Friday, September 03, 2004

Ramblin' Man 

Wow. All the wild thoughts that go running through your head on Friday when it's not clouded by the haze of the morning after. My head is clear, I'm not exhausted, and I hate it every second of it.

Last night was the first time all summer I wasn't face down in a glass of booze on a Thursday and good god was I bored. Did you know there's nothing on the tube on Thursdays? So I started surfing.


First, I think I started off some more inter-blogger turmoil between Scott and this fucktard's rant. I found his link at Carter's site and moved it over to Scott for his comments. A good quote from Carter himself:

I don't consider this kind of outburst any different than proclaiming that "Jews own the banking system" or any other stereotype you can think of. People on all points of the political spectrum are people just the same, and I don't see what there is to gain from attempted to paint them as homocidal baby-killers in suits.

'nuf said. I promised no more politics. Just booze and poker.


On a much lighter note, I came across a pretty cool tool on a travel website called MyWorld. You can create a map showing every state you've visited or every country. I didn't copy the international one in. Other than various and sundry Caribbean Islands, I've only been to Mexico, Canada, the UK, Germany, and of course, the Netherlands. Makes for a pretty boring international map. Not that I'm even very well traveled in my own country.

Two glaring omissions on my state map. Texas and Nevada. Oh the humanity.


How the heck did I miss this poker blog and damn the rest of my readers for not pointing it out? Iggy apparently 'pimped' the blog and I just missed it.

Stripper by Night. Ok, let me get this right. A stripper by night. Badass poker player by day. God lord. The prototypical woman of the 21st century.


Now about my wifey switching jobs.......


No major plans for the Labor Day weekend.

We're heading down to FatAssBob's tomorrow for some BBQ, poker, spud launching, and booze. D'oh. Rumor has it that he's built a bigger meaner version of his spud gun and video will be available. Some good ol' backwoods fun.

Sunday we're hitting the Phillies game extra early and extra hard since we don't have to Labor on Monday. How horrible is tailgating when you're on the wagon? I can't even imagine.


Last night I was unable to continue my Pacific poker challenge so I hopped back into the fishy waters of Party. I found my friend Steve playing in a 25NL ring game so I jumped on.

I hadn't played to many ring games recently, preferring to concentrate on my tournament play in the last couple of weeks. Goodness I forgot how juicy these games are.

I doubled up quickly by punishing someone for calling a pot size bet drawing to an inside straight. He hit his gutshot on the turn and I made a fishie call looking for my nut flush on the river which hit. I'll weakly argue that I was pot committed when he raised me back on the turn but it was a bad call by me but I doubled up. Those fishies can be contagious!

The next 30 minutes I played well, pushed some around in position and was quickly up triple and happy for the time. Plus, the wifey had just put dinner in front of me.

Hey, I'm a poker player but I'm also a fat poker player. I needs my nurishiment.

Later on the evening I puddled around the NL waters again but after an hour of treading water, I called it a night. By then I was already in email discussion with Scott about the personal attributes of the toolboy Russ Beattie.


Congrats again going out to Pauly who won a seat in the World Speed Poker Championship Satellite which runs tomorrow evening.

If he wins a spot, he's off to Estonia. Check out Pauly's site to get a glimpse of the 'time girls' for the tourney.


Amsterdam Story Part I:

There I was one fine afternoon in the wonderful city of Amsterdam. BigMike and Caucci had kidnapped me and brought me to this city for my 'bachelor party'. I think they were just looking for an excuse to go back.

We had spent another day wandering around the semi-circle streets and canals of the city. Drinking pitchers Heineken at Leidsplein and 'hanging out' with other tourist. We would eventually make our way to Dam Square on Damrak looking for a Dam bar and found ourselves in the red light district. Once again.

3 guys in Amsterdam for a week. Nobody really expected us to spend that time touring the VanGogh Museum and Anne Frank's house. We were usually looking for a bar or a coffee house. Mostly both.

The bar we chose to spend a good deal of our time during the week wasn't the nicest, friendliest, or cleanest place. But it was smack dab in the middle of the debauchery. We would sit by the front window drinking our wee little beers watching the street and canal traffic putter along. Across the canal was a prostitute who looked more like a comic book character than a human being. The red glow above her full size glass door accentuated her short, blazing red hair, which was obviously a wig. She was 'eating disorder' thin with the palest skin that was sharply contrasted by the jet-black rubber outfit she wore each day.

