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Friday, April 21, 2006

Moron Refuge... 

I think I've discovered the ultimate in short bus poker. Well, actually CJ and Heather pointed me towards it.

AOL is running freeroll satellites to the WSoP Main Event. You have to play a qualifier and finish in top 100 to get into the freeroll. It's top 100 no matter how many players. Piece of cake. Luckily Heather got ahold of me before the first one they ran which only had 35 players. Everyone was automatically pushed into the April freeroll.

Hey, what's a guy to do when he can't play real poker while sitting at work? Some good ol' fake shit play money poker with perhaps the dumbest single group of players ever assembled in a virtual poker room.

Apparently the word got out because the next tourney had nearly 1200 players, one of which was Eva who managed to crush the 'tards and get her pass to the freeroll. The 9pm tourney last night had 3700 in the game. I think the reason for the huge numbers might have a little something to do with the HUGE advert on AOL.com. They are really bad. I'm watching Landow as he gets his done this afternoon. I'm stunned and amused at the idiots.

There was even a player "sitting out" at Landow's table that ended up making the top 100 simply because the morons kept him alive. For an idea of their skill levels, take the bottom .10% of Party Poker players, scramble what they call brains, regress them back to the Mesoproterozoic Era, and throw them on the poker table. That's should give you an idea.

But like I said, what's a guy to do? No access to the real sites so I'm stuck with this. I'll take a Main Event package if they're just giving it away.

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While I was surfing around, I found that AOL has some video of the Celebrity Event from the 2005 WSoP. While I wasn't able to see any of our good friend Pauly or most of the gang, there is a quick glimpse of DanM as he's playing with James Woods. Enjoy it (and Jennifer Tilly jiggling).

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Cheers. Have a good weekend.

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

Auntie Maude, Pixy Stix, and quotes 

From those who like to rock, we salute Auntie Maudie for her win in theWWdN tourney Tuesday night. Maudie is by far one of my favorite people in this world, blog-life and real-life. Couldn't happen to a nicer person. Now we need to get her into the WSoP. Also, good ol' Steve seems to be ripping apart the WPBT Player of the Year race at the moment. Unfortunately for him, I think most of the tourney's came while he was on the wagon. Now that he's back on the sauce, let's see what happens.

Jokes, I just kid Steve.



~

Tuesday night was the regular Landow home game which I had missed the last several weeks. I decided it was time to dive back in. It didn't start out well because I was on work-tilt before I even showed up. I was also twitching worse then Pauly in a room full of narco police. No food during the day except for two huge pieces of triple quadruple chocolate cake. Topping that off with three caffeine laced Excederin had me feeling like I had been snorting huge lines of Pixy Stix.

I wrote that last line as a joke and linked up the wikipedia article only to read that people have started actually snorting Pixy Stix. It's the end of the world....

That translated into being the second player knocked out of the tourney. No problem, right? More time to sit around drinking and ragging on the other players. But alas, no Soco was to be found in Casa de Landow. Doogie, first one out of the tourney, grabs me and we head into town for some booze. The clock showed 9:15 as we walked up to the liquor store. Big honkin' sign on the door with a close time of 9pm.

Now I knew somebody was fucking with me.

Luckily it was right around the corner from my house and I remembered the nice birthday present The Blonde left for us the week before. Two beautiful bottles of Soco sitting around doing nothing. Time to get our booze on.

BigMike made the money (busting Landow) and had to make a decision. He could try to win the damned thing and make a little more money, or push himself til he busted. If he busted he could join the juicy cash game and really start drinking. Easy choice. He started jamming with any two cards and eventually busted to the game upstairs.

The cash game was huge for me until the very last hand. I busted AA with AT and the ever popular 4 flush to bust out MikeJ. Found AA myself for the first time in a decade and busted Lewey. I found the bottom of the Soco bottle and got cocky against Royce. There went my profits.

The home game is patiently awaiting the arrival of gambloor extraordinare BG to hit town on a permanent basis. I certainly look forward to his first Lewey poker lesson. I hope he wears a cup.

