Friday, January 12, 2007

Dictators, Presidents, and promises broken 

"We also have access to porn. It sucks for others but it's good for me because the only porn they have here is Iraqi porn. For those unaware, Iraqi porn is usually a naked man and a completely covered woman. So it kinda looks like a wounded ninja getting raped by a caveman. But it's hot as Hell. And I would know."

Saddam Hussein's View from Below

"It's almost midnight and I've got a bottle of Cristal in hand. Betty never would have let me do this."

Gerald Ford's View From Above
I'll bet you didn't know Gerald Ford and Saddam Hussein were writing a blog from the great beyond about their first years in their new residence. At least neither sent me a spam email asking me for a link exchange. Check them out. Brilliant stuff if you have a sense of humor.


I need to thank everyone for coming out to the first official Riverchasers event last night. I intentionally moved the events from 10pm to 9pm ET because we were getting enough players during the tryout phase that the tournaments were ending very late. That was when we were getting between 40 and 60 entrants. Last night 119 players showed up and I was floored. Thanks to all the bloggers and readers who showed up.

Hopefully everyone had a good time. There was some super lemur activity going down. Duggle got hosed when making a multi-table error after a godzilla-sized mega-donkey open pushed OPEN PUSHED his stack on the first hand with AA. I couldn't figure out why Duggle called until I read his post this morning. Tough way to Gigli.

GCox, MrSubliminal, and 23skidoo all made the final table with GCox finishing in third. skidoo got my bounty for knocking me out. He used just a wee bit of overkill to do it. After dropping a nice two outter on a poor soul earlier to stay alive, I had to push my very short stack in the middle with a lemur-loving KQo. For a split second I was happy to see him with JJ. I was of to the races for my tourney life.

Until the Jack hit the flop. I was doing the gutshot dance looking for a Ten on the turn or river when...

Jack on the turn.

Dems quads bitches.

Apparently I stumbled badly out of the gate in that particular race.

Thanks again to everyone who came out. If you had fun at this one, wait for an announcement from the combined noggins of myself and The Mookie in the near future.


I promised pictures from the bar last night, didn't I. There wasn't much talent at the Boathouse last night before, during, or after the tournament. Tony and I moved to another bar down the road where the eye candy buffet should be set up and waiting for us. It certainly was.

At one point I turned to Tony and said, "Today was a very bad day to leave the camera in the truck."

That was bad form on my part. You really would have appreciated what we were seeing (at least the male percentage). I will, however present you with a picture from the bar while we were watching the Eagles game on Sunday. I'm not going to tell you who she is, or where she came from, or who else has seen these, or where they might have been. If you can figure it out, great for you. Here's one pic that I neglected to post the other day.

Kinda maybe sorta safe for work. Really, there ain't no nipple showing that I can see at this resolution. That's what I call pandering to the lowest lowest common denominator. I have my camera today. It will be charged and in my remarkably sober hands.

Cheers, have a great weekend and drink with abandon.



Thursday, January 11, 2007

I lied, one more 


Last one, I swear... 


Becks, Vicky, and Boob (singular) 

So a quarter of a billion with a B gets you the washed up captain of the underachieving English side for your league and probably a boat load of unwatchable movies from his wife. Honestly, I can say that I've seen perhaps one half a match in the MLS and that was most likely by accident as I was flipping channels. But his wife, well, she is odd. I am mesmerized and horrified all at the same time. Like some freak robot woman with a ridiculous tan and well paid for breast meat.

At least JoeSpeaker has a reason to go see the L.A. Galaxy now. He can put the ol' moves on Vicky in the stands during the match. Maybe he'll try the line, "hey, are you a stripper?"


Absolutely nothing spectacular going on in my world the last couple of days. Shake ups at work and staying at work too late. I ended up missing the Mookie for the second or third time in a row. Glad to see Usher took down the tournament last night before heading off to Sin City. Checking out Mookie's live blog of the tourney, it looks like HuggleHoagie went on a nice run between the first and second breaks. Going from T1200 and next to last at the first break to T14,000 and first place at the next break.

Wish I could have made it. Next week, no doubt about it. Only because I'm going on strike and won't be working late.


Short TV story and maybe somebody can help explain this to me. The other night I was sitting around in the good ol' lazy boy minding my own business. I was flipping around the channels and went to drop the kids off at the school during a commercial. When I got back I realized I had flipped to the People's Choice Awards by accident. Before I could quickly flip away to something more entertaining, like CSPAN, and recognized the 'cast' that was onstage accepting an award.

I hit rewind on the DVR and found out it was the cast of some show call "The Class" on CBS. I kind of remember this show in a haze when I was sick back in November/December. I was too sick to change the channel. I seem to recall it absolutely sucking big giant Zeus-sized balls. Bad writing, bad acting, not even remotely funny.

Is there anyone that actually watches this show and can explain to me how the holy hell it wins an award? Was I just loopy and "not getting it"? Does it grow on you? I just remember the guy accepting the award and remembering he was anti-funny. Can you un-laugh?


