Friday, April 01, 2005

Saturday, April 2nd, Noon

I will be sitting in the B-Bar at the Borgata noon tomorrow. If anyone is around and wants to join me for some booze and poker, that's what I'm starting.


Some miscellaneous stuff to wrap up for the weekend.

I don't know how I forgot, but here's the link to Catherine Bach back in the good ol' days. Enjoy MeanGene. Now if I could only get a pic with the "in her prime" Catherine Bach with Ms. Mercier.....


Some great ideas for my Boathouse Bingo game. I'll be putting the final blocks together and we'll see what happens.

By the way, I'm already getting emails for "help" with some of the categories. I may have one of Otis' suggestions soon.

A girl holding the ace of spades and ace of hearts over her bared breasts
Although I think The Hammer would be more appropriate, who am I to disagree with da man.


My (always lacking) song of the day brings out a song I requested from ScubaSteve last night at the bar. He was playing some old school rap and I asked for....

Doug E Fresh, The Show.

6 minutes, 6 minutes, Doug E Fresh your on.


Sending congrats out to Dr. Pauly. He has a couple sweet writing gigs now. First off he's being published by Poker Player News and will also be staying in Vegas to report on the entire WSoP.

Very cool. Keep rockin' Pauly.

Now if Poker Player or LasVegasVegas needs someone to report on the party scene....


Congrats also go out to DoubleAs who qualified for Aruba in September. How long before we see a blogger on a televised WPT final table?

But you should really go read his story from today.


How's that for squatting down and leaving a big steamer?

I'm preparing for the AC trip and killing time. Look for an AC trip report on Monday filled with blogger poker and boozey goodness.

Is it 4pm yet and time for the deck?


Thursday, March 31, 2005

"Ma'am, is it a harmful burger?" 

Not much going on today. I didn't do very well in the blogger tourney but I had some fun playing Razz on Full Tilt afterwards.

I'm still taking suggestions for Boathouse Bingo.

To keep you entertained for the day, here's a great audio clip from some wacko lady calling 911 because Burger King messed up her order. I'm assuming she's in California.



Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Are you cool? Take the coolness test.




Thanks for stopping by yesterday. Writing those are a ton of fun. Below is BG's last reponse. I'll answer and give him one more back.

Then at the bottom, I have a new game to introduce and I need reader help to complete it.

Also, congrats to Gracie. I happened to pop into Party last night and caught her table as the flop was being dealt. She confidently bet the pot on the flop and turn to take it down. Then, without knowing that any blogger was about, flipped up the Hammer and declared it. Well done.


613PM, Tuesday

You always seem to find a way to cop out of the hard questions Al... Yeah, I know your wifey's reading up. That's why I'm trying to goad you into a bad answer here. Nothing like a little drama for yo mama...

Damn though, you're not giving me a real good question to go to town on here. I will say that there are only a few bloggers out of the crew I haven't met yet that I definitely don't want to end up heads up with on the bubble:

The Venetian
The Poker Geek
Double As

I'm certainly not saying "I can take anyone else in a fair fight" or anything. Far from it. I just think these three guys in particular are probably the ones I'd least like to have to make that all-my-chips push against.

Now, The Fat Guy, on the other hand... Okay, I'm just kidding there Scotty. You're my boy Blue.

You had to go and ask me about Vegas, didn't you... I can't put into words how excited I am to get out there in June. I just wish that May was June, and by that, I mean I wish April were May.

See, I had no idea up until a couple of years ago exactly how much I enjoy (the ever loving fuck) out of gambling. Horses, poker, blackjack, craps, whatever. Far be it from me to look at WPBT-Con II - Revenge of the Blogin a selfish light, but I just want to get out there and fucking gamble already. I mean, I'm eager and excited to meet a bunch of friends I've never met, and to see old friends from way back too.

But goddammit, I want to put the headphones on and play a dozen hours straight of poker. I want to have that glazed over feeling etched permanently on my mug. The one I get from sleeping too little, or smoking too much, or seeing too many horse races going on at the same time, or watching a pack of greyhounds spill into the outer rail when an inside dog loses his footing. I want to have a drink at three or seven in the morning, maybe both. I want those little random moments like seeing a dazed Otis playing Pai Gow at an ungodly hour or talking myself out of discount strippers and into discount seafood.

