Saturday, May 20, 2006

And the award for longest, crappiest post goes to... 


"May 20, 2006 -- Tommy Hilfiger really showed his "Appetite for Destruction" yesterday when he pummeled Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose in a dispute over a VIP table at Rosario Dawson's birthday party, sources said....

The feisty fashionista was acting all gangsta, hitting Axl with a flurry of punches, one that landed under Rose's eye."

Posted for no other reason than it cracks my ass up thinking about Axl Rose taking punches to the face from a 'feisty fashionista'. And this was the guy who sent his lawyers after me? Axl Rose is a festering axe wound.

While I was on the NY Post site, I decided to look around and see what they had going on. They sure do have some shitty assed writers. I guess all the good writers are in the blogger world. Based on the skill level at the Post, maybe I have a future in the mainstream media with my half baked thoughts and poorly written prose.

Where do I send my resume?


Recently I've been spending the majority of my online poker time at Full Tilt or Pokerstars. I have badly neglected that great fishtank on the interweb, Party Poker. There's nothing like a nice bonus to get the fish schooling again around my favorite Omaha8 tables. Plugging the numbers into PokerTracker, it's not uncommon to find several players at the same table with a VPiP in the mid 90% range. That's a broke O8 player just waiting to happen, begging to give away their money, and I'm more than happy to make that happen for them.

I love me some drunken lemur poker.

I was going to regale you with the story from Wednesday which started with the Arsenal - Barcelona kickoff and ended with us sitting in a strip club. Stacks of wrapped singles, sub-par week-night girls, and the favorite bartender of Helixx wearing fishnets and leather shorts with the same amount of material as a good pair of driving gloves.

But alas, I'd have to post the pictures that go with story and that isn't going to happen this weekend. The pics are loaded on the camera. The camera is sitting in BigMike's car. BigMike's car is 2 hours away sitting in the parking garage of the Borgata.


I guess I'll give into peer pressure and answer TripJax' questionnaire. It won't come close to the answer given over at the Tao of Keno but I'll try.

1. What is the biggest mistake people make at a NL table?

My biggest mistake is actually sitting down at the table. Other people make the mistake of getting up from the table while I'm donating. The real mistake I see most often is the classic overbet where you're only going to get called when you're dominated. That, and lemurs going broke with Ace-crap.

2. What is the biggest mistake people make at a Limit table?

"I call"

3. Why do you play poker?

Did you know they keep bringing you free booze at the poker table while I'm getting blinded down? I could sit there and not play a single hand, only drinking the free booze, and I come ahead because my bartab would have been double the amount I paid in blinds.

Obviously the way I play, financial gain in the lowest reason I play poker I could list.

4. If you weren't playing poker, what would you be doing?

Traveling to more exotic places with the money I saved by NOT playing poker.

5. What is your favorite poker book and why?

The Harrington on Hold'em series for that silly game where you only get two hole cards. For the split games, read it over and over and over. Ray Zee's High-Low-Split Poker, Seven-Card Stud and Omaha Eight-or-better. Like Felicia said, this is a book that's meant to be read several times as you come against different situations in your O8 / Stud8 game.

6. Who is your favorite poker player and why?

I can't pick one. Let's go with the three that I've gotten smashed with. Gavin Smith, Steve Danneman, and Brandon Schaefer. Three mother effers that can play poker AND drink like the world's gonna ban the consumption of alcohol the next day. My favorite non-pro poker players are listed over there on the right.

7. Which poker player do you dislike the most and why?

Apparently at the Playboy Mansion I made it quite clear. But really, it's gotta be David Grey at the moment for his treatment of Jason. Douchebag.

8. Do your coworkers know about your blog?

Hells yeah. I consider them my fact checkers. I've worked with BigMike for 16 years and that's just the start. BigMike has threatened to start another blog on the side to fill in the blanks of my stories. That could be scary.

9. What is the most you have won in a cash game or MTT (both live and online)?

Nothing major online, I'm strictly low limit. I like to keep my cash liquid in case an emergency booze session pops up. During one marathon O8 session on Party last summer, I pushed my little $25 into $500 during one of the infamous bonus periods.

