Friday, February 18, 2005

Drunken silly O8 

So I was a little drunk. Big deal. Alright, maybe more than a little but who cares. I can't see straight and I think I pulled a "G-Rob in Bahamas" deal (just a little) but why not play some O8 blotto out of your mind?

I have no idea how long I played, there was an appearance by Iggy, Matt, and RonJeremy made a surprise appearance. I basically hopped on an O8 table, pulled up my buddylist, and invited everyone I could find.

All this put together and I STILL doubled up. Raging ass drunk that I was.


I walked into the bar where I hadn't spent any quality time in a good long while. ScubaSteve immdedialtly threw on KidRock - Prodigal Son (followed by a rousing rendition of Kenny Roger's The Gambler). Then we proceeded to level the number of overstocked SoCo bottles. I don't know how many we went through, but it was multiples.

Fast forward several hours and shots.

I find myself in yet another discussion over the possibility of having decent gumbo anywhere outside of Looziana. But this time my discussion was with the head of the kitchen at the Boathouse. He took exception to my opinion and proved me wrong.

He brought down a bowl of crawfish gumbo and jambalaya that would make a cajun mother proud. Which led to a 30 minute debate on the proper way to prepare okra. Nasty stuff.

Man, that was fun getting back out there and ripping it up for no particular reason. Good times good times.


BigMike drug my drunken ass home to the sounds of old Metallica which reminded me that there was a time when they were good, hadn't sold their soul, and weren't complete ass clowns.

And that my friends inspired the late night, Anthrax banging, drunken O8 night.

Thank you Cleveland, remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses!


I received a communique from an underground programmer....

I now declare a jihad on all hackers everywhere. Libaries were corrupted, MySQL was compromised, and the machine will no longer boot.


There ya have it. The hackers have finally crashed cubanlinks.org

Hopefully Carter will have everything back up and online quickly.


p.s. I think I also pulled a G-Rob in the parking lot at work this morning. heheh


Thursday, February 17, 2005

Heaven on Earth 

Man what a crazy week so far.

I think I'm finally over the horrible flu, although I am still coughing up enough lung butter to choke a goat. (before the girls get all offended by that term, it's from my wife)

Crazy hours and crazier work problems. No time to write, read, think, eat, or drink. Involuntarily booze free.

But things are looking up.

Key West 2005 is booked and ready to go.

This yearly trip is my perfect vacation. A combination of relaxation, hardcore partying, poker, booze, strippers, fishing, booze..... You get the idea. This year it will be my friend FatAssBob's bachelor party.

Last year I wrote about the trip but I think I had 3 readers and not many have had a chance to get the original MonkeyBoy story.


This time last year, my friend Kevin asked me to be part of his wedding party. I was honored, but more importantly, we had to quickly set about planning a stellar bachelor party. Landow and I planned a big ol' bender 4 day weekend in Key West.

Unfortunately, his bride to be put the hardcore kibash on the idea. Stunned by Kevin's decision to not challenge his beloved, Landow and I decided to still go on his bachelor party. But we would take a replacement.

Hence, the introduction of MonkeyBoy. Shown here holding The Hammer.

We took that little stuffed monkey and showed it a good time. And took pictures the entire time to show Kevin what he was missing. Booze, new friends, strangers, strippers, fishing, and a new girlie.

BTW, it was the wifey who talked to the "dancer" into the private photo shoot. Things were going well until big bouncer-type guy shut it down.

My favorite part of the Day 1 writeup.....

After arriving in Key West, we waited an entire 30 minutes in the condo before we decided to hit the local strip club. Teasers. The sun was still up but the world was getting darker as we were about to sell our souls. Landow was the rookie of the trip and we wanted to get his first experience out of the way during the afternoon shift. No crowd and no pressure.

Teasers is not the best looking bar in the world. It's actually a dive. But the talent more than makes up for the setup. All the 'workers' are there on contract and work extra hard for their money.

First girl Landow sees, an adorable Latino named 'Isabella', he falls instantly in love. After some Jager-bombs and Amstels, he makes us promise to find her out at a regular bar during the night. She 'invited' him to join her and her friends for a birthday barhop. Then Landow proceeded to hand his paycheck over to her, $20 at a time.

