Friday, February 25, 2005

Razz part two 

Wow, what a horrible abortoin of a post. I guess that's what happens when I get toooo much sleep.

Quick summary in hopefully better fashion.

Felicia talks me into playing Razz. I play decent for my first time ever. Here's the kicker. No matter how well I did, I don't think I'll ever be a solid Stud player. One main reason.

Lack of functional braincells. It's been well documented that I often drink to excess, often exceeding the clinical definition of binge drinking within the first hour of being at the bar.

It's hard enough for me to keep track of the pot odds, my implied odds, my outs, etc. when playing hold'em or Omaha.

Throw Stud on top of that where I need to keep track of the cards the are still live and it's a vitual guarantee that I'll never advance past beating up on the occasional fish in low limit.

But that shan't stop me from trying. I made the statement back in the summer that I wanted to expand my poker horizons to other games. This can only improve my overall performance.

That is why I expanded to Omaha then Omaha8 in the last six months. I'm feeling better about my game as I progress through the learning curve.

So far so good.


Apologies for the early shitty post. I will kill some braincells for you, my loyal reader, and snap off more pics for the archives to keep Jerry happy.

Cheers again.


Razz night out 

Sweet jesus was I insane yesterday. Thanks for putting up with it. Started a relatively decent hour today except for waking up extra early to peel the snow and ice off the monster truck.

Still no booze but plenty of sleep.

After passing out on the couch yesterday, I awoke to find a message from Felicia telling me about the Razz tourney on FullTilt. Well let's take a look at the pros and cons.


1. I've never ever once in my entire life played a real Stud game. Sure I've played the home games with Follow the Bitch and baseball but never once a proper game.

2. All indications point to Razz being the most miserable and frustrating game in the history of poker.

3. My brain was still mushy.


1. It cost $1. Yep, one whole American dollar.

How can I turn done a $1 poker lesson from Felicia? She gave me a quick tutorial and off we went. I noticed soon that CJ was also playing and doing well.

If I actually knew what I was doing, it's at this point I'd tell you about how my starting hands were horrible with a bunch of paired cards in the whole, or I'd pair my doorcard, or I was drawing dead to a made wheel.

blah blah blah. Here's what happened. I started off the first hand decently but let it go when I was fairly certain I was beat. Then I sat back and watched the idiots pass their chips around to each other just waiting for my chance to get in the action.

Finally I caught three cards to the wheel. Per previous instructions, I rammed and jammed like a champ and pulled a monster pot to put me near the chip lead. The very next hand found another monster pot and I was in business.

Now we hit the portion of the report where I mention the starting hands from hell. In Stud, they would've been golden. Monster pairs. Trip Kings twice. A half dozen starting hands with suited paint. Not much fun in Razz.

I even made a play at a small pot holding a boat. Just 'cause I could.

I made some good plays, some really bad plays but had a lot of fun playing and learning. I got a little too conservative with my shortstack waiting for the perfect hand to double up but managed to outlast both CJ and Felicia to finish 30th out of 102 in my first event.


I can't remember the last hold'em hand I've played. I've been sticking mostly to O8 recently and now I'm a Razz expert (cough).

If you want to start playing some O8, this week coming up is National Fishy Week on the Party Poker O8 tables. With their February reload bonus, a crapload of fishies hit the lower limit Omaha hi/lo tables to work off their bonus since 99% of the hands are raked.

That's where you'll find me this weekend. All O8. All day.


Matt Dean at ShipItPoker has a mailbag post but the best line is near the end...

I was sorely disappointed with the fact that not one of you sent us pictures of attractive females. How are we supposed to churn out good poker advice if we aren’t inspired?

Now that's just way too easy. I'll be hitting the bar tonight looking for some poker-loving hotties to keep the ShipIt guys inspired.

BG, melon-girl will be there, think she'll do?


From Marty in the comments:

You should file an ADA demand now for different colors of chips at the June tourney...
See, now that's just funny. Between that and Bob calling my AlCantSeeColors, I'm glad everyone is having a good time with my ailment. :)

Seriously, now I'm going to have to make a deal with someone to make sure I'm sitting near Marty or Otis at the Aladdin tournament just to torture them with my color blindness. The Commerce had the denomination stamped nice and big on them and I STILL screwed up.

It's time to stamp out the unjust neglect of my colorblind brethren!


MonkeyBoy getting drunk.


Jennie > Anna.

Katie > all.


