Friday, July 02, 2004

National Holiday 

How could I forgot? Today is July 2, 2004. The 18th anniversary of the birth on one Lindsay Lohan.

Happy Birthday!

(Can I stop feeling dirty now?)


Drunk Bud Girls Gone Wild! 

I'm not even going to fool around. Here's how the Bud Girls started and here's how they ended.

The night started off on a good note. It was the finals for the contest, that would limit the amount of grunt work I would have to do, the bar was packed, and the GM was very happy. And if anyone remembers the cute girl from earlier (just a wee little thing), she was back and having a blast. I was also going with the intention of not drinking. I was giving away a huge prize and needed to be somewhat coherent (for a change).

Then all (drinking) hell broke loose. Landow is drinking SoCo like..... well, like he's me. At one point he actually had a quadruple SoCo and the Bud Girls were drinking lemon drops. And they were the judges for the contest. D'oh.

By the time everything ended, the two girls were missing, Landow was pissed (and piss ass drunk), and I had to decide who would win $500 and a weekend in AC. Unfortunately, I couldn't pick myself.

The real craziness kicked in. Bud Girls dancing on poles, Landow getting acquainted with old friends. Around this time I decided I really needed to NOT be sober. But it was time to head home with the wifey.

When I got home to the peacefulness of my home, I found something strange at the front door. Something had arrived specifically for MonkeyBoy!

More investigation is required, but apparently MonkeyBoy had a lot more fun in Key West than we thought. Here's what I found. I sure hope his mother isn't a stripper! MonkeyBoy Sr. is now going to have to take Jr. out and show him the ropes. Look out ladies!


I added another to my Bartender Hall of Fame. This is Brin and she worked behind the bar for the first time on monday at the Boathouse for the charity golf tournament. I have other Boathouse crew pics coming shortly.


That's it for this short crummy post. My head hurts from too much multi-tasking. I was chatting with several bloggers at once, writing this up, and getting kicked out of the 10:30am multi on Party. 904 out of 968. Effing brilliant.

AA on the button and I put out a big raise. One caller in MP. Low cards on the flop and I couldn't imagine that he would have called my big raise with 68. Well he did and I went out early. 68 mother effing offsuit. At least I didn't go PokerChronicles on him. My good karma is in tact.

Home game at Lewey's tonight where I hope to regain my form and take whatever money he has left (if I can beat my wife to it, that is).


Hope everyone has a good weekend.


Thursday, July 01, 2004

5 Questions 

It was a slow night last night so I'm going to continue my "Ask a blogger" feature. Here ya go.

1. Felicia - you seem to play the largest variety of games amongst the bloggers. Which three are your favorite and why?

2. Sean - How are the Phillies going to end up come the fall?

3. Grubby - More stress, watching the opening of one of your plays or the final table of a big-money multi?

4. Iggy - Very hypothetically speaking, you have to give up poker or Guinness, which wins?

5. Penguin - If you could live anywhere besides New Zealand, where and why?


Much better pics from the Maxim Party this weekend than mine. Description from his site, "Chronicling the sights, sounds and smells in the life of low-level superhero Snake McMaki, mild-mannered reporter by day, HUGE rock star by night." Oh the humanity.

Someday I want to grow up and become a rock star or at least live a rock star life.


I'd like to welcome my recent friends from Slovakia, India, Australia, and somewhere near Madagascar. No, this is not www.hijenny.com or www.hijenni.com. But thanks for stopping by anyway.

Strangest AlCantHang referral to date. Donating plasma for money in tampa.


Wednesday, June 30, 2004

A Prayer for the Blogfather 

Everyone please say a prayer for the blogfather. May his hiatus be short and his bankroll large.

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is The beer, The bitter and The lager. Barmen.


10 Random Things I forgot to mention from the Borgata Party:

1. How could I not bring up the hot tub full of Maxim girls!
2. There was a strange tent with a sign that said "Spa". I didn't see a sign that said happy endings so no one bothered.
3. Funniest random line from someone, "It's a good thing they called this a beach party, there's enough silicone walking around...."
4. Since it was the Fantasy Island Party, they had a vertically-challenged gentleman pointing at the sky every 5 minutes yelling, "Da plane boss".
5. How did I not link to this lovely young woman?
6. They had a mini-carnival with games and one of those swinging pirate ship rides. Maybe the dumbest idea in the history of drinking events.
7. For food, they brought in the world's largest BBQ pit. 78' long and towed by a tracker-trailer rig. mmmmm pulled pork sandwiches.
8. It was a 10 to 1 margin of super attractive women to mouthbreathing, knuckledraggin, slackjawed inbred men staring at them. Lewey?
9. As much as I tried, I was unable to get an autograph for BoyGenius.
10. Next year I will be in the VIP area.


Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Maxim Party weekend 


After nearly forgetting the Maxim Party tix, we rolled down to AC around noon. Myself, the wifey, BigMike, and Lewey. I was still working off the hangover from the previous night but the Friday shore traffic allowed extra time for uncomfortable sleep in the backseat of a Pathfinder.

