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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I'm outta here.... 

We all have these little weird things that we do when drunk. Otis allegedly falls down. I've never witnessed this but I did see the morning after. And it wasn't so much a fall as it was a plummet.

G-Rob gets drunk and starts talking to random girls in his anchorman voice or telling them he owns a bar on a tiny Caribbean island. Eva molests PokerStars poker stars. BG *ahem* rests his eyes. JoeSpeaker makes silly bets on rubbish EPL teams. KTBFFH.

Me? I make a complete ass out of myself. Whether it's drunken dial-a-shots, text messaging, dancing like a nutjob, or cheering "lewey lewey lewey oy oy oy" across the bar.

I get looks from other patrons that say "oh look dear, he's retarded".

~

Lewey won the freeroll last night. Good man.

When I said it was Free Poker Tuesday, I should have said it was Poker Free Tuesday. Once again I managed to get myself busted out in level two without a second thought. See previous patrons comment. Lewey rolled through the players without a problem and was soon sitting at the bar with us a little richer. Extra stripper money for Lewey! Have I ever told you about Lewey and strip clubs?

Something that can never be put down in words properly.

~

G-Rob's prop bets and my choices...

HOW MANY TIMES WILL OTIS FALL OR SNUGGLE? OVER/UNDER 2

Under. It will be zero. I have complete faith in his ability to stay somewhat vertical. The snuggling part I'm unsure of, I'll have to keep an eye on the wifey.

HOW MANY TREES WILL TEAMSCOTTSMITH CLIMB IN VEGAS? OVER/UNDER 1

Under. Where the heck is he going to find a tree?

WHICH BLOGGER WILL GO ON THE LONGEST SLEEPLESS BENDER? PICK ONE

Does BigMike count? Last December he went around 48 hours without sleep. Eva was close with 36. For a blogger, I gotta go with the mighty tequila drinkin' dynamo. Maudie

HOW MANY BLOGGERS CAN BEAT BADBLOOD AT LEFT-HANDED ARM WRESTLING? OVER/UNDER 5

Over, assuming more than 5 people challenge him. And you KNOW my retarded ass will. Challenge him, that is. Not beat him.

POKER GEEK TO BEAT BADBLOOD - 1,000/1 odds

As the mighty BG says, Major League Underlay. Give me 10,000 to 1 and you might get my dollar.

G-ROB TO BEAT BADBLOOD WHILE EATING A TURKEY SANDWITCH - 3/1 odds

No chance. Because G-Rob doesn't eat in Vegas unless he's loaded.

NUMBER OF BLOGGERS WHO ARRIVE AT THE WINTER CLASSIC TOTALLY SOBER? OVER/UNDER 35

Hey now! I showed up at the Aladdin stone cold sober. And the only reason I was drunk at the Sam's Town tourney was because I needed to keep a certain midget house wife from slamming his head on the table at the thought terrorists.

I'm going with the OVER. With a 100 players, that's a lock. A very disappointing lock, but one none the less.

FIRST PERSON KNOCKED OUT OF THE WPBT WINTER CLASSIC? G-ROB, NO OTHER ANSWERS ACCEPTED

ah, G-Rob

WHEN WILL THE FIRST BLOGGER LEARN THAT HIS/HER CURRENT BAR IS OUT OF SoCo? NAME THE SPECIFIC TIME AND DAY

Easy one on the who. It'll be me. It happened at the Atlantis in the Bahamas, and then again two weeks later at the Commerce in L.A. Friday, 3pm and we will laid waste to the Soco supply at one of the bars in the IP.

HOW MANY BLOGGERS JOIN ME (in the Sportsbook on Saturday) THERE? OVER/UNDER 1 (Daddy)

Over. I'll join you guys because I'll be getting knocked out nice and early from the tourney.

