Thursday, June 02, 2005

Bags are packed. Flight checked in online and on time. MP3 player has been reloaded with hair-band goodness.

I have no idea if I'll be able to post until Tuesday. Until then, check out Pauly for some real-time stories and LasVegasVegas for World Series of Poker and WPBT updates.


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Apparently there's some big gathering of like minded folk in Vegas this weekend. I don't know how I missed my invite. Or maybe my invitation was lost in the mail.

Screw you guys. I'm going anyway.

This will likely be my last post until we get back from Sin City unless I make the effort tomorrow morning. Of course, I may be able to post something from Vegas since I'm sharing the party suite with a certified member of the poker journalist contingent.

God, I hope Pauly doesn't pass out or anything and need a replacement. I can't imagine my Tournament reports.....

"Level 2 World Series of Poker Event #4.

So far I've noticed that Chris Moneymaker is on his fourth beer, Greg Raymer unfortunately is avoiding all alcoholic beverages and just finished off his 2nd Diet Coke, FeliciaLee is drinking Stoli like it's going out of style, and I swear a famous-but-unnamed player is playing under the influence of horse tranquilizers.

Oh, and I should mention that 4 players were knocked out at once when Max Pescatori raised pre-flop in EP with The Hammer and took out Brunson, Negreanu, Ivey, and Phillips.

But enough of the poker play, back to the drinking....."


For the record, the wifey and I land at 6pm Vegas time. Hopefully the BoyGenius and Bobby Bracelet are able to change their flights to get in at the same time.

From that time on....

Every. Single. Second. is accounted for. And not a bit of that involves sleep at all.

Thursday sushi and H.O.R.S.E. at the MGM until the wee hours. Those wee hours translate into heading straight to the Rio for the beginning of WSoP Event #2 and railbird the bloggers. Which leads directly to the storming of the castle (the Excalibur). Poker and booze all the way until the 9:30am check in for the Aladdin tourney.

Of course, following the tourney is the little shindig I have set up at LaSalsa.

So the earliest I see any sleep in my future is sometime early Sunday morning. Don't be surprised if you hear of some mysterious crystal meth lab set up at a downtown hotel.

Who's with me?


Go check out Amy Calistri's First 50 post.

She had me at #6.

And how come no one has invited Amy to play in the blogger tourney? She'll be in town.

I guess I'll have to do it myself. Lookout Amy, here comes an email. Now, is she under the celebrity entries or blogger entries? Well, she did have the drummer from Tesla take a wizz in her house. That makes her a celeb.


Not really finding anything interesting to write about at the moment. I'm busy making the final preparations for Vegas.

I'll see everyone in Vegas, and for those not going, I'll catch you when I get back.



Tuesday, May 31, 2005

"...if I happen to stumble into a strip bar, my cover story will be that I'm the tour manager for a metal band called The Al Cant Hang Experience."
And if you happen to see me there with him, ah, I'm Al.

Also, if you happen to see me there, take my wallet, please. Save me from myself. I'll just direct all the girls over to my tour manager. He has all the money since he's been embezzling the tour funds to feed his habit of cheap girls and expensive hobbies.

While we're there, we might as well introduce the girls to the guy in the corner. When they meet Otis they'll mention that he looks familiar.

"Of course he does, he's famous. He's that actor from that movie with the other actor who saved the world by blowing that thing up.

"No no no, that pissed off woman next to him isn't his wife.... no. Uh, that's his traveling secretary. She just finds these clubs morally oppressive and wants to save your souls. Really. Scout's Honor.

"And that tall one over there drinking the bar dry? No dear, he's not a TV news man. G-Money just has the anchorman hair because he plays one on TV. And if HIS traveling secretary comes in looking for him, he's not here. You gettin' this? HE'S. NOT. HERE.

"Honey, don't get to close to me. See that bald guy over there with the huge gunz? He's here to keep me out of trouble. Kinda like our body guard but his main job is to 'test drive' all the lap dances. Why don't you go give him a sample?

"While you're walking over there, can you get my drunk friend down off the table? Yeah, that guy. No, it's not actually Philip Seymour Hoffman. But he was his stunt double in Boogie Nights. He's the craziest mofo in the joint. Watch out for him. He's an animal."

"And I'm sorry about Grubby. You know, the guy dropping quarters in the girls mouths, pulling their arms, and putting a bucket under their nether regions. He has a stripper / slot machine fetish."

"Ah god damn it! Would someone get my wife off the stage. AGAIN!"


Just for the record, my cheesy line to tell people..... "Hi, my name's Al. Al Timeter. I'm a test pilot. I've got a 12 inch tongue and I can breathe out of my ears."

The success rate before the princess was 0-for-54,287 with more than 250 knockouts by slapping.


This weekend was relatively un-eventful other than work screwing up a bunch of stuff. I got nicely reacquainted with my couch. Watched a bunch of great movies on Encore (Big Red One, the Longest Day, The Guns of Navarone...). A tiny jab at BG, a chat paraphrase, "I've never seen any of those. I don't care for Westerns." d'oh.

Sunday we headed over to Landow's for a BBQ. Lotsa booze, boobs, beer, and ever-clear fueled jello shots. The first bottle of soco was dead before sunset and Lewey had to resupply.

Half way through, I threw a dial-a-shot at the good doctor. And Pauly was on a mission. Even though I am one persuasive SOB, I still cannot get Landow to commit to Vegas in a couple fo days. And if Pauly can't convince him.... poor Landow. Feel free to leave any disparaging comments for him below.

After everyone was nice and loaded, we decided to play some NLHE. Bad idea for me.

Start drinking when I start playing. Not so bad.

Drink alot before playing......

I lost my entire buy-in on the very first hand to none other than Lewey. Sober, playing sane Lewey.

Around this time, I received a dial-a-shot call from BadBlood and his merry band of drinkers. His friend took a pic at that very moment.

Then it happened. I don't have any visual evidence so you'll just have to trust me. There we were, sitting around, playing poker, doing shots. Landow is sitting on a barstool at the table when he drops one of his chips.

Apparently, not having the sense to properly judge the distance to the ground....

He makes like a falling tree. TIMBER. and we've got a piper down.

If that wasn't funny enough, like a trooper, he climbed back on his trusty mount.... and fell right back off.

Game over for Landow.

We did manage to get a nice pic of him passed out on the couch snuggling with a bottle of soco.


I just have to struggle through two more days and off we go.