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Friday, September 16, 2005

More junk 

I learned two things about myself at the bar last night. One I should have known, the other surprised me.

I am a degenerate gambloor. And poker is it. Well, poker was it because nobody bothered rolling out a pair of dice so we could throw craps. But what made this occasion different? Jonesing for action, I played for stakes that will embarrass.

It was a weird night at the bar. The happy hour crowd was basically non-existent and the inside bar was shut down. Of course, shortly thereafter, a huge rush hit and the outside deck had a decent crowd.

But that left me there with employees who were cut early but weren't ready to go home. They decided to shuffle up and throw down some cards. Now I'm all about this. A couple of big Soco's in me and let's gamble. Unfortunately, this being a very public bar there was no way we could play for cash. It's strictly verboten.

So ladies and gentlemen, I played No Limit Texas Hold'em for wet naps. Those little packs of hand wipes for after eating messy food items.

I shit you not, my lone reader. Each had huge stack of the packets.

I was dead serious when I told the table I was playing a hand in the dark and pushed in my last 25 packets of moist towelettes to the center of the table only to be disappointed when my AQo refuses to hold up and I lose to the waitress who is mainlining a drink called a Russian Qualude.

The drinks were flowing and it at least gave me an excuse to stay in the 'shutdown' portion of the bar with the air conditioning instead of outside in the humidity which should have been gone a month ago.

Really, who were we hurting? No one. Unless roving bands of fanatical buffalo wing eaters descended upon the bar en masse demanding their digits be cleaned forthwith, we weren't bothering anyone.

As your Rev. Al, that is my confession.

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The second thing I learned is that I actually have the some ability to control what I say what intoxicated. I've never had this ability before as witnessed by several bloggers at the Excalibur. I don't know how many times I was slapped around by the dealers for using foul language, and fuck if I care.

Anyway, there was a gentleman in the bar last night. He was of the stature which has often been used to describe The Blogfather. Vertically challenged. Now just for full disclosure, I am also not the tallest creature on this earth. Combine that with my wide girth and I more resemble a weeble wobble than a human. By the way, being a proper drunk, having the shape of a weeble really comes in handy as I fall far less frequently than Otis.

This gentleman was standing off the side of the bar chain smoking cigarettes like he was a stock holder in Phillip Morris. Not once on my many times passing him did I say, "hey, you know those things will stunt your growth!"

Not once did I say it.

I don't think. I may have mentioned it to a couple of friends, but hey!, I'm learning and growing as a person.

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After hitching a ride home with ScubaSteve, I watched Gracie crush the latest Katrina charity tourney, chat with the bloggers, and raise toasts in the bastardized version of the dial-a-shot. The IM-A-SHOT.

While the tourney was finishing up, a good ol' fashioned blogger NL table opened up on Stars and I sat one of these for the first time in ages (thanks to a generous blogger). After winning a few pots, and folding forever, I called it a night.

The camaraderie of the bloggers combined with the jammin' Arena Rock on digital cable was not enough to keep me conscious. Plus, a special guest was on the waiting list.

For the record, I finished up for the session. Silly lil two card game with no split.

~

Enough rambling, I'll leave you with my link o' the day (semi-daily at least).

Back in the early 80's, there were two main battlers for the home video game market. You were either an Atari kid or an Intellivision kid. I was an Intellivision kid, still not sure where that put me in the socio-economic realm of early high school boys.

Scuba Steve passed this site along to me. IntellivisionLives.com An emulator with some of the cool games with the incredibly bad graphics. Some games are available for immediate download.

Does anyone remember Las Vegas Poker and Blackjack? It was shipped with the console for years.....

Here's a Scuba Steve's created image.

~

Cheers, have a good weekend.

KTBFFH

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

A prayer from Rev. Al 

Blogfather, who art in card rooms, hallowed be thy game.
Thy Rockets come, thy draws be won,
Online as well as in Vegas.
Give us this day, our daily post.
And forgive us our Hammers, as we forgive those who drop The Hammer against us.
And lead us not into Temptation, but deliver us from Evil.
For thine is the Bellagio,
and the Horseshoe,
and the World Series of Poker forever and ever.

Amen

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Happy Birthday to the Princess 

We were standing at what felt like the scene of an old crime. Atop a steep hill looking down at the green green grass and the black black pavement. Nearly a year ago I stood in the exact same place looking down, astounded, at the puddle of a man lying on the pavement so far down. Pauly, Derek, and Landow would ended up getting Lewey up off the pavement and into the truck. You need a little help after you've slammed yourself into the pavement.

This time we were standing there reminiscing. Lewey was no longer a co-worker and friend. Now he was just a friend because after 10 years of working together, his time at the company was over.

Ten days from now, I will take the visiting bloggers to the top of this hill, The Running of the Lewey will be retold in all it's glory, and I will raise a toast to Lewey who will be hanging down at the Jersey shore.

~

And man did we tie a good one on last night. 6 hours spent at work. 9 hours put in at the bar. Sounds like a good work day to me. Shots and carbombs and beers I can't pronounce or remember. Lewey made like Daniel-san catching yellowjackets in his hands to protect the women-folk of the party. More shots and carbombs and beers I can't pronounce or remember with the addition of several blowjob shots done by members who would probably have preferred to not have their pictures taken THEN spread around work. Happens every time. I don't know why they're always surprised.

Yeah, it's been that kind of morning.

