust and getting old.

Death or glory indeed.

JDub's Key West breakfast


Monday, January 22, 2007

Nothing to see here but rubbish 

"Parcells' legacy with the Cowboys can be framed this way: Instead of joining Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer as coaches who led them to championships, he leaves lumped with Chan Gailey and Dave Campo."

ESPN on Bill Parcells retirement
Damn, I hate dem Cowboys but that seems a little rough for an Associated Press article. Sounds more like a blog entry then mainstream medidiots. Did T.O. blow up another organization? Who knows, but StB is none to happy that Sean Payton is down in the Big Easy and not taking over the 'Boys.

I think Art Shell is available though.


"...I'm going with the Saints +2.5 which certainly means everyone else should go the other way." - so sayeth the mighty sportsbettor Al (that's me).

I told everyone to go with the Bears because I was betting the 'aints. They entertained me with the notion that they might pull it out then... right in the shitter they went. Well played sir, well played. At least Indy did me the favor of beating the Patriots and now we won't have to here 2 weeks of Brady/Bellichick knobgobbing. Just two weeks of Manning fever. Lesser of two evils in my opinion but that means squat.

At least we won't have to hear anything about Bengals getting arrested again. Oh wait.

And Duggles posted a picture that I saw earlier in the day that is just fantastic in a fucked way that I can't describe. Philly fans get crap because my grandparents threw snowballs at a drunken Santa before I was born or because they ragged on crackhead Michael Irvin and O.D.T.O.? This banner is sick. Be proud Chicago, karma is a right bitch.


This weekend was a fine example of doing nothing productive. I stayed voluntarily horizontal for most of it while I watched a crap load of awful movies, cleared out the DVR, and played some poker. I hit up the token satellites this weekend on FTP and did well with a nice run of cards (no skill involved). I have plenty of tokens now to hit up the FTOPS, sats, and even the MiamiDon "BigGame" if I don't donk them away beforehand. I completely forgot how soft and squishy the token satellites are. If I can easily get the $75 tokens, anyone can. Take my word for it.

Perhaps the highlight of the weekend was yesterday afternoon. Getting ready for the football games and realized that I hadn't eaten in 24 some odd hours. I decided to order a version of the Boy Genius stromboli. Everyone who knows strombolis agrees that you can't get a proper one unless you're driving distance to the shore in the great NorthEast. Just ask Jersey Brad, my friend transplanted to Minnesota (doncha know). He stayed an extra day in the area after the holidays just to fit one more in. Before I called in the order, I set up the game plan. I filled that lil fooker up with ham, pepperoni, italian sausage, onions, peppers, mushrooms, mozz, and sauce. Fucking brilliant. Too big for one meal probably too big for two. We'll see how I handle the rest this evening.

Jesus christ. Did I just write over 100 words about one friggin' stromboli? I'm in desperate need of help. And that involves the soft comfort of booze. Luckily we have the Puncher of Donkeys heading into town tomorrow. That means a little bar get together with DP and the BoyGenius. Welcome back my security blanket.


I took a big hatchet to the blogroll on the right this weekend. Some long gone blogs and some that just don't post anymore. I finally removed Love and Casino War. Jeremy was one of the orginal poker blogs but hasn't posted in a long time. He is nowhere to be found so I finally moved him off the list. Grubby always gets the top spot because he was the first blog I read way back in aught 4.

There were some obvious ones I was missing. I had them in bloglines but not on the blogroll. If you're missing, shoot me an email and I'll get you on there.

Some of the new guys I added are below. Drop by and say hi.

Iron Girl - long time on bloglines, somehow missed the blogroll.
The Poker Enthusiast
Continuation Bet - Doog
60% poker...half the time

Maybe one of these days Pokerati Dan will include me in his blogroll. I know I'm no "Stripper By Night" but maybe he'll toss me a bone.

Christ, I really need to drink. None of this actually makes any sense but I'll be dumb enough to hit the publish button to prove my insanity.


Tournaments galore this week for your enjoyment.

Tonight you've got Monday's at the Hoy.

Monday, 10pm ET
NLHE $20+2
password = hammer

Wednesday night is the Mookie.

Full Tilt Poker
Wednesday, 10pm ET
NLHE $10+1
password = vegas1

Thursday night, the GCox ATM/Riverchasers tourney.

Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Event #2
When: Thursday January 25th, 2007 9 pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers

CC will be doing his Thursday Bash on Pokerstars. 9:30pm for $10+1 when you get your AA cracked by the Hammer in the Riverchasers event.

And don't forget to signup for the first of two Hammer Day Poker tournaments. Yes, there will be a tourney on 7/2/2007 assuming online poker still exists at that point. We're thinking about a $2.70 rebuy event.