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Thursday, August 18, 2005

1 Day.... 

Click for a larger image

1. Slayer - Angel of Death
2. Anthrax - Indians
3. Exodus - The Toxic Waltz
4. Testament - Over the Wall
5. Onslaught - Shellshock
6. Flotsam and Jetsam - No Place For Disgrace
7. Megadeth - Holy Wars
8. Overkill - Hello From the Gutter
9. Annihilator - Alice in Hell
10. Powermad - Slaughterhouse
11. Nuclear Assault - Critical Mass
12. Suicidal Tendencies - Join the Army

The AlCantHang / BadBlood Bible of Thrash Vol 1. is currently in production. ScubaSteve and myself are hard at work.... Ok, ScubaSteve is hard at work down in the grudgy lair of the AlCantHang sweatshop.

You may notice that there is not a single Metallica song on the CD. BadBlood and I have the same attitude about Metallica. Fuck 'em. As far as I'm concerned, they tore up their thrash membership card when they sold out their fans and started making piss water for music. Plus, my luck, that flaming pussy Lars would stubble across it and sue my ass for all $10 in my pocket.

So would you like a copy? Here's the only way to get one. Landow's girlie Jenn is participating in the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk benefitting the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and the National Philanthropic Trust. Click here to donate then click here to send me an email with your mailing address. Simple. StB is already signed up and he'll get one of the first copies.

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Some new links. Support new bloggers.

Poker Cheap Skate is a new blogger / poker players starting out on his journey.

Fat Dan talks about everything from Nascar to football to poker.

Poker Stage - Looks like I'll get to meet the author of PokerStage this weekend. Soco!

Midget Monkey Pirate Clown - how the fook did I miss a blogger with that name?

... and last but not least, The Blonde. A philly blogger who might cause a little fuss with some of the work proxy servers when you go to her blog. The crew is pushing me to make sure she comes to the Bash at the Boat (September 24th, Flanigan's Boathouse Malvern). Consider this a formal invite.

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That is all. I'll be cleaning up work junk today and preparing for the invasion of G-Vegas tomorrow.

See you next week with pics and stories.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

2 Days.... 

So you really want the AlCantHang Experience? Here's what your last 12 hours would look like.

You leave work late and head to the bar for booze and poker. You spend the night throwing shots down the tournament directors throat after finding out it's her birthday. She starts out by saying "I don't want anything to strong" and two shots later switches to drinking Sambuca like this might the last freaking bottle on the face of God's green earth. You work with BigMike to clear the place out of excess Soco bottles because you know this is the last really big drinking night prior to G-Vegas and you want to make sure the bar remembers you. Like they could forget. You play poker with some of the biggest douche bags in the history of flaming douche bags and manage to win some and lose some.

For the record, BigMike (non-douche bag) knocked me out with a smooth call of my KJs raise, J high flop, shortstack me pushes and BigMike INSTA-calls. I mean the words were out of his mouth faster than you can beleive. Why? Because he was holding JJ.

You manage to cause some chucklehead to tilt while you're on the rail and he's playing powerful 62o hands for big pots and winning. After he gets knocked out he threatens to either kick your ass or beat you in a head's up battle. Both of which he backs out of when you offer to take him up on either. You decide getting more drinks in you is more important than writing silly checks that neither your wallet nor your head can cash. Soon his best friend is making nice nice with BigMike after they find out they're originally from the same region in Italy. A few words of Italian are spoken, which you're pretty sure mean that they're calling you an Irish mutt and isn't that just hilarious.

You make your way home in the wee early hours but instead of going straight to bed for the few hours left before that filthy stinking alarm goes of, you hop online and drunk chat with various and sundry members of the blogging community. You don't notice until 5 minutes at it that you've been typing with your fingers on the entirely wrong keys but that's ok because the gobbly words that came out where exactly how they sounded in your head. You manage to do one smart thing. The first smart thing for the evening. You DO NOT log into PokerStars and start playing. You instead beg off and find the bed for your 4 hours of drunken sleep even though you're certain that the drunken retard Al will still be sitting on your shoulder when you wake up.