WHO WILL WIN THE TOURNEY? PICK ONE

PokerNerd takes it down after a long battle with Maudie

WHO WILL LOSE THE MOST MONEY ON STUPID -EV GAMES? PICK ONE

Toss up between Grubby and Eva

WHO WILL PASS OUT FIRST? PICK SOMEONE WHO ISN'T BG

I'm gonna try my damnedest to make it PokerProf (funniest drunk blogger. ever.) You should have seen the two of us trying to get a cab in the middle of the day after the LaSalsa party. Ri-fookin-diculous.

HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL HIT ADULT ESTABLISHMENTS WITH MR. BLOOD? OVER/UNDER 13

Over. WAY over. Did you know I've never been to a strip club in Vegas? It's true.

WILL THERE BE ANY DAMN DRAMA WITH SO MANY PEOPLE COMING THIS TIME?
(Hasn't happened yet, but perhaps we've been lucky.)


Silly question. You don't think a bar running out of Soco in the middle of the trip will cause a little drama? That might get ugly. Luckily there will be some booze in the suite.

~

This time tomorrow I will be wheels up. Before I leave you until next Tuesday, you should check out two links.

MeanGene gets his junk electrified.

JoeSpeaker write a Christmas (blogger) poem.

~

Finally, you know I'm always looking out for my male readers. I'm on the lookout for good pics and songs and such. I came across a picture of a girl named Lucy Pinder. My UK brothers will know her as a Page 3 girl. Below is the top part of the pic. Click and see if there's anything odd in the picture. (and yes, it is safe for work. Unless you work for a prude. Or the Germans. oxymoron?)


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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dangerous boys with their Dangerous Toys 

950+ songs. Over 5Gb of music. That's what Landow loaded onto the new mp3 player yesterday. Not just any ol' music either.

Good old fashioned hair band crap rock metal rocky ear bleed musical candy. God help the guy sitting next to me on the plane or at the poker table.

In honor of my friend Brad in Minnesota, I had to baptize the player with a little Dangerous Toys(uploaded for your listening pleasure).

AC/DC to ZZ Top with Kix and Kiss, Tesla and Testament, Van Halen and Van Hagar. I'll start sharing some of the goodness with my fine friends.

~

I can't believe I forgot that I've neglected to mention that Sean, one of the originals, is back online.

Go say howdy.

~

Everyone seems to be writing out there goals and lists for the trip. Here are mine, nice and simple.

- Hang out with my old blogger friends and drink some booze.

- Meet new blogger friends and drink some booze.

- Meet hookers and strippers and women of ill-repute and drink booze.

- Hang out with my wife and drink some booze. (actually this one is pretty rare. Once Eva hits Vegas, the only thing I see are her heels running somewhere else.)

- Play Pai Gow with Otis

- Play craps with BG and BobbyBracelet

- and drink booze.

- oh shit yeah. I might play some poker while I'm there too. Imagine that.

As one last surprise, I leave you with the only picture of Iggy that has ever gotten permission to be posted.

Here ya go.

~

For CJ's last longer challenge, I'm picking myself and two from my gang. Landow and Steve.

Good luck sookers

~

Cheers for beers. It's free poker Tuesday.

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Monday, December 05, 2005

Terry "Sweet Tits" 

Yeah. That last post was crap but I felt like I needed to post something. It had been too long and I was starting to lose focus.

Now I hope to be better. It's 15 minutes til kickoff and the booze is my muse. I'm sitting at the bar with a decent wifi connection, laptop up and logged onto multiple FFL sites, Soco, redbull, cell phone, and two packs o' cigarettes. A deck of Bicycle's sitting to my right. If the games blow, Terry and I can start playing some Chinese poker.

The booze

is my muse.

~

And that, my friends, was as far as I got writing at the bar yesterday.

Landow showed up and we worked a little on his booze tolerance. We played Chinese Poker for a couple of hours watching the games. The wifi connection kept going to shit so I was quickly giving up hope that I'd be able to track my FFL game as the wifey was kicking my team's collective asses.

