Saturday, July 22, 2006

Even Google recognizes... 

...how bad I am at poker. Brilliant.



Just a reminder...

Jen Leo's episode of Pokerdome is being shown this Sunday night at 11pm on FoxSports Network. It should be fun seeing how they put it together and there were a ton of bloggers in the audience. Look for Gracie and I fake laughing together. And Garth hitting on the hottie to his right.

I can't mention what happened in the tournament until after it airs, but look for Jen's Hammer pin on the lapel and see if they show her playing Roshambo with the player on her left.


Friday, July 21, 2006

Don't ask, I'm just rambling on... 

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing."
Randy K. Milholland

You said it!

What a couple of wonderfully low key bizarre drinking days we had this week. The kind of benders which flow easily and always end with the chairs up on the table. The kind of nights that few people will ever see unless they've spent over a decade with the same group people at the same place that become part of your family in some weird and very disturbing way. Wednesday was an evening with Blair and his wonderful wife dropping off fresh brownies just for me. Not for him. Me.

Who gets brownies delivered to them at the bar? Apparently I do. I knew exactly what to do with them. Feed them to the waitresses. I swear I don't know how they contain themselves when I walk in the door. It must take extreme self control to not immediately jump on me. (huge HUGE sarcasm. The only jumping that would ever occur would be when I was drunk and they realized the could knock me over and steal my cash).

For the record, brownies and Soco.... not so much.

After the brownies were consumed, shots shot, and random drunken calls, we turned our attention to the few remaining peasants and decided it was iPod time. Played through the house sound system louder than any DJ that's ever played in the bar, we blasted old rock, new rock, hard rock, metal, and maybe just a little blues to chase them out the door. Finally some Pantera seemed to have worked because the Germans were walking out the door like it was the Arc de Triumph.

Last night we had a couple of guys in their mid to late 40's, acting like they were in their early 20's, and doing their best Steve Martin / Dan Aykroyd "two wild and crazy guys" impression. They were so far down the ladder that they were left with nothing else to hit on except the two octogenarian at the end the bar. And failing miserably at that.

But you know what really rocks? Checking your email and receiving a 1 am, drunken, thousand word email from the next president of the US of A (no offense Falstaff). It's like finding your own personal MeanGene post sitting right there in your Inbox. And it was classic and you'll never see. Suck it Trebek.


Enough rambling, let's move onto important things. Like the Bash.

Saturday, September 23rd. Flanigan's Boathouse in Malvern. The 7th Annual Bash at the Boathouse.

Finally finally finally I have enough details down that I will write it all up this weekend. Times, hotels, transportation, and a little poker tournament by that guy who was all over ESPN this week.

What we need now is people to show up. Everyone is invited. Bloggers, readers, even the people finding my site with random searches for Amy Calistri's boobs. That means you, yeah you, sitting sheepishly behind your online persona and 54 inch monitor. Get thee to the Bash.

More importantly, I'm putting out the specific invitation out to two bloggers.

One, the king of Scotch, all things Ferrari, and World of Warcraft. The Poker Pro Chris Halverson. He just hasn't been around enough and we finally harassed him enough to post again. I promised him a bottomless supply of top level Scotch and bottom level floozies.

Number 2 invite.... the longest tenured poker blogger out there that has never been seen in the flesh. He's been around longer than all of us regular hacks, constantly brings it with the content, and he's recently married so I know he needs a vacation full of decadence. Mr. Decker, you are formally invited to attend this rather raucous and completely uncivilized gathering of like minded degenerates for some low grade poker and high grade fun.

I'll be back later today or this weekend with all the details I have at this point.

Drink well and have a good weekend.


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

More auction items going up on EBay... 

Update: Links added for your pleasure

Posting per Bobby Bracelet and reprinted. Yes, Bobby does talk about himself in the third person but who doesn't. The auctions will be going online later today, I will link them up when they are. Pass it along.


Poker Pro's Donate Items for Charity Auction ForPeyton.com

That Bobby Bracelet is quite the guy. He's gone and set up a whole bunch of new items to be auctioned. It won't stop there, either. Look for additions like 2 tickets to Howard and Suzie Lederer's WSOP party, a signed cowboy hat by Kenna James, Matt Savage running your home game, Greg Raymer signed a fossil for some lucky bidder, and even more!

Oh yeah, there will be a poker table auctioned off thanks to Bluff Magazine. It will be signed by every pro that Gavin, Spaceman, and Bluff staff can muster. It'll also be signed by the brand spanking new WSOP Main Event Champion. Then of course, Bobby Bracelet will be auctioning that off to one lucky bastard. Better bring your checkbook for that one though, cause it'll go for over 10k.

Here is a rundown of the stuff you will soon find on Ebay and ready for your bids. And by "soon" I mean later today, July 19th.

Two tickets to the Full Tilt Poker Gala Event at the WSOP! There are two tickets available, each one is allowed to bring a guest. This is up already and will end in 5 days because the event is July 26th. It's at Pure nightclub in Caesar's. Check it out, make a bid, meet and marry a celebrity.


