Friday, August 20, 2004

SoCo, Dee Snider, and The Air Up There 

Aight, let's get right into it. I have no idea where this post is going but we'll get through it together.

Does anyone want to join me on this tour? My favorite booze in my favorite city.

The Southern Comfort Cocktail Tour
Take a walk through the French Quarter on the Southern Comfort Cocktail Tour and discover how the famous “spirits” of New Orleans evolved in this unique city.

Sweet jesus. I think I could lead those tours!


According to Blabbermouth.net, it looks like Philly radio station 93.3 WMMR has a new nighttime DJ. None other than Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. Yippee.

Crappy radio stations around here (other than WYSP because we all love Melissa). If we had some decent music, I wouldn't spend so much time illegally downloading cruddy rips of good songs.
Snider, a regular on VH1 and buddy of California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger — who used TWISTED SISTER's "We're Not Gonna Take It" as an anthem — also does TWISTED SISTER dates and has a syndicated radio show called "House of Hair". The 'MMR job, he says, will allow him to "move up to the next level" in radio.

Thanks to the Sheppy from the Bandcampers for pointing it out.


How 'bout some blogger pimpage.

Check out Pauly's non-poker blog Tao of Pauly for the first two parts of his Phish Conventry weekend writeups. Part 1. Part 2.

No offense to Pauly, but this ain't ever going to happen.

I was set for my last show. I was on a mission. I wanted to get snookered... and make an Al Can't Hang Happy Hour binge look like a choir girl from the Bible Belt enjoying some milk and cookies.
You managed to find your way back to your sleeping area, so you couldn't have been that wasted. I usually need the wifey or Landow to help me find my way home after a regular night out, nevermind a binge.

I'll take this opportunity to officially thank the blogfather for all the hard work he's done to get the latest blogger tourney together. I don't think half of us realize what a huge pain the ass it is. So lift a Guinness to Iggy.

Speaking of the tourney, I noticed that 51 of the 75 players are bloggers. I need to think of a good prize for the reader who lasts the longest. (at least I don't have to worry about buying Landow anything).

MeanGene has a great writeup, as usual. I don't know if I completely agree with the title (Much More Lake Action, or, Why Alcohol Poisoning and Poker Don't Mix) but then again, I think alcohol poisoning goes with everything.

The PokerProf has a good writeup about the difference between watching the WSoP live and on ESPN.

A big congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Otis (from Up For Poker) on the birth of their son. Hopefully Otis' eyes will be half closed during the blogger tournament.

And a big welcome back to long long long time poker blogger Jeremy from Love and Casino War. It's great to have him back.

I think Mr. Sloejack has his priorities just a little off kilter.
Speaking of which, I made the last minute decision to enter the qualifier for the world championship of Settlers of Catan and then realized it conflicts with the first hour of the poker tournament. Hmm, I'll have to find someone and make sure I can just post and fold the first hour until I can get away from the Settlers game.
Poker first, poker last. And a whole lotta booze in between.

Hopefully Halverson won't be too tough come the blogger tournament. He's a little busy the night before.
Knocking me out should not be all that hard (although remember I did get 2nd in the True tourney), especially considering that my brother’s wedding is the night before and I have promised him that I will drink at least as much as he drank at mine. That is an AlCantHang level challenge as my brother set a high standard that night. In fact, to this day most of the people who stuck around long enough still talk more about my brother than the actual reception.

Is it just me, or do I have a certain reputation? Not like I don't deserve it.

Still no word from the Kiwi Poker Penguin on his snow board adventures. Drop us a line if you happen to have internet access on the mountain.

How about a new one to close out the pimping. Cubanlink.org is a great read with regular posts. Not necessarily all poker (which is a good change of pace). Plus, he may be joining us for the party so he's gotta get some pimpin'. I'm adding him on the right shortly.

There are a lot of others out there I should be pimping but I'm going to move along.