I just want tomorrow to be June already.

Okay, so I'm done whining already. Since this is likely winding down for today, let me toss you a quick and easy one... You're in charge of putting the first class of the All-Underrated Hall Of Fame together. You can pick one athlete, one musician or group, and one movie star for the hall, but they must be from your younger days.

Bonus points if they're Philly-based. Negative bonus points if their names start with Bell, Biv, or DeVoe.


If I didn't know better, I'd swear you're just a little keyed up to get to Vegas. Maybe just a bit.

Are you that desperate to lose your money to Lewey and myself?

So I need to come up with an underrated athlete, musician/group, and movie star. I'll take the bonus points and go with Philly choices.

First up, the one and only "Shake and Bake" McBride. Of the 1977 to 1981 Phillies. Nobody seems to remember that McBride outperformed Schmidt statistically druing the 1980 World Series. Set the tone for a tired Phillies team in the WS but hitting the come from behind clutch 3 run homerun. He was a rock defensively and his baserunning always picked up the team.

Philly musician. I'm going with your speciality. Jazz. Philly's own Billy Paul.

I'm skipping the actor and going for the writer. (Thanks to ScubaSteve). I'm going with Robert Crumb.

Don't know who Robert Crumb is? Check out his classic.

There, I wussed out on another.

But I have one last question for you. Feel free to post your answer...

Who would you rather have your back? Harry Callahan, John Rambo, or BadBlood?

Thanks, that was fun.


One of the goofy drunk ideas that we came up with at the Boathouse the other day was a new game to play. With me running around getting all sorts of fine pics for you, my reader, I need to involve others.

That's when one smart soul (who wishes to remain nameless) came up with the idea of AlCantHang's Boathouse Bingo.

The idea is to gather pics for a bingo. You manage to get a bingo and you drink for free with me. (btw, that's drink for free WITH me. When I do a shot, you do a shot. Player beware).

We filled in some of the blocks but I'm calling upon you to help me fill in the rest of the options. It will be in your best interest to come up with good ones since they'll all be posted here.



Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Email Alert 

Quick note before I hop into it. Last night I played with some of the Ladies of Blogging. And I'm pretty sure some had more to drink that I did. Felicia, Maudie, Joanne, and Gracie all were around for some O8 stupidity throughout the night. That beats the heck out of sitting next to some smelly ol' drunk at Borgata.

Also, you need to stop by Bill Rini's site and check out the Felicia-approved post.


Updated at 11:55am

Here ya go. A couple of months ago, the BoyGenius and I started sending emails back and forth asking odd ball questions. Then we decided to post it and got a decent amount of positive responses. So we started another one up yesterday. Check back here during the day for updates.

Click here to see the start.

In his last post, he asked me the following:

By the way, I want an answer to the "with whom would you switch jobs" question too. Anyway, here's my question back to you. You, me, Pauly, Iggy, Hank, Grubby, and BadBlood get shipwrecked on a desert island together with no food and little hope of being found. First, who from this group becomes the de facto leader(s)? Second, how many days of fruitlessly trying to find something to eat does it take before the topic of killing one of the group for food comes up? And third, naturally, who gets eaten first, and do they volunteer to be the one or go kicking and screaming?

Enjoy the veal,



No doubt whatever caused us to be stranded on a desert isle, there had to be some booze involved. Hank quickly becomes the leader as Iggy and myself attempt to sober up and Pauly's still got that happy look after 3 months of touring with Phish. Grubby's useless because he's curled up in the fetal position next to a palm tree repeating over and over.....

"I can't hear the slots. I can't hear the slots....."

So that leaves Hank in charge.

It takes about 24 hours before the hunger kicks in and Pauly REALLY has the munchies. We draw straws to see who gets to be the first dinner.

You lose.

After a stinging round of expletives, you turn your insults to me. Which bring out my natural reaction.

"Eat me, jagoff!"