Live, probably the biggest cash out was over a grand at the Borgata 1/2 NL tables.

Like I've said, I suck.

10. What is the most you have lost in a cash game or in one day total (both live and online)?

Online, no idea.

Live. 2 years ago, almost to the day, I had $1500 in a pot playing 1/2NL. Trip Kings lost to runner runner aces after the money got in on the flop. Most brutal gutpunch for me at the tables. Now I owe you a buck for the bad beat story.

11. Who was your first poker blog read?

The first blog I read was Grubby but technically it was Iggy that sent me there. I was floating around the internet looking for poker information and came across an article written by Iggy for Pokersavy about blogs.

12. What satisfies you more, your aces holding up for a big pot or a bluff working for a big pot?

Nothing beats the feeling of a good bluff. Especially when you lay a big bluff on a fellow blogger and put him on tilt for two weeks. Sorry Pauly, you still owe me several junk kicks for that one.

13. Why do you blog?

Because if I didn't, my brain would explode with all these amazing ideas and thoughts burning up in my brilliant brain. But really, I started because I watched Mean Gene take down the first ever blogger tourney, thought these were a cool bunch of cats, and wanted in for myself.

Next thing you know, I turned this corner of the internet into an ugly eye sore.

14. Do you read blogs from an RSS reader like bloglines or do you visit each blog?

I wouldn't be able to read half the blogs I do if it wasn't for bloglines. I have about 250 feeds and there's no way I could click over to each one. I remember the old days of hitting Grubby, Iggy, Pauly, Hank, Decker, etc. throughout the day just to see if there was a new post. Bloglines makes it much easier.

15. Would you rather play poker for a living than do what you currently do for a living?

I'm a drunk and a degenerate. If I was rich enough or good enough, I'd play poker full time.

16. Do you wear a tin foil hat on occasion?

I don't wear a tin foil hat, but I will on occasion put on the teflon cup to protect my good ol' twig and berries.

17. If you had to pin it down to one specific trait, what does a great poker player have (or do) that separates them from an average player?

The ability to leave emotion at the door.

18. Is Drizz the coolest person on the planet for naming his baby Vegas?

I'm proud to have 'known' Drizz long before he became a blogger. Way back when he was just the king of all serial commenters. Drizz was guaranteed a huge audience when he finally setup his own shop. I'll say that Drizz was one of the coolest people on the planet before he dropped the name Vegas on his second born. Doing that made his wife one of the coolest on the planet.

19. What is your primary poker goal and are you close to accomplishing it?

My goal is to give away every damned penny I earn at the poker table (minus the large bartabs). Hell yes, I'm very close to accomplishing my goal.

20. What is your primary online site and why?

Party Poker for the O8 cash games. Full Tilt for the Razz and super soft SnG's. Pokerstars for multi-table tourneys.

21. What site do you dislike and why?

Pacific's spectacularly crappy software.

And there you have it. Don't know if anyone cares but it was a good exercise in futility.


"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
Mark Twain
Click for a different perspective


Thursday, May 18, 2006

It finally happened 

Here's the short version of how it happened.

BigMike: Hey, we're going to Delilah's in Philly to hang out with Bridget.

Me: Delilah's the strip club? And Bridget works there?

BigMike: Yes and yes

Me: I'll pass. I can hang with her at the Boathouse and Delilah's sucks.

BigMike: Oh well.

The Blonde on the chatty internet thingy: Hey Al, how've you been.

Me: Wanna go to a strip club with us?

The Blonde: Sure!

BigMike: Bobby, I'm gonna need $100 in singles.

And that is how we finally came to meet the legendary Blonde. At Delilah's, looking at overpriced, below par strippers.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Drunken Lemur Poker Rocks 

"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me.
The carriage held but just ourselves,
and Immortality."

