Friday, May 07, 2004


What's cooler than hitting refresh and finding a new uber-post from the blogfather? Coming home drunk and finding the blogfather online, finishing a post, and discovering he's in the same condition.

I barely remember what we were talking about but I remember laughing my ass off.

The uber-post is great. It ends with Iggy flaming some fucknut named Steve who had the stones to berate the great and powerful Oz in his comment section. Anonymously.

Hey jaggoff Steve, why not come mess with my blog? Iggy is a well respected poker blogger and must take the highroad. Me? I'm a no-account, low-life, degenerate, drinker with a poker problem. I'll chase your chickenshit ass to the end of cyberspace. And I'll have a blast doing it. Imagine the whole world reading about your embarrassment. Fuckwad


Eh, could have done that a little better but last night took a bit out of me. Apparently that wagon I was on turned out to really be a SoCo delivery truck. MonkeyBoy found the first case.

You know it's a good night when you wake up and it feels like a cat took a shit in your mouth. Then when you try to breath, it feels like the cat weighs 200lbs and is sitting on your chest. Friggin' Southern and Marlboro's.

Embrace the hangover. It's the first indication in the morning that you actually accomplished something the night before.

Last night I was on two missions. I was running the contest at the bar which was going to be tough. I completely forgot that some old has-been Sitcom was going off the air. That seriously cut into my contestant pool. Add the fact that the WYSP girls don't start until next week, and this was doomed from the beginning. Luckily we had a couple of Bud Light girls show up and they really helped. The contest went off without a hitch, everyone had a good time, and I kind of don't remember a whole lot from that point on.

With the Friends finale being on last night, it also cut into my pool for the second mission. Finding BoyGenius a couple nice brunettes to chose from should he ever make it out this way.

Some very strange looks early on until the booze starts flowing. Then they just line up for a chance to say Hi to BoyGenius. Of course, since there was an abundance of blondes, why not throw Pauly, ahem, a bone.

First there was Lynn and Wendy. I have no idea who Lynn was, but she was enjoying the free Corona's I was poring down her throat. Wendy works at the bar and does a wonderful job keeping up the drinking pace.

And then my friends Donna and Missy show up. These are two of the coolest girls I've ever hung out with. Not only did they say hi to our two friends, they asked when they were coming to town. Did I mention Southwest Air is in Philly airport now? First come, first served!

Missy's a funny one. If the camera is around, she won't even look at MonkeyBoy. If she's thinks we're not looking, she can't keep her hands off.

I'd love to give more stories but I'm really having a hard time remembering them. Another good sign.

So there you have it. Another mini, booze inspired rant. It was slim pickings last night but I hope BoyGenius and Pauly are happy with my 'presents'.


Mrs. CantHang is away for the weekend for a bachelorette party in Ocean City, MD. So I'm on my own. I have a bachelor party in Center City Philly on Saturday followed by hours and hours in the fertile waters of PartyPoker.


Wow, proof reading this monkeycrap post is embarrassing. Very weak but I wanted to get the pics out quickly. Eff it. It's going out anyway.


Thursday, May 06, 2004

Sitemeter stats 

BoyGenius posted asking other bloggers about sitemeter stats. That reminding me of a something I've been meaning to mention the last couple of weeks.

I've never considered my site to be a high traffic area. A couple of regular readers and I'm just writing it for shits and giggles. Until the last two weeks, I've been averaging between 50 and 70 visitors a day. I credit those numbers to the high traffic bloggers who post some of my moronic tales. It's like a car wreck, people are just naturally drawn to see what kind of cluster-f@#$ I am.

But things changed starting the beginning of last week, and looking at my sitemeter stats I have only one explanation. I jokingly posted an porn spam email I received awhile ago asking if it could be true.

Go to Yahoo or Aolsearch and type in www.hijenny.com

Sure enough, no hits on the actual website. But there is good old "Dead Money = AlCantHang".

My sitemeter hits are now between 150 and 200 daily. Sweet Jesus.

So I'd like to give a big HI! to all the poor souls who thought they'd be looking at some little hottie when they clicked the link and instead found an over-weight, boozed-out, poker-playing hippy.


Pacific Poker 

Ok, nobody have a heart attack or double check the URL. An honest-to-god poker post.

Wagonboy will not be mentioning any booze, parties, or girlies and especially no friggin' monkey.


Do all 3 of my loyal readers realize the next World Poker Blogger Tournament event is open to readers? For your $20 buy-in, you to can do battle with the greats. Iggy, HDouble, Pauly, Grubby, Felicia, and the always dangerous, never timid, Scott from TheFatGuy.com

Sign up to Pacific Poker through the link. Send me your Pacific username and email. I will forward this onto Iggy on Sunday.


