Thursday, November 10, 2005

What got into me? (title written after post) 

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
Pablo Picasso
I'm no artist, nor ever claimed to be. I've been told several times that people like my self-deprecating humor. First I had to go look up self-deprecating then realized that by looking it up I've proven everyone wrong. Is it self-deprecating if you really are dull in the head?

I'm the guy who has to wear the football helmet around the house to prevent the walls taking a bashing from my head. In the privacy of my own home, and my wife will attest, I am deranged, mental, and seriously wrong in the head. Some of the things I do just to get a chuckle out of her would be horrifically embarrassing if the public knew. I'm weird.

Is this the same guy who was onstage with Metallica, smoked weed with Sebastian Bach, pissed off Mark Slaughter in a tiny hotel in Reading PA, and once spent several hundred dollars on a hideous leather outfit for a girl he barely knew and had little / no chance of actually bedding?

Things change.

In the old days, it wasn't a question of IF we were going out, it was WHERE are we going. It was nothing to hop in the hoopty van and drive from Philly to Long Beach Island on a Tuesday night for an acoustic show and make it to work the next day. Last minute trips to Hammerjacks in Baltimore and last second decisions to keep traveling south when the bar let out. On that particular excursion I made it halfway between Baltimore and Frederick MD at 3am with no head lights, no cops, and no problems.

All on a whim.

Planning was an afterthought if it ever entered our minds at all. I've slept in cars, vans, truck beds, trailers, bathtubs, and hotel efficiencies at the Jersey Shore with 20 others. In Caucci's car we slept in the parking lot of several bars, the lower level of the Cape May/Lewes Ferry, the parking lot at the end of the OCMD boardwalk, and residential areas. All within 24 hours! The last being very disturbing to us, the kids running around the car in the morning, and their parents (no charges were filed).

So many things have changed. It's hard to believe that these are the slow partying days of my life. But that's the constant battle between quantity and quality.

I'm not saying things are better or worse. They're just different. And that's what started this little rant. This morning I was thinking about how things would be if this odd blogger forum was around back then. I wonder at times whether the stories would have been as good in writing as they are in my head. Caucci actually took a shot at writing some of them down but it seems nearly impossible. They've all been twisted around where timeframes, situations, and names have all turned from fact to myth after a decade of their telling.

Maybe I'll take a shot at it one of these days. I'm not a child and I'm not an artist.

All that said, I wouldn't change a damned thing about my life. Except maybe the whole being fat and ugly thing. I could live without that.


When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and asked whether he could do anything for the famed teacher, Diogenes replied: 'Only stand out of my light.' Perhaps some day we shall know how to heighten creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can do for creative men and women is to stand out of their light.
John W. Gardner
Allow me to step out of the light and point out some of the creative. Here are some of the bloggers I know off the top of my head that are involved in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). If I missed someone, please drop me a line or comment and I'll get you added. In return I expect a signed first edition. Deal?

Human Head
Joe Speaker

I think there are more but my brain has locked up.

5 random bloggers who's writing has helped me improve my poker game....


5 random bloggers who have helped me improve my writing (or, those you can blame for what I do)

The UpForPoker crew
Iggy for constantly kicking me in the ass
Gracie I dig her style

5 random bloggers you NEED to drink with....

PokerProf You're just gonna have to trust me on this one
The Blonde

I know that is 6. Sue me.

5 random bloggers that you may not be reading, but should....

Fat Dan
Arne - Esoteric Lunch - he who knighted me
Klopzi's Mediocre Blog - poor guy read every. one. of. my. archives. Ouch


Wait, I promised chippie's today for Jerry.

I'll start with a post from RuthlessJack. Holy camel toe, Batman!

I'm a little late on picking this one up, but I think I like Monica Bellucci. You?

The guys from YaySports were nice enough to stop by and drop off their URL. They have more pictures of the Panthers ex-cheerhookers. I like these guys. At least there isn't a chance some random picture of me sleeping in Vegas will end up on one of their partner websites.

Finally, I came across this article in The Sun during my surfing activities. I think the part below says it all....