Eventually we made it to the marina and the best casino in AC. We were given a room on the 43rd floor. The top floor. The room had a great view of the marina and the venue setup for the weekend's party (notice the long line of people waiting to get in to the party, it starts at the entrance and continues past the parking garage to the hotel). From that far up, the area looked small and we were concerned.

The four of us decided it was time to play some poker of the No-Limit variety. We hit N.O.W. (Noodles of the World) for dinner. Great place for a quick dinner. As we made our way down to the poker room, we knew it wasn't going to be pretty. We could see a huge crowd standing around looking at the table monitors. Every limit up to 6/12 was maxed out and the NL was nearly maxed out.

We decided we would wait until later, around midnight - 2am to pick off some crazy drunk bastards. Who woulda thought I was going to be that crazy drunk bastard.

My second favorite activity at the Borgata is milking free booze at the B-Bar playing 25c video poker. The bartenders are very friendly and drink service is very quick. After the 10th full boat, the wifey decides to inform everyone within earshot that she is very drunk.

I, myself, was completely obliterated and decided to call it a night. My plan was to set the alarm clock for 4am and head down for some fishing. As I was walking out of the B-Bar, Lewey and I make the critical error of going to see how the table lists were doing. Wouldn't you know it but there were open seats for the NL table. We both got seats at the same table and bought in for the full $300. I should have known it was going to be bad going when someone, Baby-faced chubby boy, called my AK raise with K5 and took a good chunk of my money.

Later in the game, I lost the rest of my buy-in when Big Lick got beat by the Hilton Sisters.

What's an over-the-top, obvious drunk guy do? Screw it and buy back in. Eventually I wizened up and took off for the room.

Lewey had a much rougher time. The same guy who beat my AK with QQ, took down Lewey's QQ with slowplayed pocket Kings. Then BFCB pounded away and took the rest of his money.

Not a good time for the drunk poker players that night. I'm used to drinking at the table but I've never arrived at the table drunk. I like to use my drinking as part of my table imagine. The only image I had when I showed up drunk was one-big-fat-monster-money-bleeding fish.

While Lewey was still playing, I somehow managed to forget my room number and it took me 45 minutes (Lewey provided the time frame for me) to search before I finally just headed back down to the poker room to ask Lewey for my room number. Oddly enough, everyone at the table was trying to convince me to sit back down. Greedy effing bastards.


Oh the Humanity! I woke up with the King of All Hangover's. I kept trying to blame it on the elevation since we were on the top floor but no one was buying it. BigMike and the poker princess were ready for breakfast which left the room beautifully empty while I worked off the hangover.

My recipe for the surefire hangover cure (besides the always popular hair of the dog). One gallon of water before crashing, one gallon of water when you wake up, 2 excederin, 1 zantac, bedroom AC set to 60 degrees, sleep.

As the clock ticked closer to the 4pm opening of the party, I'm starting to feel like my old-sober self and we prepared to hit the party. I finally tracked Mrs. CantHang down in the poker room. She was up a little when I witnessed her three back-to-back hands of AJh, TT, and QQ. All held up for large pots except for the Hilton sisters when everyone folded to her small raise. She had them running scared.

The best part was when the TT knocked two people off the table and I realized that one of the players was Baby-faced Chubby boy who had spent the entire day quoting statistics to the table.

The Party

We had no idea what to expect going into the party. I was excited to see Velvet Revolver and everything else was just a bonus.

What we found was a music festival atmosphere. A main stage and side stage. Lot's of food and beer vendors (they turned an old fire truck into a beer bar)

They made several spots into beach/oasis areas. Beach volleyball was setup near the entrance. There was a 'beach' bar set up with places to lay around and relax. A Dunk Tank was even setup near the stage.

But what's a Maxim Party without Maxim girls. They were in the beach area near the entrance. Doing photo shoots right behind us. Pushing booze 'shots' on unsuspecting patrons. Way to go Lewey! Someone took a page from my book and wrote signs for them to hold up. Even the Scores girls showed up.

Those are the girls who were paid to be there. Maxim was also doing a model search. There was an unbelievable number of women around in skimpy, barely-there outfits in stiletto heels walking in grass and sand trying to become the next Maxim girl. (I am very pleased with the move to un-encumbered attire).

We hunkered down at a table located conveniently near the photo shoot, model search contest, and the only fully stocked bar. BigMike quickly made himself known at the bar by buying a big round and tipping generously. When he queued up in line for another round, the bartender would pull him out of line to take his order. These orders included large numbers of shots which were they were technically not allowed to sell. When another customer complained, the bartender told them they were mixed drinks. The customer asked for the same 'mixed drink' and the bartender told him he wasn't allowed to server shots. Another bar conquered.

Fountains of Wayne hit the side stage first. The only note from their performance was that we didn't even know it was them until they did "Stacy's Mom". I surmised that it must be Fountains of Wayne playing because it would be really tacky for a cover band to the play a song from another band at the party.

Hoobastank was next. Ugh. What a load of rubbish. If I hear "The Reason" one more time I'm going to vomit. Funny sign on the sound board though.