Sorry about that, just something that was bugging from earlier in the week.

How 'bout a half nekkid chick to get your mind off that exchange?

Don't blame me, I told she was 'half' nekkid.


Tonight I'll be sitting at the bar playing trivia until 9pm (with camera) and then playing in the Riverchasers tourney.

Tournament: 10754917
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Kickoff
When: Thursday January 11th, 2007 9 pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers

Hope to see you there. I'll get pictures as a reward.


If you feel like wasting time tomorrow instead of working, here's your game. And here's your score to beat.

Cheers, have a drunken night.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

3 things and that is all 

Tonight has the Mookie...

Thursday bring the Riverchasers tourney...

Tournament: 10754917
Riverchasers.com Tour Kickoff
Thursday January 11th, 2007 9 pm ET
password: riverchasers


Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Bets, Bloggers, and Pics 

"Do you have any money in your BoDog account?" - me to Eva

"Yeah, I have xxx.xx in my poker account, why?" - Eva right back to me

"MiamiDon LOVES loves the OSU/Florida under. LOVES. Bet the house!" - Me, oozing confidence

"How'd we do last night?!?!" - Eva to me the morning after

chirp chirp. chirp chirp.

Didn't have the heart to tell her that they were over by the half. Luckily for me the last line is false. She actually said "how WOULD we have done last night?" because when I asked her how much she had in her BoDog account, she informed that she didn't have any money left on BoDog.

Fate steps in and lends a hand.

Congrats to Gracie, the Gator fan. Kind thoughts to LoveElf, the Buckeye.


I read a great post from Mrs. Otis today on her new blog. She's in the Bahamas with Otis for the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure. She's been helping him with the reporting and getting a great feel for how much he (and the others) do when covering these events.

Felicia was the first one that I know to discover the horrible side of tourney reporting. This was way back before most of the newer bloggers had moved out from under their home dealers-choice games and into the silly HE only world. She volunteered her time and promptly got hosed for it.

After that, I saw first hand at the Atlantis when Otis was covering his first PCA for PokerStars. You can't kno how much work it is covering so many players over so many hours. (Believe it or not, but Otis initially made the mistake of having comments open on the PokerStars blog. What a cluster fuck that turned out to be.) The only time we got to see Otis was in 5 minutes spurts every 5 hours when he'd find one of us making out with Isabelle or Evelyn. We could also meet up in the wee hours of the morning when he was done and then craziness would begin. I'm still sworn to secrecy about most of that. G-Rob, BG, and myself got so used to running around on our own that we ended up getting in trouble with the Bahamian Gaming Commision or whatever the hell they were called.

I spent some time that summer hanging out with Pauly at the infamous Redneck Riviera during the Main Event. I didn't get to see any hookers get shanked for their stash or drug deals gone wrong. I did get to see him go completely apeshit with work. Eating breakfast that morning he casually mentioned the 4 articles he had due before play got under way on top of the regular updates of the main event and having to deal with the influx of douchebags 'covering' the Main Event. Luckily when Pauly got busy and I wasn't spending any time on ESPN, I got to hang out with Grubby at the Hooker Bar. It was a 3 to 1 hooker/john ratio, buyers market.

My point, you ask? Here's a paragraph from Mrs. Otis.

"So back to why my husband is still a studly piece of Man Candy. I worked without stopping until about 5:30am, at which point I collapsed and fell apart. I have endurance. I'm a former TV producer and a mom. I'm no stranger to ass-kicking work, but this is insane. After I crawled up to my hotel room, my husband worked about an hour and a half longer. He then got up more than two hours before me and started to do it all over again. It's almost 3pm, and I'm sure he hasn't eaten anything yet, but he'll be fine, because that's how he rolls. I won't have the balls to tell him I raided the mini-bar when I woke up, because I was too lazy to go downstairs and wait three hours for food.
My point is this. Don't take these guys for granted.

You think being a poker player isn't glamorous? Try being the guys covering it. They're better people.


I promised and promised to start posting more pics. So here you go. If you aren't interested, feel free to move right along. I'll understand.

From hanging out at the Boathouse this Sunday, here's a picture for you guys that have played in my Riverchasers events. There's a player in the events named holdme. She's our good friend Stef who actually attended the WPBT Winter Classic in 2005 and already has some pictures on various blogs. I figured I might as well introduce the new Riverchasers players to Stef aka Holdme. Some may also remember her from the last Bash at the Boat.

We also managed to snap a couple pictures from a different bar while we were out watching Rutgers crusher some team from a flyover state. We were hanging out with old friends and met a new friend. I'll just leave her name out and move along to the two pictures worth seeing. Her friend told her to beware of us because bad things could happen.

Here's the before picture. Bright eyed, busy tailed.
Here's the after picture. Not so much.

That was only after a few hours drinking. It got worse when we started getting the girls to drink these.

Finally, the picture that must be dedicated to our good friend The Blonde.

Cheers my friends.