I finally signed up on Pacific Poker to check out the GUI and the players.

Sitting down at their most micro-limit table, a ridiculous .05/.10, just to get a feel for the software without throwing money out the window (hey, I didn't want to lose my lunch money for the day). It was 7am and there seemed to be quite a few players on at the time. I'm used to popping on other sites like Planet Poker (where I still have money left from Felicia's tourneys) and most of the tables are empty. I noticed that every level of Hold'em had a couple tables full, even at this odd hour, with some huge pots at the $15/$30 table.

Their Game History feature is kind of interesting. It graphically lists all the hands you've played, with your hole cards, the board, your bets, and your take. If you click on any of the hands, it launches a table and allows you to replay the hand step by step. I'm not sure how far back the history goes or if it resets with each time you login but I thought it was pretty cool.

Early on, I get a hand which is one of Pauly's trouble hands. KJo on the button. There were something like 7 or 8 limpers looking at a flop of K-K-J. So much for a trouble hand. It was capped to river with a couple of players. The huge grand total was somewhere in the neighborhood of a whopping 6 whole American dollars. Yahoo for school.

The check/fold, check/call, call/raise boxes are all similar to Party. One humorous part of the checkboxes, all the text says 'Fold in turn', 'Call in turn', etc. Like you actually have the option somewhere to bet out of turn.

Not a bad site. I'm going to try and play one of their multi's this weekend to check out the No Limit contols.


Big Pimpin'

As mentioned earlier, Pauly has the first post listing his trouble hands. JKo and the different ways to play them in by position.

Hank at Cards Speak has another stellar post. He mentions an article about Poker Blogs he wrote that is coming out in an online mag next month. If we know Hank, it should be a great one.

MeanGene wrote a thoroughly enjoyable Part I of his trip to NYC for the NFL Draft. Again proving that I have no business including myself amongst true bloggers.

Mark said, "I'm leaving my wallet here. I'm just taking cash, my credit card and ID."

"Good idea," I said, pulling lettuce out of my wallet and stuffing it in my pocket.

"And my medical card," Mark said.

I froze. "Yeah, I should take that." I pulled it out and stuck it in my other pocket. I looked up and Mark said with much gravitas, "My blood type is O-positive."

I nodded. "I'm O-negative."

We looked at each other a long time--and cracked up. Here we were going to one of the most popular tourist destinations on Earth and we were acting like we were going clubbing in Fallujah. We tiptoed downstairs, got in the car, and headed for the Draft.


I was even too tired to muster up much excitement when the woman got clipped by the cab right in front of us. So far as I could tell, the woman walked out in front of the cab and it clipped her. I didn't see it, though I heard the brief squeal of tires and a sort of THUMP! Now, THIS was New York City! The woman was on the ground, and the cabby didn't even get out as she struggled to get to her feet. Mark's a doctor, so he edged closer to get a better look, in case his services were needed, but in the end she got up, brushed off her backside, and jogged across the street.

BoyGenius speaks on many things. Now that I know he likes brunettes, time to work on the introductions. (since I'm pimping, this doesn't go against my statements earlier).

Grubby has an interesting strategy about online blackjack and using the bonus to your favor. As for me, if I took a lighter to a $100 bill, it would last longer than if I put it on a $5 blackjack table. However horrible I am at the poker table, I'm an ATM machine at a blackjack table.

Chris Halverson writes about the dumbest poker tournament format ever. Crazy.


I need help / information. BigMike is heading to Vegas in a couple weeks. He wants to play in a couple tourney's while there. The WSOP is still going on so that will affect his choices. I know someone posted this previously but I can't find it.


Thanks for stopping by again. My loyal 3. See ya at the bar.


Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Anniversary of Al Can't Hang 

May 5th is a very special day for me. May 5th is the day in 1994 where I officially changed from plain old drunk Al, to over the top drunk Al Can't Hang.

The night involved friends, a band, a club, a hospital, and a whole lotta Soco.

And a BAC of 0.46

With all due respect to the blogfather, Oh the Humanity

I promise a full writeup shortly since people have been emailing me asking how the nickname came about.


While I'm taking a huge chance with losing a small post, I'm going to pimp some new bloggers.

I was sitting a table with Craig at Poker and Other Deep Thoughts when he floored me by recognizing me from my blog. Later, Pauly showed up and got the same recognition. Craig updates regularly with details from his trip through the fishy waters. Keep up the good work.

"If you ever see me on the .50/1 or 1/2 tables on Party, please stop by and say hello. If you are a good player, say hello and keep on going."

Michael at Ski Bare and Poker combines posts about poker with others about water skiing. Now if we could get his concept together with mine, we could have scantilty blonde (for Pauly) girls water skiing drunk.

This needs to be done. I feel very strong about this.

