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Thursday, August 03, 2006

It smells sooooo good... 



Maybe it's the hangover talking, but I'm pretty sure somebody just microwaved rotten monkey's ass in the breakroom.

That is all, carry on.

Coming later today.... BigMike's Drunken 12 Steps as written in a booze fueled semi-coma last night.



Attending the Bash so far (1 more added)...

Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
StB
Derek
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar
Veneno - Poker Poison
Katitude the Cheek Grabber
F-Train - Attempting to defend his drunken blogger Championship
Auntie Maudie!
Helixx - lives so close that he has no choice.
Brandon Schaefer - mastering the art of drunken poker one shot at a time

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

More random crap... 

"I've been very harsh on Waffles recently, so I thought I'd do something nice for the guy. Then I remembered why I'm harsh on him, he's a prick."
Dugglebogey in his comments
Offered without any further commentary although I thought the (now removed) banner was hilarious and the comment made me laugh. Then I remembered about this banner.



~

What the hell does a currently sober/not hungover fat hippy do when he's got a bit of time to kill? Well, this hippy doesn't really have any time to kill, but I had some non-work time available and shit for the bash is really starting to backup. I make myself a mass spammer by sending hundreds and hundreds of emails to friends and poker players and friends who are poker players. I beg and plead with anyone that will listen to give me free shit to raffle off at the party. I'm working on two different chip makers to donate a custom set for the Gavin Smith tourney (cheap ass mofo, that's what they are. Free massive advertising ya pricks. Anyone have any contacts to help me?). I continue to gather travel information for the bloggers below who have committed. You can't imagine THOSE logistics. Hotels manager and sales people apparently are just naturally prickish. I'm more than a week behind just answering emails so be patient.

On top of it all... no booze.

While making all these calls, someone sent me this link. Sweet merciful lord of all that is decent.

I'm starting to get that normal August crushing feeling that no one is going to show up. Oh well, more booze for me.

~

You want to read a proper rant? Even if you don't like football, or fantasy football in particular, Kissing Suzy Kobler has a fine rant about the retirement of Mr. Willie Roaf.

And you had to go and fuck it all up by retiring. Willie Roaf? You, kind sir, are a no-good dipshit fuckface cocksucker barrel-chested assmunching pile of fuck four-eyed bastard.

You dick. You want to go get your degree? Pfft. That's crap. You were put here on Earth for my enjoyment. You're like a Rock-'em-Sock-'em robot, but with my hand up your ass. Your degree has no place on my fantasy board. That's what we call an "invariable". You know who also likes invariables? Communists. Skirt-wearing, Not Dog eating, give-money-to-some-smelly-homeless-person communists.
And that's just the beginning.

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Good luck and congrats to Matt, Ryan, and Tuscaloosa Johnny for making it past Day 2 at the Main Event.

~

Attending the Bash so far (2 more added)...

Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
StB
Derek
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar
Veneno - Poker Poison
Katitude the Cheek Grabber
F-Train - Attempting to defend his drunken blogger Championship
Auntie Maudie!
Helixx - lives so close that he has no choice.

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Next up, the Loch Ness Monster... 

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W.C. Fields
Sometimes it's just not easy. Living the way I do. Sitting on the edge of my bed this morning, working up the strength to make the long walk downstairs for rehydration, I couldn't figure out whether I was feeling the beginnings of a hangover or if there was still enough booze pumping through my system to be legally intoxicated. Several hours later and I'm still not sure.

My stomach was growling loud enough to wake the neighbor's dog but that's not uncommon either. I tend to exists solely on my high intake of bacon in the morning and some crappy assed excuse for a lunch. I generally skip any sustenance at the bar, but for only fiscal reasons. With this insane tolerance to adult amber beverages you have to take short cuts sometimes. Like not eating. Get the buzz faster without having to ingest (ie: pay for) an entire bottle. Not that it won't be gone by the end of the night but I might as well get all the bang for the buck that I can.

Sounds glamorous, doesn't it?

Imagine being my officemate on days like these. It was already close to 100 degrees and humid as we pulled into work. That kind of heat makes people sweat. That makes fat guys like me really sweat. Fat drunk sweaty bastards tend to smell like the business end of a bar mat. Lucky for him that he's not in all week. I foresee sometime in the near future an office with it's door shut and it's occupant snoring away.

