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Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Aftermath 

9:30am - Time for a little truth with your Cheerios. I have no idea how I managed to post last night. I just woke up, fully clothed, under the covers. My first thought was "wow", I'm alive.

Then I tried to move.

When I just fired up the ol' laptop, I found a couple entries that never got posted. 6 bottles is moronic. So let's just get this outta the way. I know there are people out there who are going to say it couldn't have happened because I was still able to type. Odd because I couldn't speak english but I could still type. Eventually I was going to have to stand up. Some time after the last entry, I have no idea when, I found myself looking up at the stars in the middle of the parking lot. I vaguely remember BigMike asking if I needed help up into the car.

Otis Al falls, apparently often considering the state of my knees.

I considered putting up a picture of Bambi but I think I'm going to chug 32 ounces of water, pop two excederin, and sleep for another two three days.

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Friday, March 17, 2006

Live blogging the drunk... 

11:30am - Good morning to you all. The festivities have begun. We stopped at the diner to fill up and get ourselves in the proper frame of mind. The first shot is in our gullets and we're ready to roll.

Now if someone can just explain this to me... Did I really pick all 16 games right yesterday?

More to come.

11:45am It's official. The idiot amateurs are already out in force. There are over a dozen flaming idiots with the goofy hats and six inches of vision. They did a huge round of car bombs...

and the bartender had to explain how to do the carbomb. No shit. I'll be throwing 'bows before the sun goes down. I can feel it.


The Setup


12:00pm - The bar has only been open an hour and the idiots have already done there first group "I love you man" hug. die die die.

I got my first email of the day from StB with a fooked up news story.

Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

Inside Al (besides booze and nicotine): two pancakes, two eggs over easy, bacon, hash browns, and creamed chipped beef (shit on a shingle). You gotta prepare correctly. If you learn anything from me, that should be it.

12:15pm - For today's games, I don't have any major upsets picked. The only underdog I have picked is Bucknell (gotta pick 'em for Derek) but that's a 8-9 seed game so it's not really an upset pick.

So here's hoping the favorites win today and I can finish the first round 32 and 0.

This will be the last entry that will be cross posted on blogspot and my personal page. If you reading this on alcanthang.com/poker, you need to switch to alcanthang.blogspot.com. It's too much of a pain copying everything over each time.

12:30pm - There's a punk across the bar who looks exactly like Bill S. Preston, Esq. and he's whining at the old bat who's trying to force him to do a prairie fire (tequila and tabisco). Unbelievable. They're actually running out of juice. They may be gone shortly.

The CBS online feed has been working like a charm. I guess they ironed out their problems. This will save me from having to walk to the other side of the bar to see the score.

Al = King o' Lazy


Bill and Lacey. Those keeping us in the booze.


12:45pm - Do yourself a favor. Go leave a comment on Pauly's site and thank for all the live blogging he does during tourneys. This is a pain in the balls. And it gets in the way of boozing. For shame. But I'll keep it up for my tens and tens of readers.

Here are some blogger presents...

For Daddy. (the link is fixed and she's NOT nekkid.)
For BadBlood (how's this song for ACHE?)
For StB (now THAT's a low blow)

1:15pm - The morons have calmed down. Some left. Others staggered out at 12:30. One girl has her head down on the table.

I can't believe Arizona was up 35 to 11 against Wisconsin. That's crazy. Wisconsin just went on a nice run to get it closer.

Migraine just came back. Really bad timing. More drinking is required and we have our first dead soldier. One bottle down. Like StB says, "there ain't no such thing as pacing."



1:45pm - They're gone. The last remnants of the idiots just staggered out. Happy friggin St. Patricks.

Damned Felicia just freaked me and killed my buzz. A year ago today the doctor called her to say she had cancer. In her IM to me today, I mistakenly thought she said the doctor called her TODAY and she has cancer. I'm chugging more Soco now that she corrected me. I'm glad to have Felicia around. She rocks.