That's about it for today. Preparing for a weekend of losing braincells and winning pots.


p.s. I apologize to any Chelsea fans. I might have jinxed the team with my Philly vibes.


Thursday, February 24, 2005

Has anyone seen my pants? 

HORSE. Not just the old basketball game you used to play as a kid in the driveway. I watched last night as Felicia, Iggy, G-Rob, and BadBlood joined the RGP HORSE tourney on Full Tilt last night.

What a crazy tournament. Felicia and I had a nice chuckle watching someone play a Razz hand having no idea what he was doing when he though his pair of 5's played in the low. I think he showed down with a Jack-high for his low. Thankfully it happened to be a hand Felicia was involved in.

But the important news out of UpForPoker...

The next live WPBT event will be held on June 4th at the Aladdin in Las Vegas. It will be tough to out do the first one but we'll give it a shot.

Did someone say shot?

You know I can't miss it for no other reason than the fact that Scott is making this one. That's worth the airfare and the ungodly hotel prices.

While we're at it, Landow isn't sure if he can make it out to Vegas with us for the tourney. Since he missed the first one AND Landow was nice enough to leave his personal email address in the comments, I'm requesting everyone to email him and convince him that he should come.

Also, it's interesting to see that the $1500 Omaha8 WSoP event is that Monday. I may have to stick around.


Random answers to questions posted in the comments the last 6 months.

Clear cream.
Fold 'em.
Eagles. Detroit Rock City. 2006.
Tijuana but only for 15 minutes.
Inflatable pool. 5 gallons of mayo and some glitter. (hint, the glitter is for traction)
A definte maybe.

Now back to your regularly scheduled crap.


More crazy fun with statcounter.com

Lindsay Lohan hit from Korea

Truly a sick fook. A Yahoo search for "pics of Chris Farley dead". In the words of Bob, I hope you get nut cancer friggin' whack job.

And welcome to my first visitor from the Islamic Republic of Iran and the Shahid Beheshti University In Tehran. (that should get me some interesting hits)

And AlCantHang has gone global.


I live in the Northeast. They're forecasting significant snowfall. What's everyone do?

Freak out like a bunch of sissy school girls. This area drives me nuts. It's gonna take two hours to get the 7 whole miles home from work.

At least the bar is between work and home.


My new completly random favorite blog.


Paris Hilton: 'I want to apologize'

'I don't know why this stuff always happens to me'

Eat me whack job. Next time you ask for my number, I'm gonna lie and give you BoyGenius' number. He could use the action. (but don't ever say Jennie is hotter than Anna)


eww. That might of been a wee bit below the belt.

I blame it on sleep deprivation and lack of alcohol. Plus, it was G-Rob approved.

Re-reading this mess makes me realize a couple of things....

2. When your food intake for the entire day is a donut.... I found out that one donut per day DOES NOT meet the Daily Recommended Allowance of anything.
3. G-Rob needs to move to L.A., get a job with E!, and start doing celebrity gossip.


I started writing this at 4:30am, it's now 6:30am and I have no idea where I left my pants.


Wednesday, February 23, 2005

O8 + Booze = Screw Bob! 

It's 5:30 in the AM and I'm having my morning cigarette. I'm staring up at one monster looking full moon. The world is peaceful and relaxed. Or so it would seem until you realize that I'm looking at this moon, smoking this cigarette while the standing on the walkway outside of my office building looking at one of the world's biggest, ugliest data centers.

It's been tough these last couple of weeks. Very early hours. Stay late. My main problem is that I'm a night person. I'm not built to be responsible and go to bed early so I'm effing chipper come 4:30. It's seriously putting a hamper on my boozing and social life.

Not that I'm not boozing when I can. I feel remarkably well considering I left work yesterday and went straight to the bar with every intention of getting myself wrecked as quickly as possible so that I could crash with a vengenance upon arrival at CantHang manor.

So what did I do when I got home?

I tracked down Bob and played some drunken O8. Yeah, all that crap I wrote yesterday about being a winner at microlimit O8. Eff that.

After 4 or 5 hands, I'd already determined that this was not the table for me. Way too tight. Only 2 or 3 to see a flop. "No money to be made here", I say to myself and to Bob.

Then I get slow-witted and don't get off the table before the BB hits me. Ah, what the hell can happen. I check with two 8's in my hand. Bing, an 8 on the flop for middle set. I check/raise Bob on the flop and it's just the two of us. Another 2 on the turn pairing the two on the flop to fill me up.