We never discovered her specialty, but she was the busiest little hooker in this corner of world. Men would line up at the door and wait. This is a red light district with hundreds of professionals (even with their own union, The Red Thread) and she had a line.

But this story revolves around our last day in Amsterdam. One last night to let loose and experience this wonderful city.

As we entered the red light district, we stopped in one of the coffee shops for some of their tasty spacecake bonbons.

This, my friends, would set in motion a chain of events which would eventually lead to the downfall of a hooker's innocent toy poodle early the next morning.

To be continued.....


Just a word of advice before I put Part 1 to bed. Never ever puke on a hooker's toy poodle. Nothing good can ever come of it. And by poodle, I mean an honest-to-god tiny little dog. No euphemism there per BG's mind.


There ya have it folks. That's what you get when you take the booze away from a drunk man. A long rambling story from the past.

Have a good day and weekend.


Thursday, September 02, 2004

More random thoughts 

or more appropriately, Random Sober Thoughts.

I seem to remember some crappy episode from Friend's where they had an acquaintance who they loved being around when he was partying but a complete bore when he sobered up.

If I become that guy, I'm going to have to start drinking again.

Just for you guys. I'm fine with the wagon.


Really really.

(snakes, snakes.... get 'em off me. snakes)


In the spirit of gambling, I've offered up a challenge to the BoyGenius to test his knowledge of the ponies.

ESPN has fantasy horse racing. Good lord these fantasy things are going way over the top.

They chose 6 races each Saturday. You get 15 picks between them to choose the winner. Simple enough.

If you'd like join and see how you do against a professional (BG) and an amateur (uh, me) drop me a line and I'll shoot you the password.

Check out Tao of Poker for some of the Pauly's Pub challenges.


Ever see Larry the Cable Guy on Comedy Central? He's playing a little backwoods festival this weekend coming up (Berwick, PA yeehaw). For shits and giggles, BigMike sent me to his website and I laughed my (sober) ass of with this. The Dolly Parton Swim Team.

The first picture here is a few gals I met after they came in to get bikini waxed. I opened up a bikini wax place called Bushwhackers here in Sanford, Florida. That one girl told me her boobs cost 25 grand! You believe that! Twelve-five a titty! That doesn't even include mounting or balancing!


I received an email from the PokerProf yesterday. Apparently I won the drawing for Blogshare ad impressions. Over 100,000 actually.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with them.

I have no real desire to advertise my own site. I put enough pressure on myself writing for the few people who read this on occasion. I damn skippy am not going to ask for more. If people continue to show up, god bless 'em.

But I don't think there's a market out there for fat, booze swelling, poker playing opinionators. And if there was, I know someone better.

I'll find a some other sites to pimp hardcore with some free advertisements on Blogshares. I'll split them up and see what I can do. As a thanks to the PokerProf, obviously I'll pimp their main site and see if I can't generate them some income.

Other than that, I'm looking for options.

Big thanks to the PokerProf!


Since Iggy is already gone and Wil Wheaton will never come to this site, here's the answer to the remaining 3 blogger questions.

2. Pauly - under what condition would you leave your home and go to Penn Station this week(located under Madison Square Garden)?

From Pauly: two words, Katie Holmes

Amen to that.

Katie > Charlize (just for BG)

3. BadBlood - answer for reader Joe. What are you listening to nowadays? Anything new and exciting an old school metal fan should pick up?

From BadBlood (you can read the rest of the post on his blog. go there now):

For the first question, here are some of the albums I've purchased in the last 3 to 4 months or so:

In Flames - Soundtrack to Your Escape
Children of Bodom - Hatecrew Deathroll
Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache
Lamb of God - Ashes of the Wake
Unearth - Oncoming Storm
Flaw - Endangered Species

For my money, Lamb of God and I'm going to have to pick up the Killswitch Engage CD.

4. Otis, my man - how much sleep have you gotten in the last two weeks?

From Otis, current king of the breeders:

Think Vegas when you haven't been in much too long and you fear you may not get back for a long time. Sleep equals defeat. You can sleep when you get home. You see the sunrise, have breakfast, catch a nap, and be sure to get signed up before the noon tourney.

Now, take Vegas, poker, and breakfast out of the equation.

That's how much sleep I've been getting.

And people wonder why me and the wife don't plan on having kids! Besides the obvious problem of a U.N. mandate that I don't breed and they let me live.


Anybody seen my bottle?


I got a nice surprise the other day. Apparently our pokerplaying snowboarding Penguin is alive, doing well, and having a blast. Stop by and say howdy.


