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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Running of the Lewey 

The story of the night. The Running of the Lewey.

He was well on his way to a stellar night when the poker game ended. Part way through the evening, Landow tracked me down and asked me to check on Lewey. Somewhere along the line, Lewey had completely stopped speaking English. I don't know what language it was, but it was at full volume, and peppered with poker talk in between. Landow agreed to get him home if I could talk him into leaving.

Ever try talking to someone not speaking or comprehending English? Oy.

I finally slowed him down long enough to convince him to let Landow drive him home. He headed for the bathroom and I waited. And waited. He came out of the bathroom and tried to bail out through the back entrance. Which was locked.

So he started walking back out towards the deck and I took the short cut to make sure he made it there in one piece. He saw me and bolted up the steps towards the upstairs deck exit. Also locked, so I wasn't worried. Of course, he knocked over a bunch of trash cans and flipped over the chain meant to keep the drunks from using that exit. The bouncers shook their heads and went after him. Lewey just put his hands in the air and walked back down the steps. He was finally defeated and left through the only available exit. Landow was waiting outside ready to load him into the truck.

As I turned around to head back in, I heard the phrase of the night. "HE'S RUNNING!". I turned around in enough time to see Lewey, running at full speed, bolt right past me. One HUGE problem. He was running at break neck speed (literally) towards an incredibly steep, long hill. With nothing but asphalt at the bottom.

Remarkably, Lewey mananged to make it to the bottom of the hill without an incident requiring paramedics. Arms flailing and screaming at the top of his lungs. But without breaking any bones.

Then the laws of physics kicked. His feet hit the pavement. Feet stopped, the rest of the Lewey kept right on going. Have you ever seen a man slide across 30 feet of blacktop? On his elbows?

As I got down to him, he rolled onto his back, and the game was finally over. There was no more fight in him. We loaded him into the truck and off he went.

Lewey called Landow the next day, obviously unaware of what occurred, and asked him if he'd been in a fight the night before. Funny how bouncing off the pavement, with a big assist from gravity, will make you feel like you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson in his prime.

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Now We Must Drink! 

"NUNC EST BIBENDUM"

Quintus Horatius Flaccus


Where to start, where to start?!?!

First, thanks to my fellow bloggers who made the trip to AC and later to my neck of the woods. I had a blast of a weekend and I'm still paying for it.

This is the 5th year I've thrown this little shindig and it sucks the energy right out of me. The 'train wreck' feeling I have is part booze and part soul sucking stress from hosting the gathering. I actually regret not being able to spend as much time as I could with my 'compatriots' once the party starting rolling.

Thanks again.

~

Why not start with Friday?

The wifey and I had made plans to meet up with Pauly, Grubby, Helixx, and Carter at the Borgata around noon. Actually, I had made the plan with Pauly and Helixx. Grubby was going to call me when he rose from his gambling slumber and Carter was just winging it.

Through some weird logistical anomaly, me and Mrs. were early! Never happens. Ever. As we approached the Borgata, we got our call from Pauly who was also an hour early. Bonus.

We had already contacted Helixx to let him know where close so we hit the B-Bar around 11am to start the weekend. We had a few drinks in us before Grubby makes his way to the bar.

It was a 'family' reunion of sorts. I'm outting Grubby now. It was our generous fellow blogger who is the secret behind MonkeyBoy Jr. showing up on our doorstep one summer afternoon. Junior was sitting on the B-Bar and it was a very emotional reunion between Jr. and his long lost little brother who Grubby brought along (tiny little stuffed monkey with no brain. of course, no pics yet).

Helixx showed up not far behind and the 'get-together' was under way.

(For the record, Helixx lifted the first Guinness)

As noon rolled around, my blogger friends were hoisting the drinks at a very respectable rate. Considering it was still technically the morning. Several beers (and shots) later, Mrs. CantHang decided it was time to chow down. I think she was trying to sober me up. At 1pm!

We hit my favorite Borgata restaurant, Noodles of the World, for some excellent food and even better conversation. (try the Hong Kong Shrimp Wonton's. Trust me.) Come to find out after reading Grubby's latest post that Friday was his birthday. And he picked up the tab. Had I known that, there's no way I can allow that. But thanks for the grub, grubby.

The conversations were great. If we weren't in a casino, we would have drank them dry and eaten out of food. But we were also there for poker.

The poker room seemed to have more action than I expected. The 1/2NL list was 13 deep when I put my name up. I also signed up for 2/4 to play some instead of just sitting around to wait. Myself and Helixx were quickly called for 2/4. As I was standing in line at the cage, they opened up a brand new 1/2NL table and I was called. I grabbed $300 in red chips and jumped in a seat.

Myself, Grubby (immediately to my left which was the kiss of death), the wifey, and Pauly all were at the same table.