Last night while us drunks were sitting around the bar, looking at two very similar Anna Nicole Smith wannabe's (hot Anna Nicole, not the, hhhmm, larger than life Anna) prance around the bar and pool tables, DJ Scuba Steve asked a very innocent question. What are the greatest sports movies ever?

Those have been debated for years and it got dull until we started naming some of worst sports movies. Man, we came up with some stinkers.

Editors note: I wrote this up before someone brought to my attention that ESPN Page2 already compiled a list of the worst sports movies. Screw them, I like mine better.

Here's my list and I'd love to get some comments on the list and movies that should be added. Honorable mention for Rollerball 2001. I loved the original but this remake was horrendous. I didn't put it on the list because it's not a real sport.

5. Ice Castle

When Tragedy Struck, Love Came to the Rescue. Future champion figure skater girl goes blind from an accident. Boyfriend gets her to compete blind. Girl does well, fans throw flowers, girl can't see flowers. Girl falls in a heap on the ice.

My laughter is another one of the reasons why I'm going straight to hell.

4. The Replacements

I kept waiting during the entire movie to hear Keanu Reeves to scream, "I AM AN F. B. I. AGENT!"


3. American Anthem

Steve is a talented gymnast who has given up competition and is working at his father's bike shop. Julie is the new girl at his old gym, who has moved to town to train with their powerful coach. Inspired by Julie, Steve resumes training. While dealing with the conflicts in their personal lives and the stress of training, they prepare for the US Olympic Trials.

zzzzzz, wha, sorry fell asleep.

An IM from BoyGenius, "Janet Jones was all sorts of hot in american anthem" Enough said.

2. Caddyshack II

Rodney Dangerfield > Jackie Mason.
Bill Murray > Dan Aykroyd.

1. The Air Up There

I have no idea how to explain this pile of rubbish. It's just horrible.


From my favorite soccer commentary, John Nicholson writes about football and woman. Sure, he's talking about English football, but it very well could apply to American football.
Football, it is sometimes said , is a cruel mistress. She ties us to the bed, puts clamps on our nipples and spanks us with wooden paddles. She chains us to the wall and thrashes us with a leather whip.

And yet she is a compelling mistress to whom we must return for more pain and pleasure time after time. Anyone who doesn't understand this, will never really appreciate our obsession and lust for it. It hurts so good.

And in this respect, the new season has already taken its first casualty.

Baldy Davey. BD as we call him was dumped last Sunday night by his girlfriend. Nothing unusual in that I know, except that BD was not dumped for the usual reasons. Not for being caught humping his birds mam, not for farting loudly in front of her parents at Sunday dinner, or for buying her gift certificates for a breast enlargement on her birthday.

No, BD was dumped because of football.

Everyone still with me?

One more night of boozing than I can take the weekend off for rest and prepare for the blogger tourney.

One bottle of Soco. Check.
Amble supply of cowboy killers. Check.
Ready made quips for the rail when I get knocked out first. Check.

Have a good weekend.

Wow, I got home last night and re-read my post from yesterday.

What a steaming pile of poo.

For you, my loyal reader, I shall do better today. Later.


Thursday, August 19, 2004


This is not a joke. An actual line in an ESPN article. Here I was, minding my own business, reading over a writeup about men's gymnastics (I know, shaddup), and I see this....

He and McClure, the other men's all-around qualifier, spent the whole day together, waking up at 8, breakfast at 8:45, to the gym for light stretching at 10:30, a light snack, then a few hours of Texas Hold 'Em, which seems to be the Official Game of America's Male Olympians.

I think Pauly has been spending some time using the Lycos search engine. Here's some of their Top 50 searches.

2. Paris Hilton
5. Poker - Texas Hold'em
10. Lindsay Lohan


Speaking of Pauly, he has Part 1 of his trip report for the phinal Phish weekend. I'm exhausted just from reading it.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

She nodded and I bent over. She climbed on and I realized that she was much lighter than the backpack I took into the campgrounds. I took a few steps into the deep mud and I knew I was in trouble. I had very little control of where I was going. We were doomed.