One lucky sob and a guest have a chance to attend Howard and Suzie Lederer's (and Steve Zolotow's) 4th Annual WSOB and Karaoke Championship. Thursday July 27th, from 6pm - ??? at a restaurant off the strip. Many of the top pros will be there, and you never know, possibly a celebrity or two. I can't think of much that would be more entertaining than seeing somebody like Phil Hellmuth belting out Endless love.

Gavin Smith, poker professional and all around great guy, has the tickets and we will get the winning bidder in touch with him to ensure the tickets are in your hand in time.

(Note: this does not mean to imply that Phil Hellmuth will be there.)
(Also: WSOB apparently stands for World Series of Beer. NICE!)

Steve Zolotow
has donated a night out at one of his favorite hangouts, a place called Nice Guy Eddie's in New York. Dinner for two, drinks, and whatever sort of poker conversation you'd like to have. Ask questions, listen to stories, get some tips and pointers, or just shoot the breeze. He's a great guy that truly enjoys conversations on a variety of topics.

Robert Mizrachi has offered a 2 Hour Lesson. This will be by phone unless by some chance you can work out a time and place that works for him. With tourneys and travel, chances are you'll have to settle for a phone lesson, but you never know. Doesn't hurt to ask.

Annie Duke sent two signed copies of her book along with 3 DVD's. They were split up into two packages. The first is the hardcover edition with the advanced secrets DVD, while the other is the paperback version with two DVD's, one for beginners and one for women.

Mike Krzyzewski signed a Duke hat. Bobby Bracelet tells me it has taken every ounce of his will not to stomp it into oblivion before setting it on fire. If you're a fan, it's a great Nike fitted hat. If you aren't, buy it for charity and do exactly as Bobby would do in hopes it will work like voodoo on Duke's chances next season.

There is another Card Player package like last time, only this time we have the ability to also add a one year subscription to Card Player Magazine.

There is another Phil Hellmuth DVD package similar to last time, though it will also be joined by a one year subscription to Card Player Magazine.

Go To For Peyton and keep in eye on these items. Should be up today.

PLEASE DO THE BRACELET A FAVOR AND POST ABOUT THIS ON YOUR SITE. Again, if you'd like to help out, but don't have the means to bid on something, please pass this information along and/or post it on your blog.


4am HORSE and Sean's list... 

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."
- Gracie Unknown

"A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool."
- Joseph Roux
4 fucking o'clock in the morning! Who the hell in their right mind plays in a home game for 9 friggin' hours on a Monday? I found 4 other mental cases to fit that particular bill Monday night. And I didn't even want to play.

The site was Landow's house for the restarted home games. Small SnG followed by the inevitable lemur fest cash game. The tournament proved that I wasn't really giving a flying fuck about poker at the moment. I had big hands outdrawn by unsoooted connectors and overcards to really doused the poker flame. I was out early and ready to either call it a night or hit the bar.

Next thing you know I find myself sitting in a six handed NLHE game. Very first hand Lewey doubles up on BigMike. From the couch. Both were betting in the dark and we nowhere near the table. Second hand, Lewey triples up off of BigMike and Landow by cracking Landow's aces.

Landow is done. Forever. He saw his poker shadow and I foresee three more weeks of Lewey-tilt for him.

Third hand, time for me to enter the stupidity. BigMike raise in the dark, Lewey reraise in the dark, Donkey Al instanta push with QQ. BigMike hits a King on the flop with his KJ.


3 hands, 4 bustouts, and Landow is trying his best to not kick the dog.

This madness lasts about an hour before Lewey has tilted half the table and paid off the other half. One man left for the silly reason that his wife was giving birth at the moment. He actually left in the middle of a hand. Madness.

After a couple racks of pool in the basement, Landow has the idea to play some low limit 5-handed HORSE. Brilliant. I should be able to get some of my buy-in's back. One player has no idea how to play anything but hold'em, I don't think Royce has played much Stud, and BigMike looks half asleep (the bottle of Soco is nearly half empty). That leaves Landow who's solid and I should be able to avoid him.

Something odd happens right off the bat. I start making money in Hold'em. Limit hold'em. Then start donking it off in O8. Bass ackwards for my history. Two orbits per game, money was flying all over the place, and we find ourselves back into Hold'em. Beers were being consumed by the others at an alarming rate but I'm feeling fine. I leaned back to look at the coffee table and see that the bottle of Soco is just about empty. I mention to BigMike that we've done a good job on the bottle and I get a shock. Apparently Mike hasn't touched the stuff all evening. That meant the entire bottle was sitting in my rather large belly.

Oh boy.

The second go 'round with Hold'em started with the good ol' tradition of live straddling. Followed by Landow blind re-raising. Followed by a blind 4 bet. Sitting in the small blind, I find the betting capped before a card was dealt. Good time to pick up big hands. More money made in Hold'em and the poker gods were back to smiling down on me.