"Cause I ain't no new messiah, but I'm close enough for rock and roll."
There ya have it. The collected wisdom of Emily Dickinson and .38 Special at the same time. I'll just go ahead and assume you can figure out which is from which. The first quote was actually something BigMike just pulled out of huge melon as we (by we, I mean me) staggered to the car after another raucous round of bar freeroll poker. It was the typical freeroll fare with a 90 to 10 'tard to human ratio but the tourney was well run with a decent structure. It was also held at a new bar in the area, McKenzie's Brew House. Poker and booze. These are a few of my favorite things.

The place was huge and thankfully served booze along with their beer selections unlike several other 'brew pubs' around here. Good food, friendly staff, and big honkin' shots of southern.

The tournament went along the same lines as how I've been running in the last couple of weeks. Whether online or live, mother variance must have crotch rot and taking it out on me. A shit load of second best hands and watching folded hands that would have been monsters. Players calling off their entire stack on a gutshot and others checking down the mortal nuts on the river. Eh, you get what you pay for in these games. Online, it's only my masterful skill at this game *cough* that has kept me from going broke.

By the end of the night, the bartender unaccustomed to such drinking stupidity, asked if this was a normal night for us ("no ma'am, this was a 'take it easy' kinda night"), the girl at the bar was giving BigMike the schedule for when she worked the Lingerie Lunch at another local bar ("hell yeah, Al and I will be there" said the good man), and I got a little jumpy every time I went to take a whizz ("there's a god damn video game over there that involves a pump shot gun, hill billies, and rats with antlers!")

It was a great night. Hanging out drinking with the friends, playing poker, and talking to a legend or two. A nice place to hang out as soon as we get the waitstaff properly trained and bribed motivated. We'll definitely head back out there.


Now for the metal portion of our show. As I said in the previous post, I was hanging out with our friend Katherine on Thursday and I was poking her brain for some new thrash recommendations so I could properly update my catalog. Her email even got the big thumbs up from the Thrasher King. Below is a portion of her email...

Alright so you asked what bands you should be checking out...here's my (small) list of recommendations for you.

I know you say you can't dig Children Of Bodom, (
Ed note: I'm still having a hard time getting by the fact that they have a GOD DAMNED KEYBOARD PLAYER. Moving along.) but I'm begging you to give them another shot; they really are the best band of that whole genre. Check out "Follow The Reaper," "Hatebreeder," or "Hatecrew Deathroll." You'd probably actually like "Hatecrew" the best out of the three.

Check out Soilwork too. *NOTE* It is extremely important that you check out their earlier stuff first. They helped In Flames create that European sound and they've pretty much gone the way of In Flames lately (ie really changed their style, not for the better). Check out "A Predator's Portrait" (which I fucking LOVE) or "The Chainheart Machine."

I'll recommend Into Eternity also. Even though they're Canadian they still ROCK! (
Ed note: the views presented by Katherine are not necessarily the views of the AlCantHang corporation. I love all my silly Canadian friend and readers. That was a joke too. Continue.) They've managed to combine every genre of metal and not sound ridiculous...a little bit death, a little bit prog, a little bit thrash, a little bit 80s cheese...trust me they're right up your alley. Start with "Buried In Oblivion."

Then there's Arch Enemy...featuring Michael Ammott from Carcass I guess you know you can't go wrong there...plus their latest albums have featured a female singer (who you wouldn't know was female unless you saw a picture of her to prove it)..Don't worry, they're all screaming, all crunching, all the time. Start with "Wages Of Sin" (and if you can manage to get the bonus edition of "Wages" the second disc is all covers and demos and features a KICKASS cover of "Aces High.")

Arch Enemy

I'll also throw a Nevermore recommendation your way. Even though they don't have the European sound at all, they're still awesome (
Ed note: notice there is no H in awesome. Let's remember that. Back we go...) and I know you'll like them. They sound like the bastard child of Queensryche and Pantera. They've got the crunch but the emotion and melody all at the same time. Their singer is one of my absolute favorites. You can't go wrong starting with any of their albums, but their latest one "This Godless Endeavor" is as good a place as any. Most people will tell you that the best place for new fans of the band to start is "Dead Heart In A Dead World," however my personal favorite of theirs is "Dreaming Neon Black." *NOTE* if you manage to get around to check out the alubm "Enemies Of Reality," pleeeeeease be aware that there are two different versions of the album: the first their producer was asleep at the board and it sounds like shit. However, the remaster of it sounds great.
So there you have it, hardcore thrash recommendation from a girl who knows her shit, likes the crunch, and is on the short list for people allowed to do this...