The Bengals/Steelers game was fun to watch. I couldn't help wishing the matchup was one week later. MeanGene and Iggy sitting around the Mandalay Bay Sportbook yelling at the screen together. And what was with Hines Ward doing the Icky Shuffle? I loved that the Bengals ran the kickoff down inside the 5 immediately after. It was almost as much fun as watching last week when Shockey made an ass out of himself right before Feeley choked his field goal attempt.

"I will make all my field goal attempts this week." - Jay Feeley paraphrased. Clank.

Landow left but was soon replaced by BigMike, Doogie, Phil, and Melinda for the late games. Some dial-a-shots were attempted again. I managed to avoid calling Otis so I couldn't have been that drunk. I did end up texting him later with a very serious PaiGow / Chinese Poker question. These were important things that I needed to know for Vegas!

Jameson's and Soco's and JaegerBombs were dropping all over the place until next thing you know it, the Chiefs had won the game and the bar was closing.

Ah, but fear not my faithless readers, this is just part of the story.

The lovely Terry, bar wench and booze hound extraordinare, joined us at the second bar when she finished up at the Boat. We couldn't miss the 8:30 San Diego Super Chargers game, could we? We weren't quite as rowdy as last year in the sportsbook, but it was pretty damned close. More liquid gold and Terry started requesting that I call people for dial-a-shots.

The first name I came across was BobbyBracelet who may be regretting he ever picked up the phone on any of the half dozen times he was called.

Some of the lines from Terry...

"So how did you become the 860th best poker player? Was there a drawing for it?"

"Are you going to have your junk size confirmed in Vegas? Quad confirmed just doesn't sound right."

"Why do they call you BobbyBracelet?"
I then explain it to her.

"Oh. So it has nothing to do with your girth."

That's my Terry.

The kindness of my heart prevents me from telling you what she did to the phone during some of the conversations and what she had to do to get her keys back. You can read Bob's "Ode to Sweet Tits" right here.

I don't know if it was lucky or unfortunate that MilwaukeeSteve (Terry's nickname for StB) didn't have his phone turned on.

~

Good time. But great times are imminent.

I will be wheels down in Vegas in just around 72 hours from now. 73 hours from my first buzz.

Until then, here are two more ScubaSteve links.

Movie #1 - Bonus Code Iggy
Movie #2 - Bash at the Boat, or More Dryhumping.

Cheers

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Sunday, December 04, 2005

"Al,it's Daddy. I've got on my pink boxers, a hot dog in each hand, and I was thinking of you."
Daddy - dial-a-shot voicemail
I swear to christ I could make a mint load of money if I just copied off Daddy's voicemail messages and sold them. I've been really bad with dial-a-shots this weekend because of a dead phone and lazy ass. I missed Pauly hanging at HDub's house, Daddy and his hot dogs, Steve, and Tanya. I suck. I know.

I woke up this morning with snow on the ground and it looks like we're going to be getting more. For the record, I despise the winter. (Isn't there a vacation coming up?) But the bar will be nice and warm this afternoon while I watch another full slate of NFL games. There are some great games that I'm looking forward to seeing.

~

How 'bout some college football? Damned Texas and USC managed to somehow squeak by Colorado and UCLA. Bastards. So no National Championship game for Penn State. Everyone has been predicting that PSU will be invited to the Orange Bowl to play the ACC champ. VaTech or Florida State. Who do you think people expected to win that game?



oops.

Now it looks like we're going to see the two winningest college football coaches go head to head.

January 3rd in Miami. Who's with me? MeanGene?

~

Short pimp session. Some well known bloggers that I somehow managed to miss putting on my blogroll and some new ones also.

Whiskeytown
Jeff - Rants of a Young Mind
Bad Beat Blog - Mourn
ArmChair Fisherman - TrumpJosh
Above the Surface Tension - Sparky
TeamScottSmith - G-Vegas regular

Cheers until Monday.

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