Bucknell up by 10. Lewey should be here shortly. Wifi connection blows big honkin' donkey balls.

PokerWolf sent me a great link from Fark. Check it out.

Girls, say hi to Kurt. He says he has much better pics if you want to email him. See, I take care of the girls too.



2:00pm - I very disappointed. No one has called for a dial-a-shot yet. Even the almighty Iggy shot me down.

Shaking my head.

The Bison are raining 3 pointers. They need to hold on. We're about 3/4 through the second bottle of Soco. BigMike is having fun VPN'ing into to work and harrassing our co-workers still stuck there.

Life is good.

You need to go read Eva's post after her night in Austin last night. THAT is more proof that I married the perfect girl. I got a great dial-a-shot last night. Me on the phone with Eva. Heather on the phone with Gracie and Daddy. Three way dial-a-shots rule.

2:30pm - I broke the seal. Way to early. In honor of Pauly...

Last 5 people I took a piss next:

1. no one
2. no one
3. no one
4. no one
5. no one

Really, there are only a dozen people here. What do you expect?

Evil Terry the Bartender just asked if we wanted our Soco turned green. Now she must die. Sorry StB.

2:45pm - My first loss of the tourney. Northwestern hits a sick 3 pointer with practically no time remaining. Doesn't kill my bracket because I had them losing the next game.

The guys at the bar have banned me from watching the Bucknell game on the TV. Every time I do, Arkansas comes back.

Bucknell survives. My only 'upset' pulls threw (threw? my first nasty bit o' grammar. the booze is kicking in). Go Bison!

3:00pm - Blair, the head bartender, just made the following statement...

"If you and Mike decide on another 3 day bender, you gotta let us know. Wednesday we had 12 bottles of Southern in backup. Right now, we're down to 3. We might be in trouble tonight."

d'oh

I asked to save two of them strictly for us. Our second bottle is dead. Well done my dead friend. Well done.

3:15pm - Kurt the Bartender just made a huge error in judgment. Our glasses were empty and he ASKED if we need more.

Mike's response, "Am I dead? Pour the shot!"

3:18pm - Lewey arrives! He orders his triumvirate. CarBomb, shot of tequila, and a Bass.

3:45pm - The MainLine bizatches have shown up to watch the Villanova game (the campus is right down the road). I will make them puke by the end. You may have to give my extra time between posts to make it happen.

Kenna is here now. Boobs are official. I did my first dial-a-shot. BobbyBracelet made the first call.

Lewey is wearing his Irish Kevin's shirt...





4:00pmInternet access has gone completely donw. I'm furious. Why the hell do I spend so much money here? I'll I ask if for access to booze and the internet. I may post the owners email address and let the intrawebjunkies have a go at him.

While I've been gone I started typing in notepad.



Bottle #3 is dead. I can't find the death of bottle number 2. It was a great pic. Resting nicely between Terry's boobage. The buzz is back in full affect. The bar is packed with fresh 'tards and Lacey keeps giving me the eye. She wants me but knows I'm totally unavailable.

The only rock station left in the entire Philly area will be live broadcasting from here tonight from 7 til 12. and I know the talking mouth. I sat next to Matt Courd at my friend Kevin's bachelor party. I made the silly statement, "dude, you sound familiar." I'm an idiot.

I guaran-goddamn-tee, that I will be on Philly radio at some point tonight. Matty loves his drinkies.

BigMike is currenlty in the back room trying to fix the internet problem. He's not happy. He DEFINITELY did not want to get out of his seat. Fat Man Pissed Off. Those extra bottles of Soco are gonna be dead before midnight.

4:15pm - We've been offline for 30 minutes now and I've threatened to leave twice. People are scrambling. No luck with BigMike so far. This may be the death knoll.

4:30pm - Hotties are storming the Al Castle and YOU can't see it...