Rammin' jammin' it home. Let's go.

Yeah, he had 22 in his hand for quads. And there I was jamming like a world's fucking champion.

Bob taking me from happy drunk Al, to WTF Al in 2.4 seconds.

To top it off, I played the SB and got sucked out for a couple more BB's.

Screw this. I'm going back to Doom. Anyone play Doom3 yet?


That reminds me of the good ol' days at my job. Working nights. Doom had just come out. We'd hijack the nearest server for some all night death matches. Phones ringing unanswered. Systems crashing.

But my BFG9000 was killin' em all!


Segueing nicely from killin' em all, to this festival in France. Someone needs to send me there. BadBlood better win big during the WSoP. Imagine the stories. I'd pay just to see Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies, and the original Anthrax lineup.


Obviously Dr.Pauly has been away for a little bit because all the pervs are hitting my site now. So just to answer the few who came here via search engines.

YES. I do have the pics of Lindsay Lohan popping out of her top.
NO. I do not have them posted on the site.
YES. Paris Hilton is a slut and has a sex tape.
YES. The mini version IS posted somewhere on the site. Good luck finding it.
Wedgy pics? Sick fucks.
Dolly Parton Boobs? I have no idea where this came from.

and the kicker

My whooping cough blog. Not once, but from two different search engines.

Fun with site stats.


Just another random picture. How 'bout the wifey on the bar at Coyote Ugly?


Here's a rhetorical question for ya. What do you do when 1) you're going to Key West, 2) you don't very much like puddle jumpers, and 3) the additional puddle jump is expensive.

You fly into Miami with your boys and then take this.....

Let's do the math. 6 guys in a 40 person tour bus. That leaves room for 34 "hostesses" on the 4 hour drive. Strippers stacked like cordwood. How's that for a visual?

Still don't think you have time to come to Key West in April?


To expand on my comments on the new blog, ShipItPoker. You've got Matt Dean with his two part post reviewing some popular poker books. Lloyd McGuire with his Heads up Doctrine. And Taylor Caby reviews some differences between cash and tourney games.

Great new stuff. Check it out.


And has anybody else noticed that the LasVegasVegas guys have been putting out some hardcore quality posts recently? Now if we can just get them out to AC for some serious East Coast grinding. I'll get to work on that.

Still waiting on that Commerce story from my trip to L.A. Still haven't heard exactly what went down and who needs to die a horrible death.


Ok, enough crapola rambling. Off to work and then home early for some Gumbo.



Tuesday, February 22, 2005


I can officially say that I am a winning Omaha hi/lo player on PartyPoker. How can I say that? Well, after manually checking my stats (huge pain in the ass), PokerTracker has finally come out with a beta version for Omaha.

According to PTO, after a relatively low number of hands (800+), I'm winning 6BB/100 hands. Not spectacular, but winning. I'm still playing too loose, seeing way too many flops. And my rake is atrocious. I account most of that to chuckleheads ramming and jamming the nut low when it's sure to get quartered anyway. Only person who gets money from that is PartyPoker. While the guy with the high is just laughing.

I'm still waiting for my copy of High Low Split Poker by Ray Zee to arrive but.....


Look for hands with a high probability of scooping the entire pot.

Wow. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

And if you're getting tired of bad beats and suckouts and your best hands getting rundown playing HE, give Omaha8 a shot. It makes the beats in HE look boring. You start to flinch when you make a good hand on the flop knowing KNOWING that it's going to get rundown by the river.

I'm still trying to figure out the best way to use PokerTracker *cough*, but I'm pretty sure more than half the time I flop a set, it's been rundown. You find yourself praying for the board to pair. And it's not like you're getting rundown by a nut flush or straight draw. If you see 2 hearts on the board, someone, anyone, with any two hearts in the their hand are going to stick around even if it's not the nuts.

Scoop. Thus endeth the lesson from the world's worst poker player ever.


I'm sure anyone who's been blogging for a decent amount of time has received emails from people looking to exchange links. Here's my favorite all time email for a link exchange curtesy of Jack Morais:

Dear webmaster,
I see you have a website with a topic similar to ours. We offer Dog Training. I'm looking for webmasters with sites to swap links with me. I'd be interested in linking to your website and obtaining a link from you. Please let me know if you are interested.

If not, I apologise for this mail.