Lewey was his typical self. Money was not a consideration, the Bank of Lewey was open and the girls were making withdrawals. Lewey will only spend about 25% of his time with the general public at this place. The other 75% of the time, he's indisposed.

Me, I'm just biding my time. Just like the WSOP, you can't win it on the first day, but you sure as hell can lose it.

But Lewey paid the king of prices early on. He went forward to the altar, err rail, to tip the lovely Isabella. She was most grateful. She grabbed his head and shoved it south. Bending over him, she started rubbing his back. Lower and lower. I looked at Landow and thought, ah crap.

Isabella proceeded to reach into Lewey's pants.

And produce the most horrific atomic wedgy known to man. Sweet Jesus. He never saw it coming.

To add to the amusement, she did laps around the bar getting high fives.

That was just the first 2 hours in Key West.

Right now I'm the process of arranging transportation which will put the limo in Vegas to shame.



Last night I was finally able to hit the Party tables with some gusto. Back to the O8 fish tank. I found Bob playing O8 and decided to join him.

Not long into the game, Bob witnessed me dropping the O8 Mortal Nuts on the two players.

The Wheel. All Hearts.

One other rock came along to take a quarter of the pot, but another gentleman capped with us to make for a nice big pot. Fishy man than proceeded to berate me for how LUCKY I was. I don't think he believed me when I told him a flushed wheel is very common.

Checking my stats last night (screw you PokerTracker for not crunching Omaha numbers), this was my tenth consecutive winning session at O8 with every win being at least doubling my buy-in.

So take that as an invitation. I suck. And I'm winning. Join the crowd.


I'm finally making my journey BACK to the bar tonight. I've got the shakes and the bar is over stocked with Soco. It's my duty to get them back to normal levels by the end of the night.

Cheers, have a good day.


Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Three Cheers for Mrs. Otis 

First, right off the bat, congrats to Mrs. Otis who was picked by Pokerati.com as the Poker Wife of the Year. Not a real tough decision. She earned it.


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I'm alive. sort of. 

Back into work bright and early.

Not that painful since this blasted flu is knocking me out around 8pm. Of course, it could be the wifey slipping something in my dinner causing the blackout.

6am for me is very early. I guess I should be happy the systems break otherwise I'd be forced to sell my blood to buy my booze. And my body on the street for my poker bankroll. (I think I could possibly get 1BB for the .50/1 game).

After a fourth straight night in coma-ville, I'm definitely starting to feel better. Then again, I said the same thing last week. I AM THE OUTBREAK MONKEY!

The best part about it is that I'm starting to get the co-workers with kids sick. These filthy breeders always bringing in their kids diseases, turnabout is kinda nice.


Unfortunately, with this crap, I was never able to submit the wifey to Pokerati's contest for the Poker Wife of the Year. I think Mrs. Otis has this one wrapped up but it would have been nice to get something out there for my wifey.

She's been kind enough to put up with all my poker junk plus giving up some of her privacy with my writing and pics. On top of it all, she's become a better player than myself and that should count for something.

She even dealt with a Valentine's Day the consisted of me covered up in blankets laying on the couch complaining like a 2 year old. So she made me a big bowl of ice cream.

That's my girl.


I've had maybe 3 cigarettes in the last couple of days and not a drop of booze since I last heard Otis say something like "...... on my self. just a little".

Maybe I'm not really sick, just going through withdrawl?


Starting tomorrow, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long while, 5 blogger questions. And I'll go with some of the newer bloggers this time. Be prepared with your #2 pencils.


Congrats to Pauly and MeanGene who are getting published online like world champs these days. Check out there blogs for the links.

Also, who here thinks we need another post from Grubette? It's been waaay to long.


So there ya have it.

I'm slowing getting back on the horse. Feeling somewhat human. I'm even getting back on the tables tonight so look for me playing Omaha hi/lo.

Also, the one year anniversary of this here junk pile is right around the corner. I need to figure out how this little experiment in futility has gone for the last 365 silly drunken days.

Cheers. Go Chelsea.