US-based Francine Brandler is used to crossing the Atlantic to play for cash, but even she admits to taking part in games on the web in her pyjamas.

"The thing I love about online play is you can be dressed any way you want AND do your nails at the same time," she says.
The next article will be written by Captain Caveman and will probably do less to set back the game of poker. When you get right down to the bits and pieces though, the entire article is nothing but a fluff piece shilling The Sun's Poker site.



Tonight is drinkin' night. If you've got my number, feel free to call.

If you really want to torture me, DJ Scuba Steve will have his triple header of IM services running in the booth. Hit him with a request any time after 5pm EST.

AIM: attheboathouse
Yahoo!: djstevecroce
MSN: stevecroce



Wednesday, November 09, 2005

"dem's quads beetches!"

The lovely Heather came up with that nice little line. Bloggers have been dropping it in virtual poker rooms on a regular basis.

I'm here to tell ya, it doesn't go over real well when playing live and no one knows what the hell you're doing. Last night in the Boathouse tourney, I knocked out both Lewey and JDub after flopping top set and turning quads. The relatively quiet room turned dead silent after I hopped from my seat and yelled...

"dem's quads beetches!"

Lewey and JDub both chuckled but BigMike looked horrified. Is that anyway to act in your second home? Nope. I should know better.


I ended up getting knocked out when a loud mouth caught a two outter and sent me to the bar. 3 bottles of Soco, surfing RateMyBoobs.net from the bar, and way too many cigarettes were my reward. Something good did come out of the night (other than the terrific buzz). BigMike managed to convince BobbyBoathouse and Billy to show up at my house this morning.

I no longer have a 200 pound paper weight sitting in my living room. The washing machine has assumed it's proper place.

Progress. Always trying to make progress.

And when I finish the basement, I want these. Two sets of those, a monster high def TV, and a custom poker table. Welcome to the AlCantHang Poker Club. The Boathouse will miss me. Eventually.


"Drew, have you done anything for your client besides getting him thrown off the team?"

"Next question."

T.O. laughing in the background. Excellent comedy. Maybe some good will come from this if Rosenhaus gets thrown under the bus.


By the way, has the term "thrown under the bus" jumped the shark the way the term "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark? And why do I think these things and then write them down for all the world to see what kind of inept, mouth-breathing, chuckle-head I am? And why did I write that?

Idiot. I'm such a tool.


Because I'm running late, I have this funny squishy feeling in my brain, and my liver is pissed, this is all you're getting today. Tomorrow I was pour forth with tales of girls, and boobage, and booze, and horribly played poker. I'll have pics just to make Jerry happy.

Now off with ya. Go read something proper. Like a good blogger or maybe a story about two drunken Swedish moose invading a home for elderly. Those crazy Swedish mooseses.


(this post was brought to you without the aid of any spell or grammar checking. Straight outta the ol' noggin. BEETCHES!)


Monday, November 07, 2005

The weekend report 

How about some poker first? Just to keep my poker blogger membership happy.

The only poker I was able to play this weekend was in the Saturday's with Pauly tourney. I was crippled early when Willy the Wise *cough* called my 5 times BB bet with T7 sooooted. I was dominated.

I still managed to stick around to finish 37th out of 98. Not bad. Gracie was nice enough to be the victim of my horrid suckout to get some chips back. We were both shortstack and all in with a race. Gracie hit her set of 6's on the flop but I turned a gutshot to double up. Jason knocked me out with the hammer when I got shortstacked again. Fine bragging all around.

Congrats to SirWaffleWiffle ball for taking it all down. I found no irony whatsoever when he got seated at my site right next to Grubby. It would have been the perfect time to sharpen my blackjack knowledge.


Football football. Anything going on with Terrell Owens? I haven't heard anything about him on ESPN.

Here's my final thoughts on T.O.... Good riddance. I'm finally done making excuses to myself about him. I'd rather not win the Super Bowl if he's going to be there, get any credit, and be called a champ. I'm trying to figure out if this is the biggest chasm between superior talent and complete lack of common sense. I'm not an expert on the number game so I have no idea how/where/what the Eagles options are, but just get 'em gone. At what price success? I knew we were selling our soul to the devil but I didn't figure the payment would come due this soon.