I wish I could say last night was memorable. But that would mean I'd have to remember some of it. They boys in the band played great and impressed the management. Getting a raise for the night and picking up another show later in the month.

MonkeyBoy and Junior both made their way back from a short hiatus. The girls seemed happy that they were back. I wish I could show you some pics, but I'm not really sure what, if any, pictures were taken.

Yep, it was one of those nights. At different points in the night I was playing bass and signing. Neither of which I do particularly well. Good practice for September.

Am I the only one who hears that ringing?


So far I have received approximately 3,145 emails about some damn bear getting drunk. Allow me to respond here.

No, I was nowhere near Seattle yesterday.
No, I was nowhere near Seattle wearing a bear costume yesterday.

Besides, 36 beers is about 34 more than I could drink. I've said it before, but I will repeat myself.

Beer is inefficient!

Booze is the way to go for the proper drunk. If your tolerance is high, you'll be full of beer before you even have the slightest hint of a buzz.

But do you think anyone could arrange to have the bear attend my party?


A quick set of answers to BG's questions. It won't be nearly as well written but it'll do.

1. Definitive 80's movie.

I too almost went with the standard "Wall Street" and "Top Gun" answer. That's probably the correct answer for the decade in general.

"Fast Times at Ridgemont High" was a better reflection of my time in the 80's. I was in high school and could very easily have been Spicoli. However, as far as I can remember, we didn't have anyone close to Phoebe Cates in my school. By the way, she just turned 41 in July. When did I get old?

2. Tom Cruise, yes or no.

I'll go with the Page2 guys and BG on this one. Does Tom Cruise have a personality? Aren't all his characters exactly the same?

3. Why does today’s music suck so much? Are we just getting old, or does it actually suck?

Yes, we're getting old. Yes, today's music sucks.

But pop music has always sucked by its very nature. To be popular, the music must appeal to a wide variety of listener thus dumbing down to the lowest common denominator.

Today's 'rock' isn't any better. The recording industry just looks for bands to fit their cookie cutter formula. I've seen several really talented bands miss out on record deals that went to bands that conformed to the formula.

Go check out BG's writeup. Far more intelligent and insightful. (and it actually makes sense)


75 GDMF players in the tourney for Sunday. My god.

I'm just going to install myself as the favorite to be an embarrassment to the other bloggers. I'll be a railbird early on. In honor of Grubby, I'm going all in with the first Hammer I see.

Otis has to be the pre-tourney favorite since he's a two time defending champ although he may be a little exhausted with the newborn.


Everything is a little hazy and it's been over 12 hours since my last cowboy killer. I think it's time.

Thanks for stopping by.


Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Pickup Lines 

"We have a pool and a pond...pond would be good for you."


Jerry left this classic quote in my comment section. The really funny thing is an email I received, from an unnamed person, asking what it meant. Having no idea it was from Caddyshack. Oh sweet jesus.

Nothing like a good old fashioned drinkfest to improve ones attitude. I have the nice mushy head feeling like something was accomplished last night. Good times were had and a ton of laughs.

Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home
Last night was a little slow with the singing, so DJ Scuba Steve started a contest looking for the funniest / cheesiest pickup lines. They started out pretty clean, then the booze started kicking in. The wifey's favorite of the night? (and here's where I begin offending people...)

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
ow. That was her favorite? Straight from Scuba Steve no less. Drinks were drunk(?), songs were sung, and I managed to bust my lip open on a microphone. Imitating a previous singer I whacked my own damn self right in the chopper. Brilliant.

As much as I hate to give my classic neverfail pickup line, I feel I must. It's for the betterment of society. The worst case scenario with this line is that you'll get a chuckle. Best case scenario is you'll end up with someone like my wife. Beautiful with a fucked up sense of humor.

I've got a 12 inch tongue and can breathe through my ears.
Works every time. Trust me. Try it this week at your local drink-a-torium. If you have a good one, feel free to post it in the comment section.