For a great, detailed writeup of the action, go check out Tao of Poker.

Since Pauly has a great account of the main action, I'll tell you the small things that made the night fun.

It seemed the few times I actually caught a good hand, the grubster was also in the hand. It is now obvious that I have no business playing this game. He was reading me like a book. No action ever. Anyone who knew what they were doing at the table, knew what I had. I kept waiting for the peroxide blonde waitress to lean over and whisper, "You just flopped your third Jack, didn't you".

Stoodpid, stoopid. Ah well.

I did make one guy cry with a horrible beat. Really really. Right there at the table. I made a move at a pot where this kid flopped his K with a bad kicker. He called my all-in on the turn after a long time. He flipped his cards and said, "I have the King". I just cringed. I said, "I just have Ace high". Just as I said it and flipped, the dealt put a lovely Ace on the river.

Young guy went completely ape shit. I attempted to apologize for the bad beat (as I was reaching over my newly formed stack of chips) and I eventually just walked away for a smoke. I found his girlfriend (who was sweating him the entire time) upstairs and I told her she might wanna go check on her man.

Later, I made Pauly honest-to-god, "I'm coming over the table", Hellmuthian (his words) mad. I bet the pot with absolutely nothing. A7s. A monster. JJ8 on the board. He thought and thought and eventually layed down the Hilton Sisters. It would have been all golden had I not pulled the ass move of the night. I flipped over my crappy hand. eek. Bad form Al.

The Mrs. busted out at some point during the night. Things are a little foggy at this point. I have no idea how many Soco's I drank but I made a deal early on with the waitress. It was impossible to get served early so I told her that I wanted a double Soco everytime she came by. 6 hours of poker, people. Do you know how many I did? Good lord.

Anyway, the wifey busts out and not real happy. Not 10 minutes later, she shows up with a big smile on her face, a pocket full of Benjamin's, and a W2 form she had to sign. $1200 jackpot on what I think was a puny nickle slot. That's my little princess for ya.

A quote from Grubby's post:

Everyone was just as I'd imagined them, with the exception of Mrs. AlCantHang who is even more lovely and charming in person than she comes across in Al's stories.

I am a lucky man. By the way, I need to find out how much Grubby drank. I kept trying to order him Captain and Cokes.

Eventually my drunk ass also busted out (karma's a bitch. Crying Young Guy took my stack) and we all decided to hit the deli for some more 'grub'.

Anyone wanna guess how much it costs for 3 pancakes at their little diner/deli? 7 whole American god damn dollars. Nearly $2.50 per flapjack. Thank god I was drunk and we were comped.

After a brief session of slots with the master, we said our goodbye's to Carter and Helixx, and started the trek back to Casa de Hang.

~

I rode back with Dr. Pauly. He switched the CD player from Phish to "The only thing I have close to headbanger music". Led Zeppelin. God damn. Drunk, happy, and Led Zeppelin cranked to jaw-rattling levels. Good times.

~

The Day of the Bash! Woke up remarkably early and began making the arrangements for the day.

The Missus made me and Pauly some nice French Toast for breakfast. I only mention breakfast for one reason. 24 hours later, it would finally occur to me that the only thing I ate for the entire day was those two little slices of french toast. 13 hours of hard boozing and not a thing to eat. I'm a professional. I should know better.

~

Ok now the party.

The Infamous Boy Genius was due into Philly airport at noon and we were getting a surprise visit from Derek. I sent off Pauly and the wife on their mission to pick up the guys and BigMike picked me up so we could hit the bar early, get the bands set up, and play some poker once everyone was settled.

How to know it was going to be interesting? Lewey and BigMike hit the upstairs bar first thing and loaded up a buffet of shots. 4 Soco, 4 Jacks, two Irish Carbombs, and 1 Tequila, and miscellaneous beers. That was just the first round and it's around 1pm. 5 hours til the doors open.

After a side trip for cheesesteaks, the princess delivers the 3 bloggers to the bar. After chatting and small talk, we quickly set up a nice NL ring game. Myself, BigMike, Lewey, Pauly, BoyGenius, and Derek. Landow would show up a bit later.

I quickly started off by picking off BG with runner runner flush and the pre-party poker game was under way. I lost some at the end to Pauly when I played the stupid top pair top kicker with a belly full of Soco. Oh well. It was time to start greeting the guests and making like a proper host. Plus, Lewey was becoming LEWEY (capitalized to emphasize the volume).

The game went on well into the beginning of the party right up until the point when Lewey knocked his beer over the entire table. Calling an end to the blogger playing poker and a beginning to the bloggers Hangin' with Al.

Here's the reason why it's taken so long to get this post up. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around how to describe what happened. One, it's tough when you don't have complete recall of the night's events. Two, how do you describe a couple hundred people binge drinking at once. I don't remember seeing anyone 'milking' drinks or slowrolling. Everyone was pounding like champs.