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I like CJ, I really do. Top notch guy. Great sites. But I've never really gotten his fascination with the inane world of reality TV. The *cough* genre *cough* lacks any socially redeeming quality and just another example of catering to the lowest common denominator.

Or so I thought until I was surfing around the blogs and came to Big Slick Nuts and he linked here.



That will in no way change my opinion of reality TV, but it's not a bad way to get my attention.

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"Baseball has a drug testing policy, and Barry Bonds has met every drug test that has been thrown at him." - Barry Bonds on ESPN. Bonds also likes to talk about Barry Bonds in the third person. Friggin' douchebag. I'd wish a horrible case of nut rash on him if I wasn't afraid of the karmic payback in the long run. And now he has outs. Ow, my elbow hurts.

"I lost a $23k pot tonight..... Still won for the day and have been doing well since the few days I lost last week." - Chris Fargis in this post. Good. Freaking. Lord.

"We ordered beers and I considered a SoCo, but declined at the last second. The SoCo meant a commitment to serious drinking. I can't just have one of those and if I did I get sucked into a dozen of dial-a-shots." - Poor Pauly. I didn't realize, until I read that line, how his mind has been bruised. Swing for the fences Pauly!

"There are lots of fat guys out there to choose from, but give us a guy whose pores reek like the trash can at an Italian deli. Give us a guy who licks his fingers clean, but only after his fifth cannoli has built up the appropriate amount of residue. You can have your Polish and your German tubby folk, give us Tomer Benvenisti and a pound of Prosciutto. He's the man." - The Boy Genius writing about Tomer last year (now posted on LasVegasVegas). And what was Tomer's response?



"HELLO [expletive deleted],

MEET ME AT THE MIRAGE, WHERE I PLAY 40-80 HOLDEM DAILY AND AND TELL ME TO MY FACE YOUR THOUGHTS ON FAT [expletive deleted] LIKE ME. I EAT MAGGOTS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST. OH BY THE WAY, I AM ISRAELI AND WOULD LOVE TO STICK AN UZI UP YOUR [expletive deleted].

FAT [expletive deleted] DREAMS,

TOMER BENVENISTI."

My first thought was "you eat maggots for breakfast?" It's on the internet so it must be true.

Cheers.

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Axl Rose is after me... 

Well I've finally hit the big time. Several weeks ago I posted a couple of new songs off the upcoming new Guns-n-Roses album and joked about wondering how long it would be until I got a cease and desist letter. Well, I got the email this weekend.

Dear Al:

This law firm represents W. Axl Rose. I am authorized to act on his behalf with respect to his intellectual properrty rights. It has come to our attention that you have are streaming songs from Mr. Rose's forthcoming "Chinese Democracy" album on your website. Specifically, you are are streaming sound recordings of the songs "Catcher in the Rye" and "Oh My God" on the following pages:

Link gone

Link gone

Link gone

Mr. Rose has not authorized the copying or distribution of these sound recordings or musical compositions. The streaming of these songs violates the copyrights in both the sound recordings and musical compositions. Copyright infringement is punishible by statutory damages of up to $250,000 per infringement, punitive damages, attorneys fees and costs of suit. Please confirm immediately that you will cooperate and remove the streams from your website. Should you fail to do so Mr. Rose will not hestitate to exercise all of his legal rights against you including suing you for copyright infringement. Thank you for your anticipated prompt cooperation.

Sincerely,

Douchbag Lawyer
My response was quick and not very nice. Something about me doing Axl Rose a favor since no one was actually going to buy his shit. If anyone has another smart ass email, feel free to forward it here.

I'm just a little cheesed off the my server owner went completely ape shit and yanked down every single mp3 off the server in a complete knee jerk reaction. They're all gone. I'll be switching servers as soon as possible.

~

But there's a more important conflict coming up, one involving two movies coming out during the summer. August 18th brings the battle of two movies....



takes on



Snakes in the Mother effing Quick Stop.

Check out the Internet teaser for Clerks II. Turn up the sound. Does anyone besides BadBlood or StB pick up song title right off the bat?

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