I have a couple others to pimp, and I'll get to those with the next post.


With the weekend coming up, I have one question for Boy Genius. Blondes or Brunettes?


Blogger problems 

I'm currently having horrible problems getting my posts uploaded to my server.

Please bear with me.


Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Friday night hang 

"You're not mild mannered. You're often liquored up and rude."
Lisa Simpson

I generally have a quiet, unassuming personality. Always have. But I've been told many times, with a snoot full of SoCo I become the loudest man on earth. Add on the fact that I'm half deaf from 2 decades of standing in front of huge Marshall stacks. I blame the Soco. We recently tested my theory on my friend KAK and she got pretty loud after a couple shots of the good stuff.

All of that setting up my excuses for Friday night.

I started out Friday afternoon innocently enough. Pimping out the Thursday night party at the Boathouse. I will be running a lip synch contest hosted by WYSP's Melissa and Tanya every Thursday and I get to give away bar tabs and a grand prize of $500 and a night in A.C. Do I get to keep any of the prizes? Of course not.

OK, they did send me and the wifey to the Final Four in New Orleans last year, so I guess I can't complain. Much.

Did I mention that they took me off their website? Apparently there's too much 'party' content on my website and they don't want to be associated with it. Nevermind that my 9 parties there last year helped make up for a crappy summer. Alright, no more bitching. As long as the Boathouse is open and Matt is the GM, I will continue dropping my triple digit bar tabs. Did you catch that Bill and Jim?

The first couple of hours consisted of steady drinking, enjoying the sun on the deck, and explaining the freakin' MonkeyBoy for the 4,239,274th time. For some reason, a couple girls wouldn't go near the monkey. I guess maybe they read some of the stories.

Once the sun went down, Lewey made a surprise appearance and kicked off the night proper-like. One Guinness, one car bomb, and one shot of CaboWabo Silver. Since Key West, this has been his opening round of choice. Is it any surprise that a few hours later, $20's were flying all over the bar? He was having a flashback to Teasers.

The rest of the night was one big blur. I'm pretty there was a bar tab at each bar and with the waitress. I was able to hang out with DJ Steve for awhile. He'll be DJ'ing the festivities each Thursday.

We spent a good deal of time on Saturday refreshing everyone's memories. Lewey forgot that he offered someone $200 to flash. Kevin (Big MonkeyBoy) forgot about the cute girl. Landow, of course, forgot that he gave me the camera.

Another good night at the watering hole with good friends.


Since everyone seems to have this weird idea that I drink too much to concentrate on poker, I'm officially going on the wagon as of this second. Sell the SoCo stock, buy the Phillip Morris stock. Dry Al is hitting the town.

So I won't be bothering anyone with my drunken rants and tales any longer.

I've been asked before so I'm finally going to do it. I am going to write the origin of AlCantHang.


Monday, May 03, 2004

Weekend of fun and the sun 

Before I even get into the festivities of the weekend, here's a great story from Paul Phillips (maybe not for him). Apparently the fish have moved out to Vegas for the WSOP.

And further proof that I need a new job. A quote from Richard Brodie at Lion Tales.

"Since I had had some success playing Pot-Limit Omaha on line with play money I decided to plunk down $2000 for the World Series of Poker Pot-Limit Omaha with Rebuys event."

I might as well finish my pimping before getting into the mess of my weekend.

The blogfather has announced the next stop on the World Poker Blogger Tour. May 16th on Pacific Poker. And with a new twist, this is open to poker blog readers as well. Go to Iggy's blog for details. If you click on the Pacific Poker link about, you will be able to signup and play in the tourney. (damn, now he's got me shilling for him)

If any of my regular readers would like to play, signup up quickly and send me an email with your screename and email address. I will collect the names of everyone who signs up and pass them along to Iggy all at once. Make it easier on the guy.

Also, Iggy has another huge poker post.

Of course, Hank never has a bad post. I'm just waiting for the first poker book to come out so he can get paid for all the advice. Can I get a signed, first edition when it comes out?

Pauly's back from a weekend away from the city. Didn't seem to stop him from writing on Tao of Pauly while he was gone.


Christ, I'm going to spend more time pimping then writing. Everyone listed on the right is 100 times better at this than myself. Use my site as a portal to link to them. Go check them out.


Now for the weekend update.

Another stellar weekend in the CantHang household. Once binge, one poker tournament, one marathon Phillies game.

I'll stick with the Saturday night NLHE tourney to start with. That way all the poker readers can leave early while the rest of us savages go over the Friday nasty business.


This should be nice and short. I finished last, wifey finished first.

End of story.

A nice small tourney. Only 7 players because of some scheduling problems late on Saturday. $20 buy-in with $5 rebuys for the first 4 levels. We intentionally set it up to get a little crazy. And boy did it ever. 18 rebuys between 7 players with two players only rebuying once (of course, I was not one of those two players).