5:00pm - BigMike is SCREAMING at Comcast. Morons. Drinks are still rolling. JDub has arrived arrived as well as THE Becky. The bar is going crazy. Boobs are aflying, drinks are flowing, and if you happen to work for Comcast, you're about to get a big slam.

5:15pm - BigMile just tortured ComCast to the point of, if they don't show up, we will start a huge flame war. I've seen 3 more girls boobs as they lef this t for Kildare's. Bah, leave for someone who claims to be 'authentic'. I've been here for 6 hours. Why doesn't time fly like this when I'm working?

5:15pm - BigMike rails again on ComCast. NO change.

5:45pm - Major transaction. I just sold JDub's soul back to his wife. If'd like to know HOw I came about having his soul, you'll have to ask me.

6:00 - Drunkeness abounds. I've seen more pasty white irish boobs than any one man should. We've killed bottle #4 but it's so crazy there was no chance to get a pic. Terry and Kurt are running around like tinny lil rabbits. They've started snapping at us which odd. die idiots die.

I just ordered my first RedBull. Terry the Bartender starts ragging on me.

6:10pm - WE'RE BACK!

7:15pm - Things at the bar have taken a very weird turn. And I can't tell you why. You'll find out next week. Trust me.

I' lost complete track of all the games. I have girls flashing their prime boobs for lil' trinkents. I've done dial-a-shots with Pauly, Jason, and everyone else who called. We are down to the very last backup bottle of soco and that's unexceptable.

I'll just have to start taking pics.

7:15pm - Things at the bar have taken a very weird turn. And I can't tell you why. You'll find out next week. Trust me.

I'vw lost complete track of all the games. I have girls flashing their prime boobs for lil' trinkents. I've done dial-a-shots with Pauly, Jason, and everyone else who called. We are down to the very last backup bottle of soco and that's unexceptable.

I'll just have to start taking pics.

7:30pm - We're 8 hours in. The fourth bottle just died. It may have happened earlier but...

I
don't
care.

The buzz is in full affect.



9:30pm - WAAAAAAy behind in posting. I've lost track of the NCAA tourney. I've seen multiple breastessess. And I just did a nice long time with the only true rock station in town. Please god tell me Blonde didn't sleep with Matt Cord". I'm gonna try to not make a complete idiot of myself on public air.

And the girls won't let me post anymore pics. They think I'm gonna post their head on a nekkid body.

10:00pm - Where'd the time go? Why doesn't it go this fast when I'm working? Just did a quick stint on popular radio...



I've grown bored. Amateurs are stupid, but some will show their boobs. The DJ blows ass, and I've run out of people calling me for dial-a-shots.

We've lost track of the bottles, but the cabinet is now empty. What's in play, is all that's left.

10:30pm - Just a warning to all Philly DJ's. If you want to be called a hose-monkey-iverson-suckup-monkey-douche on live loud radio, ya might not want to say OK to shots. 'Cause then you might have to find that delay button QUICKLY!. He deserved it. All his internets said, "GIVE HIM A PRAIRIE FIRE".

Remarkably, we're the most sober ones. We've been here for almost 12 hours.

My liver just said, "WE RULE!"

11:00pm

It's now 12 hours since we first showed up to the bar. Here's what I've seen...

Idiots followed by hotter, bigger boobed idiots. "would you like to see my boobs?", hell no, "I meant yes but would you please stop talking", wannabe rockers, hiphoppers, the uncomfortbaly skinny, the overly-comfortable bigguns, and the one drink wonders. The yuppies who think their mid-level job makes them untouchable versus me who KNOWS they're bluffing bottom pair into the nuts. "Very nice to meet you sir, I'm gonna take your girl over here for a DirtyGirlScout shot, you don't mind. right?" pussy.

They're all pussies. You! I'm looking right at you. Your girl thinks my ugly long haired ass trumps your weak assed mid-level managment position.

I win.

Get used to it. You're gonna be a weak assed bitch you're entire life.