More boozey tonight as Petey and the Bandcampers make their second appearance at the Boathouse. This is their warmup for the Sept 25th party. I'm fine tuning my insane alcohol tolerance.

Nothing like pouring yourself into the house and finding the blogfather online, in the same condition. I'm pretty sure I was chatting with Sean but that may have been my imagination.


Yesterday they had a chat session on ESPN with Phil Hellmuth and Chris Moneymaker. I followed along for awhile and Hellmuth had some blog-worthy questions and answers. (Click on the links above to view the entire chat session log.)

Craig (Philadelphia, PA): Phil, how do you respond when people say that you're a a poor loser and a compulsive loudmouth who doesn't give his opponents enough credit?

Phil Hellmuth: I would respond thusly.. I do whine too much. No doubt about it. I'm certainly not a compulsive loudmouth. You have to understand that 2 percent of my time is spend whining. But the cameras are always there for that 2 percent! I never whine away from the table or in any activity other than poker. Because my self esteem was low, losing pots made me feel like I was a loser and as my ego gets bigger, with all of the attention and the spotlight and the books and DVDs and ESPN and the movie offers and the reality shows .. I try hard to keep my ego under control. But obviously I have been losing the battle because I seem to whine too much when I get unlucky.

But, I'm honorable and honest and the most forgiving person you have ever seen. I'm a good father and a good husband. And I'm generous to a fault.

These are the characteristics I'm proud of.
I almost got a little misty there at the end.

I was glad to see him mention Dan Harrington's success in the last two WSoP Main events. In my opinion, one of the most impressive back-to-back performance taking into account the number of players.

Brian (St. Louis): With the way theat the WSOP has expanded so rapidly do you think we will ever see another back to back champion again?

Phil Hellmuth: Well, my hats off to Dan Harrington for making it deep two years in a row. The pure mathematical odds of winning two years in a row is staggering. I would like to think that I can do it, but it's a tough hill to climb.
Good to see the ego is in check. The funniest question was very last. Phil mentioned Ultimate Bet a half dozen times plus his books, DVD's, videos, upcoming projects and even his sunglass sponsor.

Justin (Los angeles): Phil, is it possible for you to plug more of your products during this chat?

Phil Hellmuth: Promote promote promote! (If you go after the highest quality products, then why be shy when it comes time to promote them?) I try to make sure everything that has the Phil Hellmuth brands associated with it is of the highest quality. By the way, I forgot to promote the Phil Hellmuth chip set ; ) ..
Not much of interest in the Moneymaker chat but I loved this question and answer.

Rocco (Milton,MA): You seemed to get along well with Dutch Boyd last year in the WSOP are you guys close at all and if so has he invited you to be a part of "the crew"

Chris Moneymaker: He invited me to be part of the crew last year but I turned him down.
When asked why he turned him down.

Chris Moneymaker: I don't play that many tournaments and they wanted to play a lot.
The Crew. I checked Hank's trip report carefully but I didn't see any signs of Dutch Boyd being speared by an ex-semipro football player.


Classic satire. Had me going for a couple of minutes before I realized that Phish fans aren't this crazy.

After playing their final song, a stirring one-hour 39-minute rendition of the Curtain With, each band member gently placed his instrument down and gave an emotional final wave. Then, as the skies above opened and a brilliant white light surrounded the stage, band members Trey Anastasio, Jon (Fish) Fishman, Mike Gordon and Page McConnell ascended into the heavens.
And more classic stuff from our friends to the north.

Ron Bensimhon, 31, of Montreal, jumped off the 3-meter springboard at the diving venue Monday night wearing a blue tutu and white tights with polka dots.


Enough rubbish for now. Still working on my Lovinger letter but check out Sean's in the comment section. That just about covers it.

Remember, the signup deadline for the Monty Memorial Poker Blogger Tournament is Thursday. Get your shit done now. Don't wait until the last second.


Tuesday, August 17, 2004

More random stuff 

Not much going on to get the blog moving along.