By then end of the night/morning, it was past 3:30 in the A M, I had made back all the retarded rebuys, and had 2 hours of sleep to look forward to before the alarm clock went off and it was back to reality.

Now I'm praying that my officemate leaves early so I can shut the door and sleep this one off. But I'm never that lucky.


That was all written yesterday in some sleep-deprived-semi-hangover trance and I just never posted it. I made it home with thoughts of lazyboys and Razz dancing in my head. Little did I know that Hurricane P-ville was about to come blasting across our town shutting everything down. We even saw a cheap white plastic table go ripping down the road at a disturbing pace followed shortly by a old man in his boxers and black sox running it down with the table legs in his hand.

Ah my town, it's a classy place.

The electricity shutdown promptly at 8pm and still was not back on at the time I left the house for work this morning. It becomes odd when you realize how much you're used to the power when you don't have it. Like at 4 o'clock this morning when I decided I needed a huge glass of H2O and find myself clicking the water dispenser on the fridge for cold cold water over and over again. I just couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any water.

Al = chucklehead.

I settled for a cancer-causing quick drink for the sink and the P-ville water is already eating my insides with only a couple of hours to work. God protects drunks and fools. I'm lucky enough to be both.

He also almost prevented me from posting Sean's NSFW 5-list. But... (link corrected. I think it makes it even funnier if you go to seandonahue.org and look at the guy I credited with wanting on-air dial-a-shots and pictures of nekkid womenses. Damned bloglines making me lazy.)


Now listen up, here's your fair warning. These pictures are not suitable if you are sitting in a common work area, easily offended, don't like nekkid chippies, or just mormon.

This is the 5 random NOT SAFE FOR WORK images. You are warned, but enjoy.

1. If Dr. Seuss made porn
2. When picking real estate, it's all about the view
3. The eyes have it
4. For Daddy
5. For StB



Monday, July 17, 2006

Ramblin' man... 

"True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read; and in so living as to make the world happier for our living in it."
- Pliny The Elder (23 AD - 79 AD)
This weekend I did some things which don't deserve to be written. Caucci and I hit a bar for the first time in recent memory on a Saturday night. Now I remember why I avoided the 'amateur' nights. People dressed to be seen showing parts that really shouldn't be seen even in the low light of a wannabe hipster bar. Girls dressed like sausages with too much stuffing and not enough casing. Guys on the prowl with nary a shot at even the girls with the lowest self esteem. Overpriced and underpoured drinks were the recipe of the day. Drunkards wearing worn out t-shirts and poker site hats. Wait, that one was me.

God help them as they scurry like cock roaches when the ugly lights come on. If they haven't paired up and made their way to the dark cars for the dark ride home to the dark bedroom, they're fucked and not getting fucked. Did I really need to get my fatass off the lazy boy for this shit? I could have been home watching the premiere of Rebound on HBO instead of being ignored by bartenders who don't realize until the last 30 minutes that I'm spending money like a Republican on the missile defense system.

You can keep the amateur nights. I'll stick to my boozing on Monday's to Thursday's and put up with the stigma of being a drunk. It works for me.

But does that deserve to be read? Nope, still don't know why the few readers I have still stumble around this mess. Hey, if I can make you feel a little better because you aren't me, I guess that is bringing a little happiness into the world. Score one for the idiot.


Some big time congrats are in order this Monday morning afternoon.

First off, go stop by TrumpJosh "Supplier of ACHE Vegas booze" and give him the kudo's for putting out a solo instrumental album (available on Amazon for the low low price of $18.98. Not available in 8-track). From what my corrupted ears tell me, he's a fine musician and deserves our support.

Speaking of bloggers and Amazon, my copy of DoubleAs new book, Pressure Poker arrived this weekend. Just as I'm finishing up Jay Greenspan's book. Great timing.

It seems we've had two more bloggers qualify for the WSoP Main Event yesterday (to join Glenn and whoever else is playing that I missed). Absinthetics hit the jackpot on Full Tilt and ZeemJr qualified in the monster PokerStars 150 seat guarantee tourney. Great job and congrats to these guys.

Maybe Felicia will still be on her O8 tear while poor Glenn sits with thousands of his closest strangers with horrid body odor.

Finally, in one of the bad moves I made this last weekend, I didn't realize our (poker bloggers everywhere) good friend Max Pescatori had made a final table again on Sunday. For those who don't know, Max and Felicia went on to chop the first ever live WPBT tourney at Sam's Town in December 2004. On the same day that his beloved Azzurri won the World Cup, Max won his first WSoP bracelet surrounded by his friends. Since I wasn't on the intranetweb thingy all weekend, I had no idea.

My last day at the Rio, I was walking around the tournament area not really paying any attention to what was going on around. The place does make you feel kind of numb. All of a sudden someone grabbed my shoulder and before it could register, he was pointing down at his wrist. I looked up and it was Max with a huge smile on his face just tapping the bracelet. I congratulated him and apologized for not being there. He said not to worry, just be there for the second one.

Of course I completely forgot to ask which meant more, the World Cup or the bracelet. Probably a stupid question anyway.