I know I spend a large chunk of my life in this silly alcohol fueled fog.... please feel free to use this blog as a public service announcement. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

Anyway, I know I'm usually in one fog or another, but why do I always have my worst work days when I've been especially unkind to myself the night before. Why do problems occur that require me to spend lots of time with upper management when I know I look like I was drug behind the latest gas guzzling SUV, smell like the floor of a dive bar at 4am, and I spent the last 2 hours figuring out if I stepped in a steaming pile of dog poo or is that smell actually coming from me? I have to ask myself over and over. Is it really possible that I'm still drunk?

~

Enough of that crap, on to the important stuff.

30 some odd years ago, some crazy Cajun chick got together with her Polish husband created the lovely girl I now call my princess. I still don't know how she puts up with me.

I've lost count of how many times the bloggers tell me I've married way over my head (and coming from BG, that certainly one hell of a compliment. *cough*) and I just have to keep explaining how it happened. I kept her completely drunk for the entire 15 months we were engaged. Eventually, about 2 monts after the wedding, she sobered up and realized her mistake. Being the good catholic, she can't get out of it.

So swing on by and give her a happy birthday. She deserves everything she gets.

~

Maybe she wants this CD for her birthday......

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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

3pm today, be there. 

God, we pray for the souls and livers of those about to partake. We ask that you watch over each of our troubled souls as we attempt to drink the stench of this wretched place from us. Protect us from all sharp objects and steep hills. May the Southern run deep and Guinness be poured to perfection.

In the name of the beer, the bourbon, and the broads.

Amen

Cheers to Lewey.

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Monday, September 12, 2005

NFL, EPL, and LDC (Lap Dances for Charity) 

A quick weekend review?

Friday - drunk.
Saturday - couch.
Sunday - drunk + NFL.

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That great sucking sound apparently is coming from every NFL suicide pool in the country. Including mine. The damned hapless Niners were made to look like world beaters by the even more hapless Rams.

We made the first trip of the year to the boathouse for Sunday football. With the NFL Sunday ticket and more TV's than necessary, a football and FFL junkie like myself is able to emerse himself in every game at the same time.

It takes a bit of practice and proper stretching of the neck muscles, but when combined with a bottomless glass of Soco everything works out fine.

NFL thoughts (because no one actually cares).....

1. Detroit looked solid, Favre looked ancient, and let's see what Rosenhaus has to say about Javon Walker missing the rest of the year.

2. Kansas City pretty much eliminated any chance of a NY Jets and Pauly dial-a-shot. Pennington = pathetic.

3. Culpepper sure looked like he missed Randy Moss because he was missing the rest of his receivers with his throws. Defense looked solid.

4. Washington / Chicago. zzzzzzzzzz Wha? What happened? Did I miss a game?

5. Miami / Denver. 2005 Battle of the Quarterbacks. Frerotte v Plummer. Might be this seasons game with the two worst combined QB's.

6. New Orleans and Carolina was a great game with the entire bar pulling for NO. FFL-wise, I had offensive guys on both teams.

7. I can honestly say that I did not watch one single play from the Tenn./Jax game.

8. Can we please keep the Steelers fans out of the bar? No offense to other Steelers fans... but the ones that have been imported to our area make Eagles fans look calm and reasoned.

9. Dilfer looked bad, then Dilfer looked good, then Dilfer looked really bad. Carson Palmer seems to be the real deal though.

10. I had the San Diego Super Chargers song all ready to go for the dial-a-shot with StB... Then Bledsoe turned into the old Bledsoe and Brees turned into the old Brees.

11. Joe Buck is a douchebag and should never be allowed in the broadcast booth again. He's an embarrasment to his father's good name.

12. Anyone hopping off the Arizona Cardinals for NFC West Champ bandwagon yet?

13. Who would have thought that the Indy Defense would score nearly as many FFL points as Peyton Manning? Besides me, that is, since I own both.

14. I reiterate. Joe Buck is a douchebag. I enjoy Troy Aikman (even though he's a stinkin' Cowboy), but Joe Buck has to go. Christ, bring back Tom Brookshire.

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From the EPL.....

Arsenal lose, ManYoo draw, Chelsea has another clean sheet. So what it was a against bottom dwelling Sunderland. Sunderland is only 6 points behind Arsenal and they have zero points.

One more jab. Arsenal, 4 games played, 6 points. Wigan, 4 games played, 6 points.


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I figured out how Joanne makes all the final tables. It's her username and reputation. How else to explain what happened when I played a free roll for her? I finished 9th out of 279 players.

What's in a name?

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The final plans for the Bash at the Boathouse are being completed. BigMike is running with the charity portion of the event. So far the top two raffle prizes are $1000 hard cash and a free weekend at the Borgata. The $1000 raffle is based on the Washington State lottery for September 24th and you don't need to be present to win. Email if you're interested. We've been having a tough time raising money for Cystic Fibrosis since Katrina came along.

The Borgata and 50/50 drawing will be done during the Bash and you must be there.

Some other ideas we're kicking around which should get more attention (for better or worse)....

Lap Dances for Charity - Screen off the gazeebo area on the deck, hire two ladies of "questionable morals" or any girls willing to part with a piece of their lap dance profits. Gentlemen, the line forms behind JDub.

Tits for Tots - A large number of MardiGras beads are handed to the gentlemen as they enter the Bash with strict guidelines for giving them out. The girl with the most amount of beads at the end of the night wins. We add up the beads and give cash to the charity.

Christ, if either one of those happen, I'll never see Pauly the entire party.

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