We're losing one of our own. Poker Nerd is ending his blogging 'career' and calling it a night. I enjoyed his blog and hope he sticks around the community.

When I told the BoyGenius about this, he commented "That sucks. Another blogger falls by the wayside. I liked him because i was first on his link list :)"

He said it before I could. I was first under the Most Days section!

Good luck Mr. Degenerate, have fun. Stop by and say Howdy every once in awhile.


Congrats to Pauly, I think. He was the big stack in the $10 multi yesterday and was looking good. I think he's not real happy finishing in 25th considering his situation at the time. But good god that's a hell of lot better than I would of done.


My biggest chuckle of the day came from Scott. I love the picture.


I think I've wasted enough of your time AND my time reading and writing this morning. It's time for us to go be productive members of society.


I gotta get me a drink.


Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Wagon jumper 

If you have any Southern Comfort stock setting around in your desk or online, it might be time to sell some of it. Their profits are about to take a dip.

That's right. I'm going on the wagon.

Give that a second to sink in.

Since February, 190+ posts and 89,000 words. Drunk or hungover the majority of the time. If you think I'm a crappy writer blasted, wait 'til ya get a load of me sober. ugh.

The timing is normal. I usually dry out about a month before my September party. I've been going non-stop virtually since the Key West trip in April and I don't think I should be able to feel my pulse in my liver. My tolerance is up to ridiculous levels where it takes way too much to get a buzz and can get a bit expensive even with discounts.

The wifey won't argue with me. Saving for our house and the next three weeks off from drinking should save us a couple of mortgage payments.

BigMike will be in London and Greece for a couple of weeks, so there goes another drinking temptation.

I also waited until Iggy left for vacation so he can't give me grief. One drunk to another.

Pauly on the other hand is busting his intake to increase his tolerance. Nice.


What's a guy to do the night before he goes on the wagon? One long lasting bender.

The karaoke finals were last night and I had two celebrity judges. Jake (from Petey and the Bandcampers) and Landow. I have officially declared Landow a 'celebrity' because he known world wide by a couple of people. They both did a great job and the right person won. It came down to Mel and Dave. He walked away with a free trip to Jamaica.

Landow also made another friend (and a cute little Texan she was, the pic doesn't do her justice) and apparently I had some sort of lapdance. Don't exactly remember that, but pictures don't lie.

Another fun night, not a bad way to jump on the wagon. Thanks again to Jake and Landow for putting up with the crap job of judging the (mostly) ungrateful.


Poker anywhere inside the city limits of Philly?

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) -- For about $10 million, city officials believe they can turn all 135 square miles of Philadelphia into the world's largest wireless Internet hot spot.
....and still can't build a damned sports team.


Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Rainbows, String Theory,.... 

....and puking on hookers.

Well, actually it was puking on a hooker's dog. Not the actual prostitute. Oh, but that's a story for a different day and I'll write it for Pauly's Truckin' site.

During my epic quest to pen the first great American novel of the 21st century... rarely do I blankly stare at my computer screen and mutter, "What the fuck?" That's the sort of rhetoric reserved for the lunacy that ensues when some crotch scratching nitwit from Altoona pushes his stack all in with bottom pair and catches a backdoor flush of running diamonds against my flopped Broadway straight.

Pauly, Tao of Poker

Chatting along with several people today, I was reminded of some of the wilder times in my life. Believe it or not, these days I'm pretty tame.

I related an Amsterdam bachelor party story to Pauly that was pretty crazy. Later I asked him for a subject to write about.

Rainbows, String Theory, and Puking on Hookers.

Rainbows. By nature, they generally occur during the daylight hours. I don't like the sun. Screw rainbows.

The only thing I know about the String Theory is that it resolves the incompatibility between quantum mechanics and general relativity (which, as currently formulated, cannot both be right). But that's all I really know.

Puking on a hooker (or her dog for accuracy sake), that is something I know a little bit about. Here's a teaser for next month. Bachelor party, Amsterdam, Southern Comfort, Guinness, rubgy bar, red lights, and a helpless toy poodle.


Let's see if I can't bang out a nice, rambling post to give the blogfather something to do while he's sitting around waiting for his flight to Aruba (Jamaica, ewww I wanna take ya).


I actually managed to sit my ass down and play some poker online last night. Unfortunately it was on Pacific. I still had $3 left from their 'free' money so I decided to burn it off playing one of their micro $2/$.20 2 table SnG's for shits and grins.