And what a night it was just getting to this point. If there was no payoff at the front end of these benders I wouldn't put up with this morning shit. I drank with friends, threw cards around with morons, and played megatouch trivia with a female yeti (good GOD). She had to be over 7 feet tall not including the stilts she was using for heels and easily pushed 3 bills. 2/3 of that was comprised of good ol' American mammarian tissue. Not unlike this. Except taller. And the girl at the bar really looked like she had been punched in the face. A lot.

~



Attending so far...

Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
StB
Derek
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar
Veneno - Poker Poison
Katitude the Cheek Grabber

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Monday, July 31, 2006

Weekend with BG... 

When Boy Genius decided to make a trek south to the Land of CantHang, it was initially supposed to be a quick dinner and a movie. At 5am on Sunday, we finally called no mas.

We planned on an above average Italian dinner then off to the IMAX for some Superman 3D action. All that went off as planned. We had a decent dinner (I'll let BG, him who hath full reckoning off all things food and wine. Can a brother get a decanter?) and the movie was packed yet enjoyable. What to do with friends at 10pm after dinner and a movie?

You're right. Off to the bar we go. The first one of the evening. It was a McKenzie's where one of those odds things occurred that tend to happen when we go out drinking. This time it was nice to have a couple of witnesses. BG and BigMike hit the bar first and hit the downstairs for a round. The music was loud and uninteresting. Detrimental to holding a proper conversation. It was decided to head upstairs where it was quieter, less crowded, and more conducive to relaxing and bullshitting. No sooner had we taken our seats when the bartender from the downstairs bar showed up at our table with 3 double shots of Soco. "That was way to generous," she said, "I brought you a round of shots."

After she walked away, BigMike said "Do we know her?"

Not as far as I knew. Caucci and BG passed on the shots and BigMike was doing Redbull and Stoli (we looked a whole lot more like Stoli with a splash of Redbull). So what's a drunk hippy to do? Take one for the team and start pounding them.

We finished our rounds and decided to head down the road to meet up with Phil (aka The Blogfather savior) for more boozy goodness. Soco's and Jameson's and many many Yuengling's later, the last call is made and some Einstein decides that we need to go play some 5-handed, mentally-deficient, no limit hold'em at Casa De Phil. SURE. Makes perfect sense when you have a head full of booze and a pocket full of middle class food stamps (that's the 20 dollar bill y'all).

At 2am we were all staggering around the PA version of the Quickie Stop looking for kegs of Redbull, munchies, and packs upon packs of cowboy killers.

The next 3 hours were full of lemur worthy poker. I'm not sure how everyone else made out, but I had stacks of checks up to here. There were only a few hands that I specifically remember and two of them had me stacking BG. One where I may have made a loss call with middle crap and turned a straight. I don't know how donkalicious it was because it was early and I wanted to play. The second was a hand where I decided pre-flop I was going to try and put a move on BG. Ye ol', check-call, check-raise and see where I was.

I ran my A-rag right into his KK. My "great play" turned into me hitting a 4 card runner runner club nut flush against his KK with the unfortunate problem of one of his Kings also being a club. It was poorly played by all on all streets. Score one for dumb assed luck. Chips were pushed from one person to another while the barbs kept flying. It was a great way to finish the night/morning/next day.

It was definitely a great spur of the moment bender.

For the record, Sunday involved nothing more the lazyboy/couch time with multiple pizzas and crappy TV. Who's up for next week?! The Puncher of Donkeys will be in town.

~

Just-hired Nona Gaye out at 'L&O: CI'

LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- Actress Nona Gaye has left the cast of NBC's "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" shortly after she signed on to play the new assistant district attorney.
Does anyone care? Neither do I. I just wanted the excuse to post her picture. The late Marvin Gaye's daughter, ladies and gentleman.



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And the douchebag of the day month goes to Charles Humphrey.

Humphrey, represented by the law office of Gardy and Notis, is suing ESPN, Disney, CBS, The Sporting News, Viacom and anybody else who has ever uttered the word "fantasy" in a non-porn context, claiming their fantasy football games are "gambling," which is apparently illegal in the state of New Jersey (along with most of the other states too). He is demanding that the sites cease their fantasy games.
~

Have you booked for the Bash yet? I just added three more names to the bottom.



Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
StB
Derek
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar
Veneno - Poker Poison
Katitude the Cheek Grabber
F-Train - Attempting to defend his drunken blogger Championship

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