Here are some of my highlights from the party:

My blogger guests were truly impressive in my environment. It's not real easy to walk into a situation where myself and BigMike do doubleshots at a quicker pace than most drink their beer. BG slowplayed me by saying he was a lightweight. Don't buy the myth ladies and gentleman. He knocked back beer at a pace to impress certain Texan. Two minutes after meeting and shaking hands with Derek, he had a double Jack in him. Dr. Pauly, of course, had no problem hanging with the Soco and Yuengling. Carter showed up late with a completely valid excuse. He didn't bother to sleep the night before at the Borgata. He wasted no time getting into the swing. He made the DC and Dewey Beach crowd proud. Tracking me down to do shots. I hope they all had a good time. I know I had a blast hanging out with them.

Stress. Throwing one of these party's causes more stress the you can imagine (big bow of respect to Scott for his humongo shindig. Don't know how he does it). I spent so much time making sure everything was running properly that I never really had a chance to spend a lot of time with everyone. Except the bartender. I always seemed to find enough time to track him down.

I nearly gave the bouncer and bartenders a fit. The AlCantHang Experiment band was a bunch of my favorite wackos, dressing and acting like 80's headbangers. FatAssBob decided to play the part and filled a Jack Daniel's bottle full of ice tea. (see, you can't really have open bottle of liquor in the bar like in the old west). It was just part of the act and I decided to have some fun. I hopped up with the guys, grabbed the bottle, showed it the crowd and started chugging. Everyone thought I was just flat out going to die. I think someone had already started to dial 911. The bouncers, on the other hand, were about to flip out because I had an open bottle. Luckily, BigMike was able to explain it to them before they dragged me off stage and threw me out of my own party. Woohoo.

For the record, BigMike's tab had a total of 22 Jager Bombs. Good lord almighty.

From the Beastie Boys, "Girls..... all I really want is girls...." Pics. Still no pics. They're coming.

Then there was Lewey. How to explain Lewey on Saturday. Drunk. Generous also. He bought the first 3 huge rounds of drinks. And drunk.

The story of the night. The Running of the Lewey.

He was well on his way to a stellar night when the poker game ended. Part way through the evening, Landow tracked me down and asked me to check on Lewey. Somewhere along the line, Lewey had completely stopped speaking English. I don't know what language it was, but it was at full volume, and peppered with poker talk in between. Landow agreed to get him home if I could talk him into leaving.

Ever try talking to someone not speaking or comprehending English? Oy.

I finally slowed him down long enough to convince him to let Landow drive him home. He headed for the bathroom and I waited. And waited. He came out of the bathroom and tried to bail out through the back entrance. Which was locked.

So he started walking back out towards the deck and I took the short cut to make sure he made it there in one piece. He saw me and bolted up the steps towards the upstairs deck exit. Also locked, so I wasn't worried. Of course, he knocked over a bunch of trash cans and flipped over the chain meant to keep the drunks from using that exit. The bouncers shook their heads and went after him. Lewey just put his hands in the air and walked back down the steps. He was finally defeated and left through the only available exit. Landow was waiting outside ready to load him into the truck.

As I turned around to head back in, I heard the phrase of the night. "HE'S RUNNING!". I turned around in enough time to see Lewey, running at full speed, bolt right past me. One HUGE problem. He was running at break neck speed (literally) towards an incredibly steep, long hill. With nothing but asphalt at the bottom.

Remarkably, Lewey mananged to make it to the bottom of the hill without an incident requiring paramedics. Arms flailing and screaming at the top of his lungs. But without breaking any bones.

Then the laws of physics kicked. His feet hit the pavement. Feet stopped, the rest of the Lewey kept right on going. Have you ever seen a man slide across 30 feet of blacktop? On his elbows?

As I got down to him, he rolled onto his back, and the game was finally over. There was no more fight in him. We loaded him into the truck and off he went.

Lewey called Landow the next day, obviously unaware of what occurred, and asked him if he'd been in a fight the night before. Funny how bouncing off the pavement, with a big assist from gravity, will make you feel like you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson in his prime.

After that incident, it was nothing but booze and bands.

~

I'm still working on uploading the pictures and such. I wanted to get this 'tiny' post up and running. Plenty of more stories to come.

Thanks again to everyone for coming out, especially my blogger cohorts. It was great meeting everyone. And of course, always a pleasure to hang out with Dr. Pauly.

More stories to come.

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Monday, September 27, 2004

Boathouse writeup 

It's coming, I swear.

If feels like I've been hit by a truck. We had a great weekend hanging out with Grubby, Pauly, BoyGenius, Helixx, Carter, and Derek.

BG already has his down and Pauly has a preview. It will be up shortly complete with pics.



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