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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Pauly's Truckin' along... 

Two posts in one day? Get the flock out. This is a quick hitter.

This time last year (not really the exact time, more like the day before the Main Event kicked in), I was flying into Vegas to witness the craziness of the first day and check in on Pauly's mental health. A stay at the good ol' Redneck Rivera was good for a story or two also. I hung out til the wee hours of the morning with Grubby and the hoookers of the world famous hooker bar. Watched Pauly piss off the entire rail with his miracle Jack on the river. I temporarily stole BJ's seat at the media table for the feature table and found myself on TV when the show was aired.

And as if Pauly isn't busy enough, he managed to get the July version of Truckin' out this month. Click on the links below and support his efforts.

1. Memories in a Box by Tenzin McGrupp
The emotional weight of all those photographs combined would equal forty thousand elephants. No person is strong enough to walk through life with such a cumbersome burden on their shoulders... More

2. The Returning by Mella
The room seemed larger at night. The corners receded into black, the walls pressed back by shadows, everything coated in a thin veil of blue-gray moonlight. It spilled in through the sheer curtain, flooding the wooden floor. The air was thick, and it smelled like us; sex and sleep... More

3. Grits by Falstaff
when you're drunk, fearless and hungry, you'll go places where no Yankee has ever gone before, the Birmingham Waffle House at 3AM. And trust me, in Birmingham, being from North Carolina marks me as a Yankee... More

4. JetBlue Judy Greer by Derek McGrupp
As I waited at the gate to board my return flight to New York City, I noticed this girl who looked very familiar to me. I couldn't figure out who she was. It was killing me. Then it hit me. She was an actress... More

5. Flying Shotgun by Matt Robertson
I begin screaming and this seems to agitate the bird who in turn begins flapping harder, slapping the side of my face, and screeching louder. I am swerving all over the road at this point... More

6. Rain by Sean A. Donahue
I heard the fire trucks roll as the lightning flashed and as the thunder rolled across the plains of West Texas, I found myself loving listening to the rain again... More

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Conversation with a lemur... 

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language."
Mark Twain
A completely pointless quote to start off but that's just the kind of mood I'm in. I've been sitting around the last couple of weeks with nothing really major to write about but several smaller things going on that haven't been worth the 2 minutes of ramble to get them down or your precious time to read them.

I could tell you a little about the charity golf scramble we played in on Monday in lovely Honeybrook PA. God's country.

As JDub and I pulled into the local TurkeyHill (that's Pennsyl-tuckian for 7-11 or Circle K), there sitting in the parking lot was a little slice of the flavor that I only seem to notice when I'm in these parts. Parked all nice and quiet was a Olds Cutlass, circa 1985, beat to crap, with these big shiny obnoxious spinner rims. And it belonged to the biggest chick mullet seen in ages. Spectacular.

The outing featured JDub drinking no less than one beer per hole. By the 17th hole, he was practically doing a Happy Gilmore imitation by accident and Captain Peanut Bladder was watering every bush along the way. We did get to see one monumental 2nd shot on a par 5 which had Landow practically driving the green with a 3wood from the light rough. 280 yards with a perfect fade. I'm pretty sure Landow is still smiling about it.

The best part about playing in the annual Boathouse golf outing is spending the afternoon on their deck drinking their free booze and winning free swag. I have no idea how many shots I put back during that time but it was cool hanging out with the bar staff that I consider friends on the drinking side of the bar. Doesn't happen frequently enough. It generally only happens when we close the bar and end up somewhere else afterwards. My poor poor liver.

Then there was the freeroll Tournament of Champions at another bar that I had to attempt to play after all that booze. These freerolls feature better play than you'd expect at one of these things, the bartenders have gotten used to our drunken tendencies, and have adjusted their 'pricing policy' accordingly. I was so relaxed after my morning of golf and afternoon of booze that I didn't sweat when I got busted out. I came close to cracking KK with the mighty Q8c (that almost taught him to not limp with monsters). I turned a flush only to have a 3rd 7 hit the river. Oh well, I shook the guys hand, offered to buy him a shot, and made my way to the bar to join BigMike and Royce.

Shortly after that I got knocked out of the second chance tourney (or what we call the real money wink wink tourney) when my KK actually did go busto against a smaller-inferior-call-4xBB-with-crap-hand. I was tired and slightly intoxicated plus an ongoing argument with the lemur of the day was taking it's toll.

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Here's how that one ended....

After an animated discussion on his horrible reasoning for calling, then outdrawing someone based on his pot odds, and me somehow correctly pointing out his fuzzy logic, he went to his backup plan of berating me to play head's up on the spot for a grand.

"If you know so much, I'll play you right now for a thousand dollars head's up." - Donkey Don leads out the betting preflop.