11:30pm - Empty shot glasses are sitting around like unwanted children. We've been here for 12 hours now and no one seems to care anymore about why this happened. The dregs of society are sitting around like there's nothing different. It's just another drunken night for them except for the occasional half dressed skanks who couldn't find a ride after the 'Nova game. The ones with the bug antenna on their heads and no pants.

Yeah, sorry dear. Not today, not ever.

The DJ, after 7 hours, just decided to play a song that involves a guitar and Kanye is no where to be found.

Time to weed out the weak.

11:35pm

I think we're in the home stretch. The DJ seems to not care, hence the real music. The desperate girls are really trying to hook someone. Usually the failed mainline lacrosse player who thinks his balls are bigger than they actually are.

BigMike just said, "You don't think we're leaving before the bar closes, right?"

No sir. Never.

My proof that I'm still drinking and writing....



12:30am - Other retards have shown up. They challenged. Bad move. Another dead soldier. Just asked Kurt if we get thrown out, do we have to pay our tab. He laughed and walked away.

6 dead.


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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sweet Mother Hangover... 

See that picture?

Yep, that's me. Shows exactly what I've been going through for the last week. Blinding ass, ice pick to the temple headache's. But today is special. It's that kind of headache. The kind I normally have on a Thursday or Friday. The kind that I gave to myself with a completely self indulgent binge to kick off the 36 hour bender that's about to unfold

I have a hangover instead of a migraine! That rules.

This is my Friday and I'll be hitting the bar in full force tonight til close, then turn around and return to the bar tomorrow at 11am.

I generally avoid St. Patty's Day because it's one of the major amateur drinking days and I hate amateurs. Especially in my home bar. We're making the exception for tomorrow since we'll be able to make a day out of it.

In honor of The Good Doctor I came up with the insane idea of trying to live blog it. That should be a complete trainwreck by the time the sun goes down. So if you'd like to check out the carnage, feel free to hit refresh here on Friday. I'll have the camera charged and ready to go.

~

Last night was a fun time at the Full Tilt tables. Once again I tied a little load on and hopped online. I surfed around looking for bloggers and came across Richard Brodie again. Always a blast to talk to and even better when he offers up to play another HORSE SnG right in my bankroll territory. I tried to grab some bloggers and managed to get BadBlood in before it filled. It always amuses me up how fast they fill as soon as a 'red' player signs up.

The table was overly tight and the chips were just getting pushed around the table. I found myself in trouble, stack-wise, a couple of times and managed to get my chips in to double or triple up. I outlasted the Blood but finished on the bubble.

Transferring $1 to Pauly for this beat story... The hand that would have sent me on tilt if I hadn't been blitzed at the time. Shortstacked I jammed with A23 in Razz. Big stack stayed right along with me the entire time. I was sitting on the Wheel by fifth street and loving it. Jam Jam Jam. Call Call Call. Only to have him runner runner a wheel of his own. Excellent. We divide up the antes and I order another double shot.

See, it wasn't THAT bad.

By the time Richard was head's up in the tourney, the bar was closed, the tab was paid, and it was time to get the flock outta Dodge.

~

A little lesson for anyone looking for a link up.... I'll link just about anyone who asks me. But there are some ways to get instantly ignored.

Bad way, if I look in my email box and see the Subject Line of "Unique Link Exchange Offer", it ain't gonna happen.

Good way, crack me up, such as Haley in an email about the frappr challenge. "What I want is links, dammit! :-) Getting most poker bloggers to add links to others' sites is like herding cats. Yes, an old metaphor, but still useful." That works much better.

So here you have it Haley....

Haley's Poker Bl-Auggh!! (non-traditional format)
Haley's Poker Bl-Auggh!! (blogspot with RSS feed)

As always, feel free to drop me a line at LinkWithAl@yahoo.com and I'll get to it as soon as possible. I know I'm missing a ton of bloggers out there but I'm busy, slow to act, drunk, and stooopid.

