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Friday, November 17, 2006

Your quarterly reminder... 


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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Who's yer DADI? 


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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Here was a Caesar! when comes such another? 

Ignatius - Guinness and Poker
September 30th, 2003 - November 15th, 2006


Famed for his rebellious rants, his work killing uber posts, and his acerbic wit, Ignatius led a new wave of writers from the dark dungeon of RGP into the bright new world of blogging. An icon amongst the poker blogging community credited with spawning many generations of bloggers around the world, Ignatius lost a valiant battle with an unknown illness on November 15th, 2003 not yet 2 months past his blogs 3rd anniversary.

Guinness and Poker was born on September 30th, 2003 in the quiet basement of a man sickened by the insanity which was being spewed forth upon the readers of RGP. The future "blogfather" began posting session wrap ups, strategy tips, and self analysis but quickly hit his stride by quoting the few snippets from RGP worth reading. Not long after it's birth came the slogan which would follow Guinness and Poker to the grave. BONUS CODE IGGY, dammit!

Ignatius was an active member in the poker blogging community and faithfully supported it's activities. Guinness and Poker will be sadly missed by survivors:

Brothers, Tao of Poker, PokerGrub, UpForPoker, Mr. Decker, Hank, and MeanGene.

Sisters, LindaG and Maudie.

Sons, BadBlood, AlCantHang, DoubleAs, Boy Genius, Poker Prof, daughter Gracie, and countless others who have continued on afterwards.

Ignatius travels on to blogger heaven to join family members, Jeremy, Felicia, Anistropy, and Lord Geznikor, who have gone on before. There he will drink many pints and await for the rest of his family.

Memorial services will be held on Sunday, December 10th, noon, at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas, Nevada. In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that those attending the service raise their voice in a rousing rendition of the San Diego Super Chargers fight song.

Guinness and Poker, gone but never forgotten.

A hushed, somber cathedral. Tiny casket sitting at the front with a row of pint glasses sitting on top and a Guinness tap on the side. The whispers stop as the long haired clergyman approaches the pulpit.

Reverend AlCantHang delivers the eulogy.


Family, friends, readers, diplomats, and assembled members of the media. Welcome to this most special occasion. For while the moment might bring sadness, I paraphrase Marc Antony when I say, "we come not to bury the blogfather, but to praise him."

Please rise as his brother, Dr. Pauly, leads us in a prayer.

Blogfather, who art in card rooms, hallowed be thy game.
Thy Rockets come, thy draws be won,
Online as well as in Vegas.
Give us this day, our daily post.
And forgive us our Hammers, as we forgive those who drop The Hammer against us.
And lead us not into Temptation, but deliver us from Evil.
For thine is the Bellagio,
and the Horseshoe,
and the World Series of Poker forever and ever.

Amen. Thank you Dr. Pauly, everyone may be seated.

It's nice to see most of Ignatius' family join us today. Dr. Pauly over there with his large family. Iggy said on many occasions how proud he was of his brother when you got your doctorate and went on to enlighten the world with your tales of world travel and saving the world one prostitute at a time. He was saddened that he had to leave before seeing you get your first Pulitzer or High Times award.

PokerGrub, he often voiced his concern over your habits but was unable to contain his joy when you funneled your obsession into a new career. Thank you for making it out this evening. Mr. Decker, he was awed when you won your first Wimbledon title last year, and MeanGene, he is still heart broken that your 2004 Presidential campaign was not successful. UpForPoker, he was always amazed at how his three headed brother has continued to thrive. His sisters LindaG, Queen of the Bellagio, and Maudie, jewel of the Okie-Vegas theater community, always made Ignatius proud. He will miss his brothers and sisters the most.

I'd like to ask for a moment of silence for his family who departed this blogosphere before him. They are now partying together in blogger heaven. His older siblings Jeremy and Felicia who went before him and his younger brothers, Sean of Anistropy and the 'crazy' one in the family, Lord Geznikor. Our thoughts also go out to his brothers Halverson and HDouble who are unfortunately in a blog coma and unable to attend.

I'd like to invite his daughter Gracie up to say a few words...

Here, at this final hour, in this hallowed place, the poker bloggers have come to bid farewell to one of its brightest hopes, extinguished now and gone from us forever. For the the poker bloggers are those he worked with and his honored Guinness and Poker website is where he struggled and fought. His home of homes where his heart was and were cards flew and where his people are. And it is, therefore, most fitting that we share these last moments together. For the poker bloggers have ever been gracious to those who loved them, have fought for them and have defended their honor even to the digital death.

It is not in the memory of a Poker Blog that this beleaguered, unfortunate but nonetheless proud community has found a braver, more gallant young champion than the author of Guinness and Poker, unconquered still. I say the word again, as he would want me to: Poker Blog. Poker Blogger Iggy, who was a master, was most meticulous in his use of posting and reposting other people's words. Nobody knew better than he the power words have over the minds of men or their ability to burn up countless hours that would be otherwise spent productively during the business day. Iggy had stopped being a 'dwarf' years ago. It had become too small, too puny, too weak a word for him. Iggy was bigger than that. Iggy had become a Poker Blogger and he wanted so desperately that we, that all his people, would become Poker Bloggers, too.

