Saturday, March 25, 2006

Wheels down... 

1:30pm WST - The wheels are down and my throat has it's first taste of Soco. I'm sitting in the hotel bar waiting for the other to arrive from Vegas.

The flight was dull and uninteresting. I wasn't stuck next to the up-and-coming startler nor the overweight bacon sweater. I did manage to find myself sitting in front of a woman and her three yelping kids but she kept the seat kicking to a minimum and only blasted my ears to ascent and descent. I plugged my way through a good chunk of Alexander the Great by Robin Lane Fox between my chicken/potatoes lunch and the overdose on snacks before landing. If the hard cranking music from my headphones bothered the guy sitting next to me, you couldn't tell by his 5 hours of snoring.

1:35pm - I've been sitting in the bar and have found 2 people already who have plans to be at the mansion already. Neither of these individuals were bunnies OR celebs OR anyone of any note. If this turns into a sausage fest....

Who am I kidding? I'll be happy to step foot in mansion, an American icon.

One of the guys just said "John Bonetti is a really good guy." Felicia just hopped in her car looking to kill him.


Friday, March 24, 2006

Hef, here I come... 

"Sir, can you I get you anything before takeoff?"

That's the first conversation I expect to have on the plane tomorrow morning. When spending large chunks of frequent flyer miles for a spontaneous trip to the left coast, my fat ass decided it needed a fat seat for the 6 hour non-stop flight to LALA land. Fingers crossed for someone interesting to sit next to, but with the way my luck goes, I'm going to have very large compatriot who will spell of old bourbon and greasy bacon.

But then again, the way the luck is running at this point, it may damn skippy be the next up-and-coming starlet. You just never know. BigMike once sat next to Donovan McNabb on the way back from Vegas shortly after the third straight NFC Championship loss. He didn't say a word to him because all he could think of was "CHOKER!"

No one has really written how it came up, but I can give my version.

Somehow, someway, somewho, someone managed to get my retarded drunk ass on the phone in middle of my huge bender last Friday and the next thing I know, I'm booking a flight to LA. I vaguely remember someone mentioning "poker, playboy mansion, and next weekend" in the conversation. My immediate reaction (after I said "are you fucking yanking my crank") was to ask for 10 minutes. There was no way I could make this decision without conferring with the-dear-and-patient-one. I'm an idiot but not THAT much of an idiot.

Luck again on my side. 5 years ago I married the damn coolest girl on the planet. There she was hanging out in Austin with the girls at SXSW and her overly drunk husband calls and I imagine the conversation went a little like this...

"honey, ahhhh, do you mind if I, ahh, if I, ahh..."

"Spit it out. How much have you had to drink?"


chirp chirp

Then in machine gun quickness, it all comes out...



Much slower now...

"Is.. it.. ok.. if.. I.. go out to LA and Playboy Mansion for a charity poker tournament."

"You have plenty of frequent flyer miles. Is this for real?"

"They tell me it is. I trust 'em."

Then the three words to seal the deal...

"Go for it."

Go for it I shall. The best part was when she called me an idiot. "It's a once in a lifetime opportunity!", she told me.

That, my friends, is the damn coolest wife on the planet. Bar none. Polls are closed. Move along now.


So come 9:15am tomorrow morning in Philly, I'll be preparing to board Flight 17 from Philly to LAX, looking around to see who I'm going to get stuck next to. I do know this for certain, in the past USAir hasn't stocked those tiny bottles of Soco in first class. I just may have to bring my own fifth. 6 hours is a long time.

There's been a lot of blogging (and even more unseen emails) going around about what The Eight are going to wear to this little shindig. Here's my short and simple. I don't care. Not a bit. Someone early on in the email-stream mentioned a dress code. "L.A. Chic".

Excuse me, but what the fook is that? I've been watching my fellow criminals and see them dropping 4 bills on new duds just to look like they DIDN'T spend 4 bills on new clothes. This makes no sense to me. I won't conform. I won't conform. I won't conform.

Besides, throwing my long-haired fatness in those clothes wouldn't make me look "L.A. Chic". I'd look like a big fat hairy poser. So I'm offering up my Philly Phashion. You're getting an old T-shirt, Mardi Gras in theme, my most comfortable jeans that still have a crotch in them (still debating whether to go crotch-less), and shit kickers that have actually kicked the shit out of someone. In respect to the others, I might throw a button down shirt over the top, but that's coming off at the first 'poser' glance and then I'm stomping me some C-list actor ass for shits and giggles.