~

Next up on the Frappr Challenge music list is Columbo.

Columbo signed up and asked for the Heavy Metal Soundtrack. I found 11 of the 16 songs and uploaded them here. Heavy Metal my ass. Stevie Nicks? Are you shitting me? Doesn't help that I have a very deep seeded burning hate in my heart for that shrew harpy.

Now I have to track down his Judas Priest request.

I'll have all day tomorrow to rip and upload CD's while I sit at the bar watching basketball and boosting Soco stock. Sean at Instant Strategy came up with an interesting list including finding a 'theme' song for the blog and for Pauly.

Maybe I'll pick a Phish song for me and a Slayer song for Pauly just to shake things up.

~

Cheers everyone. Feel free to stop in tomorrow and watch me continue the slow decent into blinding alcoholism.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Too beat for a proper title... 

"Please hear my prayers, oh gods of football. Please have Jerry Jones sign T.O. to the Cowboys. I'm giddy at the thought of it. The Eagles would have two shots next year to knock his helmet off. How long will it take T.O. to blow up? The second time Bledsoe gets happy feet after 3 seconds in the pocket? When Bledsoe gets smeared and the next option is between Drew Henson and Tony Romo?

Please oh please. This must happen as quickly as possible. "

And can we have Emmitt Smith at the contract signing so we can get his opinion?

~

The migraines seem to have moved to the periphery today. I can feel it wanting to pop back in but I'm fighting them off with a steady diet of nicotine and low grade Chinese food. So far so good.

Last night was the regular home tourney. I got lucky on the first hand when I raised in the dark UTG. Not a bad time to catch QQ. The big pot allowed me to float along well enough until the headache kicked me in the mouth. It was down to 4 or 5 and I could barely see. I didn't even realize when BigMike went out in 4th on the bubble that I made the money. I think it was the very next hand where I pushed in with QJd just to get out of there.

Landow finally won a tourney at his own house to take the Luckbox of the Week award. Apparently I missed a rousing cash game afterwards since everyone that stayed is dragging at work today.

~

I've neglected to mention the Head's Up Challenge 3 being run by the HU Goddess herself, PokerPoison. They are looking for 32 competitors. If you fancy yourself a top Heads Up player or just want to give it a shot, head on over to The Head's Up Challenge site and sign up.

Good luck.

~

True to my word, Katitude signed up on frappr and sent me an email with 10 songs. Tough list but I managed to track down 9 of the 10. Below is her list and here are the songs.

- Bad Times by Laika
- U.R.A.Q.T. by MIA
- I did It My Way but Sid Vicious
- Peaches by the Stranglers
- Lined Up by Shriekback
- Mystery Dancy by Elvis Costello
- One Way or Another by Blondie
- It's Martini Time by Reverend Horton Heat
- Disgusteen by Teenage Head
- Sex Bomb by Tom Jones

I thought those were tough until I got another email from Diesel79 which is proving practically impossible. But I won't give up.

- Garyboy - She's So Fine (She Make My Eyes Bug Out)
- Urusei Yatsura - Burriko Girl
- Aphex Twin - 4
- Smile Smile - Now It's Over
- The Wombats - Derail & Crash
- Sneaker Pimps - Kiro-TV
- The Cut*Off - Adults We Know
- Maria Maldaur - Midnight at the Oasis
- Prescott Curlywolf - Firecracker
- The Matches - Shoot Me in the Smile

Ouch. If anyone has those floating around while I look, feel free to upload them here. Update: Holy crap! I actually found one. Linked above.

~

Finally, our friend Andrea, "Bringer of the Boathouse Booze", is participating in a March of Dime WalkAmerica Event at the end of April and is looking for help raising a measly $1000. She's halfway there and I told her I'd give her a hand.

Click here to donate if you can. Some of you high limit players can afford one big bet for a good cause.