Last night I played in a cheapy SnG on Party and finished 2nd. I wasn't picking up any playable hands in the first couple of levels. Checking Poker Tracker, in levels 2 and 3 I folded 13 straight hands and 4 of them were The Hammer. Maybe I should have played them.

Having not won any hands and getting late in level 3, a weird opportunity to double up presented itself in the form of the classic BB special. 4 players limped to me holding 59o. Two beautiful 9's on the flop with a 5 on the turn more than doubled me up. Once we were 4 handed, it was fun pushing everyone around because everyone was afraid of bubbling.

When we were 3 handed, I made my mistake. I slowplayed AA trying to eliminate a smaller stack and he caught a straight on the river taking a big chunk of my money. I hung on for 2nd but we only lasted two hands head's up when my KQ lost to A3 and no help on the board.

I'm just warming up for the Sunday tournament. Have you signed up yet? Jerry?

Here's Iggy's link to Pacific Poker. You need to sign up and email Iggy by Thursday. Here's a link to players already registered and the bounties offered.


Only once I have a posted anything remotely political on my blog, but this just cracks me the hell up.

It seems citizens in every country where we have a military base have been screaming for us to get out and reduce our forces in their country. We make the announcement that we'll be stationing more troops back home, and now we're going to be the bad guys for hurting the local economy of those countries.

BERLIN, Germany (AP) -- German officials have voiced concern that their country has the most to lose with U.S. President George W. Bush's announcement that tens of thousands of troops will return home over the next decade....

"Base closures would hit us very hard," said city spokesman Ole Kruse in the Bavarian city of Wuerzburg, home of the U.S. Army's 1st Infantry Division.

I know I have some readers in the armed forces. I'd be interested in your opinion. You can either email me and I'll post it, or put it in the comments.

Thank you for your patience. No back to my senseless drivel.


I had a little chat with Pauly last night before he passed out. He's home, alive, and exhausted. Check out Tao of Pauly for a short writeup of his wild weekend.

Short version, no more room, go home. Screw that, we're hiking in.


I've added a couple of non-poker blogs to my list on the right (gasp!) that I've enjoyed and read often. I'll be adding more as I go along.


For the BoyGenius, from Peter King's Monday Morning QB.

6. I think it's pretty amazing to think Detroit (Roy Williams, Charles Rogers, Tai Streets, Az Hakim) has better one-through-four receiver depth than the mighty Rams (Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt, Kevin Curtis, Dane Looker).

I'm changing my bounty for Pauly. Assuming he manages to signup in time. If a valiant poker warrior is willing to go up against Crazy Pauly (anyone remember the True Poker tourney?), and defeat him, thus removing him from the tournament, I will bestow upon him....


Holy crap. Don't ever rob a bank in Spain and take hostages. Then ask for a super bike.


More stuff to come later. I'll post the open letter to Jay Lovinger later in the day. I'm having too much fun writing it.


If you're in the suburban Philly area this week, stop by Flanigan's Boathouse in Malvern on Wednesday and check out my friends play.


Monday, August 16, 2004

Crackpot Jay 

Sweet jesus. It's an evening post from your (second)favorite drunk.

But I couldn't get scooped on this one. JackCrackpot Jay at ESPN's Page 2 has a list of 25 things he's learned during his 4 months of playing professional.

I'm just going to post #7 and let Felicia and Maudie have at him.

7. Generally, women will never play poker as successfully as men. Women are into
being collegial ... into communicating with one another. Men are into status ...
into subjugating one another. This is why we are unlikely to see a woman
president anytime soon. Most of us -- even other women -- want someone in that
job who will kill before giving up the status that keeps us (relatively) safe.
There are exceptions, of course -- some women will always play better than some,
or even most, men; and some women are enough like men to end up leading their
countries (Margaret Thatcher).

Oh brother. I think his mailbag will be a little full come tomorrow.

Page2 has also setup a Poker Central page. Of course, it's a big pile of crap. They do mention an online chat with Hellmuth and Moneymaker tomorrow. Maybe we can MeanGene to ask Hellmuth some questions for another post.