Monday, January 08, 2007

Title Censored 

Image from The 700 level

You can go ahead and give me grief for posting that picture. But it's better than the one I had saved up from the Saturday night game which was Romo-tastic. RomOwned. Even though I'm sure StB and Joaquin both expected to see a picture of a sobbing Romo from Saturday night, I just could make myself do it. I despise the Cowboys and I think Romo got way too much hype way too early. But this kid is going to get so much grief for this one play that I think it's ridiculous. He's the reason the Cowboys made the playoffs. If he manages to pick up that muff and get the TD or even the first down, everyone would be talking about his poise under extreme situations. As it is, he'll be on every playoff cock up list for the rest of his career.

You want a real screwup in the playoffs, or even worse, the Super Bowl? I remind you of one Jackie Smith. Tight end for the Dallas Cowboys.

But don't get me wrong, I hope he folds up next season and crawls into a Eli-sized hole.


Friday afternoon BigMike gave me a shout with just one demand. He wanted to watch the Eagles game on Sunday at the Boathouse. Quite a challenge since the Boathouse hasn't been open on Sundays this NFL season and it was short notice. Luckily for us, by midnight on Friday we had it all worked out with the bar. Private party, no outsiders, no kitchen, Terri bartending. Turned out great. I'm sure everyone local appreciated my drunken ass text paging them in the wee hours of Saturday morning to let them know.

We had some fine Chinese food delivered during the early game and a half dozen pizzas near the end of the game. We managed to pull 20 of our friends together to sit around, throw some cards in the air, drink, and watch some football. At one point there were at least 4 different people logged in playing on Full Tilt during the NYJets/Patriots snoozefest.

I waited until Sunday afternoon to finally make the call to MilwaukeeSteve for the Cowboys consolation dial-a-shot. He actually returned my call so at least he wasn't hanging himself. I know his pain.

The cards started flying in earnest once I realized the Jets weren't going to come even close to covering the 9.5 points I took with them and the booze began to flow. People started pouring in and the party was in full swing. Much lower key then normal shindig's but many pints and shots were consumed.

We did have one uninvited guest. Someone left the front door open and he came darting in. Scaring the ever-loving crap out of Terri was a very fast, very scared squirrel. The little fucker was running everywhere like a bat out of hell. Terri ended up climbing onto the bar to escape him. He went ripping behind the bar, up in the rafters, and finally to the downstairs area of the bar where Terri finally got him hustled out the back door. And that was the most exciting thing that happened during the Jets and Patriots game.

I quit playing the card game to concentrate on the Eagles/Giants tilt and consume enough booze to take the edge off. One key to the win that I haven't heard anyone in the mainstream media talk about was the first quarter. After the Giants initial TD, the Eagles were held to 3 and outs giving the Giants fantastic field position every time yet they were never able to capitalize on the short field. The Giants could have put up some huge numbers in the first quarter and the Eagles would have abandoned the running game altogether. If the Giants get some points with their great field position in the first quarter, the game might have ended differently. Just my hack opinion as to a key to the win nobody is mentioning.

At halftime I was feeling ok. We were dominated in the first quarter yet were ahead by 7 heading into the half. Then I got one of my cooler dial-a-shot calls ever. Dr. Pauly working the Aussie Millions in the Land of Oz was watching the game and gave me a call during half time. He had been up since 5am to watch his beloved J E T S Jets Jets Jets. Pauly rules. Definitely the coolest dial-a-shot so far.

You know how the rest of the game ended up. I thought for sure Fox was going to jinx the winning field goal by showing the previous field goal flubs. But how could we go wrong with the ugliest man in pro sports, Koy Detmer, holding for the attempt?

I'm not real comfortable with our odds going down to New Orleans against a rested Saints team with Joe Horn coming back and Lito Shepard out with a dislocated elbow. Less man-to-man coverage, less pressure, Drew Brees could have a career day. Or maybe the Cinderella Saints carriage finally turns into a pumpkin. Either way, I'll be sitting on my normal barstool for the game, not talking to anyone, and drinking the edge off.


You damned poker bloggers crack me the hell up. Some good responses to my Poker Blogger "Dead Pool" so keep 'em coming. I'm considering compiling a list of "strategy posts" from around the internet with some truly ridiculi ideas. Some real classics out there.

On the other side of the spectrum has been a fine series of posts that Hoyazo started on his blog then continued when he moved over to Card Squad with Joanada and some guy named Wesley or Gordie. "Hot Hands" and "What did he have" writeups where he'll post several times on a specific hand with commentary and asking for reader comments. Good stuff and worth taking a look.

Hoy also will be running his Mondays at the Hoy (MATH) tonight.

What: Mondays at the Hoy No-Limit Hold'em Tournament
When: Monday night, 10pm ET
Where: Pokerstars, Tournaments, "Private" tab
How Much: $20 + $2
Password: hammer
Who: Open to anyone and everyone

Wednesday night of course is the weekly Mookie.

Also, I'll be running a Riverchasers tour kickoff event this Thursday night. Everyone welcome.

Tournament: 10754917
Name: Riverchasers.com Tour Kickoff
When: Thursday January 11th, 2007 9 pm ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
password: riverchasers