Cost to me? zippo. Maybe a little for shoe polish but that's it. I'm the married guy in the crew, there's only one chippy I need to impress.


Now about dial-a-shots. This could get interesting. I have visions of the boys picking off the bunnies at regular intervals and someone will have to manage the queue. Only fitting for me, as the designated 'safe' guy, to take care of that little business. And you know if there is booze around I'm going to be lifting the cell phones for many dial-a-shots.

Who here wants a dial-a-bunny?

Not saying there's any chance of it happening, but be ye warned. If I get voicemail, it's going to haunt you the rest of your life. Ask BadBlood, he got a voicemail that was worthy of saving and that was just a couple skank strippers from Key West.


I'll also be staying an extra day in L.A. I'll be there all day Sunday if anyone is interested in throwing some cards around the local card barns. Shoot me an email. It's been over a year since I've fed myself on some LA poker silliness.


The cell phone is charged, the MP3 player loaded, and the camera is packed. I don't know if there will be any posting during the weekend, but I'll try.



Thursday, March 23, 2006

If can happen there.... 

...it can happen anywhere.


Say it ain't so!

Texas Cracks Down on Drunkenness In Bars

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (March 23) - Texas has begun sending undercover agents into bars to arrest drinkers for being drunk, a spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission said on Wednesday.

The first sting operation was conducted recently in a Dallas suburb where agents infiltrated 36 bars and arrested 30 people for public intoxication, said the commission's Carolyn Beck.

Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkeness, Beck said.

The goal, she said, was to detain drunks before they leave a bar and go do something dangerous like drive a car.

"We feel that the only way we're going to get at the drunk driving problem and the problem of people hurting each other while drunk is by crackdowns like this," she said.

"There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they're intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car," Beck said. "People walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss."

She said the sting operations would continue throughout the state.


Six Hundred and Sixty Six... 

"Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast..."
For some reason I'm feeling rather evil today. I have a steady diet of debil muzak pumping through my headphones and it's working well for me today. Nothing wrong with a little Iron Maiden with your breakfast sandwich although a double red bull might help the situation out a little more.

I ended up missing the Head's Up match last night. I was dead to the world by the time 11pm rolled around. Must be getting weak in my advanced years. If you get a chance, swing by FTP tonight and check out 32 bloggers battling it out in their Head's Up Challenge.

While I ignore the pink elephant in the room since I still can't talk about it, I decided to upload two more lists compiled from the frappr bribe. Today's lists are brought to from Sean and DoubleAs.



The list for Sean at Instant Tragedy...

1. Pressure by Billy Joel
2. Heavy Fuel by Dire Straits
3. Inadagaddavida By Iron Butterfly
4. Mexican Radio by Wall of Voodoo
5. Theme song for Pauly - with the help of BG, I picked Blind Faith - Can't Find My Way Home for Pauly the Perputual Traveler.
6. Tragedy by the Bee Gees (Official Theme Song of InstantTragedy.com)
7. Yellow Submarine by the Beatles
8. New York, New York by Ryan Adams
9. In a Big Country by Big Country
10. Theme song for You! - I was going to go with Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden because of my mood at the moment. But decided to go with one of my favorite songs. Bring in Home by Led Zeppelin.

While I was at it, I found a pretty cool version of Mexican Radio by Authority Zero.

Listening to Iron Butteryfly made my laugh to myself remembering back when the bands really used the 'magic' of stereo. "Dude, this is coooool. Now hand me the roach clip." The downside to these songs is when you've lost the left side speakers on your 1978 VW Rabbit.


Now from DoubleAs, his list...

Adema – Giving In
Def Leopard – Pour Some Sugar On Me
Godsmack – Whatever
OAR – That Was a Crazy Game of Poker
Metallica – Don't Tread On Me
System of a Down – Chop Suey
Tool – Aenima
Trapt - Headstrong
Ugly Kid Joe – Cats in the Cradle
Queensryche – Empire


Nope, still not talking about it.



Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Head's Up Challenge problem... 

After further review, I may have a small problem with the Head's Up Challenge today. After a talk with Veneno, I now know that the battles start at 8pm WESTERN god damn time. If I'm feeling anything tonight like I did last night, I might be dead by 11pm eastern.