Bad writing, bad poker, and bounties 

I've lost it.

Whatever mediocre skills I possessed in writing the crappy little blog have gone the way of my poker chops. Nada.

I should have done a much better job of portraying the sights, sounds, and (GoodLord) smells of the Phish show but the words are not flowing freely of their own will.

After reading myself and BadBlood discuss the heavier side of music, the blogfather's link of the day from his latest uber post, I found this line. "...bass so low you'll vacate your bowels...". Now that's just good stuff. Something I should have come up with but my creativity has failed me.

And don't even mention my poker game right now. I would like to thank BoyGenius, Derek, and Sloejack for not mentioning on their blogs my incredible showing in the Saturday Party Multi.

A stellar 1216th out of 1218. Magnificent, first hand. I AM the biggest fish in the world.

From Derek:

AlCantHang got KO'd very early. I think he had an early morning
appointment with his bartender that he didn't want to miss. So-Co shots must have been half off.

Very nice.

This is the exact reason why you should be signing up on Pacific Poker for Iggy's blogger / reader tourney. How easy will it be for you if I'm at your table? Go sign up. I'll wait.

How about some bounties? That should make it a little more interesting.

Why don't we start off with some fellow bloggers?

In honor of the BoyGenius and his love for the formented grape juice. Should you knock BG out of the tourney, with any hand, I will send you bottle of Onix Priorat. I have been informed that this is a fine Spanish red and in his words "it's esoteric and certainly not close to run-of-the-mill".

How 'bout one for our favorite Texan? Should you knock Scott (aka TheFatGuy) out, with pocket cowboys, I will send you a brand-spankin' new copy of the The Gourds CD Shinebox from Amazon.

The obvious one is next. If you knock out our favorite NYC blogger / writer / Phishead / Hilton Sister stalker with QQ (Hilton Sisters), I'll send you copy of the Paris Hilton DVD.

Speaking of the sisters, what's poor Pauly going to do? One of them is off the market.

Naturally, there will be a bounty on my head. Anyone want to take a guess at what the reward will be?

I'll be setting up more bounties tomorrow once Iggy's posts the list of who's registered. Expect a bounty on at least Iggy and Grubby (return of The Hammer challenge!).


Chelsea defeats ManYoo to begin the year. 1 down, 37 to go.


How's this for a nice long day.

Up at 4am because the work pager goes off.
Work until 9am and head straight to the Phillies parking lot.
Tailgate and drink from 10am until the Phillies manage to lose another one.
Get home very dehydrated.
17 hours after the wakeup page, have the blogfather himself request a head's up game.

How goddamn fast do you think I ran away from that one? Like a true poker great, he sensed the weakness in my game and state of mind.

He has another uber post. Check it out.


I mentioned to BG about the current state of my writing. He had one simple solution. Get back to drunk chicks and pics.

Good enough for me!

This week should prove to be a ton of fun if work can stay out of the way. On top of the standard Tuesday=Boozeday and normal Thursday, my good friends Petey and the Bandcampers are playing my regular bar Wednesday night. (I like a website that pimps my drink-fest)

I think MonkeyBoy AND Junior are done with their hiatus and will be making an appearance. Be prepared for a return to vulgarity (and I'm not talking about how I play poker).

Unfortunately, the lovely Lindsay quit her job so no more pics. I'm still going to convince her to make the Sept. 25th party. But just for BG, I have a special invitation.

September 25th. 3 bands, free booze for poker bloggers. Plus, all that you've come to expect from a night at the bar. Petey and the Bandcampers, Forty Ounces, and the AlCantHang Experiment (ACHE).

Who's wit me?


Now wasn't that a jolly waste of precious time and resources.
Go read a proper blog. That's an order.

My favorite micro-post if from one of my favorite reads, Paul Phillips:

In an email from my mom:

"Heard Phil Hellmuth interviewed on KGO the other day - ugh."

Difficult to put it any more succinctly than that, really.

Good stuff. Definitely check him out if you get a chance.