And I won.

Then I sat back down. This time Sloejack was riding the rail. These players are completely insane. Unfortunately, an extreme case of frostbitten cards kept me from winning but I scratched my way into second place. Head's up, I was behind 3 to 1 but had a good chance to even up with AK and a King on the flop. He drew a straight on the river and I was out in second.

Now I have an idea for a dumbassed project. All the high limit, and even the low limit players are going to think I'm a complete idiot. I want to see how high I can run my $3 on Pacific. It should be easy to track my progress.

Right now I have a grand total of $22 in my account and that's not even a decent round of shots at the bar. I'm going to keep moving up stakes as it grows and see what happens.

Let the "You're an idiot" comments begin!


From Australia, with love:

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Australia's election campaign took a wacky turn on Tuesday with claims the Greens party wanted to allow the sale of "party" drugs, state funding for sex changes and laws to make people ride bicycles and eat less meat.

I feel confident enough that I can declare...

Good lord I think Jenna Bush is hot.

My name is Al, and I have a problem.


One last rant about that band full on no talent ass clowns, red number 40....

Instead of bitching about the cover bands, they should complain about the unwashed masses who make the weak ass cover bands popular.

If I'm a bar owner, who am I going to hire? A band that draws 30 or a band that can draw 10x's that? They are in the business to make money and the crappy unoriginal bands will make a bar owner go broke in a hurry.

aahh, screw it again. I'm not going to start. From a post on their own forum, from a member of an excellent original band, YNOT.

Judging from some of the things I've read in this forum, I realize that you guys have a healthy disdain for all things cover band. That's all well and good. But there's no reason why their success has to hinder your potential for success. Even if you could magically wipe the earth clean of every cover band, that doesn't mean that club owners would book more original acts. You know what most of them would do first? Hire more dj's. The cover bands are not to blame.
Again, 95% of all cover bands belong in the trash heap and I'm already going to give these crackheads too much free advertising.

If they want to play for free beer, I can give them a spot at the September party in front of a couple hundred people. A chance to impress and bring create more fans. Just shoot me an email.

But they'd never play with a bunch of sellouts.


Damn, where'd all this bitterness come from?

I wish I could find a website for the final band on Saturday night, Jumper. They represent all that IS bad with cover bands. Everything too fast, too bland, and too safe.

That's what I get from going back down to Delaware. Did I mention the bars close at 1am? That's just rude.


Back to your normally scheduled poker and booze content.

Tonight is the finals of the Karaoke contest at the Boathouse (one man cover bands? why can't I just let it go?) and I just found out that Y100 and their crew are going to be taking over the place. That makes my job a hell of a lot easier and Yuengling will be there for some free beer.

More time for pictures and booze!


The return of 5 blogger questions.

1. Iggy - how much Guinness will you drink on vacation and how much poker?

2. Pauly - under what condition would you leave your home and go to Penn Station this week(located under Madison Square Garden)?

3. BadBlood - answer for reader Joe. What are you listening to nowadays? Anything new and exciting an old school metal fan should pick up?

4. Otis, my man - how much sleep have you gotten in the last two weeks?

5. Wil Wheaton - are you ever going to play in one of our Poker Blogger Tournament?


I fully intended a full fledged, burn-my-brain-out, waste-a-day kind of post but a bunch of crap got in the way. Damn you paycheck!

Cheers to Iggy and have a safe trip.


Monday, August 30, 2004

Iggy > Al..... 

Forty Ounces > red number 40


AlCantHang: The Prophesy

From my August 5th post putting together a Poker Dream Team:

"I have to pick the Blogfather himself as my rock-solid tourney guy. It's been awhile since I've watched him play a tourney, but it's a thing of beauty."
Everyone bask in the glory of my foresight. Last night Iggy took down the competition with some nice draws and complete domination of the final table.

Me? Everyone was very supportive and happy that I made it past two hands last night. Actually, I was feeling pretty good. I had more than doubled up and found AA. I raised, sloejack came over the top, and I pushed all in. Head's up AA vs. JJ. Everything was fine and dandy until a jack hit the river. Instead of being up over 6K in chips, I was out in 43rd (?)

Then I just sat around watching from the 'rail' and managing a Yahoo chat room which kept locking people out. Are Yahoo and Pacific Poker run by the same company? They both suck.

Big congrats to Iggy and to everyone who played. The blogfather put in a crap load of hard work for the tourney, so it's nice to see him take it down. Many thanks to him.