As a thank you, I present to you an unreleased song from the new upcoming Pearl Jam album being released on May 2nd.

Unemployable

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Frappr Challenge 

A couple of months ago, SirWiffleWaffle offered up a frappr challenge. He swore that he could get more people on his map than I could.

Being a kind individual, I gave him a chance to catchup. That's done. And I'm not beyond bribes.

Click here to add yourself to my frappr map and I'll give ya something. How 'bout I'll upload 10 of your favorite songs into my upload area? You name it, I have it or can find it. Sign up and shoot me an email here with your list.


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Suck my chocolate salty balls.... 

Big money! No Whammies! Stop!"

That, my friends, is why I'm going straight to hell without passing GO. I'm mean and retarded.

~

And speaking of the mentally ill, and further confirming Dr. Pauly's Scientology Conspiracy Theory....

Isaac Hayes quits 'South Park' citing religious intolerance. Chef has quit because SouthPark is insensitive to religion. Anyone want to guess which "religion/cult/looney hollywood-chucklehead-institution" Isaac belongs too? From Matt Stone...

"In 10 years and over 150 episodes of South Park, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons or Jews," Stone said in a statement issued late Monday by the Comedy Central TV network.

“This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology,” Stone, told the Associated Press. “He has no problem - and he’s cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians.”

"He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show," Stone said, adding however that "of course we will release Isaac from his contract, and we wish him well."


At what point are we allowed to go "Branch Davidian" on these no-sense-of-humor, couch-jumping, hottie-stealing, alien-loving, morons? Send in the ATF.

Chocolate Salty Balls indeed.

~

I made it back into work today but the migraine is still floating around back there waiting to pop back up. It's like having a bad hangover without all the fun getting it.

I got tired of laying around doing nothing yesterday so I decided to do some cooking. Homemade meatballs stuffed with fresh mozzarella and sauce made from scratch. How 'bout them apples? Then I got a call from The Boy Genius who's stuck in hell 50 minutes north of us. I invited him down and we had a nice dinner followed by some stupid TV and too many cigarettes.

Hopefully tonight BG and Helixx will be able to make it for the regular home game tonight. We'll make sure the booze and cards fly correctly and often.

Once again I missed another tourney last night. Congrats to StB and Biggestron for taking down the tourney's on Sunday and Monday. Well played.

~

No poker + no booze = unhappy Al.

But I did manage to upload some more hair metal junk during my haze.... Enjoy.

Cinderella
Faster Pussycat
Poison
Twisted Sister

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Milla Jovovich killed me.... 

Blame BigMike. or Milla Jovovich. or Milla Jovovich in that outfit.

Blame the Sopranos. or the migraine. or the terrible nightmares caused by the migraines.

I missed the first WPBT points tourney because I was tucked away avoiding all forms of light which instantly set off solar flares in my head. And I think it all started when Mike and I made the horrible decision to see Ultraviolet Friday night.

Quick review. Worst movie I've ever seen in the theater. Longer review. BigMike was pissed off because I somehow managed to get comfy enough in the empty room to snore through the action scenes. 88 minutes of my life the Milla Jovovich owes me and I plan on making that known next time I talk to her.

Saturday morning I woke up with the starts of a killer headache. And I know what I speak of. King o' the Hangover. I survived long enough to put together our new grillin' machine and some house work before the blinding flash hit me. Since then I've barely moved other than to grab any odd color pills I can find from the wifey (further confirmation that she's poisoning me) and water.

I managed to bare the TV lights long enough to enjoy the Sopranos opener but there was no way I was playing in the tourney. And who schedules a tourney during the season premier of the Sorpranos?

Hopefully I'll be alive enough to hit the DADI Tourney tonight, but no promises.

~

Before I died Saturday, I managed to get some songs downloaded for the Hair Band post that I owe...

Motley Crue
Ratt
Quiet Riot

Enjoy

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