There are those who will consider it their duty, as friends of the Poker Blogger, to tell us to revile his website, to unlink it even, from our own respective blogs, to save ourselves by writing him out of the history of our turbulent times. Many will ask what the Internet finds to honor in this stormy, controversial and bold young captain. And we will smile. Many will say turn away, away from this man, for he is not a man but a dwarf, a housewife, a subverter and an enemy of the Poker Bloggers. And we will smile. They will say that he is of rake back, a bonus whore, a Party Poker donkey who can only bring two-outter suckous to the cause for which you struggle! And we will answer and say to them: Did you ever talk to Brother Iggy? Did you ever drink with him, or have him smile at you? Did you ever really listen to him? Did he ever do a mean thing? Was he ever himself associated with misplaying Ace rag or any suited connector? For if you did you would know him. And if you knew him you would know why we must honor him:

Guinness and Poker was our diversion, our living, vibrant diversion! This was his meaning to his people. Consigning these digital remains to the servers of this vast hinterland known as the Internet, the common mother of all, secure in the knowledge that what we store on our hard drives is no more now a personal website often referred to as a blog, but a seed which, after the winter of our discontent, will come forth again to meet us. And we will know him then for what he was and is. A prince. Our own tiny shining housewifey prince who didn't hesitate to shut down his website because he loved us so.
Ignatius spawned an incredibly large family and there are very few poker bloggers who don't trace their roots back to this man who is small in stature, but large with influence. He was not the first, but he certainly inspired most who came after him. It was for this reason that he was soon given the title of 'blogfather' by those around him.

I remember vividly the first meeting with my poker blogfather nearly 2 years ago at our first family reunion. While a few of us cousins were gathered around the nearest watering hole, this wee lil' man came up to our group. He valiantly shimmied his way up onto the barstool and ordered a pint which was nearly as tall as he. We weren't sure whether this was the man we were looking for but he quickly answered that for us when he turned to us and screamed, "BONUS CODE IGGY DAMMIT!".

That weekend solidified the family as we attended many social functions and lost many hours of sleep as we sought to gain more knowledge of our siblings which were spread across the globe. Lives were saved and friends were made in that short weekend thanks to this tiny man with the huge spirit.

Who here amongst us does not remember the day your blog was posted on Guinness and Poker? Suddenly people from Thailand, Mexico, and New Zealand are hitting your site for more useless ramblings just because of one link on one blog. Before long there were thousands of us with some completely unaware of others. Without Guinness and Poker there would not be an AlCantHang.

Stop snickering BG.

Some may now blame him for foisting me upon an unknowing world but the friends I've met because of him were worth it. Because of Ignatius, there was no need to go searching trough the endless threads of rubbish on RGP or 2+2. Instead he would create monster uber posts filled with pure jewels from Gary Carson, Crazy Russ Gorgiev, Dutch "Tool" Boyd, and Mason Malmuth. For this one fact alone we should say a thanks to the lil man upstairs in blogger heaven. His motto, "Destroying work place productivity one blog at a time."

Thank you all for coming out to the Memorial Service for Guinness and Poker. Please raise a pint of Guinness in honor of the man, Ignatius for all he has done for the community.

Cheers to you my friend. Thanks.

Before leaving to your own little corner of the blogosphere, feel free to leave your Iggy/Guinness and Poker thoughts in the comments/guest book. The little guy long ago turned off comments on his blog because he was getting crushed by fan mail.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Hijacking and Truckin', coincidence? 

No time to write anything that doesn't include the phrases "Scope and Purpose", "Area of Applicability", or "Roles and Responsibilities". Fascinating stuff and I'd share it with you if I wasn't 100% I'd both put you to sleep and find myself in the unemployment line.

I've also spent some time this morning firing off various emails to every contact I can find at Absolute shit Poker because of the rubbish that Pauly has had to deal with since his site got hijacked this weekend. Seems to be going better now so I've called off the hounds on my side. For now.

Since there's nothing here ever worth reading, go check out the new issue of Truckin'. Always good stuff.

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1. Grey Haze by Paul McGuire
I freaked out when I thought I lost a baggie of hash I carried in my jacket pocket. I didn't care about the bag or the monetary cost of the lost drugs. I was worried that I'd unknowingly take it home with me and get busted at a security checkpoint or in customs while sweating my ass off like Billy Hayes in the airport raid scene from Midnight Express who had several kilos of hash duct taped to his ball sac... More

2. Dodd by Mella
It seemed strange to me to have a party for him, seeing as he was dead. But Mom wanted to. I watched from beneath the banister on the stairs as she hummed between the kitchen and living room, carrying plastic-skinned platters of pickles and deviled eggs, wiping her hands on her apple-red apron as she assessed the arrangement of food... More

3. My Own Private Paris by Craig Cunningham
A business traveler's life sounds pretty glamorous, and I'm sure it could be if one was adventurous or a linguist or outgoing. I'm none of those things, so my travels normally are airports, hotels, room service, and remote controls. Many of my international trips are hops, meaning I'm in a different city or even country each night... More

4. Roots - Part III by Doog
If there was one vice that defined Leo G, it was gambling. During his adult life, he made and lost a lot of money. That is to say, he made it by means of various (mostly) successful business ventures - some legal, most not-so-legal - and he lost it in the finest casinos the grand state of Nevada has to offer... More

5. Archetypes by Katitude
"You're not from around here, are you." At least this one had the sense to phrase it as a statement. With her long black hair, riot grrrl makeup and tattoos, it was pretty fucking apparent that she was not from this town stuck in the backwaters of middle America... More

6. Draft One by May B. Yesno
Drunks are a pain in the ass for the most part. But a dead drunk human is a short way to a hernia if you must carry one any distance by yourself, and the closest I could park was thirty yards or so. The task was eventually accomplished, with me dropping her once on the rough grasses... More

7. Malcolm in the Middle Smokes Crack by Paul McGuire
I sat next to a weird looking chick with dark curly hair and thick Lisa Loeb glasses. She drank five cups of coffee and read a book about Heidegger. She didn't turn on her free TV but occasionally glanced at my screen to see what was on. I freaked her out because after the first hour of Sportscenter, I watched four straight hours of the Vietnam War on the History Channel... More

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