While waiting for Velvet Revolver to start, I remembered that I hadn't spoken with Pauly for a dial-a-shot. When I reached him, he was in the middle of a tournament with BoyGenius and the boys. I wished BG a happy birthday then grabbed two random hotties from the crowd to sing to him.

Funniest line from the phone call was when BG said the only booze in his house was a 5 year old airline bottle of Jim Beam. BigMike was horrified.

Velvet Revolver finally went on an hour late and it was worth the wait. Slash and Duff still know how to put on a show and Scott Weiland just gets stranger and stranger. After the main set, which included GnR's It's So Easy and STP's Big Empty, they started the first encore with the acoustic I Used to Love Her and moved onto some really great jamming. The second encore was just one long version of Mr. Brownstone. It started with Matt Sorum banging away to the beginning of You Could Be Mine and moved it right into Brownstone. When they finished the song, there was no doubt that the show was over. We came away very pumped up.

The lines for the after party and poker tables were stacked to the max, so we decided to crash for the night and check the tables in the morning.


Mrs. Poker Princess was jonesing for some action. We checked out of the room exactly 30 seconds before they tacked on a late charge and took off for the brunch buffet (if I was a talented writer, here is where I would insert a funny Richard Brodie type remark about the food. But I'm not, so I'm not.) When we hit the poker room, there was a short wait for a seat but we were in no hurry to get home.

The wifey and BigMike were seated at the same table. My table was close enough that I could see the action on both tables. Action on my table was outrageously tight. In 4 hours I managed for finish up 84. Yahoo for school.

While I was wading through my crap cards and air-tight table, the wifey was smiling and chatting away. I know this look. As a poker player, it sent chills up my spine. These oldtime rocks were screwed. She was dragging pot after pot with monster hands and monster moves. The biggest commotion occurred when she got some cranky old man to lay down trip Aces with a stonecold bluff into a big pot. When she told him she only had K high, he flipped out and left the table. About two hours into the session, she's up 1 rack of reds. She was smiling and stabbing them in the heart at the same time.

BigMike started raking in the chips in a huge three-way pot when he cracked slowplayed AA with JT and a J - J - T flop. Pocket Rockets pushed in, followed by a gentleman with just trip Jacks. That set him up for a +600 profit after 4 hours.

The missus just kept rolling along and pulled off a 1400 profit after 4 hours. The icing on the cake, they both had about $100 in slots vouchers which they doubled at the $5 slots waiting for my drunk ass.

She's a hell of a poker player. I think I'm just going to sit back, watch her win, then she can support me while I figure out how to play. Next thing you'll see, Mrs. CantHang's Poker Blog where she talks about strategies, concepts, and how to deal with drunk, lazy, horrible poker playing husbands.


We had a great weekend. I love the Borgata and the Maxim party was a blast. I'm ready to go back! Any pics that I forgot to link are here. The missus is going to take her newly won cash and buy a new digital camera so I can take better pics. Good girl.


Thanks for stopping by, I hope this was worth the wait.


For anyone caring, our team shot a 1 under 69 which put us in the middle of the pack. More importantly, the bar raised over $4,000 for the American Cancer Society.


Sunday, June 27, 2004

Borgata preview 

Not much time to post on the happenings this weekend. Just got back from AC and I have plenty to write about but I must rise very early for a charity golf tournament.

Besides, I haven't downloaded the pics yet. I am a horrid writer and need the crutch of visual aids. And everyone needs to see these pics. Hopefully they came out well.

Quick hit highlights before the writeup tomorrow.

- When we hit the Borgata Friday, the table lists were monstrous. We did my second favorite thing to do at the Borgata. Sit at the 25c video poker in the B-Bar and milk the bar dry.

- After getting completely loaded, and walking up to the room to pass out, decided to see how the poker tables were doing. Very big mistake. Chubby baby-faced boy took my money. Payback would come within 24 hours.

- Slept off the hangover waiting for Maxim party. Decent room service at the Borgata. Wifey hit the poker tables. Her first time playing NL live and only the second time ever playing in a casino. She nearly double up her $300 buy-in. More importantly, I watched her bust out Babyface with the Hilton sisters.

- The party was fun. Equal parts music festival, strip club/whorehouse, and freak show. Imagine girls completely dressed in their club gear including heels walking around a grassy field and sand. Pure comedy.

- I called Pauly from the party to wish BoyGenius a happy 30th. They were in the middle of a poker tournament and from the BG's writeup, it sounded like they had a good time.

- Another pass-out after the party. We managed to take over another bar at the party. The bartender was pulling BigMike out of line to take his order first and was hooking us up with shots even though they weren't supposed to be served. Hair of the dog.

- After checkout on Sunday, we decide to hit breakfast and the tables one last time before rolling home. Totals. Al +84 (woohoo sign me up for the WSoP), BigMike +600, and the queen of house pulled out 1400. In just 4 hours of work. I am officially the worst poker player in my house.

Much more to come. I should have all the pics uploaded and the stories written bright and early Tuesday.