"I don't play head's up for that much against guys like you, too much luck in your crappy style of play." - I simply call his bet.

"But if you'd like to come play a cash game at the Borgata, I'd be more than happy to return some of your back child support to your babies mommas." - I open the betting after the flop.

"I'd kick your ass all day long. Sure, what limits are you playing?" - He calls the flop bet and we see the turn...

"You feel free to come down and play at the table. I'm back in the corner playing the 100/200 game most weekends. That low enough stakes for you?" - I make the monster bluff on the turn. He just looked at me like he was trying to read if I was full of shit. He looked up at the guy running the tourney who was following the whole exchange. He just shrugged his shoulders and told the guy I just got back from the WSoP.

"Jesus, that's way to rich for me. Did you get to meet Raymer while you were out there?" - And he folds to my bluff. My sphincter unpuckered and I never let him see the bluff.

After the tourney all he could ask about was who was there and who I met. Fucking jagoffs.

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Anyone know what I'm doing here? 

"You never go ass to mouth!"
Dante
I forgot to mention that BigMike and I made a late night run on Saturday to catch Clerks2 for a little entertainment. My two word review: Loved it. But it won't be for everyone. If you liked the original, you'll like this one.

I read a funny post on Kevin Smith's blog when he found out that movie reviewer Joel Siegel walked out of the screening. Go check it out.

So last night, at a press screening of “Clerks II” in New York City, “Good Morning America” movie critic Joel Siegel decided he’d had enough of my shenanigans, and walked out of the flick at the forty minute mark. You’d imagine this would bother me, and yet, I’m as delighted by this news as I was with the eight minute standing ovation “Clerks II” received in Cannes.

I mean, it’s Joel Siegel, for Christ’s sake. As Paul Thomas Anderson once said of the man, getting a bad review from Siegel is like a badge of honor. This is the guy who stole his mustachioed critic shtick from Gene Shalit years ago, and still refuses to give it back. This is a guy who seemingly prides himself on being “punny” - that is, he likes to add his own nyuk-nyuk wordplay into the reviews he writes/gives.

For “Pirates 2″, he made us all titter with “Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Fun”.

For Pixar’s lastest, he made us squeal with delight when he wrote “Wheelie Good Time for ‘Cars’”.

Can you believe he somehow not only made us laugh, but also think, when he challenged our perception with “X-Men’ Fails to X-cite”?

I mean, Fozzy fucking Bear laughs at this guy (AT, mind you, not WITH).
Go check it out. Being the whack job I am, we stayed until all the credits rolled and he put in a nice surprise. He listed all 40,000+ people who signed up on the Clerks2 myspace page. That should add to their DVD sales.

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I'm all over the map today. I'm on semi-tilt at the moment heading quickly towards full blown tilt. Things are piling up and as the Bash gets closer I always have those dreaded moments when I don't think everything is going to get done in time. The writing is still here for me but the time is short and tough to fit in. Monday was a great way to relax but I found myself passed out at home last night before the sun even went down.

I don't know how to function on that much sleep.

The list for Bash attendees continues to grow and I was excited to be able to put Joe Speaker on the 100% confirmed list. Ladies, the line will form early and the line will be long. So sign up early to get your piece of the Speaker. Emails and IM's are flying around so quickly I'm actually having a heard time keeping up with them. If I haven't replied to your email yet, it's on my list.

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I can't believe I wasn't more disappointed that the mighty Hellmuth mouth tied Brunson and Chan with his 10th WSoP bracelet. I guess after that no talent ass clown crook won and with so many uber-douchebag young kids running around, it kind of makes Hellmuth seem not so bad. Although I was happy when he lost his first chance even though he got head's up against a no-name in his first live tourney. I'm still no Hellmuth fan.

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I think tonight I need to remind my liver that it's been very bad.

And needs to be punished.

While I'm drowning in a sea of amber colored goodness, you should go donk off your money at tonight's DADI event.

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Sign up quickly and get your name on the list with these blogging gods for the Bash at the Boathouse. Everyone is invited...

Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
Derek
StB
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Sweet sweet sleep... 

Sweet jesus am I exhausted. 24 straight hours, I was miles away from the internet, sanity, and sobriety. Early morning golf followed by afternoon boozing at the Boathouse followed by my attempt to play some poker. I was so relaxed that I didn't even sweat the two monster bad beats laid upon me by the lemurs. What's the mating call of a lemur? "But I had odds to call you!" You weren't getting odds to call looking for a 2 outter you douche.

I'd love to tell you all about the day but my brain is so twisted tight right now that I can't. I've had to backspace over tfv7gbhy65 a few times already. And if you don't know, tfv7gbhy65 are the letters that pop up on the screen when you fall asleep and your head slams into the keyboard. Just thought you might like to know that.