Everyone pauses and I realize my mistake. Seems that fat hippy burgers are on the menu today.


As for the question about who I'd switch jobs with? How about my upper management? They seem to have it pretty easy and don't think what I do is important.

Was that bitter? Just a little?

My question back at ya.

Who wouldn't you switch jobs with at any price? Mine is easy. A jizz mopper at an Adult peek-a-boo store.


1032AM, Tuesday

Al CantSeeColors,

The desert island question is an interesting one. I do believe the leadership gap would be quickly filled by Iggy, and we'd all follow. One thing I'm absolutely terrific at is sidling up to leadership and positioning myself as a necessary resource. So, despite my inability to assist in building shelter, lugging firewood, or whatever, I'd be Iggy's right hand man.

Now, as for who gets eaten first... The decision has to be made with sensible reasoning behind it. You can't eat Iggy, he's your leader. You wouldn't want to eat me because I'm chubby with no muscle tone, and the edible-meat-to-gristly-fat quotient with me would be through the roof. Same goes for you to some extent.

That leaves Pauly, BadBlood, Hank, and Grubby.

Meat is muscle, so maybe you pick BadBlood. However, you need some semblance of fat to balance out tastiness, so Blood's out. Hell, we need him to do the heavy lifting anyway. I'd be afraid of the psychotropic effects of swallowing pieces of Pauly, so he's out. Grubby? Hell, we'd just be hungry again half an hour after eating him, so that leaves Hank. Right amount of muscle/fat ratio to be tasty, and he's tall so even if you get screwed with a wing or a thigh instead of a breast, that's still a lot of meat.

Yeah, I've put too much thought into this already.

So your question back to me is "Who wouldn't I switch jobs with at any price?" Since there's not a single bone in my body that wants to answer this question with less than 500 words attached, let's look at this from a different perspective.

Jobs I wouldn't want to undertake fall under three main categories: Thankless, Pointless, and Truly Heinous.

A thankless job is one in which your ability to perform your job at a high level is ignored because your choice of career has rendered you some combination of useless and unappreciated. For example, I would not want to be Marty Feldman's Optometrist. Sure, you could help him improve his vision, but despite your best efforts, he's still got the googly eyes.

A truly pointless job wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have. I mean, at least you're getting a paycheck. I'm thinking, for instance, that the guy who's responsible for fact checking for Fox News would have one of the textbook examples of a pointless job. Of course, there is no job on god's green earth more pointless than being Ben Stiller's Script Reader. He's going to do the movie regardless of what you think of it, so when does he get to pick up his check?

Then, you have the truly heinous jobs. Your mop-guy, referenced above, would fall into this category. There are guys who are responsible for personally removing sewage clogs at treatment plants. That's not pleasant. I wouldn't want to detassle corn or de-vein shrimp for a living either. I've done both of those last two in small doses, and they're probably the ugliest things I've had to do in this short life of mine so far.

But the guy whose job I would, under no circumstances whatsoever, not want to take?

Clippy, the Microsoft Word Helpful Paperclip's.

Is there a more thankless, pointless, and heinous job than being the semi-animated anthropomorphic word processing assistant everyone hates? I don't know a soul who doesn't believe with their entire heart that Clippy is the wholly evil personification of Bill Gates' deal with Satan. Would you want to be the guy who's responsible for interrupting someone's work, bouncing in with a smile to offer assistance, only to be clicked away as quickly as the user can find the red X in the corner? I bet when you click Clippy away, he goes back to his memory stack and drinks. I know I would. Maybe he sits back with a fifth of gin and rues the day he went into IT instead of following his buddies, the scrubbing bubbles, into commercial success. I mean, when your dad tells you a theatre degree isn't practical and you should find something constructive to study... well, you tend to believe him. Then you see your friend the Wal-Mart smiley happily bouncing around on TV, and you remember that he was Biff to your Willy Loman some dozen odd years ago doing Summer Stock, and you know you've missed your true calling.

It's a hard and lonely life being hated, useless, and obnoxious.

