Friday, October 20, 2006

Bacon and Waffles, Donkeys and Ivan 

While I was sitting around this morning in a fog of work instead of a hangover, I was gnashing on my regular morning breakfast loaded with quality pork fat. Then I get an email from Willie the Wise with this wonderful excuse for a cookbook (click on the pic for the article). I loves me some bacon and I'm surprised Daddy and I didn't come up with the concept long before now.

But only the BoyGenius can properly put in perspective. "You need a whole book to teach you to wrap bacon around shit to make it taste better?" Point taken. Luckily we have plenty in the house so I should be able to make it through the weekend clogging my arteries the way I've become accustomed.


One of the cool things about playing the Mookie this week was logging in and seeing DoubleAs registered. Always one of my favorites, I never fail to learn something new about this game with every conversation. Most of the time it's late night drunken (on my part) poker ramblings but it seems to stick with me. Which is why I was surprised when I saw his latest strategy post. You should go check it out then get a chuckle at the end.

Who's a donkey? Now go buy his book.

From a historical viewpoint, the hand and night in question just happened to be a couple of us sitting on the back deck of Mt.Otis during last summer's Brad-o-ween. And you thought I was just drunk the entire time? You'd be right.


DoubleAs also caused me some problems during the Mook. It was a combination between the play, the booze, and my incredible inability to shift gears when I'm doing both. At one point I had to really pay attention because I found Scott directly to my left and concentration was tough. If I didn't watch my back, he would have my chips in no time and I wanted it to be the other way around.

Next thing you know, Waffles is now my left and I can't adjust. One minute I'm playing chess with Bobby Fischer and the next I'm playing Connect Four against Corky. Now this is not a bust on the WhiffleBallMan, he's definitely a better player than I. He plays more, he works at it more, he definitely knows to split Aces and Eights and when to double down when the dealer is showing a 6.

He's good like that. Sign my map to make him weep and post.


Take a run over to Pauly (like he needs more traffic). He posted the beginning of his soon to be published novel, Jack Tripper Stole My Dog. I had the opportunity to read the original version and I was happy to hear that he was reworking it with the intentions of self-publishing. As I've told him many times (too many?), Ivan is my favorite character he's written.

I'm currently in negotiations with Pauly so that I can play the drunk hippy in the corner of the bar for one scene when the movie gets made. I think I can pull it off. Method acting.

So go check him out and let him know what you think.


8:41 PM: Lo Duca walks, Cardinal killer Carlos Beltran up with the bases loaded and two down.

8:57 PM: FUCK.

Alan's live blog of the NLCS Game 7. Doesn't seem like it ended well for the Mets.

Fantastic game though. As Scott said, it's now The FlyOver World Series.


Cheers my friends, and remember the Mookie next week so I can stop posting things like this.


Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tale of Two Vices 

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein
The normal Wednesday night turned out to be anything but. We usually have our regular spot at the bar. In the back, hidden, tough to see and get to. If people want to get to us, they have to make an effort to make it through the gaunlet but we have our full view of the bar and any miscellaneous wandering targets. This week the downstairs was closed. Presumably for maintenance work but more likely a concerted effort by evil doers to make us mingle.

So we found ourselves sitting amongst the great unwashed masses. Within microphone cable distance of the karaoke singers and the supremely retarded. Yes, I was one of those special people but I was a working overtime as I quote unquote sang and managed to play a little poker at the same time.

The top Douchebag of the Night was this fine example of male stupidity. He was full on drunk and trying to educate his friend. I had to sit there and listen to him spew some dime store philosophy that would have prompted a 2500 word masterpiece from the BoyGenius had he been there to hear it. He was acting tough and talking silly. Acting tough can be a tall feat when you're drinking the house Pinot. Then he turned into a walking talking Keanu Reeves movie compilation. From his work in the Federal government ("I am an F B I agent!") to him showing off his martial arts moves for random women walking by ("I know kung fu!"). Unfortunately Keanu doesn't have a movie that I can link where he gets kicked out of a bar for inappropriately touching a female member of the bar staff that happened to have friends in high places.

That was fun.

The rest of the night was spent ducking and weaving various and sundry attempts to get me to sing. Most failed. A couple didn't. I'm weak.

10pm rolled around and it was time to fire up the laptop and play some No Fold'em Hold'em Lemur style. Twice again I got distracted and hit the wrong button, this time folding when I wanted to play. Somehow I actually made the final table and into the money. 6th out of 60ish. Not bad for a 'tard playing, no game having, booze drinking, jagoff. But still, we only 60 runners and you know what that means.

Still no hottie pics and I have to throw in some nasty ones as punishment. There's always next week to make up for it.

Cheers, and go check out the new Business Week article. It features someone you might just know.



Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The AlCantHang Diet 

"Can you put more butter on that?"
Me - Yesterday (as witnesses by coworker Dave)
I've dropped more pounds since the Bash then any period of time in the last 7 years. Here's how.

- Eat one big breakfast. Preferably filling up on enough pork products to kill a horse. Supplement with beef jerky if necessary.

- Skip lunch and dinner completely.

- Tack on as much personal and work stress as you can handle. Then add some more.

