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Friday, September 09, 2005

Crisis over! 

"You guys are a bunch of pricks!"

Paraphrased but the general tone of the phone call I received last night. Sitting at the sushi bar with my weight in raw fish in front me, Eva handed me the phone and I was speaking with the Big Daddy Donkey Fucker himself. We started off the football season properly. With a drink. We toasted, chatted, and generally discussed what kind of jagoff's we were but I explained that we had to do what we had to do. In the boring land of "I got this and he did that and he called and I lost" posts, you need something orginal to read.

Several hours later as I watched second half from the comfort of my couch I received the second call from Daddy. The booze had continued to flow in Indiana. A dial-a-shot, a few more curses later, and drunken relent. More Daddy posts would be on the way.

The conversation concluded with talk of 6 donkeys, ice, donkey vaginas, and desert. You'll have to figure that one out on your own.

All this to say, he's back after a three day hiatus.

Go enjoy.

~

So I guess I owe the hooker/dog puking story.....

~

Random pic to welcome back Daddy.

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Thursday, September 08, 2005

Blog Hostage 

Unacceptable.

The foul-mouthed, power-drinking, poker-playing, self-professed-expert-Donkey-Fucker, has decided to give up his piece of real estate in the blogger universe.

Unacceptable.

I will hold this blog hostage. Until Daddy decides to call it a hiatus and promise to return, I'm going to post nothing but hand histories and bad beat stories. No more pics like this one, this one, this one, or this 3500 Watt Generator For Sale.

You'll never find out how or why I ended up projectile vomiting on a prostitute AND her little dog at 3am while on a space cake / weed / SouthernComfort bender in Amsterdam during my bachelor party then compounding it by immediately going back to the hotel room and calling my lovely and very understanding future wife to tell her all about it....

while she's sitting on the couch a million time zones away with her future mother-in-law. Future hardcore Bible thumping mother-in-law. At her bridal shower. And every third word coming out of my mouth was a combination of Dutch, German, and drunk speak so she had to keep asking, "and WHY were you in the hooker's room?" to the shock and dismay of said future bible thumping in-laws.

Nope, you'll never read that story until Daddy changes his tune.

Damned donkey fuckers.

~

Joaquin (closet Chelsea supporter) has asked for a blogger role call for the Bash. Here's what I know at this point.

Definites....

Otis (and Mrs. Otis)
Bobby Bracelet aka BobRespert aka Mr. Twice confirmed huge junk.
StB
Pauly
Derek
Joaquin
F-train
Helixx
Jason and Mrs. Spaceman
Carter - trooper of last years gathering.

Won't get off the asses and commit....

BadBlood
G-Rob
The Boy effing Genius

Possible and most likely to shock....

TheBlonde

Which will probably get CJ on a plane for a vacation he so desperately needs.

And finally, the queen of all bloggers.

I'm sure there are some that I'm missing. If I did, just drop me a line.

~

Did I mention that I won the Boathouse Freeroll the other night? Completely wasted out of my gourd to boot. JDub, also blotto, came in second. The two drunkest idiot poker players finished 1st and 2nd.

The $100 didn't even cover the bar tab.

d'oh

~

That hacking, wheezing, choking sound from South Philly.

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I know that very few give a rat's ass about soccer, let alone USA soccer, but WTF is this?

Mexico (5-1-1) still needs another point in its final three games to make Germany 2006. Its coach, Ricardo Lavolpe, was not impressed by the winners.

"The U.S. is a small team," he said. "They play like my sister, my aunt and my grandmother."
Prick.

~

I'll leave you with a song for BigMike provided by ScubaSteve.

Cheers.

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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Another Katrina Charity Event 

For anyone interested and can attend...

Royal Vegas Poker will be having a Katrina Charity Tournament tonight, September 6th, at 9pm EST. $25 buy-in. Half of the prize pool goes to the relief effort.

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A Pig and A Preview 

"I've never had roast pig before, Michael. It tastes just like roast pork."

That's an actual honest-to-god quote from this weekend. After several days of watching the destruction of a city, I decided to do something just for you, my dedicated reader (singular by this point I'm sure). I spent the weekend in the Valley of the Idiots. The place from which a true legend would emerge despite attempts to corrupt his mind with their silly gun racks and the racing in circles "Yes'm, what I plannin' on doin' is puttin' my foot down an' turn left alot. If'n I can dodge all dem udder car's, keep turnin' left, and da good lord sees fit, I might win this here NASCAR race. yessir."

Northern Pennsylvania. Land of BigMike.

The Bowl of Ignorance. I took the weekend in Berwick, PA helping BigMike with the never-to-end cleaning of his grandparents home and also spend some time at a pig roast.

I'm currenlty in the middle of writing about the weekend but with a twist. BigMike will be adding his commentary throughout the stories with background stories about the unbelievable situations in this hamlet.

Standby.

~

Until then, I received official notification that another member of the 2005 WSoP Blogger contingent will be attending this year's Bash at the Boat.....

It's official!

That's right! Bobby Bracelet has decided to grace your function with his presence.
This means two things. First, you must be an A-Lister, and second, he will need help
finding a large enough room to house not only himself, but his Huge Junk and Massive Ego.

Plans have Mr. Bracelet arriving around 2pm on Friday Sept. 23rd and departing early Monday morning. Approximately 8am.

Please note that Mr. Bracelet will expect an array of fine looking Philly hotties at his disposal, the finest comfort the southern states have to offer, and a cash game full of dead money.

Bobby Bracelet is looking forward to this event with the glee of a 16 year old girl.

Will there be any 16 year old girls there?

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