OK, here's my question back to you. Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal comes up to you and Eva in Vegas and tells you he wants to whisk Eva off to his private island for two nights, no questions asked. It is assumed that sex is part of the deal, and Eva is eager and willing to go along with it, provided you make a deal. She assures you this will all "mean nothing," and you both know the money you'll get here is worth it. He is willing to compensate you for the trouble, but starts off with what you consider to be a lowball offer. You balk at the thought, but he is persistent. You have no idea how high he's willing to go, but you're pretty sure he's a shrewd negotiator and will likely get a number from you in this conversation that will close the deal agreeably.

At what dollar figure do you first start to really consider it? Where do you think he ends up closing you? Do you hold it against her that she seems excited and curious to go?


Come on Kid Superior

You know that's a mean ass question. The wifey reads this for christsake.

My first thought was about how much.....

Well, how much is a case of Southern Comfort and 24 straight hours of lap dances? You're talking to a guy who would sell his soul for a bottle of soco and a good can of beernuts.

Right to the couch with me.

But really. You know Eva well enough. What ever would give you the idea that 1) I would ever be involved in the negotiations, and 2) I'd see a penny of that money anyway?

She'd grab the best offer, head of to Tahiti, and I'd find a 'settlement' check in the mail 30 days later.

If I was negotiating? No price can be set on the honor of my beloved. I would tell him to take his money and cram it up his wringled ol' ass. The woman of my dreams is not for sale at any price.

(psst. Think she bought that?)

Let's move back to poker for a bit. I know I know, god forbid.

With the upcoming blogger gathering, handicap some of the potential winners (and try to do a little better than your recent horse racing picks)

Al Can Pick Winners


Monday, March 28, 2005

I hope everyone had a fine holiday weekend. I know that I did.

I ended up last night when I played in the 2+2 HORSE tourney. I knew going in I was in trouble. I put my odds at somewhere around 5 trillion to one. With only a handful signed up, some of the players included Felicia, Erik Seidel, Rafe Furst, Whiskeytown, and BadBlood.

Sure enough, out of 70 some players, I finished somewhere in the 40's. A stellar result. I did manage to outlast BadBlood and Felicia came in one spot ahead of me. I stuck around to watch Whiskeytown and Erik play for awhile.

I swear I'm due to make good in one of these tournaments. I haven't had a good run since finishing second in an O8 tourney a couple of weeks ago. Maybe Wednesday is my time.


Saturday was spent recovering from Friday night and we took off to my parents for Easter sunday. My mom found the perfect way to talk me into church.

Not 1, but 2 dozen fresh Krispy Kreme sitting on the counter when I walk in. The road to heaven is paved in Krispy Kreme.


But the reason for my long recovery.....

Friday I was still feeling a little slow from the previous night and decided early on that there was no way I was hitting the bar. Until the wifey asked me if I wanted to go for one. And Landow asked if I wanted to go for one.

Then BigMike states, "I want to get blasted tonight"

Oh good lord.

Anyone who met BigMike in Vegas will understand the consequences of that one little statement. It would seem practically impossible for him to get blasted. He sat up for 24 straight hours with various bloggers, they were all dropping by the wayside and he never stopped. We only had a third of that time. (plus, it was one of the rare occasions where he didn't have to drive)

2.5 bottles of Soco later, and we were both pretty blasted. We came up with a hundred different titles for this blog, but dammit if I can't remember a single one of them.

As the bar started to empty, ScubaSteve turned up the music and we had a nice set of 3 straight Anthrax songs (Indians, I'm the Man, Bring the Noise), Slayer (Raining Blood), GWAR (no effing idea), and Pantera (Walk, Cowboys from Hell). During this time, I made a series of 5,000 dial-a-shot calls to BadBlood during his home game.

He didn't mention it in his blog entry about the home game..... but I will. Congrats to the Rankster for hanging with the shots, but shame on the rest of you. Drink. Gamble. Be happy.

We're just counting down the days until the Boathouse deck is open. Then the run really begins.


For what's it's worth, I've completed my trip planning for Key West 2005. April 23rd to April 29th I will be playing poker, fishing, and drinking to my hearts content.

Now I just have to talk Jerry into driving down from Miami.....


Cheers for beers. Have a good day.