Sometime during the night, the cat shits in your mouth. At least it tastes that way.

The alarm goes off, you drag your still drunk ass into the shower, zone through everything (but still manage to make sure you cleaned in all the right places), and crawl back in bed to wait for the wife to get done. An hour later, which seemed more the 5.2 seconds, she's done and you're off to the hell known as work.

You throw a greasy egg and bacon sandwich down your throat on top of the glazed donut the company is giving for free because who am I to turn down a free donut since it's one of the few concessions left after this German Panzer division rolled over our company 6 odd years ago. The horror begins when you sneeze, thanks to your natural alergic reaction to any kind of work, and your lowered ability with motor functions causes you to also fart. I don't know if you've ever done that before, sneeze along with an explosion expulsion of methane, but it feels like you've blown an O-ring, if it didn't just fall out all together. (Eva swears an older member of her family actually had their asshole fall out. Completely unconfirmed but great Easter dinner conversation). You take a quick trip to the shitter just to make sure everything's where it should be. Naturally every stall is full including the 'capper stall which you're pretty sure is reserved strictly for your use. The three occupants are doing their best rendition of the three tenors using various foul smelling sounds. The gentleman in the middle is working on the new world record for curtesy flushes. No matter. That 'hot-poker-up-the-ass' feeling has faded and you're pretty sure no permanent damage has been done. You make your way back to your desk, finish eating the goddamn worst free donut in the history of German provided free pastries, open up notepad, and write completely unforgettable rubbish like this.

So you really want the AlCantHang Experience?

I didn't think so.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

3 Days.... 

"Don't screw with me...I'm an ordained minister, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
me, G-Vegas
Now I haven't really said that.

Yet.

Arne posted the above statement in my comments for an over/under prop. I realized I forgot to mention something from a couple of weeks ago. After receiving notice from Arne that I had been knighted by the Order of St. Arnold, I also turned around and got my hippy ass ordained. No lie. I can't remember. Does that make me Sir Reverend or Reverend Sir AlCantHang?

That ought to go over well down in the bible belt this weekend. Especially when I just realized that Bob Jones University is located in Greenville. I've never really mentioned it before but I went to high school at a very VERY strict christian school. Half of my graduating class (all 30 of us) ended up at this place. For a taste of Bob Jones U, check out this article.

The president of the university explained why interracial dating was forbidden. Because it was "genetic blending". One of the Bob Jones' even spoke at my graduation ceremony. The singe marks from the cross burnings were finally starting to fade for the old boy.

Yep, that's the environment this foul-mouthed, booze-swelling, long hair came from. Hair touching the ears or collar was verboten (the use of the german translation was very much intentional). Get caught smoking, on campus or off, during the school year or summer, and by anyone anywhere. Instant expulsion. No appeals. I was the demon son in their eyes. I once spent an entire school year in my own study hall apart from the rest of the class. I was considered that 'dangerous' to their precious ideals.

We heard horror stories of the university rules that are too gruesome to describe.

Now I find out I'll be miles from the campus. How can I not invade the campus? With a snoot full 'o booze, hair to the waistline, and screaming, "Don't screw with me...I'm an ordained minister, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

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Here's why Drizz gets a free copy of the ACHE / BadBlood Thrash Bible? 1) Skid Row, while a good rock band, is definitely not thrash. 2) Admitting that Nelson is on your iPod. 3) For posting their picture (christ, I feel scumming for linking the picture) and 4) writing these two paragraphs....

"Why is there a picture of the Nelson brothers here? Because they're pretty I guess, I dunno.

Just be happy G.W.A.R. wasn't playing first on my iPod this morning. I'm sure these two blondes are easier on the eyes."
Very very non-thrash. Congrats, I'll send you the first copy when it's done.