Best regards,
Jack Morais.
Dog training? Maybe they've seen how the wifey has me trained and meant to send it to her.


A big thanks to Mr. Halverson who was kind enough to track down a bootleg Slayer video from Montreal complete with a end-of-show shot with Dimebag Darrell. Made for some great listening this weekend.


I've added a bunch of new links on the right. The list is getting huge and tough to manage. It's safe to say that my main way of reading the blogs right now is via bloglines.com. All the blogs on the right are loaded into my bloglines feed, so if you update, I read. No doubt.

Everyone seems to pimping ShipItPoker so why not me. They've got 3 great writers and some good information. Check them out.


Did you know that there's a 5 o'clock in the morning? Until the last two weeks, the only time I ever saw 5am was going to bed, not going to work. ech.


Random MonkeyBoy Jr. summer pic. Dive!

Damn I can't wait for the summer to roll around again.

See, I never should have started digging through the summer pics. The lovely and talented Tanya from WYSP.


Well, it's that time and the silly ass people at work expect me to get moving and do something today. Crazy.

Cheers. Have a good day.


Monday, February 21, 2005

One year of crude 

Well good god damn if I didn't make it one full year of blogging craptitude. In an area/field/career/hobby, whatever the eff you might call it, it seems that making it a year is some kinda record. It doesn't seem very often that it happens.

As I was sitting around Sunday night, I started going over in my head some of the cool things that have happened in the last year.

- started crappy blog for the soul purposes of getting into the blogger tourney's. I found a URL posted on RGP to an article about poker blogs written by the blogfather himself. I started ready them and eventually started one up myself.

- all at the same time, both Iggy and Scott linked me on not my best day.

Recipe for a wasted day:

8 hours
2 packs of Marlboro
Ridiculous number of shots
Homemade beef jerky (huh?)
Wendy's supersize double burger (still sticking with me)
4 hours sleep.
- I made the final table of the TruePoker Bloggers tournament. Best showing to date. You might recall this as the tournament when "Aggressive" Pauly showed up.

- KeyWest brought the introduction of MonkeyBoy and the beginning of a year long bender that refuses to die.

- My Borgata soul crushing beat. It still gives me the willies.

The entire table erupted. A couple of floor guys showed up. And there I was, head down, no soul left, can't believing that I just lost to runner-runner Aces.

All the commotion was the rest of the table berating the winner. He was doing the Moneymaker fist pumps. The whole table was standing up calling the guy every name in the book for 1) calling the all-in with nothing, and 2) being a complete ass.

And there I was, just sitting there. The only other player still sitting was Saul. He looked over and winked.

Saul's lucky he still has that one good eye.
- I spent the summer boozing and collecting "girlies for bloggers". MonkeyBoy didn't have a bad summer either.

- I met Pauly for the first time. We met up at a Phillies game then he was introduced to the Lewey home game. Later during the summer, we made the trip up to NYC where Pauly gave us the tour and we ripped up a bar or three.

- Pauly, Derek, BoyGenius, and Carter come to town for my annual party which consisted of horrible poker and ridiculous amounts of booze. Carter is automatically inducted into the Can'tHang crew.

- Too many trips to name but each completely worth it.

- The blogger gathering in Vegas was an incredible highlight of the year. I met so many bloggers that I had been reading and enjoying. Too many bloggers to name, but it was really cool to meet the blogfather, the G-Vegas crew, Felicia, etc.

- The surprise trip to Otis-ville in the Bahamas might have been the funniest trip though. That was one very surprised blogger.

It's been a crazy, hectic, booze-fueled, lung-choking, brain-cell crushing, good time. I've met some great people in person and online. If there's one thing I've learned, there are some extraordinarily talented people out there, and most of them are listed on the right.

I wouldnt' be here if it wasn't for these bloggers who were the first I read and inspired this junk. So if there's anyone to blame for hoisting this steaming pile of dog poo upon the world, it's all their fault. These are the blogs I started reading over a year ago and they continue to inspire.

Iggy - Guinness and Poker
Up for Poker
The Fat Guy
Love and Casino War
Card's Speak - HDouble
Felicia Lee
Tao of Poker
Boy Genius
Chris Halverson
Mr. Decker
Poker Perspectives
Poker Penguin

Thanks to everyone who has made a visit, left a comment, pass along the URL, etc.

If I managed to give you a chuckle along the way, it was worth it.

Now go read something worthwhile, dammit.