Whatever team he plays for next year, you can practically guaran-goddamn-tee they'll be on the Eagles schedule. T.O., Mr. Dawkins and Mr. Trotter would like to have a word with you. Over here. In the middle of the field. Don't forget to bring your alligator arms.


Yesterday at the bar, we concentrated on 4 early games. Chargers/Jets on the big screen, Lions/Vikings, Raiders/Chiefs, and Falcons/Dolphins. Before my miscellaneous craptitude, I have to tell you about the guy sitting to my left at the bar. I don't know if he had money riding on the Jets, was a Jets fan, or was playing against Tomlinson in fantasy football. But this guy was going completely ape shit every time LT scored. By the fourth one we think he completely stroked out. I'm sure I didn't help by busting out the San Diego Super Chargers song after every score.

More crap....

- It's been great getting to watch every San Diego game this year. Tomlinson is outrageous. Barry Sanders-like moves but he can seal the deal (I'm allowed to say that after having Barry Sanders for so many years in Fantasy Football and watch him bust off huge runs only to get caught inside the 5). That move on the swing pass was silly. The poor guy's jock is still sitting on the field with his two broken ankles. That's one of the highlights, you should have seen the rest of the game.

- Wayne Chrebet has had a good career. I don't suspect we'll see him on the field again. A not-very-funny rendition of the "I'm batman" commercial.

- Dick Vermeil may be a big ol' crying wussy boy, but what a set of balls on that guy. Not a single person in the bar thought he'd go for it. And if he did, he wouldn't do it that way. No trick plays, draws, pitches. He took his best 11 against Oakland's best 11, lined up in I-formation, and got the half yard they needed. Huge monster balls. Now go cry a bit.

- I had to watch the Vikings/Lions game figuring it would be an entertaining car wreck of a game. Sure fire, it was. I turned to Landow at one point and commented about how remarkably bad Jeff Garcia was playing, he tells me Garcia's hurt and that was Harrington.

ooooooooohhhhh. Now it made sense.

- I also told Landow early on that if Minnesota could avoid Brad Johnson throwing the ball at all costs, they would win. 22 pass attempts, 35 rushes. Vikings win. Bennett and Moore averaged over 5 yards a carry.

- Every time I watch Michael Vick run, I'm just waiting for one of those hamstrings to pop. He's due. bah, no matter. According to The Blonde, a pulled hammy is nothing. I've had hammy pulls and a tear. I respectfully disagree.

- Do any opponents watch the Atlanta game film? At least half a dozen times Michael Vick is going to run the nekkid boot to the left and he gets 'em every damned time.

- A headline from ESPN. "Ravens held without TD as Bengals' D clamps down". No shit, really? With Anthony Wright/Kordell Stewart QB combo and a running back who doesn't care about his team? I'm stunned and shocked.

- Another headline, just as original... "Giants defense holds Niners without a touchdown". Congrats. Against a QB that was pulled out of the stands at the last minute and an RB named Gore (who I actually think will be good).

- Did Pittsburgh win or did Favre gift wrap it? Two words, Charlie Batch!

- I'm sure you've already heard the best part of the Panthers/Bucs game. The Panthers website is getting crushed. I will pay a large sum of money (approx zero dollars american) if anyone can get me decent pics of these two.

- Yes, I know Chelsea got beaten by ManUre. No, I'm not worried.

- How did the Wisconsin Badgers even score 14 points against Penn State? It was the Tamba Hali show. Catch him at an NFL stadium near you in the future.

- My Fantasy football teams suck, fantasy hockey team doing well. I'm also winning Pauly's College Pick'em Challenge. This amuses me because the only teams I care about are Penn State and whoever is beating Notre Dame that week.

- Tonight's score? Indy 35, New England 0. Or I hope that's the score.


I know my posts are horrible, yet you keep coming back. Who has the problem, me or you?

Cheers! I think I might have just become a fan of Rugby.