Now if you'd like to hear some of her recommendations, I just happen to have a nice big zip file sitting on the server with 11 of the songs. Beware, it is well of 50M in size. Right click on the link below and "save as".

Arch Enemy - Burning Angel
Arch Enemy - Aces High
Children of Bodom - Follow the Reaper
Children of Bodom - Hatebreeder
Children of Bodom - Six Pounder
Children of Bodom - Hatecrew Deathroll
Into Eternity - Buried in Oblivion
Nevermore - Dead Heart in a Dead World
Nevermore - Dreaming Neon Black
Soilwork - The Chainheart Machine
Soilwork - Predator's Portrait

Warning, this is NOT your mother's metal. Here's the link. Enjoy.


Sunday, May 14, 2006

Poker, Spandex, and the best middle name ever... 

I was sitting at the bar Thursday night, talking on the little chatty thing with Alan when my Phils were playing his Mets. He was at work and I had to describe the sight of seeing Aaron Rowand do his best bug/windshield imitation. That was just the start of my Thursday.

I hadn't really intended on going on a mini-hiatus but it seems to have happened. In the last couple years I've always made the effort to get something up here often, if for no other reason than to keep me in habit of writing. The last couple of days have brought different distractions, all of them good for a change, and I just never got around to writing.

Thursday night brought some great news for the Bash. During the winter, Phil (aka The Guy Who Saved Iggy in Vegas) offered to help out putting together the ACHE lineup for this year. For those uninitiated, ACHE stands for The AlCantHang Experiment and is really just a mish mosh all-star band lineup that I've been throwing together for the last couple of parties. They are the last band to go on when everyone is loaded and play crap-metal at my pleasure. Well Phil certainly hit this one out of the park. I guess that's what happens when you let a rock star pick the band.

I'm going to wait until closer to the Bash to announce the lineup, but I'll tell you now, they won't be going on last when everyone is loaded. I'm one happy headbanger. Top shelf.

Also on Thursday, I found out CardPlayer had an article online that I believe will show up in the print edition also. The article features Gavin Smith and his efforts to raise money with Bobby Bracelet and ForPeyton. Great article but you'll want to check out the very last paragraph...

But the biggest prize of the silent auction comes from Smith. He is graciously donating a $5,000 prize pool to a 10-person tournament tentatively scheduled for September 23, 2006, in Philadelphia. Smith will act as host for the tournament. There will be eight spots available to be bid on beginning with the initial auction on August 1, 2005.


How about a recap from Otis from last years Bash?


I also ran into my friend Katherine Thursday night which is always great for the conversation alone. We talk about all things metal. Old, new, thrash, death, crunchy, metal goodness. I have a great email that I'm going to post tomorrow if she doesn't mind. I'm always interested in her opinions because she's young but has the proper metal background to let me know what's going on.

With Eva hanging out in AC all weekend on a bachelorette party, I spent the entire weekend immersed in gutpunch music that makes me happy. Didn't hurt the aggression levels on the virtual poker tables either. I also promised her that I'd post something I wrote back on St. Patrick's Day that never made the blog. It was complete drunken rambling and addressed the usuage of the goat, or the horns, and whatever the damned geeks are calling it these days. Actual picture of Katherine...

Standby tomorrow for the post and I'll put up some mp3's from Children of Bobom, Arch Enemy, Into Eternity, Nevermore, and Soilwork.


Sunday morning are great for surfing around. This morning I hit the jackpot. I'm sure most people know who Shane is by now. Actor, producer, poker player extraordinare. How'd you like to see Shane in a toga and spandex? Who wouldn't!

Go check out Jessica Stover's site and this post. It took me a while to realize he was the rocker, but the toga... classic.


Finally, if you haven't already, stop by Drizz and congratulate him and his wife on the birth of their daughter. Cheers to Kyra Vegas.