In the mean time, here's what you should be doing instead of wasting time here....

1. Go to the ForPeyton site and start bidding on the auction. It'll make ya feel good.

2. Go to the PokerStars blog and check out some of the posts Otis and Wil are putting up. Top notch shiznit there.

3. I already assume you're reading Dr. Pauly because everyone does. If you're not, well then I just don't get it. Sunday he posted a video and story of Otis earning $400 from Pauly just for eating 2 keno crayons. JUST he says.

4. Go check out Dan's little cult of bloggers he gathered around himself. They have everything covered. I'd love to link to everyone working for PokerBlog.com but I fell asleep twice while writing this list. God help me.

5. Who's yer DADI? When it's all said and done and you've read every meaningless post in the vast sea of sucktitude, go sign up for the next DADI event. REBUY!


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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Two months to go... 



7th Annual Bash at the Boathouse
Saturday, September 23rd
Flanigan's Boathouse in Malvern
$10 donation at the door


For the uninitiated...

The Bash started out as our monstrous wedding reception when we didn't want to make those tough decision about who to invite. So we rented out the Boathouse, hired a top band, and partied with 400 of our closest friends. It was so much fun, it became an annual tradition. It also turned into a opportunity to raise a ton of money for some good charities. Throughout the years we've raised large amounts of money for the American Cancer Society, Make a Wish Foundation, and Cystic Fibrosis. Year number 7 will be no different.

The party will start early on Saturday and I won't leave until the last person is gone sometime early Sunday morning. Currently we have 3 bands scheduled to play between 7pm and 2am. Vibe Tribe, Petey and the Bandcampers, and of course, ACHE (the Al Can't Hang Experiment). The Boathouse is providing a great rate on their drinks and if you like beer, check out their beer list. If you need a testimonial to their selection, just ask StB. The friday before the last Bash, he got himself nice and loaded on nothing but beer, and never had the same beer twice.

In the recent years, we began each Saturday afternoon before the Bash with a little poker for the out of towners and bloggers. Last year we had enough people there early to have two full tables. One NLHE and one mix game (if I remember correctly, Joaquin destroyed the mix game with his studly Stud skills). This year we have a little something different going on.

Gavin Smith, the World Poker Tour Player of the Year, a proper drinker, and all around good guy, has generously offered to throw a charity single table tournament at the Boathouse on the afternoon before the Bash. We have several other big name pro's that are going to play, I'm working on a celeb dealer, and it will be run by G-Vegas Tournament Director extraordinare BadBlood. I'm also working on several deals with poker merchandiser for some sweeteners.

I am working on the player-list for the tournament and will be sending out invitations. If you are interested in the specific details of the tournament or in playing, drop me an email here and I will give them out. This is a charity event, so prepare to open the wallets. Wide. But you can also expect some good press to come your way since we'll have at least Dr. Pauly and Spaceman in attendance. Maybe we can talk Pauly into live blogging the tourney for everyone in exchange for a shot bottle of Southern Comfort. If you will not be playing in the tournament, you are encouraged to show up to watch the tourney and partake in some early booze.

The two charities benefitting from our gathering of like-minded invididuals will be ForPeyton and Michael's Miracle.

The general plan for most bloggers who fly/drive in for the event is to make the trip on Friday and leave Sunday. Plan to leave late on Sunday unless you travel well with a hangover. The best airport to fly into will be Philadelphia International. There will be plenty of stuff going on Friday night to keep you entertained. There are also some bloggers making the trip in Thursday morning and spend the day/night in Atlantic City, a short drive down the AC expressway.

On Saturday, we will have a shuttle running between the Boathouse and 3 local hotels. The hotels are listed below and I would suggest starting at the top and moving down based on availability and cost.

Homewood Suites Great Valley
Homestead Studio Suites - Malvern
Extended StayAmerica - Malvern

If you are planning to attend or have any questions at all, feel free to drop me an email at any of my addresses. For those coming, just drop a line with your travel and hotel details. I'll be checking this one often. Also, I've started a new site to track changes and I'll link up the bloggers that I know are coming.

Confirmed to be coming. I know I'm missing a bunch, just drop it in the comments and I'll link you up.

Boy Genius
Dr. Pauly
Iggy
Gracie and Pablo
BadBlood
Spaceman
CJ aka Luckbox
Heather
MeanGene has no choice
StB
Derek
Drizz
Arne
Poker Wolf
Joaquin
Pii - Drowned at the River
Slb
Carter - Just wouldn't be the Bash without Carter.
brdweb
Falstaff
Joe Speaker - That's right ladies. Line up neatly starting at the bar

Cheers and I hope to see you in September!

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