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F.U.T.O

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I had this long rambling post tied in my head last night as I crashed from sleep deprivation but it's all gone. Something about blogger, poker bloggers specifically. For the new bloggers.... it's about that time in the cycle where people are going to start gnashing, telling you how to write your shit. Someone is eventually going to tell you, indirectly, that your shit stinks. The only advice I'll ever give.... write for yourself and get a good healthy dose of the "piss off, if you don't like it, don't read it" attitude.

Obviously it's worked for me as judged by the tens and tens of readers I've picked up in the last 18 months.

Here's a one time offer for new and older bloggers. I'm waaaay behind on linking up blogs. If you have a blog, poker or not, and you want a link, send an email to LinkWithAl@yahoo.com. Especially those sent recently because I've been too busy to even respond.

If, on the other hand, you have a website that has absolutely nothing going except as a shill site, keep it to yourself. I'm liable to out you hardcore.

Bring 'em on! I'm a special kinda retard!

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OK, my head is hurting from lack of nicotine. No, I haven't quit like those other guitters. Quitters make Baby Jesus cry! My full pack of cowboy killers are sitting on my coffee table at home.

Here's the link of the day from Scuba Steve. He's says it's definitely not safe for work. So I can't tell if it's good or not.

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Monday, August 15, 2005

4 Days.... 

"Oh, and I'm sorry to say that you will NOT be entitled to a share of my winnings."
Ebay auction - from the ScubaSteve research dept

Well that didn't take long. Nearly a year until the 2006 WSoP and someone is already asking strangers to pony up $10G to sponsor a no-name, no-talent ass clown in the main event. And this "pretty good poker player" imagines he can make it through the utter crapshoot to get your T-Shirt advert on TV. Think he'll wear a shirt that says, "I'm the first monkey to beg my way in this year"?

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BigMike just asked whether G-Vegas has a prospering prostitution industry. Anyone know? He figures if Otis wants to disturb the neighbors, nothing better than showing up with a couple of skank ho's on his arm.

Otis falls!

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Yo quero Taco Bell?

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I watched the Chelsea-Wigan match on Sunday. Chelsea wins on a Crespo goal with 30 some odd seconds left.

Most people don't care, but how come everyone jumps all over Mourinho when he says something they don't like, but not a single mention about him saying the Wigan did not deserve to lose the match? Anyone?

Bah, no one cares.

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If you're a baseball fan who supports an NL West team, do you even admit it? Every team in the NL East has a better record than the first place NL West Padres. By the way, the Phillies have never lost a game in the new Padres stadium.

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I managed to get quite a few hands of puny O8 in this weekend including a long session with Felicia Friday night. The whack jobs had me down for awhile but patience always pays off in those situations and before long I was more than doubled up.

It was no surprise all weekend to see action get capped 4 or 5 handed PRE-FLOP by these yobs. Just sit back and wait for their over agression to pay you off. When you're not in a hand, they're basically just passing their money around to each other.

I never had a losing session but that's not saying much with these players and it's not like the limits I'm playing are going to knock anyone's socks off. I haven't had any serious money loaded since the infamous Key West trip.

I also got to sweat Joanne in a couple of tourney's as she's been on a nice roll. She finished 8th in the Saturday O8 and Drizz finished 28th.

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The first over/under's for G-Vegas. Feel free to add your own.

Number of Soco bottles consumed by BigMike and myself during Brad-o-ween (non mini bottle category) - 3

Number of times BG says "No way am I drinking THAT!" or some variant - 4,761

Number of times G-Rob says "Otis falls" or some variant in the next UFP/Brad-o-ween post - 8

Number of times BigMike and I complain about the mini-bottle law - 10

Number of times BigMike and I complain because the bartender will not let us keep the empty mini-bottles - 10

BigMike's blood sugar during the weekend - 300

Number of times BadBlood 'kisses the gunz' pre-drunkeness - 2

Number of times BadBlood 'kisses the gunz' post-drunkeness - 19,456

Jokes big guy, they're just jokes.

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Finally, check out the Tom Bayes' new site as he hopes to set up a new tournament series. And god bless, any and all tournament BESIDES no limit hold'em.

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Cheers.


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