Anyone wanna take my place? Email me and I'll let you know if I can make it in one piece.


Oh, and since BG and CJ have mentioned something, I guess I'll let a little bit slip about this weekend...

Anyone up for dial-a-shots on Saturday?


Head's Up Challenge warm up 

For some drunken reason, I have decided to play against Veneno - The Head's Up Poker Goddess in a best out of 3 match tonight. I'm dead money walking in but agreed as a pre-match for the Head's Up Challenge she is running. Feel free to stop by and watch my embarassment. She was nice enough to setup 3 although I'll be dead after the second match.

Name/Title: HUGoddess vs DrunkRetard
Buyin: $5 + $.25
Game: Hold'em
Limit: NL
Date: Wednesday 3/22/06
Time: 8 p.m. EST

Name/Title: HUGoddess vs DrunkRetard2
Buyin: $5 + $.25
Game: Hold'em
Limit: NL
Date: Wednesday 3/22/06
Time: 8:45 p.m. EST

Name/Title: HUGoddess vs DrunkRetard3
Buyin: $5 + $.25
Game: Hold'em
Limit: NL
Date: Wednesday 3/22/06
Time: 9:30 p.m. EST

Check out her site for more details on the HU Challenge and some SnG's setup for Thursday.


The fog of booze did allow my one luxury this weekend. While I was recovering on the lazy boy, I was able to fire up the DVR'd episodes of the new Doctor Who. I was pretty happy to hear from Shane and BigMike that the new episodes were airing on SciFi.

I was an avid Doctor Who viewer back in the 80's when you were forced to track down the new episodes on PBS. No one will deny (with a right mind) that Tom Baker was The Doctor of the entire series.

I enjoyed the first two episodes. The new doctor seems to have a touch of ADD and was amusing. Billie Piper ain't too shabby as second fiddle either. She got me to thinking of the other fine tag-alongs from old shows past.

Leela, played by Louise Jameson
The first Romana, played my Mary Tamm
The second Romana, played by Lalla Ward
The lovely Nyssa, played by Sarah Sutton

Tegan never existed in the show I watched. I refuse her existence. Shreiking harpy. And while we're at it, you could probably call Ardic the "Wesley Crusher" of Doctor Who. THAT should get me on the list!

For anyone who never saw Doctor Who back then, please feel free to ignore the previous section. Look at the pretty mountains.


Last night I skipped all activities that don't involve being horizontal AND fully asleep. Between the migraines and a nasty head cold coming on, the wifey gave me some big monster pill which knocked me on my ass. By the time I would normally have been check-raising the weak hand of Landow, I was passed out and having some killer ass nightmares. 11 hours later and I feel exactly the same as I did after the bender friday.

I think she slipped me a mickey.


Stayed tuned for a very interesting announcement here in the next coming days. If you've think you have an interesting weekend coming up....


Monday, March 20, 2006


I'm back and I'm alive. It's been an interesting weekend.

I've really been afraid to go back and actually read Friday's post. It can't be pretty. Why don't we just go ahead and change it from a "live blog" to a Public Service Announcement. Don't let this happen to you. But goddamn if I didn't have a blast. 14 straight hours or silliness. I was a puddle and my friends who showed up later were nice enough to just let me be and enjoy the buzz. Hopefully I didn't completely embarrass my self.

There was 'the fall' when leaving the bar at 1:30. It wasn't pretty and whatever was left of my knee is now gone. Then when I woke up Saturday morning I discovered that I lost the powercord for my laptop. That was bad news because I wanted to play in the WPBT WSoP Satellite and I needed to follow my NCAA brackets. I carefully conversed the battery hoping to have enough juice for the tourney when something more important came up.

BigMike called me Sunday afternoon with the revelation that I had been hacked. Again.

Brilliant. So I used the last of my battery life getting the site back online and cleaned up. I'm trying to decide if I want to publish the hackers details for revenge or just let it go and not give him any publicity. Until then, if anyone wants the details, feel free to email me.

I had a good week in the NCAA pools. 3 entries in different contests and I'm winning them all. I'm also going into the ESPN Fantasy Hockey playoffs after winning the regular season. Good times.

Congrats to Gracie for winning the first WPBT World Series seat. I'll make the next one.

I'm outta here for now. I have some more server cleanup stuff to do, posts to write from Friday (including one that I pussed out on posting), and scheduling doctors appointments for knee reconstruction.