After the rebuys, I tightened up and was playing some decent poker. Then the big hole in my game popped up again. I can't even blame this one on my evil poker god.

On the button, I deal myself J5d and limp in with 3 other players. Flop came out Q-x-x all diamonds to make my flush. EP checks, MP makes a 4x BB open, and LP (first time player, superfishy) just calls.

Now here's my thinking (and everyone feel free to pile on in comments). I basically discounted fishy player, figuring him for one medium diamond. He was consistent enough that I knew he would raise with two diamonds or drawing with a big diamond.

EP checked and he was generally tougher to figure out so far. With the check, I figured a diamond draw or he missed anything on the flop and would fold to the bet.

MP was aggressive and I figured he might have made a flush also. I thought I was best in the hand and made the minimum raise to get a feel for MP's hand or try and milk more money out of him. EP thought for awhile and called. Now I'm not feeling so good. Either one could have the Ad or Kd but I still thought I was ahead.

MP then takes awhile and puts me all-in. LP folds.

Now if what I said was true about my min raise, 1) just to get a feel for him, I should just lay the hand down and wait for next hand. Big red lights should be going off in my head. Or 2) if I thought I had the best of it, I should have pushed all-in over his initial bet. I swear that Felicia's voice was running through my head telling me if I didn't lay down the hand, she was coming east to kick me in the junk and shave my head. I compounded my wussy raise by not listening and calling the all-in.

To really add to my bad play, EP called the all-in. EP flipped over the reveal the Ad with a rag. MP flipped over K3d to put me out of my misery.

One friggin' hand out of how many hours of play and I crash out because I can't laydown properly. This happens to me all the time. If I could fix that, I might stop finishing last and move up the field.


But the wifey held up tradition. She played solid poker, never really in trouble, letting the testosterone factories knock each other out. Farally (super fishy guy) actually ended up going head's up at the end with her. He caught some amazing cards and made some good reads. Wifey caught him when she flopped a boat against his set.

What did I get for all the trouble? Dealing for the rest of the table, forever. Did she at least give me the $25 I used to buy her in? Oh no. What the good wifey did was get me nice and loaded at McFadden's before the game on Sunday. What a good girl.


It took much longer to write that up than I expected. The rest will just have to wait until after work.

If you want a preview of how Friday went, here's the MonkeyBoy pics for a taste.

Just a couple of notes about the pics. The first pic, I don't even remember. And the fuzziness was what I was seeing.

This one is for Pauly. Pauly, meet Becky (on the right). She loves Phish and she's the one organizing the trip to NYC in June.

And finally, this is Kevin with an unnamed girl on Friday. Kevin is only 5'9" so take a guess at her height.

More later about the booze and baseball. If I can stay away from the fishies.


Sunday, May 02, 2004

Short weekend review 

It's 10:30 Sunday night and I have a ton of crap to write about. But I'm completely beat so here's the quick rundown and I'll post everything tomorrow. I swear.

- Friday was another classic. I've been booted off the website for Flanigan's Boathouse in Malvern. They don't want to be associated with me because of the 'party' aspect of my website. But they'll keep ringing up the friggin' three digit bar tabs.

- Friday, Lewey offered a girl $200 to flash. Someone eventually took him up on the offer. (and don't even bother asking. No. I do not have any pictures)

- Saturday was a NLHE tourney at FatAss Bob's house. I had full intentions of playing this one to perfection. Even avoiding any alcohol. Last place. Again. But Mrs. CantHang came through perfectly, as normal, and won the whole damn thing. (I swear to the world now, she is playing for me at the next blogger tourney)

- Saturday I was completely sober. WTF.

- Sunday was spent at the Phillies game for a 14 inning marathon. Thank god for the bar behind home plate. They stop selling alcohol in the stadium after the 7th inning. Also, the NEVER FRIGGIN' RIGHT weather forcasters called for rain most of the day. The actual weather, sunny. All day. I have lobster sunburn on the left side and pure Irish white on the right side.

- I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 14Meg of pics to upload from Friday night. And it's all my fault. Landow is completely blameless. He sat in the corner reading the bible to blind homeless children. Pervert.

- From the classic quality of all Philly guys, I now quote BoyGenius preview of the Kentucky Derby. No-name jockey and horse from Philadelphia Park.

15 – Smarty Jones - Pace = FR
Like: Never beaten (6-0-0), great spd#s (91-100 in all stakes races)
Dislike: Only 1 GS, too wide to press pace?, no-name jockey, is this horse for real?

Ok, confession time. I never heard of the horse or jockey until the local news started talking about them when they left for bluegrass country.

Good night, safe driving, and remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses.