Friday, June 24, 2005

Welcome to the beginning of hell week on the crappiest blog on the internut. Often I find myself with the oncall pager for work during the weekend but I'm generally the backup oncall. That's bad and good. Bad because when the problems get to me in generally means a system shit the bed in a hardcore fashion and I'm looking at a lost weekend. Good because it doesn't go off very often.

This week however I am the primary oncall which means I have to deal with every pissant knuckle-dragging moron who couldn't find away to get the weekend off and cries at every system hiccup.

I'm going to have more headaches than a year's worth of Ash Wednesday's (day after Mardi Gras dolt). All the symptoms of a hangover without any of the fun getting there.

That does mean I'll be relatively sober this week and it's about time for me to reload the online bankrolls. I withdrew every penny I had over a month ago to finance my Key West and Vegas trips (minus the money I shipped to the wifey at FTP which I'll never see again. Just kidding dear).

Hopefully you'll be able to track me down on FTP or Party (BONUS CODE IGGY DAMMIT). O8 ring games on Party, Razz and tourney's on FTP. I'm also going to play in the O8 Bracelet Race on Monday. Maybe I can win and get a flight out to Vegas in time for the WSoP Razz Tourney. Talk about dead money.

Congrats to Wil for joining the PokerStars team for the main event. Pretty effing cool. Also, congrats to Pauly for playing well in Event #22. Sucky suckouts are the suckiest.

Finally, Oddjack has been cracking me up even if they did publish a very unflattering picture of me (and a completely off the wall caption. Pauly get ME wasted?). Check them out.

Popular and extremely lucky poker author James McManus continues to ride the coattails of his stepped-in-gold-shit existence and has now landed a weekly poker column for the New York Times, creatively called “Poker”. Other names considered for the column before settling on the title included “Cards”, “Gamble”, and “Holy Crap, I Can’t Believe I’m Still Writing About Poker”.
And any site that has a section dedicated to ripping on "Josh Arieh’s Cinnabon face" is ok with me.


To anyone I did dial-a-shots with last night, my apologies if I wasn't speaking English. I got off the phone with Felicia when she got back from Vegas and proceeded to get ripped to the tits.

Cheers, have a good weekend.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

Not much in the mood for writing today. BigMike's family last week. Charlie yesterday. And now I find out that another close friend lost an immediate family member.

I never met Charlie but the stories of support for him were great. I did get to spend some time with Jason. As someone who relies heavily on a very close knit group of friends, I cannot imagine what he's going through with losing a best friend.

Cheers to you Jason and rest in peace Charlie. I will raise many in your honor.


The following will be short and sweet and hopefully worth a little bit of a chuckle.


The 2 finalist for douchebag of the year award. You chose. First up, UEFA boss Lennart Johnson talking about how to promote women's soccer:

“I think they should turn to the sponsors.

“There are so many companies who could make use of the fact that if you see a girl playing on the ground, sweaty, with the rainy weather and coming out of the dressing-room, lovely looking, that would sell.
Doucebag #2 also comes from the across the pond. Formula One president and CEO Bernie Ecclestone about Danice Patrick:

"Women should be all dressed in white like all other domestic appliances."
Maybe ol' Bernie needs to have a little run in with my wifey. Good thing he kept a low profile after the debacle of the US Grand Prix.


Whatever happened to the practice of the common courtesy flush? Good lord. At least now I've mastered the art of the 10 minute power nap in the capper stall.


Finally, no need to pull your kids away from the XBox so they can get some exercise....

Old ballgame has newfangled twist

The first two innings of the July 16th game between the Kansas City T-Bones and the Schaumburg Flyers will be played virtually.

Equipped with Microsoft Xbox game controllers instead of baseball gloves and bats, two video gamers will climb into recliner chairs around home plate at CommunityAmerica Ballpark and slug it out on the park’s 16- by 24-foot video screen.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Return of BigMike 

It's been awhile since I put up a proper hangover mush o' shit post.

How is it that the Gods of Worktime always know when I was with the Gods of Booze the night before and I feel like John Bonham is playing an extended solo in my head. Servers crashing, networks dropping off the face of the earth......

And I'd sell my left nut for a greasy bacon sandwich.

Did I ever mention that I hate stupid people? I despise them.

People who will read the sign on the door placed at face level that reads "this door locked, please use the other" and then tug on the door like the sign might be lying.

And people who throw out advice and don't follow it themselves. An example, hypothetically speaking, someone who tells you that you should make sure to eat before a planned night of binge drinking and then does the complete opposite themselves. God, I'm such a tool.

And people who put on the entire Hellmuth/Laak routine when playing in a GOD DAMNED FREEROLL.

At a bar.

For no real money.

BigMike made his way back from his tour with the great unwashed and made a stop by the bar and got back on track to the tune of many doubles and a packed ashtray. There just happened to be a freeroll scheduled for last night and we all signed up.

BigMike and I found ourselves sitting at a fun table that included 3 Boathouse bouncers, Landow, and some poor guy who had no idea what he was in for. Very first hand. BigMike in the BB and I'm UTG looking at a red Hammer. I raised it up and BigMike was the only caller. I lost half my stack on the first hand trying to get him out of the pot when he flopped top pair top kicker with AQs.

d'oh. Stupid Hammer.

The rest of my tourney went by in a flash of rocks glasses and a bitch on wheels. I will drink when and where I wish. My tourney life stayed alive for a while longer when I went all-in shortstacked with 33 vs KQo. He flopped a Queen, I stood up and saw my two-outter hit the turn as I started to walk away.

And the hand that knocked me out of the tournament?

chirp chirp.

chirp chirp.

No friggin' idea. One moment I'm looking down at my cards and the next thing I know I'm playing Hole 6 on Golden Tee down by 10 strokes. That's a new one. I've never passed out with my eyes open before.

The tournament was down to the final 7 with BigMike, Landow, and the princess still playing. Some tool was pulling the Hellmuth "look into your soul" line on BigMike who would respond by reaching back and throwing down another double.

Don't you know that drunk bastard actually wins the tourney and once again our drunken night out at the bar is paid for by the poker gods.

Cheers to BiggieMike!


I know Otis said his c0ck is ( this ) big but he must be hurting for money if he's selling it on eBay.


I hope Pauly is fully rested for Event #22. My hard earned money is riding with him. Good luck to the Doctor.


Peace and have a good day.


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Bash at the Boat 6: Revenge of the CantHang's 

How many times can one guy come so close to getting fired in the span of 4 hours? For me, every damned time I talk to someone I'm just one F-bomb from a walk out the door.

Not a lot of fun for me today, but I did have a little. Here's a short post/announcement for you.

The date has been set for the Bash at the Boat 6: Revenge of the CantHang's

Saturday, September 24th. Time is to be determined.

At least 3 bands and a ton of booze. Since it's also our 5th wedding anniversary, we're tossing around the idea of renewing our wedding vows at the bar. What the hell, I spent 3 total hours in the church that married us, and 1,375,367 times that in the Boathouse. The head bartender is set to officiate and annoint us with Soco.

Also, for anyone coming into town earlier, I've arranged for a round of golf Friday afternoon followed by drinks and either a multi table tourney or cash game depending on everyone's preference.

We're working on a group rate at the local all-suite hotel (which will also be the poker location) with shuttle service between the hotel and the bar for the party. No worries about pesky J. Johnny LawEnforcement.

If you want to see driving directions/distances, you are looking for Malvern, PA. If you are flying in, the biggest airport is obviously Philly.

Everyone is invited. Feel to bring anyone along. So far I've gotten a pretty good response from a handful of the poker bloggers. Come and try to out shoot BG on the golf course, drop the hammer at the table, out smoke Pauly, and out drink me.

Feel free to shoot me an email if you have any questions or just want to let me know you'll be there.

I'm also looking to fill a band spot if anyone local sees this. Or if anyone knows the phone number to book the Gourds (that should get Scott and Halverson here).

Cheers. Here's a very appropriate Song of the Day (courtesy of BadBlood)


Monday, June 20, 2005


That's me. Christ, even the wifey has a post up and I'm sitting at my desk wondering what the hell hit me this weekend.

I've had blogger up and logged on for HOURS and haven't typed a damned thing. Of course, it's hard to type when you can only see the insides of your eye lids.

This weekend found me in upstate PA instead of Atlantic City gambling away another mortgage payment. There was an unfortunate death in BigMike's family that was more important than throwing cards in the air. In the interest of privacy, I'll keep the details unpublished BUT there were some interesting, printable stories.

- If you ever find yourself in Berwick, PA be sure to bring your camera along. Going up for a funeral it never occurred to us. But oh man, the photo ops were all around us. Everything from the Gay Memorial / Gravestone business to the "dance club" made out of cinder blocks, a door made out of plywood, and two 'porta johns' outside presumably for the patrons.

- No offense to Pauly and his redneck riviera. He's staying in a crappy hotel but at least in a great city. We were stuck in the best hotel in town and it ranks up there with his place. But at least we were right next door to Cap't Jack's Lobsterfest!

- The most offensive funeral ceremony ever. I'll leave that story up to BigMike.

- At the Italian club after the funeral, BigMike and I got a chuckle out of everyone's reaction to the size of the open bartab for 60 people. We've run up bigger bartabs with just the two of us on a bender at the boathouse.

- First half gallon of Soco killed by midnight on Friday. Second half gallon dead before sunset on Saturday BEFORE we go out to the bar.

- We hit a bar called Bandits Saturday night. More cowboy hats and trucker hats listening to imitation country music. The Fat Guy would have left. But it was the only game in town so we stayed.

- What are the odds of Mike and I being 3 hours away from home, in the middle of bumblefook PA, and running into a couple of Boathouse people. If you said 100%, you were right. Two ex-managers from my regular hangout just happen to now live in this little hamlet.

- Stayed over an extra night which forced us to drive straight from Berwick to Lancaster PA to meet up with my family for Father's Day. Got lost and drove by through Pottsville, PA (known only for making the best beer in North America). My punishment for getting us lost? 2 hours shopping at the outlets and dinner at the (gasp!) Cracker Barrel. Sweet jesus.


More coming tomorrow. I'm just starting to wake up. Check out the links on the right, especially the links to the WSoP coverage.

And while you're at it, all you high limit players need to find the time to donate a SB. Landow's girlfriend is walking in the 2005 Philadelphia 3-day walk. You can donate here. I expect her to be much closer to her goal when I check back tomorrow.

Cheers, catch ya tomorrow.