As for the bounties....

Sloejack has kindly deferred his bottle of Soco for use at my September party. So free shots for any poker bloggers who show up on top of the beer.

Even though Halverson didn't knock out Scott in the prescribed manor (with KK), I'll still send off that Gourd's CD for his efforts. It's pretty cool that Chris is one of the few bloggers to see the Gourd's live recently.

Badblood knocked out Boy Genius to claim the fine bottle of Spanish red wine. A headbanger and his wine. Maybe I should offer up the bottle of Soco?

Shoot me an email with your address and I'll ship them off.

If you want decent tournament reports, go read one of the guys on the right. Much better.


Before I go any further, your bizarre news story of the day:

A drunken driver hit a telephone pole support wire that decapitated his passenger, then drove 12 miles home and slept in his bloody clothes, leaving the headless body in his truck, police said.



Saturday evening rant.

The wifey and I made plans to head down to Kahunaville (lovely name) in Wilmington Saturday night to our friends in Forty Ounces do a set during the clubs 'Band Blowout'. Over 20 bands on two stages starting a little after noon. Forty Ounces was scheduled to go on before the headliners.

A little background information for the upcoming rant. I like music. And I'm pretty much a generalist. I can and will listen to just about any music styling depending on my mood. I tend to lean more towards harder music but I also really like classical, jazz, blues, and I even enjoy a little hillbilly music now and then.

I have quite a few friends who play in or have played in cover bands. Regular guys with regular jobs and also musicians who were on MTV in their heyday. Some of these guys do it just to get out of the house and have some fun, others make a great living from it.

And some are even good. I'm committing sacrilege in some eyes by defending cover bands. Not all of them. Shit, not even 90% of them.

For the most part, cover bands are bottomless pits of soul sucking boredom. Playing the music a step too fast, having absolutely no creativity, and lulling their masses of addle brained followers into another session of group hypnosis. Their sound is dull and vanilla and inoffensive.

But Forty Ounces is an exception to that rule. They play like they care about the music. They enjoy what they're doing. And they're doing it for fun.

On Saturday, the band before them was just finishing up when some toolbag in the band starts spouting off. Thanking the club, the original bands, and the academy. I don't think he thanked God but I could be wrong. Now if he stops right there, everything is golden but he decides to treat us to his wisdom that cover bands are complete sellouts (except for the band full of 14 year olds that played cover because they need to learn how to play their instruments).

What a sanctimonious asshole.

If Forty Ounces wasn't the next band to play, I might have forgotten all about it. If this original band had any originality whatsoever, I might have forgotten all about it. It's hilarious hearing this snooze-fest, talent-less excuse for a band rail on about cover bands when every single one of their songs sounds like the mindless drivel MTV and Top40 stations are pushing on the public.

From their website:

“How can you be a fan of a cover band?” asks Newark, Delaware power-pop band red number 40. These musicians demand an answer by providing energetic original music to a scene dominated by cover, jam and heavy-metal bands. The band appeals to music fans who want to see musicians expressing themselves and playing their own music instead of parroting back popular songs from the radio.
Power-pop band. Brilliant.

And I can't say I completely disagree with them on the music scene around here. 95% of the bands in the area can suck that life out of you.

I don't need to hear their speech. Instead of wasting their time preaching against the evils of cover bands, maybe they should spend more time practicing and hiring someone who can write a damned song. Their set was so mind-numbing that I almost forgot to drink.

From a review on their own website:

"It's original, but kind of generic at the same time - very poppy, lighthearted, and intentional or not - meaningless"
Great review.

My hero, Woody, bass player of the evil COVER band had the only comment which was necessary. "We may be sellouts but that guy has never seen the inside of a girl's panties."

Have some fun and help a brother out. I'm don't see any webtracker icons on the site but let's run their stats up and see if they don't stop by and leave me a nice little comment. All the web hits might make them feel popular. They also have a cute little forum that no one updates if you'd like to tell them where you came from.

red number 40. Delaware's hottest 'power-pop' band. Well, it is Delaware.

In the interest of full disclosure, there are three cover bands listed on the links to the right. Every one of them with more talent then this band.


Thus endeth the rant. I'd love to tell you where they're playing next so you can witness it yourself. So here's their schedule for September.


whoo, that was fun. That got the nasty taste from the tournament out of my mouth.


Not too many pics from Thursday nights booze fest. Only a couple worth showing. I am definitely slacking.