- Work from 6am til 10pm.

- Drink to the extreme as often as possible.

- Try to smoke at least a pack of cigarettes a day (between the hours of 10pm and 6am of course, who has time to smoke during work).

- Curse magnificently and bang your head repeatedly on any hard surface.

I have personally found this formula to work successfully. You may find yourself weak, hungover, coughing like a maniac, and completely insane, but at least you're dropping lb's.

And you should also play in the Mookie tonight because you'd hate to have this done to you the next day in my current state of mind. Bring on 'tards.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

No dots this time 

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
Edgar Bergen
Work continues to be a right bastard but you don't care about that. Hell, I don't even care about that. 14, 16 hours days non stop for the past two weeks excluding this Saturday when I decided to bend my mind with a full slate of poker and booze. Fook it all.

I'm just going to keep spewing junk on the virtual page as long as I can because I know sooner rather than later, the damned phone is going to ring and it's going to be someone who got up extra special early on the other side of the country just to make sure I was chugging along. Wrong kind of chugging if you ask me, but you didn't.

It's been so long since I've had a free moment that my bloglines currently show over 700 unread posts. I'm just going to assume 95% of them will be quickly discarded once I see the beginning of a poker hand history or the inevitable bad beat story. I started browsing them and stopped quickly when I realized I didn't feel like reading more posts about the death knell of online poker (the sky is not falling. Yet) or some random Spice Girl posts. Someone told they were part of a Dr. Pauly contest but I don't go to Pauly's (or Gene's or Up for Poker) site unless I have dedicated time to actually sit back, read, and enjoy.

But who the hell am I to tell people what to write about. I can barely string three words together without firing up the thesaurus and dictionary. Is it a paradox that I used a dictionary to find out how to spell thesaurus? I just write what I know and don't bother you with the silly details of my small time poker playing. Sometimes stories pop out the poker playing, usually they don't, but whatever happens my toes are still tappin'.

I could tell you about my idiotic idea of getting up early to watch a team head's up tourney at a local bar. A freeroll with no prizes. That's the kind of idiot I am. I somehow managed to get drafted onto a team, their mistake, and got knocked out first in 7 hands by a proper drinker with a poker problem. But if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to run into an old friend Lisa, meet a new friend Meryl, and make crazy poker talk with a ComCast SportsNet producer. Our drunken idea was to find a pro to play 6 people head's up at the same time ala Chess Master Bobby Fischer.

That was all before I got completely into the bottle and forgot my name. Again.

The drunken time warp kicked in and I found myself talking to several people about any damned thing that popped into my head. I was two packs of cowboy killers in, loving life, and somehow let my credit card go walk about.

Just another silly tale in my pathetic existence. And damn do I enjoy it.


I'm no writer, and I barely play on this steaming pile of horse crap. Fortunately I do know some writers and they are featured in Pauly's latest e-zine edition of Truckin'. Enjoy.

This epic October issue of Truckin' features five returning authors including C. Anderson Guthrie with his first story for 2006. The always talented Joe Speaker shares a touching tale as Doog weaves Part II of his Roots series. Sean A. Donahue is also back and I wrote up a few random subway stories that I encountered during my first few weeks back in the big city.
Truckin' - October 2006, Vol. 6, Issue 10

1. October Subway Stories by Paul McGuire
A hunched-over bum slowly navigated his way through the crowded car and sat down in an empty seat next to me. He carried a big black bulky garbage bag which happened to be the standard issue for every homeless person in the city along with the same pair of sneakers four sizes too big and a ratty grey winter coat... More

2. Roots - Part II by Doog
To soothe the ache deep in his soul, Leo G took solace in the welcoming arms of lovely young nubile chickadees, sometimes several sets of arms at the same time. After all, when you've got dashing good looks, a mercury-silver tongue, and the willingness to use the above in a less-than-moral manner, why not?... More

3. Gummy by C. Anderson Guthrie
This woman wasn't the kind of woman you bring home to momma, oh no -- she was the kind of woman that takes out her teeth before giving an alleyway blowjob. You know, the considerate type... More

4. Total Recall by Joe Speaker
I was grilling another young co-ed, flirtatious pressure amidst the stench of spilled beer and rampaging testosterone. The scene was cliched, she said, and she marked me down as a typical frat boy, interested only in getting drunk and getting naked... More

5. Until I Am No Longer Needed by Sean A. Donahue
My back felt the brunt of the pain and as the dust settled I examined my predicament. I was ten feet down in a hole of an ancient volcano with my right arm broken and my left leg shattered... More

See you at the Mook on Wednesday


Monday, October 16, 2006

No fun here... 

All work and no play makes Al a dull (and very much sober) boy.

- Is it possible to choke against another 4-1 team in their stadium?

- Bill Cowher is an asshat.

- Getting completely plastered while the sun is still up on a Saturday afternoon is a wonderful, if not ultimately disasterous, idea.

- I lost a live head's up match in 7 hands to a guy named Wookie.

- Drunk. Hooter's girls. Rule.

- Bill Gates can suck my left nut.

- Remember the Mookie on Wednesday so I can start posting good pics again. I've found quite a collection. See how many times I can called retarded this week.